twenty-sided dice

"Father." After rehearsing many times, his throat was still terribly blocked when he actually said it, "I applied for the finance major of XX University."

"..." The man's eyes finally fell on my face.I stared at his chin, and suddenly noticed that there was a dent exactly like mine, and I couldn't make a sound at all, so I could only hand in the admission notice and payment slip with trembling hands.

I wanted to go to a city where I happened to have one of the most prestigious universities in the world.But undergraduate tuition was so expensive that I had to ask my biological father for help.

The probability of him agreeing to me is about 35%, sometimes high and sometimes low, I don't know if it is because of the weather, the company's stock, the performance of his lover, or his own mood.

If you cast the dice, it's good to pass the judgment, but if you fail, I don't have to make fun of myself.but……

But this probability keeps changing.What if, what if... what will happen?

After procrastinating, I still came to ask him directly.

"Why are you studying finance?" He narrowed his eyes, "My family property will not be passed on to illegitimate children."

"I want to join the investment bank." I tried my best to calmly bear his suspicious gaze, "I will return the tuition fee to you after I earn money."

"What if I don't give it?"

"..." The heart sank, fell into the abdominal cavity, and burrowed into the ground, "Then I will take the college entrance examination and go to a domestic university."

"It's all over now, can you still pass the exam?"

"I will work hard."

"..." Why can a person look at his own flesh and blood so indifferently?I have seen the paternity test that my mother hid behind the cabinet-the report is crumpled and the handwriting is quite faded.

I finally couldn't hide the disappointment in my eyes, so I just lowered my eyes and continued to stare at his chin.

"Then don't forget to pay back the money." He raised the corner of his mouth, as if doing a great charity, "I don't want any interest, anyway, I'm also your father."

"……thanks."

Will Yang and I be together?

Six dice, 120.

One less than before the meeting.I exhaled, but my heart still sank to the ground.

***

When I finally logged on to a legendary social networking site in the university dormitory and found Yang, my heart buried in the ground contracted violently, and I burrowed into the soil again.

On the small profile picture is a blurred him, standing in front of the bathroom mirror holding the phone, sticking out the tip of his tongue, hooking his thumbs around the waistband of his pants below his navel and pulling them down, so that the cock of his upper body extends into the shadows.

You need to be a friend to view the details.I moved the mouse over that button and suddenly turned to look at the glasses.

A pale and thin young man, wearing rustic glasses and arched like a shrimp, looked back at me timidly.

I closed my laptop and ran out to find the school gym.

A year later, I mustered up the courage to search Yang again and added him as a friend.He passed quickly, but did not take the initiative to send a message.

Yang is studying information technology, and the school is in another city... a few hundred kilometers away.

Why do I think he will definitely choose a university in the same city as his high school?Is it because it ranks first in the country?

But at least—I rubbed the increasingly prominent abs on my stomach, looked at all the A's on the report card, and found that the dice was missing another one.

***

Yang is still so beautiful.

I know what he ate every day, what parties he went to, what friends he met, what horrible news he saw, and what impassioned righteous indignation he expressed.I also know when and what coffee he drank in the library, which professor was perverted and which teaching assistant was stupid, where he went surfing during the holidays, and which beautiful long legs were beside him.

It took me a while to notice, though, that he never changed his "single" status, despite the constant physical entanglement around him.

Given Yang's popularity, how could it be possible that he has never had a regular girlfriend?I chewed on my sandwich and looked at his dick, puzzled.

"You are……"

I was taken aback, the phone slammed onto the table, and I quickly picked it up again, trying to exit the big picture with no clear meaning.

"Why panic? Me too." Sitting next to me was a familiar classmate, who seemed to have attended class together.I remember that when I first met him, I wondered for a while whether he was of mixed race or Near Eastern descent, and only now did I realize that he was actually a Chinese.

"What is it?!" My face was so hot that I wanted to grab the words and stuff them back into my mouth - of course I knew what he was talking about.If he answered clearly, I would definitely show him smoke in my ears on the spot.

But he just smiled and held out his hand to me: "Yi. I often see you in the gym, you are very hardworking."

My hands were shaking and my fingertips were freezing as hell.He shook hands for too long, and my palms were sweating.

"If you're interested, I can take you to... places where people like us hang out." He suggested, "Don't worry, it's just an ordinary pub with a good atmosphere and not messy at all." This makes previous assurances suspicious.

