Fanservice Paradox

It's not that Fang Juexia hasn't imagined seeing him again.He is cold-hearted, but he also had fantasies.

He thought about receiving a call from his mother one day when he was busy, telling him that "father" was back, and she finally waited for it, so that every time he received a call from his mother, he felt very complicated, as if he was looking forward to it, but also as if is afraid.

He also thought that maybe at the future concert, he would be hiding in the auditorium. Although Fang Juexia couldn't see clearly, maybe he was just below, listening to him sing and watching him dance.

Then Fang Juexia would think in his heart, Dad, look, I am not a failure.Even if I can't see clearly, even if I have a birthmark on my face, I can have the stage.

So many illusions are shattered at this moment.

Fang Juexia never dreamed that it would be such an embarrassing reunion.

It turned out that the person who followed him for so many days was not an illegitimate child, nor a paparazzi, nor even the former company that deliberately tried to pull him down, but his father.

Knowing that he suffers from night blindness, his great father swung a steel rod towards his back in the dark underground parking lot.

There was a dull pain in the lower back, and the pain and impact made Fang Juexia inattentive to think.

He silently looked at the face in front of him that was far from what he remembered, and finally turned his head coldly, and said to the personal bodyguard, "Please, please deal with it according to Pei Tingsong's ideas."

"Okay." The man had a high professionalism, without saying a word, he was ready to take this vicious gangster away, but who would have thought that this skinny middle-aged man suddenly burst out with strength and struggled desperately, mouth He also yelled, "You have no conscience! You don't even recognize your own father!"

He was swearing extremely nasty words, all kinds of swear words, illogical and methodical, no different from a lunatic.Fang Juexia didn't want to hear it at all, but in the end, he even scolded his mother.

So at the moment of turning around, Fang Juexia stopped, his back froze for a second.He walked forward and stopped in front of the thick and long steel rod just now, bent down to pick it up, then turned around and walked towards the lunatic.

When he walked in front of him, Fang Juexia took out his mobile phone from his pocket, turned on the flashlight and pointed it at his old face.

"Fang Ping, you took drugs, didn't you?" It was clearly a question, but his tone was firm and his expression was calm, as if he was stating a fact that had nothing to do with him.

The person in front of him seemed to be stunned for a moment, but he couldn't control his emotions at all. His facial muscles were twitching, which looked very strange.

Fang Juexia nodded, confirming his judgment, "Drug addict."

When he was infected with contraband back then, Fang Juexia thought that there was someone to save him. It was said on TV that people can reform themselves if they make mistakes, and he believed it.

Even if this person wanted to disappear from their lives later on, Fang Juexia fantasized that maybe one day, Fang Ping would reform himself.

But as time passed, as he became more and more rational, he also knew that repentance was a small probability event.Most people will only make mistakes again and again without repenting.People who are contaminated with drugs are even more desperadoes with deceitful personalities, who can do anything.

Standing in front of him, Fang Juexia realized that he was already taller than Fang Ping, and the time he abandoned made him grow up rapidly, so when he looked at this person again now, he found that he was so downcast, so incompetent, as if he had been drained of his work A shriveled shell of popularity.

Raising the steel rod suddenly, Fang Juexia saw Fang Ping's trembling shoulders at that moment.

He sneered lightly, "Just now, you just wanted to do this to me, didn't you?"

His eyes fell on his limping leg, Fang Juexia took off the stick, patted his crippled leg lightly, and asked calmly, "Or do you want to break my leg like you? .”

"I didn't!" Fang Ping's body kept shaking, and every word he spoke seemed to fall out of his mouth tremblingly, "I didn't, I just, I just wanted to make you faint..."

"Dizzy." Fang Juexia repeated his expression, "And then, kidnapping? Extortion? Take a large sum of money to buy the drugs you want?"

Fang Ping stopped talking, he could hardly speak anymore, his trembling legs couldn't stand up, he could only barely be dragged by the bodyguard, like a dummy sewn out of rags and cotton.

The bodyguard said, "Mr. Fang, the young master arranged a place before and told me that if I catch someone, I will lock him there and wait for him to come back." He looked at Fang Ping's state, and it was not suitable for him to stay any longer, "How about, I'll take him there first, and you go back to rest first."

