Xiaoman

For the eighth time Liu Xiaoman secretly took out his phone to look at it, Fan Yiyang wanted to pretend he didn't see it, but he didn't have time to turn his head.

"Bring it up, are you tired with hooking your head?" He tapped Liu Xiaoman's dinner plate with his chopsticks.

Liu Xiaoman smiled embarrassedly, made sure that Xia Liang still had no news, no phone call, and didn't send him a WeChat message, so he put his phone back and continued to eat.

They were in the canteen of the hospital. After Fan's father and mother left in the morning, Fan Yiyang stayed with him and had a meal at the hospital together at noon. In the evening, Aunt Mei brought an extra two-layer insulated box. It was Fan's mother Ask her to bring the cooked dishes for the two children to eat together.

"Let's go eat something together." Fan Yiyang said to Aunt Mei when he took it.

"No need! No need," Aunt Mei quickly waved her hand, "Eat at home, the hospital bed can't be separated from others, you go quickly, the food will be cold later."

Cancan stared at Fan Yiyang again, Fan Yiyang looked at Liu Xiaoman, Liu Xiaoman looked at Cancan, and thought of Xia Liang.

"Has he eaten?" he asked Aunt May.

"Eat it, eat it all, go and eat yours." Aunt Mei pulled Cancan back and thought of Xia Liang, "That kid, didn't you stay with you today?"

"Going back." Liu Xiaoman didn't want to say more.

"Then why don't you go home and sleep at night?" Aunt Mei looked at him.

Liu Xiaoman didn't want to go back from the bottom of his heart, but if Xia Liang wasn't around, he didn't want to go to the house alone, so he could only say "um".

He didn't want to go home, and he didn't have much appetite for dinner.

Xia Liang has no news for 1 minute, and he is anxious for 1 minute.

The anxiety this time is not the same as the last time Xia Liang was taken away by his mother. Last time, he was just worried and had no real concept.This time, he knew that Xia Liang's parents would really deal with him, and he was afraid that Xia Liang would come back with a whole body of injuries.

Eating requires atmosphere, and Fan Yiyang saw that he was carrying rice to his mouth like a chicken boy, and he was holding back and saying nothing, so he lost his appetite.

"He gave you the phone?" He simply opened up and chatted with Liu Xiaoman.

Liu Xiaoman glanced at him and nodded.

"I knew it." Fan Yiyang raised the corner of his eyes, "I saw it at your house on New Year's Day."

Liu Xiaoman didn't speak.

He still didn't dare to mention Xia Liang in front of Fan Yiyang.

"He bought it for you?" Fan Yiyang asked again.

"The old one." Liu Xiaoman said, "The phone he replaced before."

Fan Yiyang took another piece of meat from his plate for him: "I just heard what Aunt Mei said, you two live together these few days?"

Liu Xiaoman's chopsticks had already been picked up, and he put them back when he heard his question.

"What are you doing?" Fan Yiyang was almost laughed angrily by him, "I admit that I can't let you eat?"

Liu Xiaoman originally picked up vegetables reflexively, every time he ate with Fan Yiyang, he would eat whatever Fan Yiyang picked up for him.Putting the chopsticks back at this moment, I didn't know what to say for a while, so I had to pick them up again, and answered "um" wholeheartedly.

This time Fan Yiyang didn't answer the conversation immediately, and the two ate quietly for a while.

Liu Xiaoman is used to keeping the time with Xia Liang as a secret, and he is very happy when he has nothing to do with himself.Anyway, no one asked except Fan Yiyang, and he didn't dare to say too much, just squeezed and spit it out like tube of toothpaste.

Fan Yiyang didn't know what else to say.

He is not stupid.

It has been 40 years since the reform and opening up, and he is not a nerd who does not surf the Internet or read the news, but has nothing in his mind except reading.

One did not go home during the Chinese New Year, and lived outside with his classmates for several days, helping to take care of his grandfather who had a stroke.

Don't say that Xia Liang and Liu Xiaoman are just at the same table, even if it is him, it may not be possible to do it.

What about the other one?

