[Comprehensive British and American] Old popsicle online dating rules

12.

For Captain America, every morning when he doesn't need to go on a mission is the best time of the day, except today.

Because he was woken up by two chest muscles.

There are also two arms that are tightly bound together around the waist, like iron tongs, which are almost strangled.

Steve was dumbfounded.

He remembered that he fell asleep with his elf in his apartment last night, and didn't go anywhere, and he didn't remember that he had the problem of sleepwalking and fooling around.And since it would be very difficult for anyone to sleep on Captain America's bed without anyone noticing, and twist him in his arms like a twist, the captain hesitated for less than half a second, and jumped up neatly, just about to make a move , but froze in place the moment he saw the person beside him clearly.

That's what he sees in the mirror every day, his own face.

And now, the man who looked exactly like him seemed to be awakened by his movement, and was raising his head from the pillow sleepily, and glanced at him in a daze, in a very, very familiar posture He spoke slowly in a tone of voice:

"Captain?" He paused, squinting his eyes and seemed to be awake: "Why did your hair turn black? It's still growing??"

"..."

Steve Rogers figured he must be awake.He looked down at his black hair hanging down to the quilt, and his overly fair and slender hands, with a blank expression visible to the naked eye.And when he fell into a philosophical state, another "Steve" on the bed also struggled to get out of the quagmire, stared at the person beside him who always felt a little familiar for a long time, and finally Pat the thigh, suddenly realized.

"You look just like me."

Picking up the mobile phone on the bedside, he took a picture of his face against the pitch-black screen, and said calmly, "No wonder I think you look much better today than before."

team leader:……

This was so reasonable that he couldn't refute it at all.

"What exactly is going on?!"

Picking up the mobile phone next to the bed as a mirror, it was no accident that he saw Jarod's face on the screen.Steve turned his head in bewilderment, wanting to consult his cohabitant's opinion, but found that the other party had adapted well and lifted the quilt, and was looking at his new body with great interest, with a look of anticipation on his face, as if he was about to close every minute. He touched it all over, without any surprise or panic at all.

"It turns out that your muscles are real or not."

Stretching out his fingers and poking everywhere on his body, Mr. Elf raised his head in surprise: "Look, I also have breasts now!"

"..."

So you really don't see anything wrong with this, do you?

Silently stretching out his hands to cover his face, Captain America literally felt tired.

And when he watched Garrod quickly get up from the bed, rush into the bathroom with a bewildered smile and lock the door, he shifted to the horror of this inexplicable soul exchange. In terms of his own chastity concerns, some topics that are not so embarrassing for the elves, but inexplicably dangerous.

such as--

"Captain, what the hell are you starting to [beep] early in the morning?"

"...that's a normal reaction of a normal human male."

"How should I let it disappear? Can I cut it off?"

"No !!!!"

13.

Sam thinks he may not have gotten up in the right position today.

He went to ask Captain America to run in the morning, and Garrod, who was rarely seen at this point, also followed. There was nothing special about this.But when the old man surpassed himself lap by lap at a speed similar to that of quadruple serum, saying "on your left" every time, while the real super soldier walked slowly behind him, things went wrong It's gotten weirder.

"What have you taught him?" Falcon turned his head away from the wind of Steve's version of Garrod once again, refusing to accept that another old bastard in the world was crushing him The fact that there is not much self-esteem left: "Can elves run so fast?"

"I used to think it was impossible."

Apparently, he was also afraid that he had such potential. The Steve in Garrod's version looked worriedly at the approaching figures, and subconsciously touched his lungs.

It hasn't exploded yet?Are you serious? ?

Looking at Captain America's tangled expression beside him, Sam sighed silently.

"Okay, let's not talk about this." He saved the other party's eyebrows that were about to knot in time: "How is your elf's frigidity treatment?"

"I'm not frigid." Captain America gave him an indescribable look and answered seriously.

"I know you haven't." And Falcon obviously didn't get the deep connotation of this: "If you were also frigid, there wouldn't be so many nonsense. But seriously, Steve, you haven't got that old slut Done? Have you fed your quadruple action power to the dog...Garrod is also really, this kind of thing should be said before falling in love, you must be mentally prepared for Plato, right? Blablabla..."

