Snow scene

I remember I had a dream, in the dream there were falling flowers and flying snow, I was running in the snow in a thin white dress, I was neither cold nor tired.The snow was getting bigger and bigger, and it was difficult for me to move against the wind and snow, and my vision was blurred.I'm starting to feel cold, even though I don't feel cold.I couldn't walk anymore, kneeling in the cold snow, I felt like I was going to die, it was so painful.I thought I was going to pass out, my hands were held suddenly in a daze, they were a pair of very warm hands, and I slowly stood up.In front of me was a girl with fluttering long hair, and I couldn't see her face clearly.I like her very much, she took me out of the blizzard and into a flower field, we held hands in the flower field and turned around, very happy. "Will you stay with me for the rest of your life?" The girl took me forward again.I smiled and said, "I will." The girl stopped suddenly, she turned her head to look at me, her empty eyes were bleeding, and said in a trembling and sharp voice, "Liar." I fell into the abyss, and I looked at the girl in horror—it was Liu Feng, and she said with red eyes, "Break up, Bai Yu." She slapped my hand away and let out a sinister laugh, "Isn't this what you want?" Do you wish?" She jumped forward into the abyss, turned into white birds, flew everywhere in the sky, and finally disappeared.I fell into the abyss, and in the darkness, I heard the sound of my own skull breaking.

When I woke up, I was lying on the sofa, covered with a blanket, and there were several boxes of stomach medicine that I usually took on the living room table. I sat up a little confused by the situation.

"Are you awake?" Sister He came out of the kitchen with a bowl of porridge.Her complexion today is much better than that of the previous few days. She said that they didn’t send me to the hospital after I fainted yesterday. One of Sister He’s friends was an internist. He just brought a medicine kit and went to a nearby clinic. I bought some medicine and looked at it for me.In fact, the main reason was that they thought it was troublesome to take me to the hospital.

"I told my friend that you usually eat a healthy diet with me, and you didn't eat anything strange. He said that your stomach pain is probably caused by mental stress." Sister He crossed her legs on the sofa beside her, She glanced at me, I felt nervous, and she went on to say: "Li Lulu said that you had a quarrel with your family and you were kicked out. I don't believe it's that simple. How big is it that your parents kicked you out of the house? I haven't heard from you for so long?"

I pursed my lips, unable to say some words.

"I knew you wouldn't say anything..." Sister He straightened her hair, "When you were sleeping peacefully, I asked Li Lulu, she said that your parents found out that you and your ex-girlfriend were arguing on the phone, and you were forced to After coming out, having another fight with your parents, you just run out."

Li Lulu is really talkative.I lowered my head, bit my lip, and tried to hold back the tears, but they dripped mischievously onto my hands.I still remember that night clearly, like a TV rewinding a replay, I can vividly remember every detail in it.Liu Feng——my ex-girlfriend, we used to be so close, but everything has changed.I don't know when we often quarreled, we couldn't communicate, and I was very tired during that time, really tired.She is a good student with excellent academic performance, but since the beginning of the third year of high school, our time together has gradually decreased.After graduation, I was busy with part-time jobs, and she was busy with her studies, so the communication between us became weaker.Rarely have time to date, they will quarrel because of disagreements, but at the same time they are reluctant to part with each other.And the last quarrel was on the phone. She broke up with me. It was the first time I heard her say goodbye, but I didn't feel relaxed as I expected. On the contrary, I was very sad. I didn't want to break up, but I could break up. It is the best choice for each other.This caused me to not notice my mother who had been eavesdropping at the door. She is a keen person and quickly discovered our affairs.The following things were simply a mess, Liu Feng hung up my phone without authorization.I was angry, and under my mother's questioning, I admitted that I was gay, and then I had a big fight with my mother, which attracted my father.The quarrel became more violent, and none of the three of us could calm down, and it was clear that both sides lost the senseless quarrel.

"Things are always good and bad. At least your parents know that their child is gay, and they won't have such a big reaction when they bring a girlfriend home in the future." Sister He tried to comfort me.

I'm actually a little angry, she talks about things that have nothing to do with her easily, and I want to ask her a lot of things.Who is Ye Li?Are you gay?Are you out?Ye Li abandoned you?Why not let it go?There are so many questions, but when I think that the person who usually looks like a fool is like a stubborn child on Christmas Eve, I can't ask any questions.We are all trapped in the same thorn forest, so don't hurt each other.

