Snow scene

In the morning, I woke up as soon as the sparrows started calling.I have been resting for the past two days, and I feel pretty good today. It seems that the cold is gone.When I went to the yard, the snow piled up on the corner of the wall had almost melted, and on the way to the vegetable market, I could see a little bit of green emerging. The golden sun was shining, and it was very warm, and spring was coming.

Sister He has already arrived home after shopping for groceries. She fell asleep on the sofa, and her brows were full of exhaustion. I don't know if it was my illusion, but there was an extra wrinkle at the corner of her eyes.

——When you are sad, you should eat noodles in clear soup.

Inexplicably, I remembered Li Lulu's words in my mind, so I cooked a bowl of noodles in clear soup and called Sister He to get up and eat.Sister He ate very happily, and I took the opportunity to ask her about repeating the study.

"You want to repeat?" She seemed a little surprised.

I nodded and said my decision, "I want to go to college."

"Then do you want to apply for a major?" Sister He frowned, changed her lazy posture, and became serious.

"A major related to painting?" I'm not sure either.

"The college entrance examination will be in more than three months. You must be too late." Sister He asked me, "I remember that Li Lulu taught you sketching for a while?"

"Yeah." She would come to my house to teach me a little when she was on vacation.

"I think you are also a master who doesn't like to study. You can apply for an art specialty student." Sister He analyzed them one by one for me, "Repeating is very hard, and it will be even more painful for people who have not touched books for a few months. It’s better to apply for an art student, learn painting, and take the art test next year, so the cultural score will be low. I remember that the repeat school usually starts in August, and there are special classes for art students.”

"This way..." Would it cost too much?When I was in high school, I did not register as a special student because of economic reasons. Although I sold my old house last year and my family had a certain income, the money for repeating studies and painting must be more than that for pure art students. Not only that, The university tuition fees for art students are [-] to [-] per year, which is another expense.I don't deserve so much money for my family. What's more, I haven't decided what major to enroll in, and I don't have to enroll in art majors.But... To be honest, I don't have much confidence that I can learn well when it comes to repeating.I suddenly felt that cold water was poured on me, and my previous fantasies were washed away severely, exposing the ugly reality.

"Afraid of spending money?" Sister He narrowed her eyes slightly, those eyes seemed to see through my thoughts, "To be honest, I thought you would choose to open a shop."

"what?"

"Do you often work part-time." Affirmative sentence.

"Yeah." Since I was in high school, I would lie about my age to find a part-time job during the summer vacation.

"I found out when you helped me here. Although you are a nerd, you are quite good at dealing with people. You have just been here for a week, and people in the vegetable market will give you discounts." Sister He tapped her fingers on the table, "I thought you would open a store then, and I was really surprised to hear you said you would repeat your studies."

"Because...you will have a diploma when you go to university." Only with a diploma can you survive in this society.

"Your thinking is too dead."

"I know, there are a lot of diplomas in this society now, but I want to go to college and learn some life experience." This way... it's one step closer to Liu Feng.

"But you're struggling again." Sister He's eyes were sharp, and I felt like I was being cut off layer by layer by her, "You want to apply for a special education, but you are worried about money, and you will not be able to raise grandchildren for your family in the future If you feel ashamed of your family, you don’t want your family to spend money. Although you want to repeat it, you are not sure whether you can continue to study hard.”

"Yes..." I lowered my head.

"You are very similar to me before." Sister He came over and patted my head, "Just be selfish. If you can't repeat the reading, just give up. If you can't read it well, just spend the money and go back to your hometown. Open a shop and live on.”

"But--"

Sister He interrupted me, "Young people should be selfish and self-willed, what are they thinking so much about?"

"but--"

"Talk to your family. The money belongs to your parents. Whether they want to spend it on you is their business. It's not your decision." She patted me on the shoulder hard, not knowing whether it was to cheer for me or to fight. Me, "Don't do things you'll regret."

"Sister He..." Has anyone said that you are actually a bit extreme?I dare not say this.

Afterwards, Sister He gave me a suggestion, let me learn painting and basic knowledge of high school from March to July, and start repeating studies in August to take the college entrance examination next year.

I was still hesitating, and I didn't want to do anything when I went back to the room. It happened that my mother called again.

"Ah Yu, my mother asked me these few days. There is a repetition school in our city. I heard it's pretty good. Do you want to go to it?"

