you are the minutiae of the world

I am nearly 30 years old this year, 28**, I seem to forget whether it is 29 or [-], I live in chaotic days day after day, and one day I will suddenly find that I have forgotten my age and have no expectations.

The day we met again was the second month after I walked again. I retrieved the prosthesis I sent for adjustment in a hospital in the city center. I put it on, bid farewell to the crutches, and wanted to walk home slowly, but I hate bumping into others, I am afraid of getting along with others, I lower my head, move my steps, and look at the people who pass by and stop around me, I walk towards the gap between them, and I keep a distance from them, which will Give me some peace of mind.

Beside the zebra crossing at the entrance of the hospital, his car slid past me. All my attention was on the pedestrians coming and going. I didn’t see him. I walked across the road smoothly. I looked up and identified On the way home, he slowly opened his legs.

I was wearing long trousers that day, which covered my prosthetic, but I didn't seem to be able to adjust to my new right leg, and I walked very slowly.

Suddenly I heard someone running behind me, I didn't look back, but I was afraid that he would run into me, so I subconsciously took a step to the side, waiting for him to run over.

When I stopped, the person running over also gradually slowed down. Before I could see who it was, a pair of powerful arms embraced me.

I heard his breathless, ecstatic voice next to my ear: "I finally found you."

At that moment, fear swept my whole body from where he touched. His voice was like the whisper of a devil, which made me tremble violently. I pushed him away with all my strength, and I couldn't stand anymore. With a plop, he fell hard to the ground.

When he was pushed away by me, a hurt expression flashed across his face, but my panic had left me with no time to care about him. I fell to the ground, looking at the man who brought me nightmares in fear, my lips turned white.

I dread and loathe his touch.

If a stranger touches me, I may just feel so uncomfortable that I want to run away, but he, Du Chen's touch is like a switch of fear for me, making me fall into the abyss all of a sudden, bringing me back to that day Nightmares, stumps in pools of cold blood and salty seawater choking the heart and lungs.Each one makes me suffocate as if facing death.

Du Chen stood in the same place, looking at a loss like a child. He raised his hands and slowly approached in my direction. Every time he took a step, I took a step back in horror, and my pants were pulled up by my backing movement. Showing my empty, shriveled right leg, which shone metallically in the sun.

Du Chen lowered his eyes, and his eyes fell on it. His footsteps stopped there, as if he had been casted by someone, and he remained motionless.

I couldn't stop backing up. At a distance far enough from him, I stood up awkwardly, slowly, and with difficulty. I turned around, and while he was in a daze, I quickly left this place. I even wanted to run, but I still can't learn, my new right leg can't adapt to me well, I can only go faster and faster with awkward postures and movements.

I didn't even dare to look back to see if he would catch up.

That day, I went home terrified, and after gradually calming down, I suddenly felt so broken. It turned out that the surface of my peace all these years was fake. It turned out that I had never come out of the abyss. I struggled for more than ten years, but just Wander alone at the bottom of the abyss.

I fell on the bed with my clothes on, laughing so loudly.

How pathetic, I thought.