"Thank you." I thought a lot before choking out this sentence.

"Drink this water, and then take some medicine." Sister He handed me a glass of warm water.

Holding the warm body of the cup, I warmed up a lot.

It's not snowing much today.

Soon, my life was back to normal.The children have also come to Sister He's class one after another. Sister He doesn't know what the wind is. She teaches me to dance and play the piano in her spare time.She wanted me to go from being someone who was helping out on the sidelines to being a trainee teacher who could teach the kids.But after a week of training, Sister He deeply felt my poor musical ability, and she gave up on me.

"Tell me, besides doing housework well, what advantages do you have?" Sister He held my shoulder, a little weak.

"Can I teach kids...to draw?" I hesitated, but said it.

"Painting?" Something flashed in Sister He's eyes, and she put away the music score, "The children are not enrolled in painting classes."

"That's right." In fact, it really taught me that I didn't know what to do.

"Do you like to draw?" she asked suddenly.

"Hmm..." I mumbled, not daring to speak out about my dream of becoming a cartoonist. The only person who agreed with me also denied me, and I couldn't stand the blow anymore.

"Painting is good..." Sister He sighed, seeing that she had cleaned up, I started to wipe the piano, and Sister He was still sitting there uncharacteristically and said, "You said you like painting, why don't you apply for an art student? "

"Now that I have graduated, what's the use of talking about it?" When I was in high school, I told my parents that I liked painting and wanted to be a special student, but the cost was really too high, and my family couldn't afford it.

"Then let's talk about the present. You are only 18 years old. You have so many good years. You can't live like this for the rest of your life. Have you ever thought about repeating your studies?"

"I don't want to go." I thought of the phone call from Allin on Christmas Eve, the stain on the white paper, and I thought it would be troublesome to meet new people, and it would be painful to fall in love with someone again.More importantly, "There is no major I want to apply for."

"Why not? There are many majors where you can learn painting, and you start learning again when you come in as a freshman. If you are not interested in those majors, you can also apply for majors that are not related to painting that you are interested in, and then add some Associations related to painting are fine, where you can also learn to paint. Life is long, so don’t take your own path too far. It’s better to experience some experiences more. More importantly, do what you want When doing things, you must leave yourself a way out, and don't push yourself to the cliff."

"...Well." I heard these words, I don't know what to say, it's too late for me.Without financial resources, what to study, what university to go to?My family members thought I was ignorant to engage in homosexuality, and they scolded me all kinds of things without listening to my explanation.They don't care about me now, I can't even do what I want to do, and my drawing skills are not good enough to submit directly, all I can do now is keep practicing.

This concludes our conversation.

Around mid-November, Sister He's work increased, the children were on vacation, and more interest classes were enrolled.Every day from teaching different batches of children in the morning to the evening, the time of each day is very tight, but just like this, Sister He's complexion improved.A while ago, she could still see the dark circles under her eyes, but now her complexion is much ruddy.Seems to be well rested.

This kind of life will be over in about two weeks, because it will be the New Year in one week, and everyone will go back to celebrate the New Year. Sister He and I also started the big cleaning as a matter of course... No, I started the big cleaning alone .Sister He went home to her parents' house, which is in the next city, and it only takes two hours by car to get there. It's very close, but I haven't seen her parents come here.From time to time, I send text messages to my family, and my mother will occasionally reply to me with a sentence or two, but every sentence is to make me "reform evil".I'm sad about that and don't have many memories of home.

After Sister He learned that I would not go home for the New Year, she entrusted the house to me before she left. She only stayed for three weeks and asked me to clean it casually instead of cleaning it so carefully.But unfortunately, I am a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I actually quite like cleaning because it's a no-brainer.I plan to start cleaning from the top floor, which is the third floor. I have never been there, and using a key to open an unknown room is like spying on someone else's privacy, which excites me.As expected of Sister He, there are always some strange things in the room. For example, one room has piles of old music scores, and there are many children's dance clothes and dance shoes in the old closet; A lot of tools, hand tools, repair tools and needlework tools, are all very complete; there is another room that is even more interesting, the walls inside are full of pictures drawn by children, and the shelves are placed on the shelves. Crooked handwork.Although Sister He is careless towards people, she is not usually careful with children. It can be seen that she loves these children from the bottom of her heart. There is the last room left. I hold the key and look forward to it. What's in it?Pat, this door is locked twice, and it is a little different from other rooms. After opening the door, the inside is dark and dark. Unlike other rooms, the curtains in this room are black and have not been drawn.I walked over and opened the curtains, it was like opening another world.