Someone will come here at any time, Pei Tingsong is very thoughtful.

"You don't need to tell Pei Tingsong," Fang Juexia smiled bleakly, "He's already burned out enough."

Compared with the other, neither of them is much better.

Fang Ping fell into a semi-comatose after a drug addiction attack, and was taken away by his personal bodyguards.Fang Juexia decided to go with him and interrogate Fang Ping again when he was sober. He had to figure out the ins and outs.

The steel rod in his hand was heavy, Fang Juexia looked down, it was so long and heavy, it might be more than a coma when it hit his head.

He seemed to anticipate the dull pain.

Throwing the steel rod into the trunk, Fang Juexia sorted out his emotions. He knew very well that he couldn't drive in such a state, and something would happen, so he also got in the car of the personal bodyguard and left the underground parking lot downstairs of the company together.

Drowsy along the way, Fang Juexia sat in the passenger seat, listening to the bound Fang Ping struggling and screaming, it felt a little unreal, like a bloody drama, ugly and tormenting.

His forehead was scratched and began to bleed, itchy, and flowed to his eyelids. He raised his hand to wipe it off with the back of his hand, and continued to look forward.Obviously I have cultivated into a stone, but it turns out that the stone also hurts.

The personal bodyguards took him to an apartment, threw the bound Fang Ping into one of the rooms, tied him on a single bed, like an animal.

"Mr. Fang, you can take a rest and call me if you need anything. I will keep an eye on him."

Fang Juexia opened his mouth like a puppet, and a hoarse voice came out of his throat, "Thank you." His only request was a glass of water.

Holding the water glass, he stubbornly did not go to rest, but went to the room where Fang Ping was locked up, sat at a table less than three meters away from him, and looked at him silently.

Throat is dry and itchy.He only had one bedside lamp on because he didn't want to see too well.

For the whole night, Fang Juexia listened to his screams and roars like an emotionless bystander.The out-of-control of mind and spirit controlled by prohibited drugs was bloody in front of him, the bed sheet was torn by him, writhing and struggling, foaming at the mouth.The scene became blurred under the blessing of night blindness. He seemed to be watching a raging fire from a distance, watching a living person melted in the flames of evil, turning into carbon, into ashes, into a puddle of hair. Smelly stagnant water.

The reunion after many years of absence has saved up a nightmare.

Looking in front of him, Fang Juexia's mind flashed untimely pictures, all of which were Fang Ping's high-spirited appearance on the stage more than ten years ago, dancing "Crazy Songs" and "Shanghai Flowers", with graceful postures and breathtaking Fascinated.Every time he raised his leg, his toes were stretched straight, and what was stretched was his pride.

The little me back then, always looking up at his figure in the audience, didn't even dare to blink, for fear of missing every wonderful moment of his father.

He is a dance idiot, only when he dances is he alive.When he can dance, he is so good, so good that there is inexhaustible love and affection that can be used to nourish Fang Juexia, let him feel the warm father's love, let him appreciate the charm of the stage, let him have the greatest memory of the stage fantasy.

Fang Juexia, who was only four or five years old, looked up at him in the practice room, and heard him say all kinds of bold words and ambitions.

[Dad will definitely become the most eye-catching one on the stage in the future, and you can see Dad at a glance at that time. ]

This is obviously the first person who taught him what a dream is.

Fang Juexia stared indifferently at the crazy man in front of him, suddenly felt nauseated, wanted to vomit but couldn't, so could only drink water continuously.The cold water trickled down the esophagus, and the whole body was cold.

The sky turned white, the night gradually faded from black to dark blue, and finally disappeared.Fang Ping, who was tied up, seemed to have survived the onset of addiction for a short time, and passed out completely. Fang Juexia stood by the window, quietly looking at the revived street outside the window, people walking on the road, as small as ants.

Ants are easily trampled to death, so the dreams of ants are even more fragile.

The phone vibrated several times, it was a message from Ling Yi, asking him why he didn't go back to the dormitory to sleep.Fang Juexia typed slowly, not knowing what she replied.

Fang Ping's voice came from behind again, his throat was already hoarse, begging Fang Juexia to let him go.He seemed to be sincerely repenting, and burst into tears.

