The Cowboy and The Pencil-pusher

Benjy looked at me angrily. "Explain to me again, why are you flying back to Los Angeles tonight?"

I avoided his suspicious gaze. "With you and my dad here I don't need to stay anymore. Cost projections are on the schedule, I'm not needed here anymore."

"Since when have you not been needed?"

"You two can keep everything in order."

"I know we can, I mean why are you running away all of a sudden? It's only a month until this project is over. Why are you in such a sudden rush to leave?"

"My dad found another ranch that's overwhelmed and wants to take over. I should go back to LA and move on with this project ASAP."

"Yeah, I know about the project, and I know your dad wants to start next month. Why are you in such a hurry to leave Bender?"

"I miss the ocean."

He pursed his lips. "you are lying."

I smiled gruffly. "No I don't. You know I love the ocean. Plus, I'm fed up with this dingy little town. Gosh, I guess it'll take me a year to get the foxtail out of my socks." I grab a bunch files, feed them into the shredder, and hope the noise shuts his mouth.

Benjy waited patiently until the noise of the shredder died down. "Another project in Texas. You and I both know that the dust and weed problems can't be any better there than here."

I shrugged.

"Is it because of Kurt?"

My face heated up and I glared at him. "I wish I hadn't told you anything."

"Don't overreact." He held up his hands. "You're nothing like you used to be. Of course I'm going to wonder if that has anything to do with what happened to you and Kurt."

"What do you mean I'm not what I used to be?"

"God, I don't know. Maybe because you disappeared last night and left me with him and that guy named Riley? That's not like you. I mean, when did you dump me?"

I cleared my throat. "As I explained to you, I was really tired."

Benjie stood up and leaned over. "You know what, Paul. I feel kind of insulted to be honest."

"what?"

"You're taking me for a fool. You're telling me about Kurt because it's a big emotional issue for you and you can't handle it alone. You've got a crush on him. Then fuck it Admit it! I don't understand why you have been trying so hard to pretend that you are not interested."

"I just didn't." I couldn't be tempted.

"You can't even be in the same room with him."

"I'm annoying Riley."

He pointed at me. "Admit it. Seeing them together makes your life worse."

I gritted my teeth and looked at him angrily. "Even if that's the case, what's the matter?"

He shook his head. "Caring about Kurt doesn't mean you're weak. I guess you think being emotional makes you feel less manly or something."

"It's just nonsense."

"Yeah, that's right. But I still think you think so."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Benjie, what should I do? Just fall in love with a Colorado bumpkin, and then?"

"First of all, Kurt's not a redneck. Second, what's wrong with being in love?"

"We come from completely different worlds."

"You keep repeating this like a repeater." He leaned against the corner of my desk. "A lot of people come from different worlds, and then they all become."

"We don't all live in the same state, Benjy. I think that's a particularly big hurdle."

He snorted. "Maybe it's an obstacle for people who don't have money. But you have a private jet at your disposal. I don't think it will be a problem for you to fly here whenever you want."

I leaned back in the chair and exhaled heavily. "He's back with Riley now. Even if I wanted to develop with him, I've missed the opportunity." He gave me the opportunity, but I screwed up.It hurts my heart to think of how sad he looked that day.I wish I could turn back time and make different choices.But in reality this doesn't work.

Benji rolled his eyes. "My God, you're so stupid about this." He sighed. "When I told Kurt last night that you'd sneaked back to your room to rest, he was visibly upset. Riley could tell." He smiled. "Honestly, that moment was really enjoyable for me to watch."

"How do you know Kurt is upset about this?"

"Well, first of all, he stood up immediately, I thought he was going to chase you." Benjie chuckled. "You should have seen the look on Riley's face. It was absolutely stunning."

His words made my heart beat faster. "Yeah, but he didn't come to see me, did he?"

"Yeah, he's got a date of his own. It's not Kurt's style to do that."

"You hit the point, he's got a girlfriend. I think you're seeing the essence. He's back with Riley. He doesn't care if I stay or go back to LA."