The room was clean, the floor was not as dusty as other rooms, and there were only old bookshelves and desks in the room.There is a wooden box on the desk with a six-digit code lock on it. I lifted it a bit, but it was neither light nor heavy, but I just didn’t know what was in it.I took a cursory glance at the books on the bookshelf. They were all professional books related to preschool education, and there was nothing special about them.This is an old bookshelf, and there is a cabinet under the bookshelf. I was about to open the cabinet when the phone rang. I was startled and knocked my foot on the door of the cabinet.I endured the pain and picked up the phone. It was Sister He who called. With a bang, I happened to answer the phone at the moment when the cabinet door fell to the ground.

"Bai Yu? Are you cleaning? You don't need to sweep the third floor of the house. The first floor is not cleaned or dirty, you know? And when you want to post Spring Festival couplets, you can post them, and set off firecrackers during the New Year. , There are also a few candies on the first day of the new year, and the children may come to pay New Year's greetings this year."

"……Oh."

"I said why are you in a daze, are you listening carefully to what I'm saying?"

"Ah, I'm watching a TV show, I heard you talking."

I hung up the phone almost immediately, looking at the picture frame in the cabinet in front of me, I was really stunned.Inside the picture frame is a colored lead painting of a woman playing the piano.The morning sun is golden, and bunches fall on the woman's short black hair and red plaid shirt.The feeling of light and shadow in this painting is great, but what is even better is the woman's cock, she is smiling slightly, her eyebrows and eyes are curved as if she is looking at you, no, she is looking at the person who painted this painting.I looked carefully a few more times, and suddenly felt that this woman looked familiar.I took out the picture frame, and there was a small line written on the lower left corner of the back. "To the person I love the most - He Mujing." There are two words written in the lower right corner - Ye Li, and the date is spring seven years ago.

Ye Li.It turned out that it was these two words, she was the elementary school girl Li Lulu was talking about, and she was also the one that Sister He liked?I looked at the painting again, and the woman in the painting really looks like Sister He. After all, Sister He has changed too much. Now she has long hair parted in the middle, instead of a sister with bangs like in the painting.However, looking at this painting is enough to see how much love the painter has for the woman in the painting.I couldn't help but wonder about Ye Li, what kind of relationship between the two of them is like?Why did they separate?

In fact, it is also very normal.It's normal for people who love each other to break up.Isn't it the same with Liu Feng?How good it was at the beginning, isn't it still separated now?It's just uncomfortable, it's just painful.I stopped thinking about it and put the painting away, and one side of the cabinet door fell down because of a loose screw, I roughly repaired it, closed the cabinet door, and put everything back together.

In the next few days, my life was very monotonous. I spent the morning and afternoon cleaning, and in the evening, I watched dramas and drank a cup of tea.This is the first time for me to clean so leisurely, and I think this kind of life is quite comfortable.This is the life I am looking forward to. I have a house of my own and a yard. I have time to drink afternoon tea every day. What’s more, what I said to Liu Feng back then, I forgot, I can’t remember clearly .I stared at the black tea in the cup, and suddenly felt that the tea was tasteless. In such a big family, being alone is really boring.

In order to change my mood, I decided to start mopping the floor, from the first floor to the second floor and then to Sister He's room.I have been to her room many times, it is very simple configuration, bed, desk, computer desk, wardrobe, nothing else.The first time I saw her room, I complained about her straight male aesthetics.While mopping the floor, I found an envelope under the desk with a bunch of English words on it that I couldn't understand. The envelope had traces of postmarks and seals, and it was very old.There is only a postcard inside, with a sketch of a landscape drawn on one side. It is a trail with many fruit-bearing ginkgo trees planted beside it. Under the tree is an armchair that no one made.Judging from the font, it should be written by Ye Li, and there is a line written on the back:

"Luohua Feixue, you and I."

The paper of this postcard has turned yellow, and it can be seen that it has been a while.How many memories are carried behind the small postcard, and how many emotions are contained in each stroke of that color lead painting?There must be many, many.The postcard in your hand is like the key to open the treasure chest, which contains many precious and unique treasures.I became curious, curious about the relationship between Sister He and Ye Li, I wanted to know their stories, I wanted to record their stories, I wanted to draw them.Because I think it must be a beautiful story.