Blind Faith

Seeing Isaac at work on weekend events really made me discover another side of him.But seeing him with the kids in his class was another very special experience.

We had permission from the school to allow me to bring a few rabbits, so I canceled all appointments at the veterinary hospital one afternoon and brought two cute little bunnies to his class.

"We had a very special guest today, and he had a very special surprise for everyone," Isaac told the children.There were eight children in the class, as he said, between the ages of six and ten.Some of them, like Isaac, had perfectly normal eyes, and some were obviously blind, but all of them wore big smiles.Brady lay under Isaac's desk.It looked up, then wagged its tail when it spotted me.

"This is Dr. Reese. He's a veterinarian," Isaac explained to the class. "His job is to take care of animals."

"Good afternoon, students." I said.

"So students, what books are we reading now?"

"The Tale of Peter Rabbit." One of the older girls replied.

"Very well, Georgia," said Isaac, who recognized the girl only by her voice.

"So," said Isaac, smiling, "what animals do you think Dr. Reese might bring over today?"

"Rabbit!" Several students said in unison.

Their excitement was palpable.They squealed with delight, talked excitedly to each other, and for whatever reason, their grins widened.We sat everyone in a circle on the floor and I took a small lop-eared 'Peter Rabbit' out of the carrying case.I walked up to Isaac and said softly, "Here you are, hold this rabbit. Put it in your arms."

Isaac raised his hand to his chest, and I handed him a bunny.It was about the size of his palm. "Hold his hind legs like this," I said, taking his hand into mys, and moving his hand so he could hold the rabbit properly. "It's small in size, but its hind legs are powerful."

Isaac smiled. "It's soft to the touch."

I smiled at him too: "That's right."

Isaac sat with the children so they could all feel the bunny's fluffy fur, soft ears, twitching nose, and tiny cottony tail.I got down on my knees with another, more docile bunny, so the kids could each have their turn to cuddle the bunny.

The expressions on their faces, their smiles, are really beautiful.

After they each had a hug, I put the rabbit back in the carrying case, and a bunch of questions started to be thrown at me.For example, what kind of animals do I take care of, what is the largest and smallest animal I have ever treated, and do I have pet monkeys.

I laughed, "No, I don't have a pet monkey." Then I told them, "I have a dog. His name is Missy, and he has long black and white fur that grows as long as I do almost every day." It has to be sorted out.”

"Like hair?"

I chuckled, "Yes, just like your hair."

"Is it pretty?" asked a little girl, "Did you tie a bow in its hair?"

I smile. "It's beautiful without a bow," I replied.

"Will it do the specified action?"

"Some," I said, "it sits, stops, rolls over, fetches things."

A boy with thick glasses asks: "Are you taking care of other dogs? Like Mr. Brady from Mrs. Branigan."

"In fact, Brady was the first guide dog I ever had," I told them, "and he was the smartest dog I've ever met."

"Is it smarter than Missy?" asked the young girl.

"Yeah, much smarter than Missy. Brady is a very special dog with a very special job," I said, "I think Brady is the most special dog I've ever met. "

Then I looked at Isaac.

I think he looks... shocked.But his expression was more of annoyance.He looked away, like he was refusing to hear my voice, and I could see him clenching his teeth.Damn it.

"Okay," I said to the class, "I thought it was a nice visit, but I'd better send the rabbits home."

Isaac stood across from me at a clearly visible distance.I didn't expect him to be next to me, but he stood as far away from me as possible, with his arms folded across his chest.His body language told me without saying anything: I had crossed the line.He asked his classmates to thank me, which they did, and then he basically ignored me.

I returned the bunnies to their owner, told her how happy she was making eight kids, and got back to work.I stayed a little longer after the normal closing time to catch up on paperwork I missed when I visited Isaac at school.

