I stared at him in shock.Riley leaving his wife for Kurt?The implications here make me sick to the stomach and feel like I've been punched hard.

He leaned sullenly against the towel hanger. "He said it last night, right after we talked. He said things were terrible at home and he was thinking about leaving his wife and coming to live with me."

"Since when?"

"It's been a while." His eyes were bright and confused. "At least, that's what he said."

"Has he hinted at you before?"

He shook his head. "No. I haven't seen him for about half a year."

I squint my eyes suspiciously. "Did he tell you this grand plan before or after you mentioned me?"

"After that." He rubbed his eyes and said, "As soon as I came back, I confessed that I just slept with you. I must have done something wrong on my face." Kurt's face was pale. "He was clearly upset."

"Of course he wasn't happy. I bet he thought he could play you around. But then you talked about me, so he had to use this plan to keep hanging on to you."

"Riley isn't the kind of man who works out his calculations."

I rolled my eyes, fed up with his unwavering faith in Riley. "I must say I'm surprised you didn't immediately fall for his dumping wife trap. You've been around him since you were a teenager.

He smiled gruffly. "I'm more surprised than you." He looked at me cautiously. "I think I've been obsessed with him for so long that I don't believe I can feel for anyone else." He sighed. "But then, you came into my life, your unreasonable personality, and your hot plaid coat. The next thing I realized was that I was thinking less and less about Riley up.

Everything he said gratified my vanity greatly.However, it also made me resentful of the fact that I was overly swayed by emotions.He always had a way of teasing me and making me forget the reality that we came from different worlds. "So what exactly are you going to say?"

"God. I don't know myself. But if I agree to be with Riley, it's over for you and me." He swallowed hard. "At least I'm sure of that."

My heart sank when he finished speaking.The thought of never being able to touch him or hang out with him again made me depressed as hell.But I'm not here to date.I'm here for work, not love.I looked into his dark eyes, feeling at a loss.I don't want to hand him over to Riley, but I can't promise him the future either.

He licked his lips and looked down. "I think your silence is the answer."

"What can I say, Kurt?" I said angrily. "We've only just met. I like you a lot. But my family is in Los Angeles and yours is here." My jaw tightens. "I don't want you to be nice to Riley. You deserve someone much better than him. Thinking of you both..." I shook my head. "But I don't think I can live in the small town of Bender, Colorado. What do you think? I'm sure you absolutely hate LA."

He stroked a handful of hair sideways, with a helpless expression on his face. "I know. Shit, I know." He breathed out heavily. "I guess I'm just trying to find out if you'd like to try to develop it, and if I'd like to."

"How could it possibly work?"

"God, I don't know. But you're always bragging about how rich you are. Maybe you can go back and forth between here and L.A., and in the meantime we'll figure out if our relationship is worth overcoming the odds."

His disappointment was palpable, and my conscience was haunted by guilt.Am I obsessed with sex, and actually want to let him decide regardless of everything.I can't deny that there's a strong connection between the two of us, and a part of me wants to try and develop it with him.But the rational side told me how low the odds of success between the two of us were.We didn't know each other well, were too different, lived too far away.Most likely we'll just end up hurting both sides.

Seeing that I didn't speak, he tightened his lips. "Well, I guess that's the answer." He left the bathroom abruptly.

I stayed where I was for a while and followed him into the living room.He turned his back to me, looking out the window. "You know, you don't have to agree to him." My voice was stiff, with emotions I didn't understand.

"I know that."

"Why don't you take the time to think about his proposal?"

"Maybe I will. I don't know. I'm confused."

"If he really wants to leave his wife, he should know you don't believe it right away. He could have left her any time in the past, but he didn't." Frankly, I doubt Riley is serious.In the bottom of my heart, I felt that he only used methods to hold Kurt because he found out that he had a rival in love.As soon as I leave, Riley will probably make up some shit to hurt Kurt's heart. "Just remember that you have a right to decide the matter."

Kurt didn't move, but said, "Maybe I want to say yes. Maybe I'm tired of being alone. Maybe I'm ready to make my life richer."

His heart-pounding words touched my heart.It was surprisingly easy for me to get along with Kurt.We're two very different people, but anytime we spend enough time together, I find him more and more interesting.I clenched my fists, my nails digging into the flesh. "Riley is not what you want."

He turned to look at me, frowning. "Why?"

Because that person should be me.

I didn't have the courage to say that.I dare not even admit it to myself. "You deserve someone better than him. You're such a nice guy, Kurt. Riley doesn't deserve you."

He turned to look out the window, his shoulders stiff. "You should go."

I don't want to go.I know that as long as this is gone, it will be over between the two of us.I kind of gave him up to Riley, and I'm afraid it'll just end up breaking his heart.For the first time in my life, I wasn't just thinking about myself. "Promise me not to let him force you."

"No one can force me to do anything I don't want to do, Paul."

