The director is too flirtatious

No matter what decision a person makes, that decision will definitely bring consequences, and the consequences, good or bad, are all you have to bear.

I've known, I've known for a long time that this is what I'm going to live with, and haven't I spent months relieving myself?But why, after a few months, I still fall with one blow?

Every pore on my body seemed to be aching, like thousands of needles had been stuck in my body.I collapsed and wanted to yell, but when I opened my lips back and forth, I could only exhale.

The heart is about to explode, but why doesn't it explode?When it blows up, it's all over, isn't it?

"Yi Nian, Yi Nian, what's wrong with you?" Lan Hui squatted beside me, asking nervously.

I want to tell Lan Hui that I'm fine, just like when I comforted my parents.But I couldn't say it at all, the song was still playing, and when I wanted to escape a little, it pulled me back to the unrecognizable fact.

"How rare and beautiful are those joys,

Do you really have a way to give up?

Just a dream come true,

Instantly disillusioned.

Bless you can really sleep well. "

The past between me and the director, those heart-throbbing and touching pasts, sweet words and sweet words, kisses and hugs, the existence that I deliberately weakened, has never been so clear like this time.

From the beginning when the director and I talked in front of the elevator, to getting closer and closer to each other later, with an increasingly ambiguous attitude.The director also drew me a strip of cartoons that belonged to the two of us, which was like a marriage proposal full of a sense of ritual.

The bits and pieces in her daily life, the keys she can never find, the clothes she always forgets to dry, and the books she has finished reading are always put away.Every time I seriously accused her of how she could do this, she smiled softly and hugged me, then kissed me coquettishly.

During daily work, she treats me equally and indifferently, but afterwards she will foolishly explain to me that she is in the company after all.He scolded me seriously one second, but allowed me to close the office door and kiss me secretly in the next second.

We always talk a few words every night when we go to sleep, we hug each other whether it is summer or winter, and we are always separated when we wake up, and whether it is me or her, when we are aware of it, we will always hug each other into our arms, fascinated Say good morning vaguely.

Look, how wonderful?How wonderful are these joys, these getting along with each other?

Why am I reluctant to do so?Am I a fool?Am I retarded?Otherwise why would I not?

Bless me can really sleep well?How can I sleep well?Every night I have to go through so many sit-ups, I have to torture myself to the point of exhaustion, and then I barely fall asleep, but my dream is full of directors, everywhere.

I shook my head desperately in pain, trying to get rid of all these chaotic thoughts.Tears had already flowed down, and the whole person seemed to be suffering from a mental illness, causing passers-by to turn their heads frequently.

Lan Hui hugged me anxiously, trying to stop my actions, "What's wrong with you?! One thought, calm down!"

How can I calm down?How can I still be calm? !

"Obviously you love me too,

No reason not to love the result.

As long as you dare not be cowardly,

Why should we miss it?

The night has many dreams,

Do not you think about me.

It's best not to admit your mistake then,

Don't think of me as crazy. "

This lyrics by Hebe Tien is really cruel, why did you write such words?Why do you have to show the blade so sharply, with a cold light, and poke directly into the heart of the person.

I even hated her at this moment, why must I be so cruel?That's obviously enough to make people sad, isn't it?

I screamed and cried bitterly, knelt on the ground, my hair was disheveled, and Lan Hui couldn't even hug me.

Why did I have a dream like last night?Why did the question in the dream fit so well with the lyrics of this song?Is the director using this song to accuse me?

I miss her, I really think I'm going crazy.

"Obviously you still love me,

No reason not to love the result.

As long as you dare not be cowardly,

Why should we miss it?

Long night dreams will be many,

Do not you think about me,

I wait for the night to listen to you saying how much you love me. "

As long as you dare not be cowardly, why should we miss it?

That's right, isn't all of this caused by my cowardice, my reluctance to part with this and that?

Why, why should I miss it?

Why? !

In the dream, the scene where the director smiled and asked me why you don't want it reappeared.

Look, so beautiful, and so heartbreaking.

"You said you love me, so why are you not willing?" The director looked at me tenderly, with tears in his eyes.

"You said you love me, so why don't you let it go?" I repeated the words the director said in my dream, word by word.The original heart-piercing pain seemed to be miraculously eliminated at this moment. I sat on the ground in a daze and said these words slowly.

Seeing that I finally stopped struggling, Lan Hui breathed a sigh of relief, and looked at me with a complicated expression.

I suddenly raised my head to look at him, and asked very strangely, "Why am I not willing?"

"Don't want what?" Lan Hui asked softly.

"Don't want her, how can I be willing?" I asked with a sideways face, "How can I be willing?"

