gentle and affectionate

Chapter 45.

However, two days later, when Hei Gang was about to wake up, I flinched.

What if he wakes up and sees me first?Just stay with him like this, stay with him until he wakes up, watch him slowly blink his eyes, and then see himself in his eyes again.

——Think about it, why don’t you want to?

But, but, how should I face him now?

After stripping off his clothes, he stepped into the huge wooden barrel and let the warm water cover his whole body, washing away the fatigue and embarrassment of the past few days.Looking at this antique Japanese room, smelling the pleasant smell of wood and the faint spices in the water, I let the memories drift back to the past and arrived in the dreamland.

The cherry blossoms full of trees outside the window are dancing pink, which is so similar to the crabapple in the Night Demon Kingdom.

I huddled myself into a ball, let the hot water cover my head, closed my eyes, and remembered that the last time I took a bath in such a wooden barrel was when I was just recovering from my injuries in the Daredevil Kingdom.

It is also the time when dreams are the most beautiful.

So, then the mood will be so good, right?Although taking a bath is a very happy thing, but I think it is more important because of the sound of bowls and chopsticks colliding behind the screen, and the man's a little impatient urging.

It was because at that time, I could still lie to myself to accept his tenderness with peace of mind, and treat everything as a dream.

Because at that time, he hadn't died several times because of me.

Because at that time, I didn't love him so much.

And now, how would he look at me?

Even if the original sin was cleared from Fay's memory, even if Farelia's destruction was just a conspiracy of that person, even if the king's loss of control had nothing to do with me, I ended up killing him.

The reason why he lay like a living dead for so many days is all because of me.

The swordsman who lost his arm can no longer be as strong as before, making him unable to keep the agreement he made with his parents and monarchs.

...Besides, those assumptions of exoneration may not necessarily be true.Because maybe the fact is that I, an unfortunate person, have been implicating those around me, killing my parents and brothers in the past, and witnessing the destruction of the world twice.

Now, it made him like this.

Looking at his almost bloodless face for a few days, holding his warm hands that are different from the past, whenever I see the empty sleeves, whenever I see the wound with rolled flesh, my heart throbs so painfully that it is also dripping with blood.One day, seemingly unintentionally, Princess Zhishi once explained to me that she transmitted voices to Heigang through dreams, and told Heigang Broken Arm to save me was his own decision.

But I don't even know whether I should thank Zhishi, because I wanted to say that if Heigang didn't save me, maybe he could return safely, and he wouldn't have to bear the risk of being implicated by me in the future.

But I can't say that now, because no matter how despicable and unbearable I am, my life is all bought by him at the risk of his own life.

I know his intentions, and I believe he won't complain—but just because he doesn't complain doesn't mean he doesn't blame me in his heart.

No matter what his decision was to save me, I was the one who killed him, this is the truth after all.

So, because of him, I'll live,

Because I love him, I can't stay with him after all.

……

When the dusk finally passed, I left the still warm water without hesitation, and took advantage of the night to make a wish.

Changing into a clean kimono, he carefully dried his hands, but let the moisture in his face and eyes blur his vision, they slipped from his cheeks together, wet the pure white sleeves, but they couldn't fall on his hands anyway.

I smiled, seeing the red paper in my palm was enchanted by the night.

The moonlight reflected the red paper into the color of his eyes, but it was so wrinkled that it couldn't reflect my appearance, and the writing on it was soaked by someone's blood and tears at some point, so I couldn't tell the original appearance; Butterfly has long since disappeared.

Preserved carefully, it finally became like this, just like the past between me and him that can never be retrieved, and the fate that is finally difficult to continue.

Love is not longing.

In the empty room, I slowly slid and sat on the floor, pressing the red note firmly to my chest, and finally wept uncontrollably.

When there was a slight noise outside the door, I was standing up against the wall, and as if nothing had happened, I answered the doorman's words, and walked to the mirror. My eyes were red and swollen after crying. I looked pitiful, as if I had just done it. The person who made the ruthless decision was someone else, and I was the one who was abandoned.

I smiled wryly.

In fact, I know the reason why I insist on leaving Heigang. To put it bluntly, I am just afraid that he will blame me.

It's like a cat will never stay in one place for too long, as if it is really carefree, but in fact it just turns around and leaves before being bored, in order to leave the last bit of self-esteem before being abandoned.

——Before you have nothing, you can pretend that you don't care, and you can think that you really don't care.

Therefore, in order to keep this determination, at the moment when the imperial doctor told Heigang to wake up, I asked Princess Zhishi to stay by his side, and I came to the long-vacant guest room prepared for me, watching The moon outside the window sat alone for a long time.

Until now, the young man at the door was ordered by the princess to meet me.

