Drunken Master

In the new barracks, a group of men ate and lived together, and six men lived in a barracks with bunk beds.

Zhuang Xiao was pointed to the upper berth by the squad leader, and Xing Rong was in his lower berth, so there was no choice.Before coming to this room, everyone was still picking on and disliking each other in whispers, hey, is anyone snoring?Who snores in this room?Those who snore are not allowed to enter, and those who snore go to sleep with our company instructor!

No one admits to snoring while sleeping.

"Don't even snore, sleep quietly, I'm so sleepy..." Zhuang Xiao stretched out his hands, and then slowly climbed to his upper bunk like a sloth, like in slow motion. Every step is strenuous and tiring, and there are a few laughs behind me.

He also asked Pei Yan before, do I usually snore when I sleep?

According to Pei Yan, no, I have never heard of it.However, I sleep... relatively dead, I am very tired from sleeping with you.

As a result, from the first night, there were six people in a room, and all of them were snoring wildly.

Everyone slept like a dead pig, and no one woke anyone up.It's just that Xing Rong and Zhuang Xiao got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom separately, and they both heard the movement in the room shaking, and the snoring one after another shook the mountain.

It seems really tired.Are tired and stupid.

According to the original plan, every night in the military camp, after the lights were turned off, there would be a romantic time alone in the dark, which Zhuang Xiao planned to reserve for Mr. Pei. Looking at the starry sky outside the window, thinking of him sadly and affectionately, and then offering his flexibility. Thick fingers, masturbating under the quilt or something.After entering the military camp, I was as tired as a dog from training in the field every day. From time to time, I came to an emergency gathering in the early morning to take them out of the bed and run a 3000-meter obstacle on the playground... When I was a teenager, I boxed in the club and practiced martial arts with my master During the years of practicing, I never felt so tired, and it was easier to be beaten and punished than this.Still romantic fart, fight back?Lying on the bed, the closest person is the pillow lady!

Now Zhuang Xiao is not afraid of spreading scandals with Xing Rong in a program group.The two see each other every day, and they can catch their breath whenever they open their mouths and stick out a tongue.

At dinner time, I sat down with my own plate in the cafeteria and began to eat.

Gobbling it voraciously, I wish I could grow three mouths and six rows of teeth.

At this time, I began to envy Uncle Pei's special skills, the big squirrel.When eating together in the past, Pei Yan was fast, chewing things faster than others.In the time it takes for others to eat a steamed bun and half a plate of food, Pei Yan can eat two steamed buns and a whole plate of food, and can grab and eat quickly; shelling a crab and a crayfish is quicker than ordinary people.

Pei Yan often teased this one at the dinner table, you see you eat so slowly, I won't wait for you if you are slow, the last crab is also mine.

Why does Lao Tzu eat so fast?Don’t you know that I grew up eating crabs?Just you people in the imperial city are yelling for a bowl of fried liver, a drawer of buns, and a bowl of noodles with fried sauce every day. The so-called "Royal City Gener Set Menu" three items, how luxurious you guys are.People in our place are relatively rustic, and we have never seen high-end things, so we rely on the sea to eat the sea.When we were young, we steamed two large crabs, a plate of fried sea rainbow seeds in garlic sauce, and a piece of radish shrimp—this was my meal.

Zhuang Xiao bit the steamed bun and couldn't help but miss the young master who grew up eating crabs. Otherwise, why would his whole body be hard and branched, and dare to walk sideways when he came out.

If you think too much, you will lose your mind.I wanted to get the steamed bun again, but when I looked up, I found that Brother Xing had taken the last steamed bun, so angry...

"Do you know how hungry we are now?" Talking on the phone quietly at night, Xing Rong reported to Xiaosa, "I ate three and a half steamed buns for dinner today, three and a half! Then, today the instructor is sympathetic to us because we are too tired , I added another dish, which is fried mutton slices with green peppers and green onions. Oh, I was so hungry that I even ate the mutton. I never thought that mutton was so delicious. Haha... Just give me a sheep now, I can eat it all..."

This person is also obviously talking too much. Who was said to have depression in the past?Some people are really depressed, and some people are purely delusional. They just hold their breath and cannot express their depression. They wrap themselves into a cocoon that doesn't fit well, and they feel particularly wronged, self-pitying and unhappy.

Happiness or unhappiness is a state of mind.

The little prince said, oh, then I will roast a lamb for you next time, and it is delicious.