"You might as well figure it out if you're just thinking here and there. Go ask him."

My eyes widened in horror. "Ask him? You're not mistaken, are you?"

He made a pained expression. "Oh, I forgot. You don't understand what it's like to be in a relationship. You see, Paul, usually when you like someone, you tell them, and then if they like you, they respond."

"I don't do that." I shook my head stubbornly. "Absolutely no way."

He laughed. "My God. You really have an emotional barrier. I think elementary school students are more open than you." He raised his hands. "Well, I guess if you're such a coward, he can't get rid of Riley."

After the image he said entered my mind, I felt a pang of discomfort in my stomach.I knew Benji was just helping me, and he was right: I was a coward.I didn't have the courage to approach Kurt with my newfound feelings, especially after I'd rejected him.

I swallowed heavily. "I... I appreciate your concern. I know you're probably right." I looked up into his expectant eyes. "But... I don't think I'm going to be in love in the future. Not with Kurt or anyone else."

Benjie pursed his lips tightly. "Why don't you just accept it? You're such a smart guy. You can understand that a man like Kurt doesn't come across every day. And don't get me wrong, that is, if you do... you And not necessarily the one they want.

I frown at him.

"Really." He shrugged. "But somehow the cowboy really likes you. He glows when you're around. And I can see that you have feelings for him even for someone as closed as you. I don't understand why you You two hit it off, but you two just hit it off."

I sigh. "too late."

"No. It's not too late."

I raise a hand. "Yes, it's too late." I closed my laptop and gave him a merciless look. "That's the end of this topic. This is not a movie, it's real life. I'm leaving tonight and going back to Los Angeles."

He stood up and looked at me sympathetically. "You're doing something stupid."

"Be careful, don't let me drive you." I snapped.

He shook his head and walked back to his desk. "Go ahead if you want to, but I have one last word: You're going to regret this coward's decision. You had the chance to have an amazing life experience. But you screwed up. And from now on you're going to Lived with it on your back. I guarantee you'll regret letting go of Kurt."

I didn't answer.I just packed my computer in my bag and left the trailer without looking back.

***

Los Angeles doesn't feel like home anymore.Realizing this made me feel as if I had been hit with a hammer.I've made a lot of adjustments in the week since I got home from Bender.The commute stuck in traffic seemed more dreary and longer than I remembered.The smog makes people breathless, and the only place where I don't feel my own phobia is the beach behind my mansion.

I dream about Kurt every night.His gruff laugh and the feel of his arms lingered in my dreams.Every day I look forward to bedtime, the only time I can be with that person I fell in love with but passed out of cowardice.

Even at work I can no longer have fun.Before I left Bender, I worked happily fourteen hours a day.But now I know there are more important things in life than computers and balance sheets.I miss the smell of wet earth and pine forests after a rain.I miss the afternoon strolls around construction sites with Kurt that I'm used to.But more often than not, I had to accept the fact that I might never see Kurt again.

By the weekend of my first week back home, I was literally exhausted mentally.When I got home, I casually dropped my computer bag on the floor next to the sofa and sat down on the sofa.The orange-red sunset hangs over the sparkling sea outside the window.When I'm drawn to this extreme beauty, I feel empty and depressed.The things that used to make me happy just got me down.Life can seem meaningless at times.I vaguely remember feeling energized by reports and spreadsheets.But now, everything is dull.

When the doorbell rang, I didn't move.I don't have the strength to deal with salesmen or overly enthusiastic neighbors.I sat there like a statue, staring out the back window in a daze, my heart like stagnant water.I close my eyes and listen to the soft sound of the waves.The sound of the waves crashing against the shore is reassuring.When I opened my eyes, I was startled to see a man peering in through the huge patio window.

I stumbled to my feet, my heart pounding.Gradually, I saw that the man was wearing a cowboy hat, and his tall and thin figure was so familiar.When he tapped on the glass and said something, my legs went limp.

"Hey, city girl. Do you want me to go in? Or do you want to stare at me all day?" Kurt's hoarse voice was cut off by the glass.