It seems like the mere mention of Brady being a good dog can cause his emotions to take a turn for the worse.I think of the many times I've come close to asking him why he didn't show a little affection, a little appreciation for the dog, and now I'm sadly relieved that those words were never mentioned.

My first instinct was to back off and give him a little space.For a long time, taking retreat as an advance and seeking common ground while reserving differences have been my instinctive reactions like conditioned reflexes.It has always been like this.I hate arguments and will avoid them at all costs.So if it was up to me, I would give him enough space until he was willing to talk to me.

But the silence would confuse him.He's told me that before.It was bad enough for him not to see, he couldn't deal with the silence anymore.That's what he said himself.

So I picked up my phone and called him.I know he's home now, and I know he can hear his phone ring, and the synthetic voice on his phone will tell him it's me.But he still didn't answer.

What a "can't face the silence" ah.

I called Missy's number again before I took Missy for a walk, and then again when our walk was over.When I called him again before bed and he still didn't answer, I left him a less pleasant voice message.

"You tell me you can't do anything with silence, but you should say that you can't do anything when the silence is directed at you. You seem to be very comfortable with being silent with others. So, if you want to know when I Get mad at you, or when you're an asshole, guess what? I'm mad now, you're an asshole now."

The voicemail cut off my words, which fueled my anger even a little bit more.So I called back and, needless to say, was redirected to voicemail again. "You know, I wasn't angry with you before, but I'm angry now. You didn't let me have a cold war with you before, but now you treat me with such silence. I don't understand, what did I say before Something pissed you off, but I know you're acting so fucking childish."

After I was pacing back and forth pulling my hair and complaining to Missy that Isaac was my killer, I called him a third and final time feeling like a jerk, and left A very soft and simple message: "I love you."

***

Isaac called me before breakfast. "Can we talk?" he asked. "Can you come over after get off work?"

I sighed, "That depends. Will it be a nice 'we need to get this straight' conversation, or a bad 'it's not your fault' kind of conversation? "

He laughed out loud: "Are you still angry with me?"

"Yes," I replied quickly.Then I thought about it.Am I still mad at him?I sighed again: "No more."

"Oh, Carter," he said softly, "do you know what I like about you?"

I shook my head.God, this man is so tiring. "Honestly, Isaac, I don't have a clue."

He chuckled: "I'll tell you if you come over after get off work."

I exhaled heavily, then shook my head. "Are you threatening me now?"

"Do threats work?"

"Maybe." I was amused by this deja vu dialogue. "You are incredible."

"That's part of my charm."

Even though I was a little annoyed, I smiled. "Okay, I'll come over after get off work."

He sighed with relief: "Thank you."

"Isaac?"

"what happened?"

"You need to use your charm more."

***

When I arrived at Isaac's house, Hannah was about to leave, which I think she did so that we could talk alone.

When I jumped off the jeep, she smiled at me as usual, but with a tinge of sadness.I nodded at her and asked how she was doing, how Carlos was doing, and if she had any plans for this beautiful, cold Friday night.We chatted casually, trying to ignore the inevitable topic.

Then she shook her head, smiled at me, and said, "I'm glad you're here."

I leaned on my jeep and nodded, "Hannah, I love your brother, but he's a moody jerk."

She laughed like I just told her the sky was blue.Then she said, "He told me he pissed you off." Her eyes softened. "He asked me to listen to your voicemail. That was really cute."

I knew before that there were no secrets between them.I smiled: "He's very annoying."

She laughed loudly, and then looked at me with warm eyes: "Don't let him go."

I smiled at her: "I have no intention of letting him go."

Hannah smiled, then adjusted her scarf: "Go in, it's too cold outside."

I walked into the room and closed the door behind me. "Isaac?"

"I'm in the kitchen."

I walked over and there he was, no sunglasses, standing in front of the stove, looking like he was cooking dinner. "Hey," I said softly.

"Hey."

For a while we were all silent, neither of us sure what to say.He turned and stirred the cauldron on the stove, so I asked, "What are you burning?"