"I was wrong, child, I really don't want to hurt you, I just want to talk to you, but I can't control myself..."

"Really, Dad is too uncomfortable, I'm dying, you know?"

"Dad knows that you are promising, knows you, you are successful, you can help dad, right?"

"It's been so many years, and Dad misses you very much."

dad.

What a distant word.

Fang Juexia's emotions were at odds with his rationality, he hated and sympathized with him emotionally, but his rationality was still analyzing the truth and falsehood of this person's words sentence by sentence.

He didn't want to hurt him, but in the end he came to him with a steel rod.

I miss him so much, I haven't been home for so many years, but when he became popular, I miss him.

Fang Juexia turned his back to him, still looking out the window, his back was straight like a tree, every word he said was objective and indifferent, more like an interrogator than a son, "When did you start following me? Does anyone else know about your return?"

With a hoarse voice, Fang Ping rushed to answer the second question, "No, really not."

"Answer me, when did you start following me?" Fang Juexia repeated the interrogation indifferently.

"In late April...I, I spent the last of my money to come to Beijing to see you. Originally, my father wanted to go back to Guangzhou, but I wanted to see you, son, I..."

"What contraband did you take before you came here?" Fang Juexia was a little relieved when he heard that he hadn't returned to Guangzhou, and directly interrupted his emotion, "What are you going to do to me? What do you want from me?"

Fang Ping gasped, his whole voice sounded vain, like someone who was seriously ill, "I...I don't remember, Juexia..."

"You remember." Hearing him call her name, Fang Juexia felt harsh, so she exposed his lie, "Say, what are you going to do to me."

His voice was too cold.

"I just want to knock you out, because I can't find a chance to talk to you alone, I just want to talk to you, I want you to help me, help your father!"

Fang Juexia sneered.

"Don't lie. Do you know what you look like after taking drugs? Have you ever looked in the mirror? It's unknown whether I can still stand in front of you when the stick is swung down, help? How can a dead person help you?"

He spoke at a faster and faster rate, shooting like bullets.

"Have you contacted my company and agent? What about other companies? Who else have you contacted? Talk!"

Fang Ping's mouth was stuttering, his mouth was trembling, and he couldn't keep up with Fang Juexia's rhythm.

He was addicted to drugs again, and when he was sober, it was like flashing back to the light. In a short time, when he convulsed, his body that was struggling to get up fell down, his nerves were bitten by maggots, and he could say anything, what? Anyone can scold.

During this round, Fang Ping's past was no longer in his mind.

He remembered his rage at the hospital when he learned he might be crippled, his alcoholism, the way he was insulted like defective merchandise.The chair picked up casually hit his back so hard that his entire spine was bruised and purple.In summer, he wore a school uniform with a white shirt that was not of good quality, which could be faintly revealed.

It looks like the clothes are dirty.

Fang Ping started scolding him again, and Fang Juexia couldn't tell whether it was him after the addiction, or the real him when he was sober.

"Trash," "Loser," "Nobody Likes Something Like You"

"Waste", "Flaw", "Unworthy to stand on the stage", "Why you can succeed"

These words are so familiar.Fang Juexia returned to his childhood in a daze, when he was afraid that his father would come home smelling of alcohol every day.Even if he dodged the beer bottle that might hit his head at any time, he couldn't dodge the ashtray that was thrown at him. He hit his feet steadily, and his toes kept bleeding.

So he couldn't practice dancing anymore, his feet hurt so much that he couldn't stand up, and when asked by the teacher, he could only lie.

Said it was his fault.

Why can't people's experiences be offset positively and negatively?

The beautiful childhood I really had, and the subsequent brokenness and collapse, one good and one bad, one positive and one negative, add up to zero, as if I had never owned anything.This is too ideal, the reality is only the double pain of gain and loss.

After struggling desperately, Fang Ping stopped again.That's how he went back and forth, crazy and capricious.Waking up was hysterical abuse and screaming, and when he passed out, he was left with a terrible silence.

Fang Juexia is like a clean piano cover, which is constantly being covered with dust, grime and dirty fingerprints.