I stood there, staring at him in pure disbelief.Am I dreaming?Why is Kurt here?When he knocked on the glass again, I forced myself to act.I opened the sliding door and stood back to let him in. "What are you doing here?" My voice was so weak that it was almost lost in the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, and I could hardly hear myself.

"I want to see the ocean." He smiled, but I could tell he was moving nervously, too.

"California has a long coastline. You don't have to come to my house to see the ocean."

He was still standing outside the door and didn't come in.He sighed and turned to look at the sea. "You know why I'm here, Paul."

My pulse was beating wildly, and at the same time I was searching my stomach for something to say, "Yes... is there something wrong with the ranch?"

He turned to look at me, frowning deeply. "That's why you think I'm leaving?"

"No. How come." God, it felt so good to see him again.His blue eyes make me churn with excitement, and the scent of his cologne wafts around me with the sea breeze.

"You didn't even say goodbye." He took off his hat, his shiny hair blowing in the wind. "Don't you think it's rude?"

"I don't know what to say goodbye."

"You disappeared at the bar that night, and then I learned that you had left Colorado." He frowned. "Why are you running away?"

I licked my lips. "I don't know what else I need to stay."

"Are you referring to official business or private business?" He raised a flat eyebrow.

"Honestly, both." He still didn't have any intention of coming in, so I stood on the terrace too.

"Come on, Paul."

"What else?" I shrugged. "It's a fact. The project is almost complete, and you and Riley have started a new life. I have no reason to hang on."

He looked up at the sky. "You're such a stubborn man, Paul."

I swallowed hard. "I prefer to call myself a realist."

He snorted. "I suppose you're more fatalistic than realist." He frowned. "Don't look at me in surprise just because I said something polite."

"I didn't look at you." My cheeks were hot.

"Yeah." He didn't look convinced.

I leaned against the redwood patio rail.It feels so good to see him, I don't know what to say anymore. "So, you came all this way just to say goodbye?"

His lips moved. "Not all."

"Why is that?" I was having a hard time breathing as he moved closer to me.

He cleared his throat. "You know I spend most of my time at Maddy's ranch. So I've calmed down a lot of terrified wild horses."

I smiled bluntly. "I don't know why you say that."

"Well, maybe using a horse as an example is not appropriate." He smirked, and the golden afterglow reflected in his eyes. "I meant to say that I know what's going on between us scares you." He cleared his throat, his expression turning serious. "Damn, I was scared too. Like I told you before, I thought I didn't like anyone but Riley."

As soon as I heard that name, I became angry. "Well, in this way, I think maybe it's God's will for you to finally get back together."

To my surprise, he even caressed my face, and the rough palm made me tremble. "I was trying to tell you that I don't care about Riley anymore, but you don't seem to want to hear it."

"Maybe because he was with you the last time I saw you."

The muscles in his jaw tensed. "It was you who rejected me straight away."

"Well, it looks like that played Riley's favor."

"Why do we keep mentioning Riley?"

I crossed my arms and stared at him.

"I didn't fly all the way to L.A. to talk to you about Riley." He breathed out as if trying to hold himself together. "Do you miss me, Paul?"

I didn't speak.

"Because I'm fucking thinking about you." He grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pulled me into his arms. "But judging from your stinky face, you don't want to tell me how you feel about me." The body was embedded in his strong body, making me dizzy with lust. "I think, with a man like you, you have to learn to read minds."

I put a hand over his and said nothing.My heart was beating so fast I couldn't speak.

I guess the silence didn't affect him much because he went on. "The night you ran into me and Riley, it opened my eyes to something. I could see how hard his presence was on you. It was the first time I could see that clearly." He smiled, as if Like very happy.

"Can you see that?"

"Yeah. In fact, I think you want all of me, just like I have you."

I wink at him. "So what?"

"What?" He sounded annoyed. "Paul, that means everything!"

"Really?" My eyes were fixed on his full lips that were close at hand. "Maybe not enough."