The little prince said, hey, I was taken to a western restaurant yesterday, the steak was unpalatable, it was roasted into a piece of cow dung, let me roast it for him, surely it can't be roasted into a piece of shit.

The little prince said again, so, that is, I baked it very well, and I will bake it for you next time.

Xing Rong kept laughing, her cheeks hurt from laughing, stop talking, I have another thing I can't eat.With you a baby can only eat milk.

The little prince also said that after eating the Western food, we went to fight horses again, hanging Wia, and threw me on the horse with a "swish", and the horse was crushed to its knees by me.I said that your wire is not right, is it too long? They insist that I eat too much to lose weight.What's the matter, I obviously ate a piece of cow dung, they were eating it, but I didn't eat it at all, how could I eat too much...

The child was wronged, and Xing Rong laughed until her cheeks hurt, making her laugh silly.

This is actually very happy, very happy.

……

All in all, "Field Recruits" is a very popular show. After two episodes, the audience ratings were at the top of the variety show category at [-]pm on weekends. The actors did their best, and the audience bought it.

Many people on the Internet said that Rong Rong has changed her image, and all the pretty boys have become men.

I used to think that this person was a bitch, but in fact he wasn’t. It’s just that the unhealthy characters in the show are too bitch. The aesthetics of soap operas are all problematic now, right?Rong Rong, wearing a hat with a big brim and a soldier's uniform, is obviously handsome, and he is obviously a normal boy.

As for Zhuang Xiao's evaluation, it may not be possible to express it in words, and there are only a bunch of interjections left.Every time in the video of the program, Zhuang Xiao appeared with a sullen face and cut head, yelled on the playground, ran silently with his luggage on his back, and climbed mud pits in the field with a log on his back. Oh my god" "Ahhh I can't stand it" "Ahhhh let me go" "Ahhh I really want to suppress" "Sorry this is my boyfriend"...

Heroes no longer have a sense of mystery. For a star on a variety show, it is to lift the veil, and then peel off the glamorous and noble packaging to reveal his true colors.Every day facing the camera, he crawls out of the bed, with a rough skin and a thick face, rubbing his horses, sleepily looking for shoes under the bed, and then carrying a washbasin to wash and eat, and was photographed blocking the corner of the toilet In the direction of the squad leader, he asked the other party if he could give him a cigarette... He was a very real person.

Xing Rong continued to tell jokes to Xiao Sa: "Do you know how hungry your boss is now? Didn't I eat three and a half steamed buns? It choked me, and I couldn't eat the last half of steamed buns after drinking water. Then , there was no more steamed buns in the big steel bowl, we robbed them all. Brother Xiao ate at least four, but he was still not full, so he just stared at the last half of steamed buns on my plate, I'm afraid that I will give the steamed buns to others to eat!

"I told him quietly, Brother Xiao, you can't eat mine. If you are caught by the program crew, you will definitely have a different heart, edit it randomly, add subtitles, and fire us as CP. Don't eat it. He snatched it away Yes, just when the cameraman adjusted the camera, he swallowed it in two mouthfuls, I was surprised that he was not caught snatching my steamed buns, haha..."

Sa Risheng couldn't help laughing, he might be a little lost in his words: "Why didn't the director ask me to eat steamed buns, I want to go too, I love steamed buns."

"You eat too much, and mutton is expensive," Xing Rong said to Xiao Sa, "The crew couldn't afford you, so the director didn't dare to invite you."

In the toilet cubicle, Xing Rong was chatting hotly.Looking out through the small window, Zhuang Xiao was squatting on the fire escape outside the building, racing against the clock during the air release time, and chatting.

There was a bit of mystery in Zhuang Xiao's voice: "Hey, the show that just finished filming today will probably take two or three weeks to air. Do you want to listen to the spoiler?"

Pei Yan said: "Say, what's the good thing? Which piece of meat on your body has been frozen off again?"

Zhuang Xiao said, "I met a tiger."

Pei Yan said, "What are you talking about?"

Zhuang Xiao said: "The frontier forest farm, Siberian tigers. Wild and alive!"

"Are you kidding?" Pei Yan said, "How far is it from you, can you see that mountain from this mountain?"

"There is a shallow drainage ditch half a meter deep by the side of the road. I am standing on one side of the drainage ditch, and the tiger is on the other side of the drainage ditch. I greeted it, and it heard it. How far do you think it is?" Zhuang Xiao said.

Pei Yan yelled: "I'll go—I don't believe—"

Zhuang Xiao said: "There were several of us at the time, and the tiger was the closest to me, about 20 meters away. For the Siberian tiger, 20 meters is an easy sprint with a lift of the front leg and a kick of the back leg."