His waist hurt so much that he couldn't stand up anymore, so he could only sit on the ground with his knees hugged and looked out the window quietly.Occasionally, the door of the room would be opened, and the bodyguard who took orders from Pei Tingsong would bring him food and water, but Fang Juexia didn't even have the energy to say thank you.

He didn't dare to close his eyes, as long as he closed his eyes, he could see the original Fang Ping, the shining, gentle and considerate Fang Ping.He was afraid that this person was him, and he was afraid that he would be soft-hearted.

The sky changed from light to dark, the clouds turned gray, thunder and lightning flashed, and suddenly it rained heavily, and the fishy smell from the mud poured into his nostrils. He felt nauseous again, stood up while leaning against the wall, and went to the bathroom.But it was just retching, he bent over and retched, as if trying to vomit out all his internal organs, but there was nothing.

In the mirror, his forehead was bruised, and blood scabs formed on the broken skin.Fang Juexia is even glad that he has no job recently, otherwise how would he go on stage and face the camera.As soon as such thoughts appeared, Fang Juexia felt terrible.He obviously spent so many years affirming himself, telling himself that the birthmark on his face was not a flaw of inferior products, but as soon as this person appeared, those nightmares reappeared.

The seeds of self-doubt planted in his blood by his own father are only temporarily dormant.

Fang Juexia stopped looking in the mirror, he tried to expel those negative emotions rationally, but his whole body was trembling slightly.He needs sudoku and thinking so he can calm down.Just get him to do some problems and get his brain going, and he should be fine.

Anxiety crept into his heart, and Fang Juexia lost his way.

Coming out of the bathroom, he heard the sound of the door closing, followed the sound and looked up to see a half-wet person.

hallucinations?

Why does it look like Pei Tingsong?

Pei Tingsong looked at Fang Juexia, and his heart throbbed.He was as pale as a withered flower, stubbornly maintaining its original shape, but crumbled when touched.His eyes were extinguished, as if he couldn't see himself.

He walked up quickly, called Juexia, and wanted to hug him in his arms, but when he was a step away, he saw Fang Juexia's eyes drooping, and he stopped.It seemed that he was afraid that this hug would appear hasty, which would make Fang Juexia more uneasy.

So Pei Tingsong became hesitant, and withdrew his hand that was about to reach out.

Fang Juexia slowly raised his hand and touched Pei Tingsong's chest, it was hot and his heart was beating.

"You're back." Only then did he confirm that it was not a hallucination, and then he said this sentence, like a person who had nothing happened and was just waiting for his lover to come home.

He even tried to say more words that he had prepared a long time ago, and his voice was modified calmly, "...How is the matter over there? Has your mother given up?"

Pei Tingsong held his hand, looked at the wound on his face, angry and sad, his heart was congested.He didn't answer Fang Juexia's question, "I rushed back when I received the news."

"Did he hit you? I must interrupt him today..."

Fang Juexia shook his head weakly, "It didn't work." He was afraid that Pei Tingsong would be worried, so he repeated, "I'm fine, I'm fine."

Pei Tingsong naturally wouldn't believe it.

He had already learned from the bodyguard that Fang Juexia didn't close his eyes all night, watching Fang Ping go crazy all night.He didn't dare to think about Fang Juexia's mood at the moment, he just wanted to coax him and take him away from this scumbag.

"Juexia, can you go back with me first?" He lowered his voice very softly, and raised his hand to touch Fang Juexia's cheek, "Let's take a break and sleep, I will let a special person handle the matter here, you don't want to Worry."

"Sleep?" Fang Juexia seemed to have only heard a few words, his eyes were confused.He shook his head, "I don't want to sleep here, it's too dirty."

"I know." Pei Tingsong rubbed his hands, "Let's go back to my place, shall we?"

Fang Juexia nodded slightly.

In order to facilitate the interrogation, Pei Tingsong directly arranged a suite in the high-end apartment where he lived. Now it is easy to go back, but it is difficult to appease Fang Juexia.

Fang Juexia was dizzy and felt very uncomfortable. As soon as he entered the apartment, he unconsciously walked into the empty living room. The breath after the rain rushed into his nasal cavity crazily, condensing his breath and thoughts, making him uncomfortable and making him unable to think rationally.Even Pei Tingsong's voice that he heard seemed to come through the patter of rain, very vague and powerless.