He shrugged. "It's just vegetable soup. I cut some vegetables, threw them into the ingredients I prepared earlier, and cooked them together. This is something even I can do." Then he added: "Han Na told me that whether I can see it or not, the cooking will be of the same standard. It seems that my cooking skills must be very bad." He smiled sadly. "But at least I can make vegetable soup."

I smiled: "It smells good."

"Then you must try it."

I didn't respond to his cryptic offer to stay.Instead I took a deep breath and asked him, "What the hell do you want to talk to me about?"

He turned his face towards me, and it took a moment before he spoke. "I'm sorry about what happened yesterday," he said softly. "You deliberately changed your schedule to come to school and brought rabbits for the children, but I treated you so badly. I'm really sorry."

I sigh. "You can really turn an apology into art, can't you?"

He frowned. "I have to apologize a lot," he confesses. "Obviously I'm a very annoying person, and I have a lot of temper tantrums."

It sounded like he was quoting Hannah.So I added: "You also forgot about being moody."

"Oh, I'm still moody."

I shook my head, then smiled at him and said, "Still handsome."

His smile disappeared. "Did you forgive me?"

I take his hand. "You told me not to treat you with silence, make sure to answer when you call me, and then you turn around and do the exact same thing. Isaac, it's not fair."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Then I suggest that we argue less in the future, apologize less, and then tell me more about your troubles, or what I said was wrong, okay?"

He nodded: "Sounds good."

"Then you're going to tell me what I said in class yesterday that annoyed you?"

Isaac hesitated. "Well, I was in a bad mood. Some things I didn't expect and it made me feel uneasy, and I couldn't hold my temper." Then he added softly: "You mentioned Brady ..."

"Then?"

He shrugged, looking like he wasn't sure how to say whatever it was he wanted to say: "It makes me feel guilty..."

"Guilt?" I put my hand on his shoulder. "Isaac, you don't have to feel guilty about having another dog at all."

"I know, but sometimes I just feel like I'm betraying the goodness that Rose and I used to have." He shrugged again. "I can't help feeling what I feel."

"I know, baby. It's okay to feel whatever you feel, but I'm sure Rose understands." I said pulling him into my arms.I put my arms around him.He shrugged and said nothing, and I knew our conversation about Rose or Brady was over, so I put it aside for now.However, I know that someday we will have to talk about this topic.We'll have a good talk when he's ready.But a small part of me didn't want to inflame the issue before he was ready because I didn't want to risk our hard-won relationship.He has begun to be honest with me, slowly but firmly.Every day there will be a little achievement to solve the mystery of Isaac.So again, I change the subject.

"Of course I forgive you," I told him, before lifting his chin and kissing him, "so now would you like to tell me what you love about me?"

He finally laughed: "Because you never treat me differently. You treat me like everyone else. You don't wrap me in cotton balls, you don't compromise because of me, you don't Wanted to do everything for me. And obviously you wouldn't do that either," he said.Then he added softly: "You didn't treat me like a blind man."

"It never occurred to me," I told him honestly, "that I don't treat you differently because you're not different from anyone else."

Isaac smiled. "That's why I love you."

I wrapped him in my arms again and for a long while we stood in the kitchen hugging each other.This man pulls me in and pushes me away; he pulls me in like he can't live without me, then pushes me away like he doesn't need me at all.I knew it was him learning to accept my love for him, and then the fear made him push me away again.He has lost so much in his life.I can't fault him for his complacency.

But the walls he had built in his heart were slowly coming down.He'd just admitted to me that he felt guilty for having Brady, as if he'd betrayed the memory of his beloved Rose.He's basically admitting that he loves Brady, and he's trying to deal with the guilt that it's sparked for Rose, the dog who's seen him through some of the toughest moments in his life.

Isaac's arms were wrapped tightly around me. "Are you staying tonight?"