Pei Yan roared across the video, east—north—tiger——

"Why am I lying to you? You are waiting to watch the show, and the camera has already filmed it." Zhuang Xiao said, "I was scared like a dog at that time."

"My man is still afraid of tigers when he goes out?" Pei Yan laughed wildly, "The time has come to show your skills, come and fight the Siberian tiger with Baguazhang."

"I'm scared to death," Zhuang Xiao sneered. "It's all nonsense in the novel. How dare I hit a tiger? I also dare to hit you."

This day was after training and returning to the camp. Several members of the film crew left the main force and just walked around the forest farm to take some shots of the mountain scenery.In this frontier defense area, it is estimated that the environmental protection achievements in recent years have been quite remarkable. If you drive around in the woods, you can come across a tiger walking on its tip.

They had two green jeeps parked on opposite sides of the road.Zhuang Xiao and Xing Rong jumped out of the car and walked leisurely along the side of the road, preparing to pose for a photo shoot.As soon as Zhuang Xiao raised his head, his face changed color, and he grabbed Brother Xing behind him, and his voice floated: "Don't move, front, tiger."

There was no movement behind her, Xing Rong stood motionless, silent, so frightened that she couldn't breathe.

On the side of the ditch beside the road, stood a majestic beast king with colorful patterns on his body, which was extremely beautiful.

In the camera car not far away, everyone was terrified and dared not speak loudly, and whispered to them, back up, back up——

Zhuang Xiao stared at Hu, Hu raised his head and stared at him too, yo, strange face, never seen it before, what are you doing?

Zhuang Xiao said softly to Xing Rong: "Don't look back, don't run, walk backwards, get back into the car, turn on the ignition, and start the engine."

The two of them retreated step by step on the slightly slippery road surface after the snow melted, both of them had the expressions of life and love.

Xing Rong fell onto the car seat, and the tiger suddenly moved!

Zhuang Xiao had a big tree branch in his hand, he clenched it tightly and roared at the tiger.

The tiger also got excited: What the fuck, what are you talking about, eating you?I'm already full, so let's take a look at how many catties you two have.

Xing Rong finally started the car, and Zhuang Xiao jumped into the car in one step.The two of them didn't dare to turn their heads back, they drove the car away in a hurry, and fled...

"Scared our hero Zhuang away, how cowardly." Pei Yan gloated.

"I'm so scared. I felt sweat all over my body when I got back to the camp." Zhuang Xiao said, "It's only 20 meters away."

"Do you know why? Because you don't drink." Pei Yan said, "Why did Wu Song dare to fight a tiger in Jingyanggang? He was also drunk, showing off his power. When he was sober, Wu Song would have to be scared away."

"It's up to you, Daxia Pei, next time. Get drunk." Zhuang Xiao said.

"I heard that Shandong Film and Television Base seems to have another project to remake "Water Margin", "Pei Yan said again, "If the two of us act, which role can we play?"

"There are many people in "Water Margin", "Zhuang Xiao said.

"One hundred and eight generals, I think you are playing Wu Song." Pei Yan commented, "You are handsome, you can fight, and you are good at work..."

"Who told you that Wu Songqi's big job is ready?" Zhuang Xiaole said.

"Tsk, haven't you watched the show on TV, that version..." Pei Yan whispered.

Zhuang Xiao knew that Pei Yan was referring to the rare edition of "Jin Ping Mei" in the drawer of the TV cabinet in his bedroom.For Pei Shaoxia, one book is enough, and that pornographic film represents "Water Margin".

"Who can you play?" Zhuang Xiao's mind also flashed some unsightly and blood-boiling images, flashing a certain character's evil and charming face, "Are you suitable to play Ximen Qing?"

"Fuck——" Pei Yan said, "I am such an innocent and outstanding person, I am in your heart, I, I... I am like Ximen Qing?!"

"If you put on makeup, it's really a bit, that feeling." Zhuang Xiao laughed out loud.

"If we play Wu Song and Ximen Qing, the plot of "Jin Ping Mei" will have to be rewritten, right? Pan Jinlian will be out of the game directly, and what's the matter with Xiao Jinlian'er, isn't it me, the official Ximen and Xiao Songsong? Is there a story about it?" Pei Yan laughed madly, "The officials of Ximen climbed over the wall every night, sneaked into Wu Erlang's house, hugged the handsome and handsome Xiao Songsong, stripped off his clothes wildly, and staged a duet in the house. The two fought for [-] rounds, stretching out thick and hard iron rods as weapons to kill each other, and then entangled each other..."