At this time, the store's music had skipped to the next one, and the passers-by saw that I was no longer crazy, and they stopped stopping.And I was still sitting on the ground, acting like a lovelorn, which is rare, but not uncommon.

But I don't care about these, and I can't care about them.

After I finished asking Lan Hui, I didn't think about asking Lan Hui to answer, I just asked subconsciously.I turned my face sideways and thought about it, and I was sure that I was reluctant. Since I was reluctant, why should I not?

for what?Because of society?Because of the secular?Because of home?

But why?

Why should I miss it because of these?

I have never tried to be as calm as I am now, not as hesitant as I woke up from a dream in the morning, not as happy as going to work in the afternoon, and not as confused as I was walking just now.A command was clearly expressed in my mind at this time.

Go to the director.

I was as calm as an outsider, watching myself lose my composure just now, and then stood aside indifferently to give instructions.

Have you had enough trouble?Have you figured it out yet?Do you know what you want?

I think I get it.

Lan Hui still supported me, for fear that I would lose control again.I looked at him guiltily, but pushed his hands away firmly.

Lan Hui seemed to realize something, and didn't continue to support me.His face was very complicated, "You... have something to say?"

I thought about it, and although I was still very guilty, I still said, "I'm sorry, I'm very grateful for your company these past few months, but I can't accept you."

Lan Hui was not surprised by this ending, although he was slightly injured.He looked at me quietly, looked at my calm appearance, and asked, "You seem to have figured out something?"

"I think I figured out something." I smiled back at him, "Ah Hui, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have promised you in the first place, I dragged you down for a few months, I'm really sorry .”

"This is what I want to come, and I don't think it's a burden." Lan Hui spread his hands and said with a smile: "It seems that you are leaving, then...be careful when driving."

Yes, I'm leaving, out of here, out of the struggles I've had all this time, out of these swamps that make me sick.

"You too." I moved forward and hugged Lan Hui lightly, then turned and left.

I couldn't wait, and left in a hurry.

I've never tried to be so calm, never tried to be so relaxed.My heart no longer hurts, it comes alive, my body is no longer heavy, it is light.

Will the director still want to see me?Is she still willing to accept me?Can we go back to the past?

Are these important?

These are very important, but these are not important.

What matters is that I love her and would rather give up everything to love her.The important thing is that I am no longer confused, no longer wavering, and finally have enough courage to face this matter.

I can't accept Lan Hui, I can't accept another man, I can't even imagine if my other half is not the director.

If the director refuses to accept me and is heartbroken by me, then at least I can tell her without any worries that I love her.No matter it is a natural or man-made disaster, it cannot be stopped.

I even jumped into the car in a good mood, with a smile on my face.I turned the key and turned the steering wheel. My purpose was so clear, that is to leave the city and find the director.

Two or three hours' drive, I can go to find her by myself, can't I?

When the car was on the highway, I called my mother.

"Mom." I called her name softly. This was the softest time I called her since I broke up with the director.There is no such resentment, nor is it overwhelmed with pain.This title has accompanied me all my life, and I love her deeply, now and in the future.

It's just that I won't follow her like this after all.

"What's wrong?" Mom's voice was a little low, as if she had noticed something.

"I won't go back tonight." I said in a brisk tone, impatient, as if sharing a happy news with her in the past, "Also, I rejected Lan Hui."

Mom was silent for a moment, and said "oh".

I was not influenced by my mother, and I was still in a very happy state. I even smiled and bent my eyebrows, "Mom, I reject Lan Hui, and I reject any man in the world as my partner. I love women. If that woman is not Yi Er, it will be someone else, and it will never be a man."

"Mom, can you understand me? I've never seen myself more clearly than I do today. I just want to tell you that I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm not proud of who I am, nor am I. inferiority complex."

"Mom, I love you, but I can't give up my own happiness because of your wishes. Happiness is like drinking water, don't you know whether it's warm or cold? I know the happiness I want, if you really think I'm disgusting, I'd rather disown you. But Mom, I love you."

My mother was silent for a long time. I thought she wasn't listening anymore. Just as I was about to hang up, I heard my mother say, "Will she still want you?"

I thought about it, and then laughed, "The point is not whether she wants me, but myself. If she doesn't want me, I can get it back, or I can really stay safe without disturbing each other. But mother, I love her, and I just want to meet her and tell her I love her."

Mom was silent again for a moment, then sighed faintly, "I'm tired, I'm going to bed."

"Good night, mother."

I hung up the phone in a happy mood, and then turned on the navigation.

Where does the director live?I don't know, but I know where the branch is.

Will the director reconsider accepting me, will there be other suitors, will he give up on me completely.It doesn't matter anymore, of course I will be sad and depressed.

But now what I want to do more is to stand in front of her and say I love you.

I love you and want to be with you if I can.