He glanced at Liu Xiaoman, who was eating sullenly, obviously preoccupied with things—the degree and state of worry was not just what he should show to "same table", "classmates", or even "friends".

Fan Yiyang sighed in his heart.

He had a faint premonition before, and the source of this premonition cannot be explained in detail, it is just a kind of intuition of his peers.After all, we are all in adolescence, a little restlessness and small changes, the aura of the body will become different, and we can't hide it.

It was just a feeling, he had never thought about it and subconsciously resisted expressing it in this way.

Now it's just a matter of more solidifying his intuition.

Fan Yiyang can understand, but he can't accept it.Especially when facing Liu Xiaoman.

and……

Although he didn't want to think so from the bottom of his heart, the reality was before his eyes: Liu Xiaoman was disabled with a broken arm, even if Xia Liang was really gay, why would he like him?

If Liu Xiaoman was a "normal person" with complete arms and legs, Fan Yiyang wouldn't be so hard-pressed.

Just because Liu Xiaoman is not, he is in a special situation, he is a disabled person, and the emotional issues are already very difficult to let go, and now he is not only mixed up with the same sex, but also Xia Xia who is not in the same world with him at all. good.

Fan Yiyang simply didn't know what it was like in his heart.

He even felt a little magical.

"Have you thought about it..." He tried to start the conversation again and said four words, but he still didn't know what he could say.

Liu Xiaoman has a snail's temper, all emotions and expressions are restrained, willing to stick out two corners to explore in a safe environment, once feeling uneasy, he will only shrink back.

I can't pull it out, and I don't listen to it.

He looks soft and has no temper, but he is a muscle in his bones.

Now that grandpa is lying on the hospital bed, and a family of three has been squeezed into the house, Liu Xiaoman's ability to talk and laugh depends on hard work. It is definitely not the right time to tell him about the reality of love.

After pondering for a while, he still wanted to try to insinuate: "Have you ever thought about it, Xia Liang..."

"Xia Liang is very nice." Liu Xiaoman interrupted him by raising his head.

Fan Yiyang was taken aback for a moment.

This was the first time Liu Xiaoman expressed his thoughts to him so simply.

Liu Xiaoman was stunned when he finished speaking.

He completely blurted out, he didn't dare to say anything to Fan Yiyang's questions one after another, if Fan Yiyang continued to just ask questions, asking him and Xia Liang the details of getting along these few days, he would still be bored and dare not say more.

Because Liu Xiaoman understands that Fan Yiyang treats him well, asks questions, understands his situation, and his original intention is for his own good. No one understands this better than him.

But when it came to this sentence, he was too familiar with the sentence pattern beginning with "Xia Liangta".

Xia Liang is not in the same world as you.

Xia Liang is not the same kind of person as you.

Xia Liang is surrounded by friends.

Can Xia Liang have a good influence on you?

When Fan Yiyang said these things before, Liu Xiaoman would hesitate, struggle, weigh, and murmur in his heart.

Although Fan Yiyang said it was useless for half a year, at least there were two times when Liu Xiaoman was persuaded and tried to distance himself from Xia Liang.

But at this moment, after Xia Liang had been with him for the past few days, he couldn't hear Fan Yiyang say anything wrong with Xia Liang.

Not a word.

Xia Liang was very good to him, very good, very good.This point will no longer change because of anyone's doubts.

Even Fan Yiyang, who was also kind to him, couldn't do it.

The two looked at each other for a while, Liu Xiaoman lowered his eyelids and apologized.

"I'm sorry Brother Yangyang." His tone was too aggressive just now.

Fan Yiyang didn't speak.

Liu Xiaoman picked a large piece of meat from his own plate and put it in his hands.

"...Let's eat." Fan Yiyang picked up the chopsticks again, "I will give you a lecture later."

The phone vibrated for the first time for a long time, but Xia Liang didn't move.

He fell on his back on the sofa, a small pot and an ashtray by his hand.The ashtray was full, Xiaoguo jumped from his left hand side to his right hand side stepping on his belly, and pressed his nose against the vibrating mobile phone.

