you are the minutiae of the world

"When I met Pete, he ran to the door of our clubhouse in winter wearing a hospital gown and asked the waiter at the door if he wanted to recruit people. At that time, we all thought he was here to recruit waiters, but he smiled and said to us. He is going to be the young master." Mo Jun slowly recalled the past, and the memory of Pete seemed to be vivid in his mind all the time: "My brother personally interviewed him, and the first sentence he asked was which hospital he escaped from. Come out, what's wrong?"

Ten years ago in Mo Kai's office, a young boy in a thin hospital gown stood opposite Mo Kai with a pair of hospital slippers on his feet, without any concealment.

"I have a sex addiction. It's very serious. My parents couldn't stand their children having such shameful problems and sent me to a mental hospital. Today, I just escaped. I thought for a long time. This job is the only way to way to save me."

The boy spoke very slowly, and his movements were also a little sluggish.

"I don't want to go back to a mental hospital, I don't want to be bound by them in that place again, I have taken medicine for so many years, I have seen so many psychiatrists, psychologists, but no one can save me, I don't want to die yet, I want to see if I can just live with this problem."

Mo Kai is a businessman, he pursues profit, he didn't agree immediately, but asked someone to take Liang Zixuan for a medical examination.

The results of the physical examination were all normal, and Liang Zixuan was ridiculously obedient, so Mo Kai signed a contract with him.

For a long time, Mo Kai felt that he had found a treasure. Liang Zixuan's unspeakable disease made him seem to be born for this job, but at that time, no one realized that Liang Zixuan was a person living in a group. A [-]-year-old boy can't handle the interpersonal relationship in the clubhouse. When everyone is forced, Liang Zixuan's voluntary becomes the reason for everyone to attack him. The politeness on the surface is full of disdain and ridicule.

No one could understand this disease, some even thought it was just an excuse for Liang Zixuan to indulge his desires.

Even Mo Jun thought so.

Liang Zixuan realized at that time that no matter where he went, he would not be accepted by others. In the following years, his private self-mutilation behaviors were very frequent, and all of this was caused by Mo Jun when he almost killed himself. Discovered by two brothers.

It just so happened that Liang Zixuan's parents found him at that time. They were a pair of very ordinary parents. They loved their children like most parents. They stood in the hall of the clubhouse and pointed at Liang Zixuan's nose and cursed for a long time.

Mo Jun was there at the time. He had never heard of a parent who hated their son so much. They cursed Liang Zixuan and his filth. They dragged Liang Zixuan to take him away, but Liang Zixuan held his mother's pale face. Slowly parted his hands.

"What are you going to do when you go back? Will you put me in a mental hospital again? Since I can't meet your requirements, why can't you treat me as dead?" Liang Zixuan's voice didn't fluctuate at all, as if he was saying that today's weather is really bad The same: "What you want is not a son who can't control himself, but what I want is an apology."

"Liang Zixuan!" His mother screamed and roared: "What qualifications do you have for us to apologize to you! Haven't we paid enough for you! Your father and I are all for you! To make you promising We are so tired every day, but after work, we still accompany you to do your homework until one or two o’clock. In order to let you take the No.1 exam, your dad and I even accompany you! Have you ever considered us? You look like this! You are not self-disciplined and unmotivated! How can you be so rotten!"

It was a quarrel between too ordinary families. Everyone in this family was talking about their own hardships. There was only one difference in their efforts. Liang Zixuan, who was in the vortex of this quarrel, acted like a bystander the whole time. Calm like a ghost.

"As if I was born this way."

This was the last sentence Liang Zixuan said. After finishing speaking, his parents were invited to leave by Mo Kai. The last sentence they left before they left was "If there is no such son, the Liang family cannot have such shameful descendants."

But these years, Liang Zixuan still sent money to his family every six months, but unfortunately his parents did not receive it.

Liang Zixuan got the news two years ago that his parents were both hospitalized due to a sudden illness. Liang Zixuan hurried over, but when he was dying, his parents asked the nurse to stop Liang Zixuan outside the ward. They still said back then that the Liang family is not so shameful. Children and grandchildren, please leave Liang Zixuan.

After Mo Jun finished telling the story, Shao Jing was silent for a long time, and said seriously: "And then? What are you going to say? Liang Zixuan went astray because he couldn't control himself, and his parents still didn't know how to repent when he was mad. I love him. So I'm helping him."