"Crazy..." Zhuang Xiao couldn't bear the convulsions of someone anytime and anywhere, and couldn't help but start imagining the action scenes of the two of them.

A classic classic "Jin Ping Mei" was adapted by two heroes into modern gay literature of Fauvism.

Pei Yan breathed into the phone: "Pan Lu Deng Xiaoxian, Xiao Songsong wants to..."

Zhuang Xiao didn't want to talk.

You can't touch people if you talk too much, and you can't touch each other. If you can't touch, why talk?

"Should we continue to practice these few days?" Pei Yan asked.

"Yes." Zhuang Xiao said, "Follow the company into the mountains, practice survival in the wild, eat bugs, drink spring water, and sleep in tents."

"It's hard work." Pei Yan said, "It's tough, isn't it?"

"It's not difficult. I haven't experienced military life in the army before, but now I have experienced it. It especially sharpens my will. I regret that I didn't come a few years earlier." Zhuang Xiao said.

Pei Yan actually wanted to turn to another topic. You have continued to train these days, so you have no other plans?

The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't say it.If this kind of thing needs to be reminded and requested, it will be meaningless.His fans don't need him to remind them, they will all be remembered by him.

In mid-March, he is a little Aries, and his birthday is coming.

In the camp, everyone washed up and came back from the water room with washbasins in line.Enter the dormitory, line up to report the number, and give them a lecture before going to bed, and the small squad leader assigns them tasks again.

The little squad leader said, let's sit down and chat, chat about the daily routine, and call the family one by one to say a few words.

Someone said, hey, didn't you just finish the phone call in the evening?

The squad leader said, "During the half hour just now, someone was on the phone, how many of them were spraying pesticides?"

Hahaha, everyone laughs, monitor, do you also use pesticides?

The little squad leader laughed shyly, so he didn't tell you.

This is a temporary arrangement of the director's team, so that the squad leader will come over to perform the task.People in a dormitory sit in a row on small horses.

Call, if you have a daughter-in-law, call your daughter-in-law, and if you don't have a daughter-in-law, call your parents.Someone's parents were extremely surprised and pleasantly surprised when they received the call, and they didn't know how long it had been since they had chatted with their parents on the phone.Someone's daughter-in-law received a phone call even more unexpectedly. I don't know how long the two couples have been playing their own way in life. The lips don't match the horse's mouth, and the children don't want to be called daddy, which is very embarrassing.

Xing Rong's phone call was to call her parents, and she greeted her parents politely and a little cautiously, and reported the current situation.His mother talked quickly, and began to complain that the washing machine upstairs was leaking, which soaked our house, and the quilt and mattress were all wet, and she didn't even have a quilt to sleep on. What do you think should I do?And downstairs, the shop that our family rented out on the street has a group of cats and dogs. It is so dirty. The rented house made it so dirty for me. I just play mahjong outside the window every day. , can be annoying.This place is really not good, and the quality of the crowd is not good. In fact, we recently saw a house in the city center and were very satisfied. I want to ask you how much you were paid for this show, Rong Rong, let me hear. ...

Xing Rong swayed awkwardly in front of the camera, and the embarrassment lasted for a moment, and quickly tensed up, her face remained motionless: "Mom, I'm doing a show, let's talk about it later, and I will call you next time."

"How long has it been since you called us, Rong Rong!" The voice on the phone was so loud that everyone could hear it clearly.

"Hmm... doing a show, living in the army barracks, very busy." Xing Rong was very guilty.

"Run Rong also plays games for half an hour every day, and hides in the toilet cubicle?" Someone teased him.

Xing Rong hung up the phone, threw the hot potato to Zhuang Daxia, and breathed a sigh of relief.

Zhuang Xiao took the hot potato and slid his finger on the button. Who can he call?

The director's design of this kind of link is full of pitfalls, with sinister intentions and no kindness at all.The topic of Rongbao's family has already been created, and some people have talked about it on the Internet. As for Zhuang Xiao's well-known family problem, heh... the director team hopes that Zhuang Xiao will call his father to see if the father and son will be together. On the phone, pinch out the 64 Baguazhang poses.

Zhuang Xiao pressed a bunch of numbers he was most familiar with, and got through: "Hey, Lao Pei."

Pei Yan was really surprised, her face was buried in the quilt, and she said in a nasal voice: "Ah? What are you doing just now..."