I took a step back and cupped his face in my hands. "I've got to go home. Missy's still home, and it'll be cold in the house if I don't light the fire."

With his hand still on my side, he put his forehead on my cheek and said to the floor, "You can pick it up and come back here." He continued, "You wanted to go again A trail in Warmpatuck State Park. Then we can go tomorrow and spend the day as you wish."

I smiled and kissed the side of his head.I hadn't intended to stay, but feeling him in my arms, against me melted my resolve. "Oh well."

He closed his eyes, gripped the sides of my T-shirt with his fingers, rubbed his nose against my chin and said, "Don't go too long."

I raised his face, kissed him deeply, swept my tongue across his mouth, and then slowly sucked his lower lip.He groans and I smile. "Keep it up," I teased, "I'll be right back."

He moaned again, and as I got out the key and walked to the door, he yelled, "It's not fair!"

I laughed out loud and I kept smiling all the way home.But then I returned to his house in record-breaking speed.

***

He said he wanted to try something new, and the shy, uneasy way he asked me if I wanted to piqued my interest.

We had dinner and then he put me on the couch, straddled my waist and kissed me.

"What new trick?" I asked, too curious to hide my excitement.

He smirked a little shyly: "I'll show you." He climbed off me and stood up, took my hand, and then pulled me down the corridor to his bedroom.He stopped at the foot of the bed and let go of my hand, but then he walked towards the closet. "I have these things," he said softly.

For a split second, a whole bunch of various things he might have mentioned flashed through my mind, but then he turned around and I saw what he was holding.

It was a black thing that people usually wear to cover their eyes when they sleep.

It was a blindfold.

"My psychiatrist gave me a lot of these for my family to use," he said softly, "so they might understand how I feel."

"Isaac..."

"You don't have to wear this," he cut me off, "I just thought you might want to try it, you know, so you can understand what it's like to explore and have sex only by touch. "

Well, now that he's talked about this...

I took the mask, slipped the elastic over my head, and adjusted the soft, padded mask into place.The next second my world was pitch black.

Isaac ran his hand over my cheek, his fingers deftly fumbling with the mask to make sure I had it on.Then he kissed me.Slowly, he caressed me with his mouth, his lips.He unbuttoned my shirt and kissed my neck, he took off my vest and kissed all over my chest.

He held my cock through his jeans, jerked, squeezed, and jerked the buttons open.He pulled my jeans down, then took my thick long hair in his palm and wrapped his fingers around it.

All I can feel is his warm breath spraying on my skin, his lips and tongue licking my skin, and the warm touch when his fingers and palms move and squeeze me.I can smell him, smell his scent, his antiperspirant.And when I touch him, run my hands over his arms, his sides, wrap around his waist, caress his hips, I can feel all his reactions.

"Lie down," he instructed, his voice hoarse. "Face down."

Hold.

I first knelt on the bed and then lay down as he asked.I can hear him undressing.My skin seems to have its own consciousness, every cell is just about to move.I felt his hands on my feet, and then the bed sank slightly, his hands slowly caressed my calf, and then his lips kissed it.

He licks, kisses, touches, caresses, presses, and all I can do is feel.and listen.Turns out it's true that when one's vision is blocked, other senses are heightened, and all my senses came into sharp focus.I can feel every touch, every movement, every sound.

His hands brushed the underside of my thighs and I could feel his breath spraying there at the same time, so his face must be very close to my skin.Then he caressed the soft flesh on my buttocks with his hands, kneading and pinching, then he kissed my buttocks with his lips and nibbled at my skin with his teeth.He parted my buttocks, and his lips came up, warm and moist.

I've licked him like this before and he enjoyed it, but he's never done it for me.I've always been in the driver's seat, responding to his cues as the attacker, taking care of his feelings.But now he is in charge of the situation, leading the affair.

Clenching the pillow tightly, I lifted my hips and parted my thighs for him with a surge of passion.i want him.I want him inside me.And when he kissed my spine and whispered "Carter, can you?" in my ear, I knew what he wanted.