"I--"

I'm not fucking frigid, okay? !

Being choked up for a while, I felt that I had suffered the grievance of a contemptuous elf that I shouldn't have at my age.There was a long silence under Falcon's heartbroken gaze, he rubbed his forehead and thought for a while, no matter what, he felt that Steve should be blamed for this matter.After all, he hasn't mentioned this need to himself directly, and has been playing tricks and doing some weird things, even making up rumors about himself behind his back.He is just an innocent elf who has been confused from beginning to end. He will not bear this blame, and he will not bear it to death.

"Sam."

Turning his head with a serious face, 'Captain America' lowered his face, giving Falcon the illusion that he was participating in pre-war mobilization for a moment:

"I have to clarify one thing with you."

……What?

Sam, stared at by the hero of America, was bewildered.

"The race of elves is not so cold."

The other party paused, and after a few seconds of silence, he continued: "This involves the difference in the values ​​of marriage and love between different species. Although they seldom focus on their relationship, they may not be born after being married for hundreds of years. One, after giving birth, they will gradually lose interest in things like sex, but elves are not as ignorant of [beep] as you imagine. On the contrary, compared to physical pleasure, it is precisely because of understanding that they What is more important is the closeness of each other's hearts and the fit of souls."

"...Do you really think that Garald is still sexually frigid and only wants to be Plato with me?"

'Captain America' asked some understatement.

Falcon was stunned for a moment.

——Wait, which of the two of us thinks that old man is frigid first?

And isn't your explanation more similar? ! !

Touching his nose, he resolutely ignored another gust of artificially blown cold wind around him.The veteran officer who felt that he had been fooled stopped and was very confused: "So you are telling me that you are going to keep the status quo like this and spend the rest of your life with your right hand??"

"of course not."

Looking at each other's eyes seems to care for a mentally handicapped person.Garald followed the falcon to stop at the same spot, folded his arms and looked at the black figure that was still running wildly in the distance, a strange smile slowly rose from the corner of his mouth.

"This matter will be resolved satisfactorily."

"..."

For a moment, Sam was sure he saw in their captain the glint of the ten thousand-year-old's evil eye.

14.

Walking into the apartment one after the other, Steve felt that his entire life was a fantasy.

Before the supernatural incident where he and Garrod swapped bodies was resolved, New York was caught in a demolition crisis again, and the SHIELD had to gather the Avengers to dispatch.And when they rushed to the scene, they didn't even have the slightest time to adapt to the opponent's physical state during the battle, so they had to work together to clean up those furry alien creatures with their ears upright and jumping around in the street, as if they were driving away a group of alien creatures. Disobedient rabbit.

Oh, correction, there are no such vicious rabbits in this world.

Although he is using Garrod's body now, Steve doesn't know how to shoot arrows, and he doesn't know how to use a knife; in the same way, even if he can use the power of the opponent quadruple strengthened by serum, Garrod doesn't want to take a piece of it. The target-like shield was on his back.Therefore, every Avenger and S.H.I.E.L.D. agent present at the scene was lucky enough to see the elf with the shield and Captain America with the bow and arrow. The former stood in the center and gave orders to everyone, and the latter silently climbed up to the sniper spot to find the eagle. Eye play—according to Clint, who was already lurking in place at the time, it was the scariest scene he had ever seen in his life. He almost thought that Captain America was going to come up to send him to the sky with the alien rabbit, until In a very familiar posture, at a very familiar distance, after he shot and killed an enemy farthest away from them with one arrow, he suddenly realized something that they should have realized a long time ago .

Therefore, in the ensuing battle, no one could take their eyes off Captain America who was archery and the elf who had three consecutive shield dance qualities.And after the Steve Garrod who miscalculated the strength accidentally broke the bowstring, and the Steve Garrod accidentally jumped so high that he took the rabbit with him to the sky, he decisively kicked the two of them. Out of the battlefield.The reason is that excessively triggering facial muscle spasms of teammates greatly weakens the combat effectiveness of the Avengers.