"I, I didn't...not..." I smashed the rest of the sandwich, and when he finally let go, I quickly packed up my things, "The afternoon class is about to start, I, I, I will go first!"

I sat in the classroom a quarter of an hour earlier, took out my textbooks and notes and buried myself in research.Numerous numbers and formulas can make me calm down, even if I still have doubts about the principle behind it—after all, the results calculated by the complex model may not match reality as my twenty-sided dice—— But investors probably believe in sophisticated models rather than the numbers that pop up in my head.

When I was young, I always felt that this ability was of no special use.Does it really make a lot of sense to know how hard something is?Especially in many cases, even if the failure is judged in advance, I still have to bite the bullet - the election that is bound to fail, the exam that is doomed to fail, the unavoidable embarrassment... so I would rather directly Take your chances instead of rolling the dice early and having to face doomed failure that you never even had a chance to try.

But finance is different.

Finance is all about predicting the future.Whether it is knowing the exact probability or being able to judge in advance, it is an advantage that can bring huge benefits.

Instead of using this ability to become a goose that only lays golden eggs in the real estate industry, it is better to show your skills in the bigger casino of finance.

When my tense and trembling muscles finally relaxed, someone ignored the empty classroom and came and sat down next to me.I have a sense of foreboding.

"What a coincidence, we have the same class!" Yi smiled and looked at me with his head propped up.

"Cough, cough, cough!" My lungs hurt from choking on the saliva, "That... I was sorry just now."

"No, no, no, I was too abrupt." He waved his hand generously, "Tell me when you want to go."

"I'm not……"

"Hey, no one judges you here!" He patted me on the shoulder, "But of course, I totally respect you if you don't want to admit it! Take it easy~"

I plan to stay away from this nonsense talker.

***

We quickly became inseparable, even finding internships and jobs together.

Yi insisted on pulling me to be gay.When I didn’t graduate, I could use the excuse that my studies were the most important and I was short of money, but now I’m working——

"You have no money!" He finally got angry, "Didn't you just get a huge bonus? Rainmaker!"

"It's all used to pay off the debt! Now I only have a month's food left!" I was in a good mood looking at my empty account, imagining what my father would look like when he saw the transfer—no, I don't want to think about him. What an old face!

"A student loan? Why are you in such a hurry to pay it back?" He grabbed my collar, and the blue veins on his beautiful biceps stretched out, "Can I ask you? Let's go!"

"Why must I go? Isn't it good for you to catch men by yourself? What if I hinder you?"

"You...!" He gritted his teeth, and suddenly leaned in front of my face.I threw my head back desperately, my nose and eyes squeezed together.

Yi pushed it violently, stood up, looked down at me and sneered, "You think I'm going to kiss you?"

"I know, you like that Yang, don't you? Just peek at his homepage if you have nothing to do!"

"..." The blood quickly dropped from my face, disappeared to nowhere, leaving a piece of ice cold.

"So what's wrong with him? Is his face as handsome as mine? Is his body as good as mine? I don't know what I'm doing all day, bragging to the sky, how old I am and yet childish..."

"Shut up!" I wanted to stand up and stare at him, but my legs were completely useless, and my eyes were too painful to open, "You...don't talk about him..."

"If you like him so much, go find him! It's a pity, he is a straight..." Yi quickly pressed the phone, and suddenly froze, his eyes protruding a little.

"Go find him!" He slapped his phone on my face, "Look, he has changed interestedin to menandwomen! You have a chance!"

I held the phone in my hand and raised my face to look at him.Something like acid spilled out of the eye socket and slid down the face, burning the skin with a sharp pain.

Will I...and Yang...will be together?

Although I still look at what Yang has done every night and think about him to fall asleep, but I haven't asked this question for a long time.

a dice.

5.

I hugged my head and shook my head desperately.

***

I did not go to Yang.But Yang came to me.

"Good afternoon! I'm here to handle the transfer of documents... ah." He glared at me, the document under his arm slipped, and he quickly lowered his head to grab it, "Huh? It's really you!"

"Hahaha long time no see, I thought it was a coincidence when I saw the name..." He held my hand, pulled me into his arms and patted my back, "It's a pity I didn't know it earlier! You will be transferred to the headquarters when we first met Already!"

"You..." I clearly remembered that the name of a famous Internet company was written in his online profile, not the IT department of an investment bank, "I didn't expect that."