Feeling his hand being held up by him, feeling himself being led into the room by him, he is sensitive and dull.

He said he wanted to take a bath, Pei Tingsong was worried, but he couldn't resist him, so he could only agree, and put hot water in the bathtub.Fang Juexia took off his shirt with his back facing him, his back was bruised.

Pei Tingsong clenched his fists.

The hot water saved his life and melted the ice on his body little by little.Fang Juexia leaned against the side of the bathtub, looking up at the ceiling, and let Pei Tingsong carefully clean the wound on his forehead.Fang Juexia didn't say a word while taking a bath, as if he was thinking about something, or just in a daze.

The only thing he said was to let Pei Tingsong go out, he wanted to wash himself.

Pei Tingsong could only go out, leaving the change of clothes behind, and guarding the closed bathroom door outside, with a heart hanging.

He regretted that he returned to the United States at this time, and regretted that he was not by Fang Juexia's side when the incident happened.But he also knew that what could happen even if he was here.

It's just watching Fang Juexia's nightmare repeat itself with his own eyes.

This person was willing to be with him after overcoming all difficulties. It was with great difficulty that he persuaded him to give it a try, persuaded him to come out of the shadow created by his biological father and his distrust of love, and come into his arms.

Will he regret it now.

The door of the bathroom opened, and Fang Juexia came out barefoot in Pei Tingsong's pajamas. He came to Pei Tingsong's side with hot and humid steam all over his body, and lay down on the bed consciously, without letting Pei Tingsong urge him any more.

"Then you rest." Pei Tingsong tucked up the quilt for him, lowered his eyes and lowered his voice, "Call me if you need anything."

When he was about to turn around, Fang Juexia sat up and grabbed his hand, his eyes were red.

"You're back, and you haven't hugged me yet."

The moment he heard these words, Pei Tingsong suddenly realized that he was really an asshole, who kept saying that he liked him, but had no confidence in him.

Too worried about gains and losses, so fragile that it seems that as long as Fang Juexia says a word of no, he will collapse.

Pei Tingsong held Fang Juexia in his arms, his nose was sore, and he tried hard to hold back his tears, "I'm sorry."

Fang Juexia didn't understand his apology, so he didn't respond, but raised his arms and hugged him back, with a soft voice, "You didn't answer my question, how is it going over there?"

Pei Tingsong shook his head, touched the back of his neck, and kissed the top of his hair, "It's okay."

"That's good." Fang Juexia huddled in his arms and closed his eyes.

They are two wounded animals that lower their body temperature as they bleed.So they had no choice but to embrace each other and survive with each other's warmth.

Fang Juexia is used to emotional management all the year round, used to using reason to overwhelm sensibility, so even the pain can't help hysteria.Bloody memories and emotions are always separated by a frosted glass, not thorough and direct.

"You know, I sometimes feel like I'm pretty shady too. Guess what my first reaction was when I knew it was him who was stalking me in the parking lot."

Fang Juexia tried her best to keep her voice steady, "I want my mother to come over immediately and see with my own eyes who she has been waiting for for so many years."

Pei Tingsong could hear the despair in his heart.

"I watched him all night, listening to him go crazy, listening to him yelling at me and my mother, every once in a while, that thought would come to my mind. I even wanted to record him like this, to smash him on the ground. The steel rod on my head was photographed and sent to my mother to make her sober and end her fantasies."

His emotions finally fermented in Pei Tingsong's arms, gradually approaching the verge of eruption.

"Every time I want to do this, I think of my mother sitting at the table and looking at the door. No matter how sad she is, her face is full of hope. It's like..."

Just like waiting for spring every year.

He didn't know what would happen to her if he really told her that there would be no more spring in the days to come.

Thinking of this, Fang Juexia's tears finally fell, big and big, like unbearable stones rolling down from an iceberg.

This was the first time Pei Tingsong saw Fang Juexia cry since he knew him, not for himself, but for his mother's love.A story that was once happy has finally become a shackle and a lifelong reprieve.