"Of course," I whispered, "Christ, of course."

He leaned over me, and then I heard the sound of the nightstand opening.He didn't panic, nor hesitated.I heard a slight rustle of aluminum foil, and he said softly, "Turn around, baby." And while I was lying on my back, he took my hand and slipped the condom and a small tube of lube into me Hand: "Help me hold this."

He pulled my legs apart so he was between them and he started kissing my lips, my neck, my chest, licking between my nipples.His hands, his slender fingers, caressing every inch of my skin, every muscle, my whole body.He kissed my abs all the way down, my navel, and down until his mouth found my aching cock.

Then he shoved his fingers inside me, stretching me out like I had done to him before.Slow and erotic.I can feel it all.Feeling the movement of his fingers inside me, and his lips, and he swallowed all I gave him as I arched up on the bed and came into his throat.I writhed limply and moaned, but somehow I wanted more.

I raised my heavy hand, still clutching the condom tightly. "Come on, Isaac."

It's been a long time since I've had a receiver, and never had with Isaac, but at the moment it's just right.I want to do this.We all want to do it.

While my eyes were still patched and he finally pushed inside me, we moved as if we were two, caressing and hugging each other.Now neither of us can see and feel everything only by touch and hearing.Everything.His pulse, his heartbeat, buried deep inside me, became a part of me.

Then I felt his cock inside me swell and come out, I felt his body shudder and arch, and he whimpered and made a sweet sound as he ejaculated.

He fell on top of me, murmuring vague love words in the aftermath of the fading climax.I didn't take off the blindfold, I just put my arms around him, turned us both on our sides, pulled the covers over us, and we fell asleep.

***

"I can't believe you took me on the bus."

I smiled. "I can't believe you're still complaining about this." Then I added, "At least you're not complaining about that beanie anymore."

He turned to me: "I definitely look like a dick."

"It's winter!" I said with a big laugh. "Anyway, with your designer jacket, fancy Armani sunglasses, and black beanie, you look sexy."

"Sexy?" he sniffed.Then he muttered, "Oh, come on."

I shook my head at him. "You have no idea how good-looking you are, how sexy you are. Girls, and boys, keep looking at you." Then I told him, "They must be thinking of you when they look at me." How can people walk with someone like me?"

"And then they saw guide dogs," he muttered softly, then frowned.

"Yeah, and then they saw the guide dog, and now they understand why you're walking with me," I joked.But he didn't smile. "Oh come on, that's funny," I said, nudging him with my elbow, "Don't you get my point? They're wondering why a cute boy like you is with me, and then they see Brady, they figured out you're with me because you can't see what I look like, right?"

Isaac sighed. "I get your joke, Carter. But it's not funny."

"Then why are you trying so hard to hold back your laughter?"

He shook his head, but he raised the corner of his mouth: "You really suck at telling jokes."

"You've never complained about my 'talk' before."

This time he laughed: "Please stop telling jokes."

Just then, a bus came into our field of vision. "This is our shift," I told him.As we got on the bus and paid, it dawned on me just how difficult it was for Isaac to just take the bus.A bus could take him to any destination, or drop him off at God knows where.I shudder at the thought of what would happen if he got on the wrong bus, got off the wrong stop, or if some scumbags followed him off the bus as an easy target.

I've always thought Isaac had trust issues with people, but in reality, he has a lot more trust in people than I thought.He relies on the kindness of strangers, such as the bus driver, or a stranger in a car telling him which bus he is taking and which stop he should get off at.I imagined myself sitting in the car with my eyes closed, not knowing where I was, where I was going, or who was sitting next to me. To say that I was "scared" would be an understatement.

He surprised me, the man sitting next to me.I was amazed by his courage, his trust, his belief in himself, his boldness.I tightened his hand.