I want to be an art student.I wanted to say that, but I couldn't.I talked to my mother when I went back, chatted with her for a while, and ended the call.I couldn't make up my mind for a while, and I was wondering whether my choice to repeat my studies was really the right choice. I couldn't do what Sister He said about ignoring the family's money.My fingers slid on the phone book, I want to talk to Alin, but I don't want to talk to her again when I think of the Christmas Eve call.In the end, the mobile phone stayed on Liu Feng's new phone number, and I didn't delete her number. If it was Liu Feng, what would she say?

She encouraged me to draw in the first year of high school. At that time, I mustered up the courage to tell my family that I wanted to be an art student. My mother consulted Li Lulu about the situation, and when she came back, she told me that the expenses were too high, and the family did not have the money.There is nothing I can do about this kind of thing, Liu Feng has always been very sorry, the first time she cried in front of me was because of this incident.If you want to say who supports my painting the most, it is Liu Feng.

I suddenly wanted to see Liu Feng.

——If you really want to do her best, go to her and apologize to her immediately!Take good care of her!cherish her!Why don't you understand such a simple truth!

Li Lulu's words lingered in my ears.It’s not okay for me to behave like this, I’ve always known that it’s not okay for me to behave like this, I can’t go on being so decadent, I have to move forward, I can’t escape anymore.

Now that you have decided to move forward——

I dialed Liu Feng's phone number, and with each beep, my heart beat faster and faster, and cold sweat broke out on my palms.

After a few rings, I hung up the phone.

With the phone in my hand, I sat on the edge of the bed and hated myself.I was the one who pushed Liu Feng away, and now I want to get encouragement from her, I'm a bastard, what do I take Liu Feng for.Hurting her, pushing her away, and then trying to pull her back for comfort from there, I really suck.

I wish I could slap myself.

I literally slapped myself.

"Hahaha." Li Lulu laughed cramp while laying on the table, "So you slapped yourself?"

"Yes." I replied lightly to her.

In the evening, Li Lulu came to look for Sister He, carrying a lively fish, insisting that Sister He make pickled fish for her.I had nothing to do and blushed, only to be laughed at by Li Lulu.

"What are you doing here?" It's impossible for Li Lulu to come to Sister He for no reason.

"Come here if you want to eat fish." She whistled leisurely, "The pickled fish made by Mu Jing is delicious."

It seemed that Li Lulu didn't intend to say the purpose of her visit, so I didn't ask any more questions. After the three of us ate fish in the evening, she sent me to wash the dishes and tidy up. I don't know what to talk about with Sister He in the living room.I'm not interested in eavesdropping on their conversation, and I've been hesitating whether to tell my parents about the art students, and I don't know if they will agree.

"Li Lulu!" Sister He's roar scared me so much that I almost slipped and smashed the bowl, "Don't meddle in your own business!"

I washed my hands, squatted at the door of the kitchen, and peeked outside. Sister He grabbed Li Lulu by the collar, as if she was about to beat her up in the next second.

Li Lulu sneered, "If I didn't mind my own business, I really wouldn't know the little interest between Ye Li and you." These words are a bit ironic, as if to say that if the relationship had been kept going, Ye Li would not It's like a car accident.

"you--"

"What about me? You just don't want to accept the fact that she left. You moved here after she died. It's been three years. Is it interesting to pretend that you're doing well? Don't think you're hiding it well. How long have we known each other? .”

"So what?" Sister He said hoarsely, "I am willing to do this."

"Ye Li doesn't want you to do this." Li Lulu repeated, "She doesn't want you to do this!"

"I love her, she has always believed in me." Sister He said tremblingly, "But I don't believe her, so retribution has come."

There is no logical relationship between these two sentences. I understand half of them, but Li Lulu must have understood. She sneered, "You still don't believe her now."

Sister He didn't speak.

Li Lulu continued, "You have been to the three places Ye Li lived in, right? Why don't you want to read the diary Ye Li left behind?"

She caressed Sister He's face, pulled her messy hair behind her ears, hugged Sister He again, and begged, "Twilight, trust her."

Neither of them spoke after that. I didn't dare to make a sound. I held my breath and listened carefully. There was a slight sobbing sound.

It was Li Lulu who was crying.

I sighed in my heart, got up and continued to wash the dishes.When I came out, Li Lulu was already lying on the sofa and fell asleep. The corners of her eyes and the tip of her nose were red, and she was covered with a blanket.Sister He was rarely seen sitting in the piano room, her slender fingers resting on the keys, but she didn't press a single key.

