Nowhere to be found, only the heart of a young man

Not long after the picnic and camping, the late autumn is already more than half, and the early winter is coming.

We return to the classroom and once again return to the world of books that belong to each of us.

The mid-term exams of the school year came as scheduled. The teachers finished correcting the test papers in the shortest possible time, and then ranked the grades of the whole class uniformly.This time, Fang Fang ranked No.19, Dajun No.20, and Heli No.20.And my ranking was a bit beyond everyone's expectations, ranking seventh in the class.

Fang Fang, who entered the [-]th place in the class, was overjoyed, and He Li, who had the same fate as her, couldn't hide her joy, but Da Jun, who had a strong personality, was noncommittal about her grades as usual.

But I regard this time as a rare fiasco in my academic career.

For a long time after the exam, I was silent in an inescapable self-blame.Faced with my grades, my parents chose to remain silent for the first time, and Minmin was even more puzzled.

"Sister, what's wrong with you?"

Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me either.

In a trance, I felt that I was changing quietly for a long time.From the usual cramped and reserved to the present free and easy, from the intimacy with the books to the gradual alienation from the beginning of learning.

To make matters worse, I still can't figure out whether these changes are good or bad.

The most important final exam of the second year of junior high school will also return on time in two months.Teacher Yang also began to actively urge everyone in our class to enter the state of reviewing and preparing for the exam as soon as possible.

This time, the students unanimously chose to devote themselves wholeheartedly.

Perhaps, everyone has never forgotten that this final exam is the real decisive game in the poker game. It is like a thorough shuffling of the cards, and we will be regrouped according to the results.More like the parallel world in physics, each of us will have new classmates and a new life.The group of the second (third) class in junior high school is about to disappear and cease to exist.

Fang Fang and I played less and less.

On the clock face, every second that the pointer passes, we use it to solve the problem tirelessly in learning.Endorsement and problem solving have constituted the most ordinary part of each of us's day.

Occasionally, I still meet Holly on the way home.

Because it is too familiar, now I can no longer connect him with the long-haired boy in the barber shop.

I have also seen the scar on his hand, like a bent centipede, relentlessly coiled around his right wrist, becoming a conspicuous symbol.

I curiously asked him about the origin of this logo.He graciously admitted to me that it was a scar from fighting with his classmates in his previous school.

"The night after the fight, my parents rushed to the hospital and saw that my hand was bleeding profusely. My mother was so frightened that she burst into tears, thinking that my hand had scratched a blood vessel such as an artery or vein. But still Well, luckier, otherwise I might not be standing here today."

Heli's calm narration made me, a girl who can't even bear to hurt ants, feel chills down my back.

"Aren't you in pain?"

Hearing what I said, Holly smiled.

"Of course it hurts. But if you bear with it, it will pass."

"Do you like fighting?"

I continue to ask.

"Me? I don't like it."

Seeing that I didn't make a sound, he continued to speak.

"I hate fighting because my body always hurts. I was just helpless and forced to fight back in this way. After a long time, I got used to using my fists to solve problems instead."

I do not know what to say.

"He Li, have you ever lost a fight?"

"Never lost."

"It's not bragging, is it?"

I turned to look at him beside me, and I was quite surprised by this straightforward answer.

"I did not lie to you."

I was thinking, how much of this boy in front of me has a past that I didn't know.

"Do you want to eat this?"

While talking, he took out something from his schoolbag, which were two pieces of ginger cake-shaped food.Each piece is only a quarter of the size of a third-order Rubik's cube.Seal it in a transparent bag with three large characters of "Qima Crisp" written on it.

Seeing the dim sum, I licked the small hole filled in my teeth with the tip of my tongue.

This kind of pasta wrapped in diluted syrup and then deep-fried reminds me of the sweetness that warms my heart.So, I generously took Qima Crisp from his hand.The two of us eat together while walking.

Hurley continued to tell me his own story.

"I lived in Nanjing when I was young. My grandparents loved me very much and spoiled me very much. However, my parents seem to like my sister more because she studies well and is better than me. After my grandfather passed away, my sister And I moved to this small city with my parents. My grandma stayed at my uncle’s house in Nanjing.”