I don't know if Hei Gang is awake, and I don't know at this time, Princess Zhishi saw what I wanted to say, she didn't hesitate in her heart, and it's not that she didn't guess her intentions... But no matter what, she is my friend after all. And Heigang's benefactor, let alone the princess of this country.

I didn't have any position to refuse, so I could only carry this uneasy feeling, guided by the servant, to the room I had been familiar with for a few days, there was a faint voice coming from the closed door, as if I was confirms my anxiety.

"...my strength seems to have weakened because I killed a man."

I pause.

Yes, he is talking.

He woke up.

And the mood that I tried to calm down just now became a mess again.

"You already know it through the dream?" His familiar voice came again, with a slight sigh, "If I killed that person, I would end up where I am today."

"Don't you blame me for not telling you beforehand?"

His sigh seemed to be on my heart, the white paper door in front of me almost blurred my vision, I tried hard to stabilize my figure.

I'm the one who got him to this point.

Suddenly, she was afraid of hearing what he said next, but subconsciously lowered her breath and listened attentively, as if afraid of missing a word from him, but she was already so frightened that even her hands trembled slightly.

"Outsiders won't understand the pain that you know but can't talk about, and blaming yourself for something you don't understand won't help."

"Black Steel..."

"And... I don't regret cutting off my arm at all."

I froze.

"I have always longed for power," he paused, "in order not to let anyone take away my precious things,"

"However, with power sometimes comes disaster,"

"Also, there are some things that cannot be protected by strength alone."

……

Even so, you still protected me.

——It's not because of your strength, but because you are desperate and bet everything. You, who are not sure whether you will be safe in the future, actually bet your own life.

And me, what virtue and ability do I deserve to be treated like this by you?

There is something in the bottom of my heart ready to come out.

Suddenly I realized how despicable I really was. I had never doubted his intentions, but just because the result was unpredictable, I wanted to leave alone.

What to say about lovesickness and forgetting—in fact, it’s just cowardice, because I’m too afraid that one day that kind of heart will fade away in the wash of time, and I’m afraid that I will become the inducement for him to think of all these sufferings, and I’m afraid that he will always be in love with me. One day I will hate myself, and then I will be left alone, guarding the irreversible past alone.

Giving up may not be chic, it may just be cowardly.

But if I really gave up here, wouldn't he be the one left behind?

"It seems that you already understand what it means to be truly powerful."

He already understood, but I was almost confused.

Zhishi's intention to call me here finally surfaced slowly in her call.

Thank you, Tomoyo.

I gently pushed open the paper door, as solemnly as if I pushed open the door of my heart.

The ninja who had been sleeping for many days was sitting in the tent, his broad shoulders were outlined by his snow-white jacket, his sword eyebrows were slanting, and his dark red phoenix eyes were staring at me.

But I slyly hid my eyes behind my bangs, with a tight mouth and clenched fists, a little bit like him.

I walked up to him.

He looks up at me.

Those eyes reflected my pale blond hair.

And I think, there must be him in my eyes.

He must have felt that such silence was a bit awkward, so he couldn't help but speak out.

"Hey……"

Clenching my fist and accumulating strength, almost at the same time as his syllable to break the silence, I threw my fist at his forehead, so fast that Mr. Ninja could not easily dodge it, and was almost thrown backward by me , the look of covering his forehead in surprise is disgustingly silly.

But I still curled up the corners of my mouth without disdain:

"This is a tribute to you, Mr. Hei."

The smile grew long from the bottom of my heart, warmed my whole body, and overflowed from the corners of my lips and eyes——

How could you dislike it? It's too late to like it.

Mr. Black.

Even if the future is uncertain,

let me believe you-

Let me believe that as long as you are in the future, you will never have to be afraid again.

Only because of you can be brave.

The news of Hei Gang's waking up made the whole yard lively. The imperial doctor was summoned to ask for pulse. After the diagnosis was all right, he gave some precautions and taboos, and then left with Princess Zhishi. The young generals who were onlookers were later heard to be some of Heigang's lieutenants.

This vicious guy, unexpectedly, some people dare to come and see him.

Zhishi is Heigang's lord after all, and he knew Heigang when he was young, so I felt inappropriate to leave like this, so I left her a few words, but she reasoned that it was getting late and she was about to go to rest.

In fact, it's not even the time of day.

The result was that the scene was cleared out of nowhere, and only Hei Gang and I were left in the huge room.

He was sitting in the tent, and I was standing in front of the tent, the moon was hanging high outside the window, and the surrounding area was so quiet that only the crackling of candles could be heard.

In the end, I chose to remain silent.