"Are you okay?" he asked me softly, drawing my attention back.

"Of course." I told him.

"Do you think Missy is okay now?" he asked me.

"Oh, of course," I told him, "it's probably asleep in Brady's bed." Then I added, "Or your bed."

The look on his face was just incredible.I laughed out loud and he muttered to me, "I think I just said stop telling jokes."

I laughed, "I'm not joking."

***

This park is great.Cooler weather means less traffic and fewer tourists.We chose the path leading to the small lake, enjoying the secluded tranquility.When we stopped for lunch, we sat with our backs to the picnic table, facing the lake, and I described the view to him.

"It's like a carpet of orange, yellow and brown. The ground is covered with leaves. Some trees have a little green leaves, but not much. The lake looks like dark glass." I sighed Take a breath. "It's really beautiful here."

Isaac smiled. "Close your eyes." He waited a few seconds. "Have you closed it?"

I chuckled. "Yes."

"listen."

I took a deep breath and immersed myself in the world around me.At first all I could hear was silence, but soon other voices began to ring in my ears.Birdsong, distant laughter from other hikers, more birdsong, rustling leaves, babbling water.

Isaac asked softly, "Can you hear me?"

"Shh-"

He chuckled, "I told you."

I smiled and said, "This feels amazing, thank you." As I said that, I didn't even want to open my eyes. "Thank you for bringing me to this place today."

"The wind is going to get cold." His tone seemed to be saying what he was thinking casually.

"Yes," I agreed, "we'd better start going the other way. What time did the bus driver say the last bus came?"

"Four o'clock."

"We don't want to stay that late, do we?" I asked. "It's going to be dark and cold by then."

Isaac nodded. "Yeah, God bless the sky, don't it get dark, or I won't be able to see the road under my feet."

I laughed, "Okay, you're smart. You know what I mean." I started packing up our picnic and gave Brady some extra liver snacks I bought for him, and I pretended to put his The water in the water bowl was poured out, and he took the opportunity to pat it briskly.

Isaac was motionless, as if he knew I was petting his dog.Maybe it was the sound of the leashes bumping against each other, or maybe he heard something for some reason.But he didn't say anything.He just turned away like he couldn't believe I did this.

"Can I go?" I asked him, pretending not to notice.

He nodded, and as we walked back down the path to the main road, he was quiet, so I filled the silence by talking about various things about Mark until we reached the junction of two paths.

"Hey baby," I said looking up at the sky, "we might have to take the shorter route so we can catch an earlier bus. Looks like there's a dark cloud coming."

So we took the shorter, easier trail, but even that was rough enough.Everything here is different from my previous excursions in Hartford, but it was great nonetheless.The trail is really only one person at a time, so Isaac and Brady go first and I follow.

We didn't actually talk much as we walked the trail, as Isaac was concentrating on giving instructions to his four-legged companion.I'm still in awe of Brady's intelligence.How it moves, and how Isaac senses its intentions, is admirable.As Isaac's boyfriend, and someone who loved him, I knew Brady was there specifically to keep Isaac independent and safe; but from a veterinary standpoint, I genuinely think this dog is outstanding.I know that Brady has a mission, a responsibility.The rational part of my mind understood that the dog was doing his job.Basically, that's why Isaac kept him.

But it's not just doing its job.

It is a pet.It is a member of the Isaac family.And I'm also excited to see them working together as a team.Like a partner.

I was still smiling when we finally got back to the park gates and slumped in our seats waiting for the bus.Dark clouds are gathering, it looks like it will rain most of the week, and there are even fewer tourists now than earlier.

I handed Isaac a bottle of water for Brady to take a quick sip of, then, because I couldn't help myself, I patted it tenderly.I scratched its ears and patted its neck. "You're such a good dog," I said, and was rewarded with two smiling eyes and a tongue hanging to one side.

Isaac had a different reaction, and he showed little gratitude.

But I have to do something.i can't just sit here