"Have you thought about going back to Nanjing?"

"I thought about it, when my parents beat me, I would want to go back."

"Why are they hitting you?"

"Because I'm disobedient and like to provoke things outside. They often have to bow their heads outside and apologize to others for the troubles I caused. Sometimes after returning home, there is no place to vent their anger, so they continue to beat me."

I am speechless.

"But even if we go back, Grandpa is gone."

"You can go back and see grandma."

I sensed his sentimentality.

"Yes, I can go back to see my grandma. But now, my parents say that my studies have reached the most stressful time, and they hope that I can work hard and go to Beijing to go to university like my sister. So, promise me that I will finish this period After studying, take me back to Nanjing to see grandma."

When I heard that he was going back, a trace of reluctance suddenly surged in my heart.

"Then will you come back?"

"Haha, of course I will come back. My home is here now. There is only my uncle's home in Nanjing, and that is not my home."

Holly's answer was hearty.

However, I felt something in his words.

It was a conflict, a contradiction hidden deep inside.Strong resistance to the status quo and extreme dependence on the past coexist in his heart, making him who he is today.

Along the way, I always wondered, if he can speak freely about what is in his heart, and his occasional surly behavior, if one day he really can't achieve harmony and tolerance, will this make him confused and restless for the rest of his life?

I saw his contradictions. Apart from choosing to listen, I couldn't use my own strength to help him cross the chasm in life.

Different from his experience, since childhood, my parents taught me to have kind thoughts in my heart.No matter how bad your life is, you should still feel the sunshine every day with your heart.So Minmin and I always like to face everything around us cheerfully no matter when and where.

Anyway, my only small wish now is that Heli can get rid of doubts and confrontations about past existence, and learn to experience the sunshine and joy in life instead.

However, the rumors about the two of us at school were like vines climbing on the old city wall, and began to spread overwhelmingly and unstoppably.

Rumors have also changed from whispers in the past to blatant publicity: the girl who loves to study unbelievably "holds hands" with the mischievous boy.

Now, in everyone's eyes, we are a couple!It is characterized as a typical puppy love in the class.

Things got worse for me, and my relationship with Holly became more awkward.

Words are scary.Fang Fang tactfully stopped joking with us, and everyone gradually realized that the situation was developing in an uncontrollable direction.

I was a little lost, and I couldn't figure out my feelings for Holly.I tried to throw myself into the arms of the book again, but I still couldn't focus on one point.

In a trance, I seemed to feel the heart wall in my body collapsed.That deafening sound makes me feel frightened and timid all the time.In the last month before the big exam, my car, which has always been driving smoothly, suddenly lost control.It has lost momentum and has no direction.

Before school ended on the weekend, Fang Fang stopped me who was packing my schoolbag, and handed me a folded note.

"This is what the army asked me to give you."

"Army?"

I am a little strange.

"Someone entrusted Dajun to hand it over to you. So, he gave me the note."

"I see."

I guessed what kind of note it was.When I was about to open it, Fang Fang pressed my hand.

I looked up at her suspiciously.

"Others also incidentally said: After reading it, if you agree, keep the note and take it away; if you don't agree, return the note to others according to the way it came from."

This is Fang Fang's explanation.

"Oh."

I whispered back.

"Mumble, you must think clearly before making a decision!"

This is Fang Fang's advice to me.

I pursed my lips and glanced at her.Then I opened the note, and there was still a line of small characters written in my familiar handwriting: At three o'clock in the afternoon on Saturday, I want to meet you at the small stone steps beside the reservoir.

After reading it, I obviously understood what Fang Fang meant just now.

Sitting on the chair, I held the strap of the schoolbag drooping from the desk with my left hand, and held the note tightly in the palm of my right hand.Fang Fang waited quietly by the side.She is waiting for me to make a decision, to give an answer.

I held this position for a good 10 minutes.

Finally, I made up my mind.He stood up, holding the schoolbag in his left hand, and squeezed the note in his heart into a small ball with his right hand, and put it in his pocket.I left my back to Fang Fang, and walked towards the outside of the classroom resolutely.