"At least it's enough to give it a go, Paul." Kurt frowned. "I know you have a struggle inside you. You must have used it to resist me for a long time. But can you use it to make a change for me?"

I smiled bluntly. "Let's just give it a go. I've never been in a relationship. Chances are I'm screwing things up before I know it."

"I won't let you screw it up."

I bit my lower lip. "You don't know who I am. Not really. I'm selfish and narcissistic."

A smile spread across his face. "I know you, okay. Plus, I'm not perfect. I get messy too."

I shake my head. "You are much better than me."

He muttered heavily: "How many times do I have to say, I like you because of these qualities in you."

Everything is so unreal.The thought that he might have been thinking of me all the way to Los Angeles increased my hope and willingness to believe that his feelings for me were real.Especially considering, he might not be sure that I would accept him at all. "I still can't believe you're here, standing right in front of me."

"I have to come." He sighed and kissed me tenderly.When he looked up, he said, "I'm going to at least try."

I met his sincere gaze and breathed nervously. "Well, I miss you. And I don't believe the following words, but I do miss Bender too."

His expression softened. "Really, Paul?"

I nod. "I know it sounds crazy because I hated it when I first got there. But gradually, I got used to it. The longer I'm with you, the more time you force me to spend Walking in the ranch, riding with you. I'm getting more and more used to it." I leaned into his arms, breathing in his clean breath, and then another annoying thought came to me. "You... you and Riley?"

He let me go a little, looking very sad. "I hate to hurt his feelings. But I love you, Paul, and I don't want to hide it anymore."

As these hoarse words came out of his mouth, my whole body trembled.After a stressful and exhausting week, his words breathed new life into me.I don't know why he desires me so much and why I desire him.But I at least think it's worth a try.

I hug him tighter and he grunts. "I just want to make sure I'm not dreaming and you're really here." I smirked.

With a sexy chuckle, he pushed me over to the railing and snuggled with me again. "I won't let you run away easily."

"What if I refuse?"

"I brought the noose, in my rental car," he said with a playful wink.

I laughed out loud.

"No, I was kidding you." He sighed. "Even if it's just to see you one last time, I think it's worth it. Maybe a goodbye kiss?"

"That, given our track record, might turn into farewell sex."

He grinned. "Totally worth the trip to Los Angeles."

I smiled and stared at his handsome face. "So you've really decided?"

"Yes. I think we'll be fine as long as you don't force me to wear your hot clothes."

Leaning on his muscular body made me so horny that I wanted to drag him into the house to make up for our wasted time. "How long have you been here?"

For the first time since his appearance, a vague expression appeared on his face. "I have a flight booked for tonight."

"What?" I was shocked. "Why?"

He swallowed and hugged me harder. "I thought you would probably reject me again."

I frowned. "You thought I'd turn you away? But you came anyway?"

He looked like he wanted to see through me. "I told you, I'm going to try."

Being stared at so hotly by him makes my heart feel warm. "You have to refund your ticket."

"to make."

I lick my lips, unable to take my eyes off his lips. "Let's go inside, cowboy."

"to make."

"I can't wait for you to feel my Tempur mattress." I grinned.

His gaze softened. "I want you to know that it's not just sex to me. I can sleep on the floor if you want."

I stare. "I haven't touched you in a week, and you think I'm going to let you sleep on the floor?"

He grinned. "Thank goodness. I was a little afraid you'd take my prudish advice."

I push him through the door. "Impossible, Cowboy. I just want you to come to my bed naked. The most I'll let you wear is your hat. But that's all."

He pulled me towards me and kissed me tenderly.Then he murmured, "Come on, Paul. Come on."

end

Children ran past laughing, clutching bright green smoothies.I pause, hoping their sticky fingers don't get on my cashmere jacket.I saw Kurt walk across the corral, smiling happily and waving to me.He climbed over the wooden railing gracefully and gave me a big hug as soon as he came to me.

I pressed my face against his neck and breathed in his fragrance.Then I pulled away and brushed the dust off my sleeves that wasn't there.I'm not used to being intimate in public, but Kurt has none of that. "Looks like there's good traffic." Being so close to him made my pulse quicken and my voice sounded wheezy.