Senior group: ...

It's not fair.Just when he wanted to argue with reason, Iron Man cut the channel and forced him to shut up.Steve hugged the shield and squatted in the corner with Jarod silently, looking at the surrounding teammates who were finally able to concentrate on sweeping the entire block. Captain America, who had always been fighting on the front line, felt extremely wronged.

It's all Loki's fault.

Once again, he was full of resentment towards the evil god who came to make trouble every day.Especially when Tony suppressed a smile and told them that he would find a way to contact Saul, Steve had to use four times the self-control to keep himself from bursting out of the mouth of the elf that neither of them should say Restricted vocabulary.

"I think we should get to know each other better, especially the body part."

So, sitting at the dining table in the apartment.Captain America pondered for a long time, and finally looked up at his generous back as he was walking to the bathroom, and solemnly announced: "Otherwise, today's situation will happen many times."

"Oh." Looking back at him, Jarod's expression remained unchanged: "Are you referring to blowing up my lungs?"

"..."

Choked for a moment, Captain America, who almost ran himself into the hospital in the morning, was speechless.But soon, his eyes caught a glimpse of the ruins lying on the other side's way forward, and thus regained a little precarious self-esteem for himself.

"The one who tore down the door and broke the bowstring has no right to speak of me."

He sighed silently: "So we need to help each other, Jiajia."

After thinking about it, I think it makes sense.Garald put down the towel in his hand, leaned against the door frame of the bathroom without a door, and slowly raised his eyebrows at Steve.

"Help each other." He smiled playfully, "I thought you wouldn't make such a request at a time like this."

Is the result still underestimated?

what?

That kind of meaningful and almost sinister smile appeared on his face, which was really inconsistent no matter how you looked at it, but Steve still had nothing to do with the other party.He backed away calmly, always feeling that Garald might have misunderstood something, so that he was thinking about something bad now——

"Do you really understand what I mean?" The captain looked carefully at the elf in his shell, and now he had the illusion that he was being targeted by a lion: "I mean, we should help each other and let each other Being able to adapt to the opponent's body before switching back..."

"Yeah, I understand, do you want to understand it deeply?"

Jialuode nodded calmly, and walked towards the other party step by step: "Isn't this what you have always wanted to do? I agree now, why are you stepping back?"

No... I really didn't mean that this time!

Watching him walking slowly with horror on his face, for the first time he found himself pulling his clothes while approaching the rather imposing Steve turned around and wanted to run, but before he could take two steps, he was grabbed by Garrod , Literally picked it up.

…he had never hated the serum that turned him into a super soldier so much.

Ah, and Loki.

"Then we start in the bathroom?"

Of course I know where all my shortcomings are. Mr. Elf, who has suppressed all the struggles of the other party lightly, narrowed his eyes slightly, and carried him into the sinful bathroom with a suppressed smile.

"I'll help you get to know my body well, Captain."

Steve: ...? ! ! !

He suddenly felt that he had dug a hole for himself again.

Also, I am using your body right now, it is indeed your body, am I correct? !Is this really the right thing to do? ! !

Can you really get fucked up against yourself? ! ! !

15.

Facts have proved that elves are indeed a gifted race.

Garald proved with his actions that he really wasn't frigid, and he could feel it.

Especially in front of my own beauty 【例】

Not sure who the other party is sexually interested in, Captain America's mood is more complicated.

16.

The next day, after Iron Man finally produced a radio signal that could span the universe, Thor, who was far away in Asgard, received a call from his elf friend.

It was a roar of anger.

"You tell me about your unlucky brother, he used magic to change our bodies and forget it, why the fuck did you change them back when it was critical? Do you know how long I have been waiting for this day? I must kill him. Ahhhhh!!!"

Thor:? ? ?

"It's nothing, Saul, you don't have to worry about it." After receiving the communication, Steve pushed the elf back into the quilt by the way, refreshed and comforted him in the channel: "Jiajia is just too happy."

"Happy you, uncle!!"

Thor: ...We Asgardians don't know you very well.