That answer didn't convince me that he wouldn't be with Riley.With a heavy heart, I let myself out of his place with a sigh.I want Kurt.This cannot be denied.I feel for him more than anyone I've ever met before.He even made me question whether I should put aside my timidity and try a real relationship with him.But my specialty is logic and numbers, so what will happen to me and Kurt?This is an unsolvable problem.

***

In the next week, there will be many problems on the construction site.The permits weren't issued on time, and the deadline was so late that I wanted to kill Lawrence Blackburn.Kurt didn't say "I warned you" on the sidelines, because he rarely came.Even if he condescended to come, he never said more than two words to me.He won't talk to me until he's told the whole room.

After get off work on Friday night, Benji and I went to the little bar next to our hotel.It's been a rough week and we need wine to breathe.I was also a bit absent-minded because of my depression with Kurt.For a moment, I caught Benjy staring at me with a displeased expression.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"You've been listless lately." He looked at me and twirled his beer bottle.

I laughed awkwardly. "What did you say?"

He looked around and whispered. "Look, I know this thing with Kurt makes you sad, but there's room for maneuver as long as you're not being a coward."

"Shhh—" I squinted my eyes and turned my head to look around nervously. "I knew I shouldn't have told you." Like an idiot, I told Benjie all about my affair with Kurt.Probably because Benjie is the closest thing I have to a friend in Bender, and I'm so sad that I urgently need someone to talk to.But this decision makes me regret it now.

"It's okay, no one heard me." He sighed.

"I don't want to discuss this here." I frowned. "Nor anywhere else."

"I just don't understand why you're so downcast. I mean, shit, he's trying to push and you're dumping him." He shook his head. "It's your decision anyway."

"I didn't dump him." I stared. "I just don't know how this is going to go on."

"Heterosexual love is possible, as long as the parties really want it."

"I don't know where to start."

He stopped spinning the beer bottle. "You can at least try first."

"Tell me something else." I looked at him sullenly. "whatever."

"Why? You shouldn't be intimidated by discovering your true feelings. Sharing those feelings is a healthy way of living."

"I'm fine." I frowned.

He sighed. "Well, I think you're totally screwed. You two are coming to terms with each other in very different ways. He's the strong, silent type, and you're the flamboyant, chatty type. Look at the two of you. It's fun getting to know each other.

I keep my eyes on the stuffed deer head above the bar. "I'm please. Don't talk about this." I don't want to think about Kurt for many reasons.It wasn't just that I didn't want people to hear Benjie's words, but I was struggling with the decision I'd made for myself—rejecting Kurt without even trying.I miss him when I don't usually miss anyone.This is not my style.But now when I walk the ranch, it feels weird without Kurt by my side.I'm used to his silent company.

"I'm just saying you have to face your feelings, bro." He rested his chin on his hand, looking depressed.

I snatched the beer from his hand. "Okay. I'll see a therapist or something. Now let's talk about the weather or whatever you want."

"You always stick to your guns, buddy" He shook his head. "It's impossible to be happy like this."

"I don't know when you became a bosom sister."

The bar door was opened, and I saw Kurt walk in with Riley in his arms, and I had a heart attack.Kurt's eyes were only on Riley, he didn't see me right away.Riley smiled at Kurt and spoke softly.I struggled to control the anger and jealousy that welled up inside me, but it wasn't easy.

Benjy followed my gaze. "I wipe. Is that Riley?"

"Yes," I murmured.

I really wanted to get under the bar, but it was too late.Kurt met my gaze, froze immediately, and then the smile disappeared from his face.Riley followed his gaze, and then a look of hostility took over his face.I rolled my eyes away as if I could still pretend I didn't see them.Of course, it's no shit, not to mention my drinking buddies are already shouting hello to Kurt.

"Hey, Kurt." Benjie raised his hand. "Are you OK?"

Kurt hesitated, sliding his arm off Riley's shoulder.Riley frowned at him and glared at me.Kurt walked up to Benji and shook his hand. "Benjie," he said slowly.

I nodded to Kurt and Riley, because it was too weird to pretend not to see them.

"Hello, Paul." Kurt looked tired, and the wrinkles under his eyes seemed to indicate that he hadn't slept well.

"Paul and I are going to drink a lot tonight." Benjie held up his beer.

Kurt frowned. "is that so?"

"He's drunk." I was blushing at Kurt's disapproving question like that.

"This is Riley." Kurt's voice was emotionless as he introduced Riley to Benjy.

"You should drink with us," said Benjie, pulling up a high stool beside him.

Riley was as horrified as I was at the suggestion. "Oh, but..." He grimaced. "We don't want to bother you."

"I think they'd rather be alone." My voice was stiff.

Benji pushed Kurt's arm and ignored me. "Come sit with us, please. Paul is such a disappointment tonight."

"Hi." I scowled at my colleague.

"Come on, you are." He rolled his eyes and leaned towards the other two. "I'm worried about men."

"Oh, for God's sake. Leave him alone." I took a swig of beer and pretended I wasn't mad enough to have a stroke.See if I don't strangle Benji right away when they're gone.

Kurt didn't speak, he just looked at me quietly.

Riley moved restlessly. "Kurt, I want to sit in the back." He didn't look me in the eye. "It's a bit noisy in here."