"I think everyone in town came."

My dad and Maddy came over.The two have become surprisingly good buddies over the past few weeks.

"I'm sending Benjy into town to get some more soda and ice." My dad looked at the crowd. "Pleasant traffic."

I nodded and said to Maddy, "What do you think? Is the change in the ranch what you'd like?"

He took off his hat and ran his hands through his hair. "Better than I expected. Benji said we're booked in six months." He frowned. "I was terribly nervous, but also terribly excited."

"Paul promised he wouldn't abandon us until we figured out all the details of how it works." Kurt squeezed my shoulder.

I met my dad's honest gaze.I'd told him about my relationship with Kurt, but I was always worried that he'd accept it, given how much he'd disliked my sexuality in the past.It turned out he just smiled at me and went to talk to Maddy.

Kurt grabbed my shirt. "follow me."

I waved to my dad and Maddy and followed him. "where are we going?"

"Go to the trailer." He smiled back.

We went up the steps and Kurt closed and locked the door behind him.He didn't even have time to turn on the light and pulled me into his arms.Warm lips run from my chin to my neck, making me sigh.I reach up and grab his arm as the cock hardens between my legs.

"What's that for?" I laughed out loud as his kiss made my neck itch.

"I missed you last night." He pinched my ass through his pants. "I told you I don't care how late it is, I want you to come to my place."

"I know, but I don't think that's good." I yelled as he squeezed my shoulders and felt a throbbing sensation in my cock.I sighed against him, letting him touch me through my clothes. "Very comfortable."

"What will I do if you go back to Los Angeles?" he murmured against my lips.As he stuck his tongue in, I was dizzy with the thrill of lust.His fingers trace the contours of my cock.He looked up, eyes burning. "You're driving me crazy, Paul."

"I'll be back in two days." I moaned as he slid his hands into my pants.He grabbed mine through the fabric of my panties. "Oh shit."

He suddenly stopped what he was doing, "Really?" The pupils were dilated with lust, and the lips were swollen from my kiss. "I thought you were going to Texas for weeks."

"My dad decided to go for me himself."

He pulled his hands away from my panties. "Really?" He looked happy.

"Yeah." I sighed and kissed him tenderly.When our lips parted again, I said, "After all, you haven't kept your promise to take me fishing."

He pulls me closer. "I'll take you as soon as you get back. We can spend the night under the stars."

"Okay." I hugged him tightly.

"I'll even put the bait on for you."

"Thank goodness. This is the step I'm most afraid of." I shudder. "I can't believe I want to go fishing. I don't even know myself."

"As long as I know you." He smiled and took off my blue cashmere jacket. "No one else in this town would wear it."

"I see, okay?"

"Okay, let me be fair, no one in this town would want to take off your clothes."

"This town needs some fashion. The people of Bender need to see how to dress without denim and checked shirts."

He hooked my belt and began to slowly unbuckle it. "At this moment, I prefer not to wear clothes."

"I saw you in action," I said breathlessly as he unzipped me.

He kissed the side of my neck. "You're not the only one learning to accept new things." His hot breath hits my skin. "I installed a wireless router yesterday, so you can do all that Internet stuff while you're at my house."

"Are you pretending?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

"There are four gigabit ports and tons of antennas." He smiles against my neck.

"I love it when you use the polite word 'countless'. It just drives me crazy."

"Then from now on, I will keep a big dictionary by my bed." He chuckled lightly. "Take off your damn pants now, money lender."

I laughed out loud. "Yes, Mr. Sexy Cowboy."

He frowned, and a strand of black hair fell to his forehead. "I don't like the new nickname."

"Yeah, I know it's provoking you."

He cleared his throat. "Your pants are still on."

I rolled my pants down to my ankles, stretched out my arms, and grinned. "Come on, make me yours."

With a gentle smile on his face, he pulled me into his arms. "You're already mine, remember?"

"Remember." I sighed against his tanned neck. "Thank goodness."

-The End-