Just a few minutes ago, I was hiding in my room alone, thinking about estrangement and leaving Heigan, but a few minutes later, I was standing here, standing in front of him, still unable to take back the feeling I had just felt. Confess the same playful plot as the heart.

This script cannot be rearranged yet.

But this is not to say that I regret what happened just now, it's just that in just a few minutes, my mood has been changing, and even I can't tell how much my mood has changed in this short period of time. Once I calmed down, I felt a little dazed for a reason, and now I had to face Hei Gang alone, I almost didn't even dare to look him in the eyes, it's strange that I could speak naturally.

It's one thing to make up your mind, quite another to know what to say.

Hei Gang has never been a talkative person, and he has just woken up after experiencing life and death, so in the same way, it is one thing for him not to blame me, but another thing to know what to say to me.

So, silence.

And break the silence at the same time.

"you……"

"you……"

The eyes met accidentally, and the light on the side reflected his tough silhouette, which made people blush and heartbeat in the hazy night.

So my heart skipped a beat.

"you……"

"You speak first."

In the end, I was the first to throw the hot potato back into his hands. I thanked silently in my heart that it was night, so I could still use the darkness to hide my nervousness.

Hei Gang looked at me, feeling a little embarrassed, and looked away for a moment, hesitated for a long time before opening his mouth and said:

"Feel sorry."

I froze.

"Killed your king, sorry."

"I'm sorry for prying into your past in that way."

"Before, I didn't respect your opinion and made you... sorry."

He lowered his head so that I couldn't see his expression, but his voice was low, with a hoarseness that he didn't usually see.

"But, I don't regret it."

"I said, I don't care what kind of past you have experienced, I just know that what I want to do is to keep you alive, no matter what you think."

"I'm sorry, even if you hate me. I can't say 'there is hope in life', such a beautiful word, but if you die, there must be no hope."

"If you die, not only me...but also the kid, the princess, and that white steamed bun, no one will be happy."

He lowered his head, his broad shoulders supported the moonlight, as if he could hold up the whole world, just like he stubbornly held up my world alone, and he didn't give up until his body was covered with bruises.

Time and time again, he went to danger because of me, worked hard for us in Sakura City, protected me every step of the way in Night Demon Country, protected me when I was dying underwater with his body, and used his own blood to bear the burden of me. A monster's life, but I still treat him like that.

But even so, no matter how dark the world is, when I have nothing, he still holds my hand and leads me in the darkness without getting lost.

He has been my hope time and time again when there is no hope.

Even now, with pale lips and empty sleeves fluttering in the breeze, he still comforts me with his shoulders and clumsy words, as if he wanted to prop up a new one for me alone after my world was shattered. world.

"I know it's selfish, I'm sorry, even if you hate me, I hope you can live well..."

Apologizing one after another, as if he was the one who has always been self-willed, the person who is not good at words, one sentence after another, as if if he didn't say anything, he would have no chance.

But in fact, I was standing so close to him that I could touch his thick forehead hair with my hand.

"Feel sorry……"

"Hey, Black Steel."

I couldn't listen anymore, I interrupted him, but saw him trembling like the morning in Tokyo, which made me feel even more guilty about how I had hurt him, and how sincere my heart was, that made me so gently Calling out a name is enough to hurt him to this point.

How can I be willing to leave him like this.

Put your hand gently on his hairline to calm his anxiety.His short black straight hair is deep and resolute just like his character.

this fool.

It should be me who should apologize.

"Black steel."

"I like you."

He finally raised his head in disbelief, his narrow eyes were a little rounded in surprise, and his slightly parted lips made him look childish, as if he wanted to confirm something.

I got used to relying on him along the way, so even I forgot that 24 years old may be just the age of a big boy among ordinary people.

It's all my fault for burdening him with too much.

So, in the future, I will bear it with him.

I looked at his exceptionally beautiful eyes that were wine red under the moonlight, and finally I could let myself indulge in them, no longer avoiding them, and met his eyes, looking straight into each other's hearts.

I feel a smile is spreading from the bottom of my heart.

"I won't blame you,"

To confirm for him, I repeated,

"Because I like Master Hei."

There was a flash of light in the wine red, and I couldn't control the smile from deepening.

That's what real laughter looks like.

——Like a seed that takes root and sprouts in the bottom of my heart, and finally blooms the most beautiful flowers.

We looked at each other with smiles in our eyes.

As long as a century has passed, he slowly raised his right hand, held my fingers on his forehead, and sent warmth from there.

But he pulled it suddenly.I was caught off guard and knelt down, falling into the soft cushion and his warmer embrace.His hands slipped from his waist to his shoulders at some point, and took advantage of the situation to hold my face, with deep phoenix eyes and slightly parted thin lips.

Then, his tough lines magnified without limit in front of his eyes.

Gave me a real kiss.