The director is too flirtatious

Am I a gay?

Needless to say, I am gay.But when these words came from my mother, with such a rebuke and some longing tone, I still underestimated the impact of these three words on me.

When my mother asked this sentence, it meant that she actually had enough doubts, and I clearly saw the desire in her eyes that I denied.

What if I say yes?What if I say no?

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my father's surprised expression, and he shook his head slightly worriedly at me.I understand what Dad means. He doesn't believe it and wants me to deny it.

But I can't deny it. This is the fact, and it is also the reason why I have been "disobedient" for the past six months.

But when I wanted to say what I admitted, I found it was so difficult.I can't ignore the growing disappointment in my mother's eyes, and the unwilling hope under the disappointment.It was obviously such a complicated thought, but it was clearly expressed.

My throat was dry, I opened my lips, but I couldn't say a word.I cheered myself up again and again, my heart was beating so fast in my head, and with this feeling, I said, "So what if you are? What if you are not?"

After my mother heard my answer, her slightly trembling body paused, as if she had calmed down a little.She looked at me deeply, "Don't play tricks with me, I hope you can clearly understand what you are doing now."

I pursed my lips, "I know exactly what I'm doing." I looked at her firmly, "If yes, what are you going to do? If not, what are you going to do?"

"If yes, change it for me until it becomes normal; if not, find me a boyfriend until I get married." Mom's words were full of despairing firmness.

Even though I expected it, I still feel a little unbelievable, "Why do you have to do this? Why do you have to follow the route you planned? Why do I have to get married and have children? And why, do I have to change?"

"Because I can't watch you go astray, because I can't watch my daughter go out and be pointed at. And I can't accept that I have a gay daughter. It's the wrong choice, it's Morbid behavior, it's disgusting stuff."

"Don't homosexuals even have the qualifications to be human? So you use things to describe it?" I felt extremely sad about what my mother expressed, and I stood up from the sofa a little out of control, "Homosexuals are just different sexual orientations, they do wrong What made you curse them like that?"

"They made my daughter unrecognizable, they made my daughter go astray, they made my daughter not want to get married and choose to be a homosexual who was despised." When the mother said later, she became agitated. I completely confirmed my identity as a gay, to the point that I completely tore through the disguise that I had worked so hard for in the past six months, "I have felt something wrong since Chinese New Year, and until today, how long are you going to hide from me? "

"It's not that I want to hide it, but that you don't want me to be." I lost control of my emotions, "Why do you want to hear me admit it when you ask me this time? You really want to know about this , so that I can get married according to your wishes. It's just because you found that I don't want to go on a blind date at all, so you let this matter out."

"Yes, I'm gay. Ever since I learned about feelings, I've never been attracted to men. I only like women. From the beginning to the end, from childhood to adulthood, I only like the same sex. I'm gay. That's it. Did you hear my answer?"

"You...Are you serious?" Mom's face turned pale all of a sudden.

The words have been said here, and there is absolutely no reason to take them back.I took a deep breath and said slowly, "I'm serious, Mom, I like women."

"Don't call me mom!" Mom almost collapsed and cried out sharply.

All the blood on my face faded immediately, and I opened my lips slightly, seeing my mother say these words in disbelief.Subconsciously, I wanted to go forward and grab her, "Mom, do you know what you're talking about?"

"You...you still have the guts to admit that you are gay?" Mom grabbed my wrist with her backhand. Her hands were so strong that it hurt my wrist.Her hands trembled slightly, her expression was almost on the verge of collapse, "Xu Yinian, do you know what you are talking about? Do you know what this means?!"

"Mom, calm down. Of course I know what I'm talking about, and I know what it means. But homosexuality is just a different sexual orientation. I'm also your daughter, right?"

"Don't mention those three words in front of me! I feel disgusted when I hear these three words!" My mother screamed extremely sharply. She had been a teacher for many years and at this moment she abandoned all her role models and lost control. It's frightening, "This way is wrong, it's perverted! Don't be a pervert, listen to your mother and find a man to marry."

"Why do I have to find a man to marry? Why?!" I really couldn't understand this point, so that when my mother scolded me so badly, I didn't feel too much.It was just arguing and tears coming out unconsciously, and I didn't realize it myself, "Homosexuality is not a pervert! It's just a different choice!"

"He is a pervert. Only psychopaths will choose to take this wrong path. A woman can only be right with a man in the end. Who is not like this? Which one of your cousins ​​is not like this? ?”