"Ouch, come on? I haven't seen Kurt in a week." Benji winked at me, and I blushed.He's talking nonsense now. "Come on, sit down." He patted the high stool beside him.

Although he looked uncomfortable, Kurt smiled patiently at Benji.But he looked up to find an empty seat, then turned and pulled another stool for Riley. "I think we can sit for a few minutes." He averted his eyes from me.

Riley looked annoyed.His mouth was tightly squeezed, and he slashed at me with his eyes.I'm not sure why he's blaming me.I swear to God I don't want them sitting with us, and I don't know what's in Benjay's gourd.

Benjy leaned over them both. "Shall I get you something to drink?"

Kurt rubbed the back of his neck as he sat down. "I want beer."

Riley grimaced and looked around at the rustic decorations. "Do you think they still have Gray Goose vodka and cranberry juice?"

Riley's coy speech reminded me of my first meal with Kurt, when I asked the waiter for the drink order.I pursed my lips, and my heart ached from the memory.That night was the first time I realized I had developed a serious crush on Kurt.I looked over to Kurt and realized he was looking at me too.I should have looked away, but for some reason I just stared at him like that.

"How are you doing?" Kurt asked me.

I was surprised he would talk to me, so I hesitated for a few seconds before answering.I cleared my throat. "very good."

"I hear Blackburn is as bad as I warned you to be," he said stiffly.

"I'm dealing with it. He's under my control."

"Very good." He shook his head. "I also noticed that you got a huge hot tub without my permission. Was that Blackbon's idea?"

"No. My dad wanted it."

"Ugly."

"Well, I think you should pay more attention to the proposal, because it's always there."

Kurt's expression was hard to fathom. "I think my mind has gone elsewhere."

Benji ordered drinks, and Riley sat down next to Kurt.I try not to look at them both, but it's hard.Every time Riley leaned over Kurt or whispered something to him, I wanted to throw the drink at them.But instead of pouring beer on them, I stared blankly at the place where no one was there and tried my best to find an excuse to leave this ghost place calmly.

"If anyone can fix Blackburn, it must be Paul," Benjy said as the four fell into an awkward silence.

Kurt frowned and straightened his body.

I gave Benji a puzzled look, wondering why he brought up Blackburn again. "I don't know how."

"Yes." Benji pointed at me. "He listens to you, and you have some sort of influence over him."

"No." My face started to heat up again. "Not like that."

"According to Kurt, this Blackbond is a real villain." Riley looked at me defiantly.

I wrinkled my face. "That's a bit of a stretch." Not that I'm rooting for Blackburn these days.He did screw up some important details and ended up messing with my job a lot.But I don't think he's really a villain, really that arrogant and ambitious.

Riley shrugged. "I'm just judging this guy on what Kurt said."

"He's not that bad." I stood my ground.

"Just knew you had to protect him," Kurt muttered.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my hairs bristling with anger.

Kurt leaned over to me. "I said it was obvious that you would protect Blackburn."

"Really? Why should I do this?"

"You were interested in him when we first visited him."

"What?" I yelled, and looked around in disbelief. "I'm not interested in him."

"Okay." Kurt tensed his jaw.

Riley gave Kurt a suspicious look. "To tell you the truth, who cares if he is a nympho?"

Kurt said nothing but shrugged.

Riley put his hand on Kurt's thigh and gave me a dark look.Then he sighed and immediately put on a pleasant face and spoke to Kurt. "I'm a bit hungry. Would you like to get something for dinner?"

Kurt pursed his lips tightly and continued to stare at me. "I want to finish the beer first."

It hurts to watch Riley lay hands on Kurt as if claiming ownership.I kept telling myself that I had no place to be angry, but the anger was still lingering and eating away at me.When Riley whispered to Kurt for the hundredth time, I finally lost what little patience I had left.I stood up and couldn't bear to watch their flirtatiousness anymore.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I said to myself, leaving them and walking down the long hallway leading to the bathroom.I don't really feel like going to the toilet; I just need to get away from Kurt.I decided to go outside and get some fresh air to cool off.

After I slipped out quietly, I closed the door softly behind me.Then I leaned against the house and took a deep breath.Seeing Kurt and Riley together brought up a lot of feelings I had to face but kept trying to avoid.How am I going to finish the rest of the project if I run into Kurt like this every time?As long as he was standing before me, it was impossible for me to forget how much I wanted him to be my own.

It makes me a little angry to think that I once let him into my heart.I could try to deny it, but seeing him with Riley tonight, I have to admit that it really happened.I'm really attracted to Kurt.The moment I realized what I really felt inside, I was deeply shocked.

I rub my face with my hands and move away from the wall.It was impossible to go back inside again.I gave the bartender my credit card for the first round of beers, so I texted Benjy and told him to take my card back when he was done.Then I went back to the hotel room.

I came to Bender to help my dad run a damn project, and now I'm a mess.I need to get out of this silly little town as soon as possible so I can return to my peaceful, comfortable, self-centered life.

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