tell me

You don't know how strong the wine is until you're drunk, and you don't know how heavy it is until you're in love.

You cannot make my poems, just as I cannot make your dreams.

——"Dreams and Poems"

The first time I heard the word "Du Yu" was at a dinner party after a regular meeting.

The two school girls happily discussed the lecture a few days later, saying that a handsome senior would speak as a representative.

I didn't care, I just asked them with my usual hippie smile, am I handsome?

They said yes and showed me the photos.

That's okay.

Quite average.

I don't think so.

A few days after the lecture, I went.

But I didn't want to see him, it just happened to be one game away.

It's the same any game.

It was late and I could only sit in the second row.Diagonally in front of him is him, I almost didn't recognize him.

It turned out that it wasn't him who was ordinary, but the technique of the photographer.

And it's not average, it's poor.

This guy whose name I forgot is actually quite nice.

not bad.

That lecture seemed to be a volunteer experience sharing session of the Youth Association. It was long and boring, and full of disgusting positive energy.

Volunteering, in the final analysis, is a group of idiots who can't even take care of themselves, delusional to help another group of idiots who are stupider than them through a few hours of formalism, and at the same time, they must not forget to smile.

But can they help for a while, or for a lifetime?

Nothing will change.

Only their self-inflated hearts have changed.

The more I listened, the more bored I became, and even carrying my mobile phone was boring, so I had to prop my head up and look at him.

I watched for a long time.

He seemed to know, and he didn't seem to know, but what was certain was that he hadn't even glanced at me.

Such people can generally be divided into two categories, those who are extremely conceited, and those who don't care.I think he falls into the latter category.

How about taking a look?

It was heartless.

But it doesn't matter, I'm used to being ignored.

It's just that no matter how many times you come, this feeling is not very good.

What a nuisance, to be ignored.

It's really annoying.

He finally came on stage, but he was very serious, like a beautiful ice sculpture who couldn't smile, beautiful but disgusting.

Only then did I know that he was the head of a certain department of the Youth Association, and that one of the juniors I was leading was an officer under him.

No wonder he cried and shouted in the group every day. Wouldn't it be a crime to meet such a minister?

But I'm just wondering, why would such a person choose the Youth Volunteer Association?

It doesn't seem to fit him well.

He started to speak, but it was different from the previous ones.

Very little lyricism, more data and execution, almost like analyzing performance.

I haven't changed my mind, I still think that volunteering is a meaningless thing, but I appreciate him a little bit.

More importantly, he looks really, really good.

The sound is also nice.

But why is it that the more I want to notice the person, the more they can't see me?

Or is it because he can't see me that's why he desires?

There are always two kinds of people in this world.

One is that the more he knows the result, the more he can avoid it. Even if there is only one percent chance of failure, he can't afford to lose;

The other kind is just the opposite, the more he knows the result, the more he will go. Even if there is only a [-]% chance of success, he has nothing to lose for that dissatisfaction.

The former is cowardly and cocooned; the latter is reckless and flies to the flame.

I don't know what kind of person I am, I just know that I am more paranoid.

I feel for him only from this pure unwillingness.I admire his superciliousness, but I also hate it.

He must be a pampered and well-behaved young master, enjoying everything I don't have.

I want revenge on him, and I want him to see me even more.

Unwarranted and vexatious desires.

I snatched his project.

No way, there is an opportunity.That elementary school boy couldn't stop talking meaninglessly, so I showed mercy and helped him.

Of course, the crown is the name of our society.

Everything was going so well, so smoothly that I started laughing at the efficiency of the student organization.

It turned out that I overestimated his ability.

He took the initiative to add me as a friend, the user name is Jingzhao Dushi, and the note is Du Yu.

Mrs. Jingzhao Du, Mrs. Jingzhao Du, is really a handsome son of a family.

Was he honored by his last name?Coincidentally, I happen to be ashamed of my last name.

If it weren't for it, I wouldn't have been born.

From the moment he added me as a friend, nothing was interesting.I think my goal has been achieved.

Chatting with him is really quite boring, and it's business-like and submissive.Even the sarcasm is too polite, as if he never takes people to heart.

It seems that I have really been used to living a life of getting what I want since I was a child, so I can be so calm.

It's really annoying, really annoying.

Didn't bring me any surprises.

That's it, that's all for now.

Two straight lines that do not coincide are either parallel or intersecting.

Our intersection point has already occurred, and there will be no next one - unless one bends into a polyline first.

And this wishful thinking turning point will not be created by me.He will not.

So, it's over.

Everything about me and him.

I had expected that to be the case.

It happened to be my birthday that day, and the brothers in the dormitory were going out to drink again.

Okay, let's drink, they have to pour me again.

But how good it is to be drunk, it is not easy to dream, and you can mistakenly think that this is the only tenderness left by the world to me.

Half drunk and half awake, I feel bored.

But why bother?Is asking but having to be something I should have gotten used to?Besides, I didn't expect much from him.

I am deeply aware of my badness and badness, and while accepting it, I hate it at the same time; but while hating it, I have to accept it.

Why do I only have these negative, restless feelings left in my life?Am I going to live like this for the rest of my life?How to pick up those lost parts?

I don't want to, and I don't want to.

I actually opened "Talk to Me" - the software that I have never looked down upon.

Just try it a little bit, I said to myself, it won't do much anyway.

Once again, knowing it's useless but doing it.