"Are you helping him?" Mo Jun couldn't hide his anger: "Do you know why he has this disease? Well, let me tell you, his parents are very strict with him, very strict, and his parents also love him , love him very much, but they put all their lives on Liang Zixuan. Liang Zixuan must not have a little mistake or ego since he was a child. Everything from eating and dressing to studying to hobbies to making friends has to be done by his parents. Come to the rules, he can’t say a word, the imprisonment in the name of love caused Liang Zixuan to steal because of too much pressure at the age of 12, stealing men’s underwear, you know what happened to Jackie Chan’s parents who knew about this matter What? He was ruthlessly insulted and scolded by his parents. Since he was 14 years old, Liang Zixuan gradually developed into the current disease. When he was discovered again, he was imprisoned in a mental hospital for four full years. Why do you think he would end up here? A way? Because for him, enjoying the strange pain brought to him by this behavior and the accompanying incident is the proof of his life."

Shao Jing choked for breath.

"What is the difference between your behavior and his parents? Over the years, Liang Zixuan has met many people who want to be with him. Do you know why he only agreed to go with you? Because you never asked him to go over at the beginning, Instead, you accepted him with full authority, but now it seems that you are a liar."

"Why do you know...these..." Shao Jing's voice trembled imperceptibly.

"Because I'm his only friend." Mo Jun took a deep breath and let it out slowly. After calming down, he said again: "Liang Zixuan has prepared these things for many years," Mo Jun said with his hand Opening the bag, he took out a bunch of documents and put them in front of Shao Jing: "I should be the one who accompanied him. We agreed that when he wants to leave, we will book a plane ticket. But since he asked me to leave my things Here it is...you take it first, if you don't want to, call me later."

Shao Jing took the document and read it carefully page by page.

He didn't even notice when Mo Jun left.

Only now did Shao Jing understand how miserable Liang Zixuan was. In fact, he was suffering more than anyone else. The suffering of others could be seen, such as relatives who needed a lot of medical expenses, such as various visible misfortunes, but he didn't. On the surface, he had a happy family. No worries about food and drink, everyone thought he was willing to degenerate, he was addicted to sex, but no one saw his suffering - it was an ant that burrowed into his body where others could not see, and it bit his teeth The muscles under his skin are sucking his blood, it grows bigger and bigger, but it is still not seen, every bite of it makes Liang Zixuan feel like he is in hell.Liang Zixuan lived so hard, he wanted to live, but it was in too much pain, he couldn't speak in pain, wanted to call for help, but he knew that no one could hear him, he couldn't win sympathy, he couldn't even get a little bit of pity, Liang Zixuan never Imagine the ending, because for him, there is no ending.

Shao Jing returned home and saw Liang Zixuan sitting on the sofa wearing the white cotton T and gray home shorts he bought for him. Hearing the sound of the door opening, Liang Zixuan looked up at Shao Jing and greeted him with a smile: " You're back."

Shao Jing's eyes were bloodshot, he walked to Liang Zixuan and sat down, and put the documents on the tea table between them.

"Why didn't you tell me." Shao Jing said painfully, "Why didn't you tell me."

"You know everything?" Liang Zixuan smiled: "I'm not used to saying these things, but it's good if you know, I can relax a bit now that you know."

"I'm sorry..." Shao Jing's face was full of regret, he walked around the coffee table and walked to Liang Zixuan, knelt down beside his leg, holding his hand: "Zixuan, I'm sorry, I apologize to you ,I was wrong,I was really wrong,I really like you,I did paranoid things,but I swear I will fix it,so,can we not go that way?We shred the file OK?"

Shao Jing looked at Liang Zixuan almost beggingly.

Liang Zixuan shook his head.

"I am very grateful for your apology to me, I accept it, I forgive you, but Shao Jing, I don't want to lie to others anymore, I don't want to lie to myself anymore, you know, when I first stole a man's underwear How scared I was when I found out that I wanted to have sex with people every day. How desperate I was when I was in love, but it was not my fault that I lied to myself over and over again, it was the fault of the world, and it cannot accept me It’s my fault, but I’m really sad. I’m sad every day. I’m sad that I can’t be a good child to my parents. I'm so sad under different people, I'm also sad that I can't be with you cleanly, I've had a hard time, it's too dirty, it's my fault...so in the end, Let me choose how to leave, okay?"

Shao Jing held Liang Zixuan's hand tightly, and he buried his head on the back of his hand, his voice choked up: "Can't you give me another chance... a month or two is fine, let me prove to you You see, we must have another way..."

"But I don't want to go anymore, Shao Jing, I haven't slept well for more than ten years. , you still have a better possibility, and you will meet better people... The winter in country H is beautiful, and it will be winter in two months. I want to book a ticket for that time, If possible, I don't want you to accompany me."