"It's them and I'm me, why do I have to go the way others go, and do you know if my cousins ​​are happy after they get married? You only know that I must get married, but you never think that there is no love What does marriage represent."

"Emotions can be cultivated. Even if there is no love, after you have your own children and form a complete family, your life will be complete. But the road you take has no hope and no way out. Hutong, why can’t you figure it out?!”

"I don't know if it's a black alley, but you demonized it, didn't you? Mom, can you calm down? Homosexuality is not a disease, he just has a different sexual orientation. Is there any difference between me and ordinary people? The same job, the same life, what exactly makes you think this is a problem?"

"I can't control what other people do, but you and I will. I can't watch you go down this wrong path." Mom also cried, her red eyes made people feel distressed, "There is a problem, you It must be changed, must be changed.”

"Mom, it's something I was born with, and it can't be changed." I quarreled so much that my heart seemed to be shaking and hurting, "Why can't I choose the life I want, walk the path I want, why can't I ?”

"If you say that you don't like a man, I will never object to you, but you will be punished by God, and you shouldn't, do you understand?" Mom cursed a few words indiscriminately, and suddenly What came to mind, "Did the person you were with spoil you? Let me tell you, don't tell me to have a girlfriend, I will never agree!"

When my mother said this, she was obviously more excited.Dad saw me arguing and couldn't get in the way, so he couldn't help but support my mother at this time, "Honey, calm down."

Dad kept winking at me. I wanted to admit it directly, but then I remembered that it would be useless to involve the director now. I was afraid that my mother would transfer her anger to her.I calmed down and said, "Mom, what do you mean that others have brought me down? This is innate and cannot be changed. From the moment I was born, it was destined to be like this."

"Don't tell me I was born, I don't have such a perverted daughter!" Mom was so angry that her face turned white and red, and Dad couldn't stand it any longer, and said, "Calm down, both of you, don't say anything if you think about it!" gone."

I opened my lips and finally sat silently on the sofa.

My mother also sat on the other side of the sofa with my father's support. My mother was still crying, with her back turned to me and twitching, watching me feel extremely distressed, and those suffocated tears also flowed down.

When did I see my mother cry?For so many years, I have always been a well-behaved and sensible daughter, and I have never been reluctant to let my mother be sad, but now I am the one who caused her to cry.

But what can I do?After all, this step still has to be taken, and I cannot avoid it.

Mom was sobbing silently, and Dad hugged her full of distress, and turned to look at me with disappointment in his eyes.

Facing Dad's expression like this, my heart trembled, and the tears flowed more violently.As if reconciled, or as if I was drowning and tried to catch the driftwood, I couldn't help but choked up and said, "Dad...Mom...I'm still your daughter, right..."

"I don't have a daughter like you!" Mom called out sharply again, "If you don't have a boyfriend for a day, you won't be my daughter for a day!"

"If I don't have a boyfriend, I'm not your daughter. Is this the status of a daughter in the past twenty years? Just judge my status as your daughter by a boyfriend?" I was not angry at my mother's words. arrive?The tone raised unconsciously.

"Okay, stop arguing!" Dad, who has always been gentle, suddenly raised his voice, which scared my mother and I to stop the idea of ​​quarreling at the same time.Immediately, the mother cried and beat the father, "It's you, it's you who always said no rush, look, my daughter has become gay! Are you satisfied?!"

Dad asked Mom to hit her twice indiscriminately, and then hugged her hard.Mom struggled a few times at first, and then she lay on Dad's shoulder and cried loudly, "Woo...why is my life so miserable..."

I was crying and refused to say another word.

Dad was silent for a while, and said, "One thought, get ready, and go to see a psychiatrist with Dad."

I suddenly looked at my dad, and screamed in disbelief, "Dad! You are a university professor, do you even think homosexuality is a disease? Why should I see a psychiatrist? I'm not sick!"

"No disease? No disease, you will tell me that you are gay?! I tell you, you must change! You have lost all the face of the old Xu family, lost all face!" Mom raised her head from her father's arms , that red-eyed twisted appearance seemed to want to eat me up.

"Is your daughter's happiness or face important? And who will know if you don't tell me about it?!" I asked in embarrassment while crying, feeling so sad that I was about to die, "Why did you do this to me!"

"Then why did you treat mom like this?!" Mom cried and asked.

I opened my lips and cried silently.

Why...why does it have to be like this?I don't understand, but, I'm sad.

It's really sad.