My life is really a continuous cycle without progress.

The first time I saw a person's name, I felt familiar.

On the one hand, he felt that it would not be such a coincidence, but on the other hand, he couldn't help but doubt it.

In order to confirm, I still used some contacts, and as expected, I received the reply "There is indeed an employee named Du Yu".

This is very interesting.

The tone was still polite, but with a little more concern, as if he was getting a little popular.

Why did he do this?Which one is he?

I was confused, but also excited, I thought it was worth a try.

After all, this inflection point is a god-given coincidence, a sudden gospel.Although I don't know why I approached him.

There are not so many coincidences in the world. There is only one real coincidence, and the rest are deliberate.

He didn't use the wifi, probably not in the dormitory.

I waited for him sitting on the bench on the road he had to pass. People were coming and going, and the sky was getting dark. I waited for four hours.

But I waited.

I called him Chairman and he recognized me too.

He also called me a hypocrite.

I'm so glad.

He is so handsome.

In the library, I finally grabbed the seat next to him.Fortunately, he is a man who likes to be fixed.

I asked him to eat in the cafeteria, and he agreed, but the dishes he served surprised me.

Shouldn't he be a young master?

What's the deal with this poor family setting with both parents dead, no one to rely on, and a young brother at home?

Is my inference wrong?

Puzzled, I went to ask my junior.But he told me that Du Yu's family really had a younger sister who went to No. [-] Middle School, and he also showed me the photo of the little girl when she came to look for his brother.

The little girl looks a lot like his brother, with bright eyes and bright teeth, but after all, they are still far from each other.

It's just that Du Yu in that photo, why is he smiling so softly?

Really, unimaginable.

He started avoiding me and I couldn't find him anymore.

But I was not in a hurry, I went to find his sister - on the day after the exam.

I wrote, directed, and acted in a good show about the hero saving the beauty. I found my original brother to play the role of "hooligan" and treated him to a good drink.

It's just strange, I was so excited that day, I actually drank too much.My brother was beaten away by the younger sister, I have never dared to say this.

In fact, I didn't expect to meet him, but no matter what, I can't go wrong with finding his sister as a favor.

I believe more and more that this is an arrangement of fate, and God actually took care of me once.

Once is enough.

I invited him to the amusement park, but he stared at that dark green ugly thing for a long time.

He sneered at me and didn't even give it away from the corner of the eye. How could he look at this stupid thing sincerely and longingly for so long?

I was the one who tried to get close to him, I was the one who tried to please him, and I was the one who held his hand while playing haunted houses, but he actually has a special liking for such a stupid boy who has nothing but softness?I am really speechless.

But what confuses me the most is that even this, I fucking feel.

cute.

why?

Why do I find him cute?

Is there something wrong with my nervous system?

cute?cute?

who?Du Yu?

I thought I must be sick.

Support education, support education.This stuff is really boring.

But Du Yu didn't seem happy to see me, which made all the difference.

I like to confront him for no reason, and those mean and cold words come out of his mouth, but they are very sexy.

Fascinated me like another morbid concern.

But what confuses me even more is that he seems to be a gentle person again, an existence that is completely opposite to my initial judgment.

The surface is invincible, but the heart always seems to be very soft, so that people can't find words other than contradiction to describe him.

Like a burning candle flame.

The temperature of the inner flame is always low, and even moths will not feel the burning pain immediately.But once it is fully committed, there is no possibility of escape.

Du Yu seemed to be such a person.

He seems to have changed something, and it seems nothing has changed.But as soon as he got close to him, my heart softened.

Probably the highest state of gentleness is nothing more than this.

It's just... what is tenderness?

And why do I feel this way?

I couldn't come to a conclusion and couldn't sleep.

But one thing is for sure, I seem to have an inexplicable desire for him.

The calmer he is, the more I want to see him on the verge of tears.

He is really suitable for being dyed, especially bright red.

The first time I realized this, I was amazed, I was intimidated by myself.Honestly, a bit of a beast.

I deliberately showed my inferiority in front of him. In the star-studded night, I wrapped smoke around his hair and collar, and quietly poured out my gloomy worldview, dilapidated outlook on life and distorted values.

I think he should be the same as others, abandon me, leave me, and stay away.

But he didn't.

He didn't repel me, or rather, quite the opposite.He reprimanded me, vehemently.

Here we go again, this pointless volunteerism.Even if you can't manage yourself well, do you still try to get involved in other people's lives?

I don't like this idea, I even hate it.

But as a recipient, I had an inexplicable throbbing.

This feeling is too fast, I can't grasp it, but a mark is branded in my heart.

It reminds me all the time that I was touched by such a certain moment in a certain year, a certain month and a certain day.

But what exactly is the touch?I can't say it anymore.

I'm such a rough person.

I want to be close to him, I want to touch him, I want to know him.

Want to go further.

My eyes seem to be more and more inseparable from him, no matter what kind of him he is.

He was so dazzling that it hurt me so much.

But wait, it hurts?Does it hurt?

When was the last time you felt this bad?The heart was clenched into a ball and suffocated.

Was it when Qi Hongxia slapped me?How many years ago was that?Shouldn't I be used to being disappointed?

But why was it so unbearable when he pushed him away?

what do i want

How did he see me?

I'm really anxious, I can't figure it out.

Does he have no feeling for me at all, is all this my wishful thinking again?

Then why does he care about me?

It's really, really annoying.

bored.