But even with a suspended sentence, Fang Juexia still couldn't bear to shatter her mother's fantasy with her own hands.

Probation is better than immediate execution.

Pei Tingsong stroked Fang Juexia's cheek, and gently kissed away the tears on his face.

Fang Juexia looked at him, "What do you think? Let her continue to wait for a lover who no longer exists, isn't it... isn't it so cruel?"

"We won't tell her, let's not tell her." Pei Tingsong pressed his forehead, "I will send him to where he should go, and I won't let him appear in front of you again, and I won't let him hurt you again. "

It was the first time he learned to love someone, the first time he had the desire to share his soul and body, the first time he learned to give up resistance, and it was also the first time he tried to feel heartache for others.

But he would rather not have such an experience, and want Fang Juexia to get better.

"He was not like this in the past, and he also protected me at times."

Fang Juexia's body trembled in his arms, "He used to do the same thing. He hugged me, took me to the practice room, watched him practice basic skills, and watched him dance. My mother said that when I was a few months old, I could Crying, every day he has to be hugged by someone to fall asleep, so he stays up all night, hugs me in his arms, and hums his dance music to me. He also praised me as the most beautiful child in the world, and he would When he had a fever, he guarded me all night, and let me sit on his shoulder to blow the river breeze on the cruise ship in the Pearl River."

These are not fake, he did have a father's love.

"Before he fell, before I knew night blindness was detected, he said..."

He took a deep breath, "He said that my mother and I were his favorite people, and he said that I was his pride."

"But actually, compared to his own pride, I'm nothing, right?"

Pei Tingsong stroked his hair, "No, Fang Juexia, you are the best and most precious person in the world."

"You have to remember that failure, alcohol, and drugs have corrupted him long ago. He is no longer a normal person. No matter what malicious words he says are wrong, don't listen."

That's right, Fang Juexia silently recited what Pei Tingsong said in his heart.

He is not a normal person, and all the misses he said were deceitful.

After meeting again for many years, Fang Ping gave him nothing but bruises and wounds.

He lay down, lying in Pei Tingsong's arms, feeling his hands stroking his hair and back.

Pei Tingsong could feel Fang Juexia's inner pull, which was very mysterious, but he just felt it.He has been unable to make a decision for so many years, which is why he is suffering so much now, and whenever he sees his father again and suffers his insults again, Fang Juexia will be extremely painful.

"Do you still struggle in your heart? The father when you were a child, and the him you meet now."

Fang Juexia couldn't deny it.

He kept convincing himself, just like convincing his mother, that the person in front of him was no longer the original him.It is the best choice for him to fend for himself.But his heart still hurts, especially when he dreamed about the past, when he saw the stage for the first time in his arms.

Every time I woke up, I burst into tears.

Pei Tingsong understood his silence, "Everyone in this world is changing all the time, for various reasons and under various circumstances. Even if we accept this kind of change, it is often difficult Determine whether this person is still the original him."

Speaking of this, he touched Fang Juexia's cheek and asked softly, "Have you heard the story of the Ship of Theseus?"

Fang Juexia shook his head, holding back his emotions, "Is this another philosophical paradox?"

"You guessed it." Pei Tingsong held his hand, "This is a very old thought experiment. Suppose there is a sailing ship, as long as people keep repairing and replacing parts, it can keep sailing. Whenever there is Any piece of deck decays, any piece of canvas is damaged, and new ones are replaced, and after hundreds of years, the ship of Theseus no longer has any of the original parts, so is it still the same as before?"

Fang Juexia was thinking, arguing for two answers in his mind.Under constant replacement and renewal, this ship no longer has any parts from the past, and has lost everything about that ship in the past.

But it was gradually lost, and it was not directly replaced with a new ship. It was still called Theseus, and it was still sailing on the sea non-stop.

After serious thinking, Fang Juexia opened his mouth and tried to give his own answer, "This question depends on how we define this ship, right?"

Pei Tingsong nodded, moved closer, and the tip of his nose touched his, "Juexia, do you remember? You have already been defined."

"You say that the essence of a person is the self that he strives to preserve."

Fang Juexia nodded, tears welling up in his eyes, it was his awakening after the painful struggle.

Fang Ping had long since lost the ego he had tried so hard to preserve.

