unreachable letter

Dew, mother of morning:

I wrote this title, crossed it out, and wrote it again.So many years have passed in a blink of an eye, and you are already the mother of two children.

The name "Qingchen" is a bit random, and I wonder if Chen Nian refers to his own name. (Haha, just kidding.) But I still prefer my younger brother Qingchen, who looks like you.Sister Qinglu's nose is not as straight as his father's, but her eyes look better as you like.Both children have good personalities, because neither of you is too bad.

Is it time for Qinglu to go to kindergarten this year?I heard from my mother that going to kindergarten in my hometown is very difficult.

In contrast, I personally still don't accept children, they are a bit too noisy, but Rong Mei likes them.There is a four or five-year-old child in her relative's house. During the Chinese New Year, we always keep people here for a few more days.No matter how much she loves children, we can't have children of our own.For this, I always feel sorry for her.

There was no wind or cloud last night, so we went to watch the stars on the balcony.The Great Bear and the Little Bear hang in the northern sky, and the North Star remains eternal.Rong Mei's eyes are full of stars, and the usually sexy but innocent eyes suddenly become melancholy and moved for no reason.

"Bei, let's be honest about one thing, okay?"

I stood closer to her. "Okay. What do you want to hear?"

Rong Mei seemed to frowned, but she was not unhappy: "It's not what I want to hear, but what you want to tell me?"

I suddenly realized that she was jealous.Only when she was jealous, would she bite her lower lip tightly, and wrap her arms around herself.She lacks a sense of security, which is related to her loss of her mother at an early age and her reluctance to be close to her stepmother.Father Rong's doting on her was not unreasonable.

"I can tell you anything."

"Where's You Xiaoxiao? Now mentioning her, will you still feel sad?" She was jealous, jealous, but worried that I would feel uncomfortable.I think she must have read my letter to you.

"I'm sorry, Xiaomei. But I still want to tell you... my college roommate You Xiaoxiao, she is a beautiful and sincere person."

Rong Mei stretched out an arm to wrap around my shoulder, and moved closer to me. "You love her very much, don't you?"

I hugged her back, raised my head and took a deep breath: "...Yes, once, I loved her very much."

Rong Mei put her head against mine and spoke softly. "Then she must be excellent."

"She is a very good person, and all good words can be used to describe her."

"Is Bai Yueguang right?"

I smiled and turned to look at her. Her gaze was like that of a thirteen or fourteen-year-old girl. "right."

"Besides character, personality, appearance and studies, what other aspects of her do you like?"

"These few things alone are enough to make people fall into the mud."

"Ah, I'm wrong. I should ask, why do you like her?"

"Probably... she is the first person who is sincere to me after I went to college, although she doesn't know what kindness means to me. She never underestimates anyone, I always feel that in her eyes Everyone has many shining points, but she is not friendly, on the contrary, she is more aloof than ordinary girls."

"What should I do, I actually feel that if I meet her, I will desperately like her."

"If you don't work hard, you will already be irresistible to many people."

"Then... what about you?" Rong Mei collected herself.

"I'm not like 'a lot of people'." I patted her head pityingly half-jokingly, "Now, I can see right through what you're thinking—"

Rong Mei tilted her head, looking at my profile. "Why?"

"Although you are enough to make people unable to escape, approaching others will always expose your weaknesses prematurely, unless you have a deep mind and know how to hide it. In fact, you are bolder, reckless, and narrow-minded than many people. In other words, naive, outgoing, and fearless, as if stumbled and injured, they can heal quickly and automatically, but in fact, such people are more likely to be hurt than ordinary people, and those who hurt you are often unaware of themselves hurt you."

"It seems that you have told the truth. But, big fool Bei, do you know what attracts me the most about you?"

"what?"

"Mysterious—yes, mysterious, wise, rational over sensibility, and know, um...temperance! Of course, my "temperance" refers to your attitude towards life, and I am very envious of your self-restraint in adversity. You are good at regulating The atmosphere and empathy often attract people without knowing it, even if it is bitter, it is also bitter without restraint—”

"What is suffering without restraint..." This woman in science has been greatly affected by my long-term "biting words".

"I'm serious. From the first time I saw you, I thought you were a strong and decent person. You looked romantic on the surface, but you actually lived a clear and unconventional life."

"...Okay, I accept your confession."

Rong Mei laughed loudly, and turned to lean into my arms, and I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her hand.

She tilted her head and rubbed the back of her head against my nose. "Then it's my turn to confess."

"Okay, you say."

"I also liked someone, a long time ago before I met you." I knew that when she said these words, she had already let go of all the past, "She knew that I liked her, but she was still the best friend by my side Friends are together, so naturally my friend... also knows my intentions."

"It must be very hard to be betrayed by the closest person." I hugged her tightly.

"I'm stingy. Although there's nothing wrong with love itself, for me, if I can't be a lover or a friend, I can only get together and part ways."

"You broke up with them?"

"Yes, I simply deleted all contact with the two of them, WeChat, games, blogs, mobile phone numbers. People are always like this, doing things that even they don't know the meaning of."

"It's your style. At least at the time, you could have less pain."

"Fortunately..." She turned her head and stared at me.

"what?"

"It's a good thing I don't like her as much as I like you. Otherwise I would really go crazy."

The night is flowing, like notes beating slowly on the keys of a piano.The light walks in the dark again, fading away all the past and obsolete deep in the corner of the street.

"You..." I let out a chuckle, and hugged the soft body in front of me even more tightly—a tough, free and easy, brave, and fiery goddess, "It's good that you are like this."