Xia Liang opened his eyes, obviously not asleep, the sky outside the window turned dark at some point, and the bedroom was lifeless.

Looking at the dark ceiling until the shock ended, he closed his eyes again.

Only half a minute had passed between the second vibration and the first time. Xiaoguo let out a soft cry and pulled the phone off the sofa. Xia Liang exhaled from his chest and moved his arms to pick up the phone.

"Xia Liang, can you do it?" As soon as the call was connected, Luo Hao yelled straight away, "What's the matter with you after a year of retreat? I can't find it! I don't answer the phone if I send a message." , can I buy a mobile phone and take a look at it?"

"Tell me something." Xia Liang interrupted him.

"Fuck, what's wrong with your throat? Have a cold?" Luo Hao asked.

Luo Hao didn't need to mention it, Xia Liang himself felt uncomfortable when the voice came out, it was dry and sandy, his vocal cords seemed to have been polished with sandpaper all night, and his throat was tight when he said the word.

He put the phone on the speakerphone and threw it on the table, shaking his brain swollen by the smoke, went to the kitchen to find a bottle of water for himself.

"It's nothing," Luo Hao continued on the phone, "We're out to play, and now we're going to have some skewers. It's still the one behind New Century. You're the only one who needs to come here!"

"Are you sure the door is open?" Xia Liang heard Guo Wei's voice asking.

"If you don't open the door for a few months, spring will start soon if you don't open the door." Luo Hao said indifferently.

After speaking, he yelled at the phone again: "Hurry up! If you don't come in half an hour, we'll go to your house and bomb you. Let's see!"

Without giving Xia Liang time to refuse, the phone hung up.

In fact, the speed at which they hung up the phone had nothing to do with whether Xia Liang went or not. As long as Xia Liang didn't want to go, it was useless for them to go anywhere.

There was no one at home, so he twisted the bottle cap and returned to the bedroom, taking two sips of water in the dark.

It would be great if transferring schools can be as easy as going to a barbecue stall.

Thinking of this, he became even less in the mood. He was in no mood at all, only feeling tired and annoyed.

Tiredness of powerlessness leads to troubles that cannot be shaken off.

This kind of emotion started after my grandfather said those words at noon, and it has not subsided, and the accumulation in the body is getting higher and higher.

He knew that his grandfather's key point was right, and it was precisely because of this "right" that he couldn't accept it from the bottom of his heart.

He couldn't think of how to convince himself to accept this reality, and he couldn't think of how to tell Liu Xiaoman.

A few days ago, I just vowed to say "I am here", and was transferred to another school in a blink of an eye. It was like a mother, and my words turned into farting.

Thinking of the eyes and expression that Liu Xiaoman might show, Xia Liang didn't even feel like drinking an extra sip of water.

Before leaving at noon, my mother said the last sentence to him: "I don't lock you up. You can do whatever you want these days. It's up to you whether you go home or not, but come back to live with me when school starts. Your new school is close, saving you from running around all day, and your heart is still outside."

At that time, he couldn't open his mouth to answer, he had to tighten every level of his body tightly, so as not to yell at her.

Thinking back now, he still wanted to yell, and the desire to destroy was stirred up with rage again. The water bottle in Xia Liang's hand was twisted and deformed, and he slammed it into the corner, and he threw himself back on the sofa with the sound of the bottle cap popping open. superior.

bother.

This feeling of being overwhelmed and unable to control anything.

bored.

He raised his hands to cover his eyes.

I don't know how long it took, but it seemed to be darker outside the window. During this period, the phone vibrated twice. Xia Liang didn't look at it, so he guessed that it was Luo Hao and the others who were urging people again.

Until a very soft "ding dong" rang on the phone, Xia Liang couldn't tell what kind of induction it was, and sat up and took the phone that was still on the table.

-Brother Liang

A short message was displayed on the screen, which was sent by Liu Xiaoman.

Xia Liang looked at these two words, his thumb slowly hovered above the screen.

When it was about to be unlocked, there was another "ding dong", and a new message slid out on the screen.

Liu Xiaoman typed very slowly, and it took a long time to type a few words.

-How are you?