He tried his best to tell Pei Tingsong his answer, "So...he is no longer what he used to be."

He was no longer the father who had truly loved him.

Pei Tingsong knows this kind of pain, because he has also experienced it. It is really difficult to admit that his parents don't love him, but illusory delusions will only hurt him.

"Just let the ship of the past stay in your heart. It has no physical form, exists forever, and never changes."

The tears he held back fell down again.Yes, no matter what, he had to admit that his past father had long since disappeared, from the moment he fell on the stage and could no longer stand up, he had already disappeared.

That fall shattered his self that could not be preserved.

It's really hard to admit that you're no longer loved.For so many years, he has been avoiding and unwilling to face it, so that the father who loved him in the past and the lunatic now overlap into a shadow, making him even more frightened as he walks in the dark with fear.

He was afraid that he would lose control, and that he would also be swallowed by the shadows, so he had to do everything possible to keep his mind clear at all times.This fear makes him also refuse to be loved again, to refuse to love.

Because he didn't want to create any more nightmares for himself.

Pei Tingsong's face was close at hand, and they rubbed against each other.Fang Juexia finally got out of that paranoid "sobriety" and really woke up.

He admits he was wrong.

When he was surrounded by malice, he subconsciously thought that what he needed was a Sudoku book, a rough diversion of attention and mood from logical reasoning, and only now did he realize how rough such emotional restraint is.

Pei Tingsong's open arms revealed his strong mask.

He just needs love.

Fang Juexia never thought that Pei Tingsong could easily untie the cocoon he had made with pain for many years.Even just now, he almost subconsciously pushed Pei Tingsong away, he thought he could digest this disaster.

It suddenly occurred to him that when he returned to the bed, Pei Tingsong's disappointed eyes seemed to want to leave him alone.

Fang Juexia changed his angle. Perhaps Pei Tingsong was afraid that after witnessing Fang Ping's dismal appearance, he would regret throwing himself into a love affair.

If it was him in the past, he might actually do it.Because he was too scared.

"Listen to Song." Fang Juexia spoke softly, calling his name, "Thank you."

Pei Tingsong smiled, feeling that the symptoms of his heartache had eased a lot. It should be him who thanked Fang Juexia for saving himself.

"I know there are many, many failure cases in the world." Fang Juexia raised her hand and gently placed it on Pei Tingsong's cheek.The rain outside the window seemed to be a little lighter, and the voice softened.

"But I never doubted the inevitability of the existence of true love." Fang Juexia's eyes were firm, and she raised her eyebrows.It seems to be saying, look, Fang Juexia is talking about the inevitability that gives you a headache again.

And Pei Tingsong's heart convulsed for a moment because of his "inevitability".

"Besides, I'm also changing. I'm also trying to calculate the probability of success, really." Fang Juexia knew that he was a little confused now, but he hoped that Pei Tingsong could understand his heart, "So don't be afraid of me Will give up, I'm not a coward."

"Well, I know you are very brave." Pei Tingsong kissed the tip of his nose with extreme tenderness, "It was me who began to worry about gains and losses, and I changed."

In the past, Pei Tingsong was confident in everything, as if there was no place or thing he couldn't do in the whole world.He can easily step into many forests and live all kinds of lives he wants, he is free and fearless.

Until Ai Fang Jue Xia.

The hostility in his body was wrapped by Fang Juexia's tenderness, and he finally realized what it was like to be afraid of losing.Now he can no longer just take a chance to succeed, he began to think about the consequences of failure.

Pei Tingsong is really afraid that Fang Juexia will tell him one day—this point is wrong, you are still an irrational number.

Even though he had cried just now, Fang Juexia looked at Pei Tingsong's sad face, but smiled unconsciously. It was the first time he laughed since he saw Fang Ping.

"We are becoming more and more alike, so strange."

Looking at him is like looking at yourself, the symbiotic opposition and unity in the mirror image.

Pei Tingsong hugged him tightly and kissed the side of his neck.

"No surprise. We are two ships of Theseus sailing the seas, met by accident, and feared separation. So you exchanged your parts for me, and I exchanged mine for you. We are no longer what we used to be of us."

"We became each other."