"Okay, then let's finish our work and go drink!" He narrowed his eyes with a smile, revealing two familiar canine teeth.I stared at him for a while, then finally nodded.

I asked him to check the files on his computer and went out to get a cup of coffee.Yi's desk has been cleared, and his successor's name tag has been put on it—we were promoted together, but he moved to the headquarters before I waited.

Is he still mad at me... I blew on the boiling coffee and walked back slowly.

Yang was sitting by the window in the corridor.I looked over his shoulder and found him checking my social networking page.

"Hey, are you done?" I walked into the room.Startled, he shoved his phone into his pocket and scratched his head.

"Well, wait until these are copied." He took out a few pieces of paper, "You sign here."

Afterwards, Yang took me to a bar, sat down at the bar counter with familiarity, ordered wine and pushed it to me.

"Congratulations, Gao Sheng!" He clinked glasses with me, drank the wine, and ordered another glass, "Take this opportunity to use up the annual leave you saved earlier? Where do you plan to go?"

I said that I haven't made up my mind yet, and I have to go to the headquarters to familiarize myself with the situation first.He smacked his lips in disapproval, warned me that if I crossed this village, there would be no such store, and threatened me with the death of a colleague who was overworked.

He mentioned the newly developed software, told anecdotes about testing, complained that the risk management department made random requests without understanding farts, and how he had a burst of inspiration to fool him...

It looks like he's either wearing multiple hats, moving across the company's IT divisions, or listening to a lot of gossip and bragging in the cafeteria.I echoed, calling the bartender to refill his glass from time to time.

"...I've been following you since I became a friend, but you seldom show up online." Yang finally turned to me, "How have you been these years?"

If I hadn't seen him sharpen his gun before the battle, I might have believed it.But I didn't intend to expose him: "It's okay, it's quite boring."

"Ah, you are a serious and good student!" He sniffed his nose, his words were already a bit slurred, "I didn't have a girlfriend either—" He waved his hands around, "Or a boyfriend?"

I squeeze the cup tightly in my hand.I noticed when I came in before that the bar was almost full of men.This is probably the gay that Yi has always wanted to drag me to.

He stretched his head and looked over, his knee rubbing against me vaguely.

"Aren't you the same?" I didn't dodge, but he moved closer.

"Well—because I've been waiting for the right one." His fingertips holding the cup touched the back of my hand, soaked in the coolness of the condensation.

"How do you know who's right?"

He just put his hand on my lap: "Of course I'll try it~"

I looked at Yang and remembered that in that distant time and space, the naughty boy who encouraged me to skip the cram school, the outstanding student who claimed to be "the fourth in ten thousand years", and the basketball boy who made the girls jealous.

I thought of Number One again, and the way she frowned and squeezed out dirty words.

Back then, did I really forget to ask him if he could be admitted to X High School together?Or did he subconsciously know that he was probably bad enough, and he didn't want the judgment result to affect him?

I'm such a bad guy.Children's self-righteous liking has long since deteriorated into a fantasy that supports them to move forward.My wishful blindness was certainly not Yang's fault.

Over the years, he has indeed remained the same.

"You drank too much, I'll take you back." I paid the bill and supported him to stand up - there was a small circle of soft flesh around his waist, and the top of his head looked a little pale.

He put his arm around my neck, put his hands dishonestly into my shirt, and grinded his nose and stubble against my neck.

I put him in a taxi, asked for the address, and paid the fare.

Standing on the side of the street and watching him go away.

When I finally woke up from the dream when I was young, I realized that more than ten years have passed in a flash, and I have aged a lot in an instant.I stood under the street lamp, feeling empty in my chest.

Late at night.

***

Will Yi and I be together?

A twenty-sided die, 2.

I hesitated again and again, but still shook my head and dialed the phone.

"Huh...?" The other person answered quickly, with a sleepy nasal voice.

"Yi," I suddenly felt quite shameless, "I have a plane tomorrow morning, can you come pick me up?"

There was silence on the other side for a while.

As cowardly as I am, I dare not even bear a 5% failure in this matter.The heart hangs motionless at first, then jumps up and down suddenly, and sinks down little by little as time drags on.

"Of course! What time? Flight number? How much luggage do you have? Let me tell you, bulky luggage is better than express delivery. If you had told me a few days earlier..."

Warm blood circulated through the limbs and bones again.Listening to Yi's familiar ramblings, I couldn't close my mouth when I opened my mouth.

(Finish)