Shao Jing lay on Liang Zixuan's lap, weeping uncontrollably.

Country H is the only country in the world where Liang Zixuan lives that allows free death, but only for its own citizens.

The materials in that document are Liang Zixuan's immigration and application for free death.

The application has been approved. When the appointment time is made, Liang Zixuan flies over, walks into the hospital, and waits for the doctor to inject a special injection on his wrist. The medicine enters the body without any pain. It only takes four seconds. Liang Zixuan will never be there again. pain.

This was the most beautiful ending he could imagine.

This was the reward that Liang Zixuan had prepared for too long.

Shao Jing entrusted the management of the hospital to others, and took a long vacation to accompany Liang Zixuan himself. Shao Jing wanted to take Liang Zixuan to visit the whole city, but Liang Zixuan refused. He said, "Don't have too many memories between us."

Shao Jing laughed bitterly, he was in great pain, but he was no longer willing to force Liang Zixuan.

Liang Zixuan will still suffer from the disease, but maybe the treatment in the past few months has had some effect, maybe he will be able to reach the finish line soon, Liang Zixuan has been able to gradually restrain himself - although the number of times he has read himself is still much higher than average man.

Two months is so short, Liang Zixuan never felt that time would pass so quickly, on the day the plane took off, both Mo Jun and Mo Kai came to see him off, Mo Kai smiled at him, Liang Zixuan also returned a big smile, and Mo Kai smiled at him. Jun's eye sockets were already red.

Liang Zixuan opened his arms to Mo Jun: "Come on, give me a hug."

Mo Jun reached out to hug him.

"Be happy for me," Liang Zixuan said happily, "My best friend."

Mo Jun choked up and said yes.

Shao Jing accompanied Liang Zixuan to the streets of country H, and they saw a world like ice and snow, which was unbelievably white and unbelievably clean.

Liang Zixuan closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the chill in the air, then shivered from the cold.

Shao Jing looked at him sideways and saw the bright smile in his eyes.

The day before going to the hospital, they had sex in a room with a view of the snow. Shao Jing kissed Liang Zixuan's lips delicately, hugged him, and felt him.

Shao Jing accompanied Liang Zixuan to the hospital early the next morning. They had already made an appointment, and they would only be the one guest today.

The nurse was a young lady in her 40s. She smiled gently and asked if they wanted a video.

Liang Zixuan said no.

Shao Jing said yes.

They all said it firmly.

Shao Jing hooked Liang Zixuan's little finger, with a coquettish tone: "Come on, this is your favorite moment, let it stay, okay?"

Liang Zixuan thought for a long time and said, okay.

In the room, Liang Zixuan changed into his favorite white shirt, and chose a comfortable position to lie down on the recliner. The nurse came in with a needle. Liang Zixuan waved to Shao Jing and said with a smile, "Shao Jing, goodbye."

Shao Jing's heart was in pain, as if being torn apart, but he still waved his hand with Liang Zixuan's smile: "Liang Zixuan, goodbye."

The nurse closed the door, and Shao Jing stayed outside.

After a long, long time, the nurse came out again and handed Shao Jing the video recorder.

"He is very happy. He said that since he has said goodbye, there is no need to leave other things. The rest are all in it." The nurse smiled and said to him.

Liang Zixuan's body was disposed of by the hospital, and the cremated ashes were scattered in the tree burial cemetery in the forest of Country H in accordance with the requirements of Liang Zixuan's agreement.

Shao Jing turned on the video.

Liang Zixuan appeared inside with a smile.

"Shao Jing, I'm sorry, I waited at the door of your hospital privately, and met you privately, please be sure to forget about me, and I will meet a really clean person in the future, and then be together, I am sorry for leaving you alone. I have bad memories, but I believe you can clean them up, thank you for your company at the end, Shao Jing, goodbye."

After Liang Zixuan finished speaking, he reached out and turned off the video recording.

Shao Jing cried and kissed the ring on his finger.

Cursed in my heart, little liar.

Liang Zixuan is a little liar.

He lied to everyone.

He is as clean as a transparent person.

Just like now, he is living transparently by his side.

The author has something to say:

So far the book is over~ I have some things I want to say on Weibo~ If you want to read it, you can go and have a look, and then update the little goldfish that spits bubbles, and then prepare to fill in the hole "You are the Human System Management Association" , see Weibo for the specific update time~Thank you for the babies who follow the article, thank you.