Zhuang Xiao coughed violently, as if he was choking on his own saliva.

After a fit of coughing, he managed to swallow the spit and said, "Old Pei, the director of the program group gave us benefits and asked everyone to call home to report that they are safe."

"Ah, oh...then you call me?" Pei Yan said, "I feel very honored."

There were sparse laughter all around.

"Well, I don't know who to call, and I don't have any family." When Zhuang Xiao said this, the people around stopped laughing, and they all understood the difficulties.

"No problem, talk to me anytime." Pei Yan said, "It seems that satellite TV is broadcasting your show recently? What's it called, Field... Field Barracks?"

""Field Recruits", a positive patriotic educational program, have you watched it?" Zhuang Xiao said.

"Look, I'm a loyal fan of yours, I'm always following dramas!" Pei Yan said boldly.

People around started laughing again.

"It's a pity that you didn't participate, Lao Pei. The show is very suitable for you. I will recommend it to the director team. I must invite you to come in the next season." Zhuang Xiao said.

"Don't! I admire soldiers very much, but I'm not suitable to stay in the barracks." Pei Yan said, "I'm very poor in organization and discipline. I must make mistakes every day. Every day, your instructor punishes me for doing push-ups and running. Lap and sweep the toilet, I'm doomed!"

"Okay." Zhuang Xiao sneered, "We just want to see you punished for push-ups and running laps. If you come, the instructor will definitely not care about us, and will fight people like you every day."

Everyone present snickered, even the squad leader was laughing.

After chatting casually for a few more words, Zhuang Xiao said, "That's it for now, thank you for saving the situation."

"Thank you? That's the way to go." Pei Yan smiled, "Aren't I your partner, buddy?"

"Well, it's done." Zhuang Xiao said, "See you later, I will treat you to dinner when I return to Beijing."

"Every time I say invite me to dinner, there's no sign of it. You're just like this." Pei Yan said, "This time the director and the audience have heard it, you said you want to invite me to dinner!"

……

Hang up the phone and pass the pit smoothly.

Both of them are acting school, Zhuang Xiao feels that Lao Pei is also worthy of a Palme d'Or.

Many words can only be held in my heart, and I am bored alone.

In fact, I really want to shout out from the bottom of my heart, I want to tell everyone, what kind of partner, what kind of buddy, stop pretending, this handsome, cool, awesome Pei Yingjun, he is our Yan Yanxiong.

……

Zhuang Pei threw a huge candy from the air in this variety show that did not appear at the same time.

The director team was very satisfied, and the surprise achieved the purpose of hype.The ratings of this episode broke the charts again, setting a new high since its inception.

Hot topics are mixed with many discussions with technical nutrition, and some people even cite some data from academic papers. According to research, the keystrokes and gestures of ordinary people when calling a mobile phone can indicate the degree of intimacy between the two parties on the phone.Internet Sherlock Holmes used enlarged pictures to study, frame by frame, the speed, frequency and direction of Zhuang Xiao's keystrokes at that time.

"Have you noticed that Ah Xiao didn't look at the phone keyboard at that time, he was 'blind typing'."

"Yes, he glanced at the camera lens quickly, and his fingers had already started to press the keys, pressing them very quickly, without thinking."

"This number seems to be memorized very well. According to the research data in the article, to achieve this frequency of blind typing, you need to dial the same number more than six times a day for at least 20 days."

"That is to say, Ah Xiao calls Yanbao's mobile phone number more than six times a day—do you believe it! Do you believe it! Crazy, I've been knocked out by a giant candy bar!"

"Quietly speaking, you all turned up the volume of the phone chat scene at that time, put on headphones and listened carefully, and you could hear Yan Bao's first sentence, there was an unnatural panting, it was the first sentence..."

"Big face, I've heard it a long time ago, I dare not say it, I can only make up my mind——"

……

When Pei Yan answered the phone call, she was panting.

After finishing work and returning to camp, I got under the covers in the hotel and received Zhuang Xiao's phone call.He took his hand back out of his pajama pants, supported the iron rod, and accompanied him for a long time.

He thought that Brother Xiao was going to give him a surprise and talk to him intimately...

I'm being affectionate again, it's not a birthday surprise for him.Zhuang Xiao just asked him to help out temporarily, to play with Hu You for a few minutes.

His name is "accompanying performer", and he is accompanied by waving light sticks in the corner of the stage.I have been a diehard fan of a person all my life, and I am very satisfied and willing to wave my arms excitedly in the crowd.