"...I also feel...just, my nose...can't breathe..."

I quickly let go of her, but she turned red from holding back.On a whim, I patted her on the shoulder and made a slightly crazy suggestion: "Let's go take a picture!"

"You...you don't want to take...wedding photos, do you?"

"Can't you?"

"Your father-in-law will definitely not agree." Rong Mei said discouragedly.

"how do you know?"

"Because... because I told him about it last year, and he really sprayed me in front of the whole family."

"You little childish ghost." You think further than I do, but it's really cute! "You must discuss important matters with me, and you cannot make decisions without authorization!"

"Yesmadam."

Rong Mei discovered the letter I wrote to you, and I never thought of hiding it from her.Emotional matters never need to be hidden. The past is the past, and the present is the present. People have to walk the road ahead and figure out how to walk the future road.

Rong Mei and I are nearly 50 years old together. We have already passed the vigorous age, but we are not old enough to be companions.We still have a lot of things to communicate, and we need to spend more time taking care of each other. Only in this way can two people enter the depths of each other's hearts.

Life needs a catalyst but not a bucket, and emotions need to be vented but not collapsed. Whether it is the opposite sex or the same sex, the desire to protect a person is the same.My protection is here now.With her, what does it matter if there is no starry sky and no moon?

We moved into a new home last week.Previously, the place where she lived was too far away from where Rong Mei worked, but now the neighborhood has an elegant environment and is not too far from the business center.

"Are you planning to go to the land of the Anglo-Saxons?" On the day of the move, I shook Rong Mei's IELTS report card in my hand.

Rong Mei snatched it over: "It's all overdue, you idiot Bei!"

"Go, I will set you free!"

"Don't go—" Rong Mei was categorical, "I won't let you go free."

But it must have been the day she found the letter under my desk.She persisted for more than a week, and still couldn't help mentioning you to me.

She said she was stingy, but in fact I was even more stingy.During the years when I liked you, I hated Chen Nian so much.Now it's Rong Mei's turn, and she has more "husbands and dogs", and I'm so "terrified" that I can't sleep at night.

When I told her about it, she shook her head and sang "Anewdayhascome" to me.

At the same time, I changed the Weibo post of "The Big Fool of Roses" to the following:

"I'm gay. 'Gay' is a word with the same status as 'straight', so I put them both in quotes. I'm not really an idiot, I've worked hard and never given up on being positive, Devoutly wanting health, happiness and freedom.

There used to be someone in my heart, an equally good, kind, sparkling same-sex person, but she didn't know that I loved her.Later, I met elves.

Love is in the past, love will come again, the world cannot live without love.

The kindness of secret love is not to disturb, the road ahead still has to go, and no one wants to live a life of depression-endless unhealthy, unhappy, and unfree.

I love my family, relatives, friends, colleagues - anyone who is friendly, anyone who helps me in difficult times.You are stars, warm and beautiful.

I am an ordinary gay, an ordinary person who loves and wants to be loved.May there be umbrellas in the wind and rain, lights when sailing, and full of hope and redemption for the traveling soul.

All the way up.

Thanks to all. "

This microblog with empty content, chaotic expression, and illogical context has been reposted more than ten thousand times. There are many hype, followers and melon eaters among them, but there are also many pertinent remarks that bring comfort and support to me now.

Of course, you must be shocked to post such a Weibo on this account, otherwise why would you call me the first time.But most people will think this is an April Fool's Day joke, after all, that day is April Fool's Day.And I want to say that that day was really just a coincidence, because I don't really celebrate foreign festivals very much.

I never said love in front of you, and never hinted at any information from you, because I know that it is cruel to you, and it is also cruel to me.The advantage of having a secret love is that the whole world doesn't know, neither does the other party, only you know.So when you choose to let go, you can put it down gently and quietly, without piercing the window paper of friendship, and without unnecessary adverse reactions.

I have all your worries and concerns on the other end of the phone in mind.You don't discriminate against me, you understand me, and you are afraid of my suffering, that's enough.Rong Mei and I understand and support each other, so you don't have to worry about whether I am alone or not.

Rong Mei will still be jealous of you, but she knows that she doesn't need to be open about it.If there is a chance, I would also like to ask you to meet her.She is really a special person who knows how to live.

This is the last unreachable letter, and I will never write again.I will only call you when I have something to do, and leave a message or send a text message if I miss you.

No matter how I live, my upward heart will always remain the same.That's what you taught me, to love myself and love others.

Thank you very much, my dear little one. A new day has come.

——The Big Fool of the Rose

The author has something to say: this is the last one.

The opportunity to write this article came from a trip.At the beginning, I wanted to write something closer to reality, but later, especially when the character Rong Mei suddenly appeared in the cafe, the story became romantic.Sun Sibei is really a self-reliant person. She can calmly restrain her little love for you. After meeting Rong Mei, she can turn this love into strength to protect a person who needs to be protected by herself. I think this It should be something that secretly loves church people.Rong Mei is bold and fiery, but she is actually more like a star, so the light and heat of this star must far exceed the power given by the moonlight.I don't know how real lesbians get along with each other, but I hope this fictional story can warm people who have read it, and it would be good if it can bring even a little healing.

What's more, the first short modern essay, probably written like this (the letter is not a real letter, the novel can't be regarded as a novel, and it is purely different), is a failure, but I am still touched by myself, because after writing I realized that I was about to fall in love with Sun Sibei.

Remember to listen to the English songs mentioned in the article~ It is more warm to use it together~