"Sister He..." I stood at the door and called out to her, but there was no more to say.I have nothing to say to her.

"My childhood dream was to be a pianist." She played a few notes, and she didn't seem to be talking to me, "But when I was young, my family was poor and couldn't afford to learn the piano. It wasn't until the summer vacation of the first year of high school that my family agreed to let me learn the piano. I originally planned to enroll as a music student, but at that time I was young and energetic, because a girl gave up the piano, and high school was decadent for three years..."

It turned out to be like this...

"Later she betrayed me." Sister He's tone didn't fluctuate, as if she was talking about something that had nothing to do with her. It seemed that she had really let go.

"At that time, I was very desperate, and felt that the whole world had abandoned me." She laughed mockingly, laughing at her young and ignorant self, "I hated it very much at that time, hated the world, hated that person, and hated myself even more. I just thought I couldn't Let her succeed, so I impulsively said that I would repeat the reading, the purpose was to revenge her severely, and let her know how good I was without her by my side. I was really crazy at that time..."

I listened quietly.Sure enough, as Li Lulu said, Sister He went to repeat because of a woman. Although she had vaguely felt it before, she didn't expect Sister He to be such an extreme person.

"However, the re-reading was too hard. At that time, I was tortured by reality, and I was forced to see the reality clearly." Sister He played a few more notes, which were the tune of Little Star, "I understand that I should live for myself. I didn’t pass the college entrance examination after repeating it for the first time, and despite my family’s objections, I insisted on repeating it again.”

"Later, I worked so hard to get into a better university and met Ye Li." Sister He gently covered the piano with sadness in her eyes, "After we dated, I have been very restless. I don't want to be hurt by her." Betrayal. After going abroad, no matter if she called or sent something, I couldn’t believe her. I think that the person I love will have a day when I don’t love. She tried every means to make me feel at ease, but some things just took root, I can't pull it out."

"I love her, and she loves me too." The sorrow on Sister He's brows grew stronger, "But I don't trust her, and I'm afraid she will betray me."

Sister He didn't look at me, she stared at the front, and said softly, "Those postcards, those letters are full of love. They are so beautiful that I feel unreal. Li Lulu is right, I have been avoiding, I am afraid I saw something else in the diary." Sister He turned her head to look at me, she showed a pale smile, "I can't help it, I don't want to do this either."

Her lips were pale and her eyes were lax, "I'm sick..."

I stepped forward to help the person in front of me who almost fainted. She closed her eyes tightly and was covered in cold sweat. I supported her, and suddenly I felt that Sister He had lost a lot of weight.

Sister He rested in the room, and I woke up Li Lulu who had been snoring.After telling her about Sister He's situation, she had a serious expression, "It's getting worse..."

"You should see a psychiatrist." I was worried about Sister He's physical condition, and my rosy face turned pale in an instant, which was really scary.

"It's useless." Li Lulu spread out on the sofa, "Only she can cure her illness."

I had nothing to say, and she was in no mood for conversation.

We were silent for a while, and she was the first to break the silence, "Is the re-reading thing settled?"

I talked about the situation that Sister He analyzed for me, and then asked Li Lulu: "Is the art major tired?"

"It's not bad. You have a good foundation. After four months of training, you should be able to enroll as an art student." Li Lulu is an art student, so I can rest assured of what she said.

"Then I'll talk to my family in the next few days."

Li Lulu didn't say anything more, we said good night to each other, and went back to the room.

Early in the morning, when I came to the living room, Li Lulu was no longer there.Sister He was sitting on the sofa smoking a cigarette. There were two empty teacups on the coffee table and a few cigarette butts in the ashtray.

"Good morning." Sister He stubbed out the cigarette, "Aren't you going to leave after this month's work?"

I nodded, "Maybe I'll leave on the 27th."

"That's fine." Sister He straightened her hair, "It just so happens that I don't do it anymore, you help me pack my things at home these few days, I'm going to move."

"Why?" Did you find another job?

"To get medical treatment." Sister He confessed, as if it was not her own business, she added, "Treat yourself."

I glanced at the teacup on the table again, it seemed that she and Li Lulu talked all night.I couldn't help but smile.

The cry of swallows sounded outside the window, and the crisp sound made people feel happy.