gentle and affectionate

Chapter 40.

That day, I said everything, but I didn't know what I said.

I guess, it's probably the part that can be said, the part that should apologize to them.For a person like me, the sins are so piled up that it is difficult to write them down. If I really want to say something, it may take three days and three nights to finish.

Like what I hid from Feather at the beginning, like the reason I came out for the trip, like everything I knew Fei Wang wanted to accomplish, like what I knew about the identity of Sakura and Xiaolang... I am used to lying, I have nothing to pay attention to Yes, not everything that can be said, but the deepest sin must not be confessed.

I am such a shameful person, I have no sense of responsibility, no sense of justice, until now I can't fully confess my sins, and I don't even know where my sincerity has been thrown.

The hands that killed Sakura with my own hands were like dry sticks, and they were so ugly that I sat in the room, feeling the urge to cut them off.My mind was clamoring, but my body was as cold as ice. I grinned, and yes, if I cut them off now, it would probably drag them down again.

That person should look down on me again.

So leave it at that.After a "confession meeting", several people in the same company went to rest separately. The door was carefully closed, but their smell still remained in the room.Unlike when I was dying and lost my senses, I can clearly distinguish the smell of each of them, especially the one who punched me inexplicably just now.Even if the bloody smell that tempted me is no longer on him, I can still tell it right away.

And what is missing is the girl who loves the most all the time.

Thinking about it this way, I felt that Heigang's punch was too light and too little. He should hit me hard until I died, so as to atone for the crime of killing her with his own hands.

But it's okay,

Because we are going back to Thrace.

The trip that was planned from the beginning - at least for me - is finally drawing to a close.Thinking of everything coming to an end soon, thinking of finally not having to hold them back anymore, finally not having to implicate them anymore, I suddenly felt a distorted joy from the mourning for the girl, it was a kind of perverted joy , but it cannot be denied that it really comes from the heart.

It turned out that I still have a heart.

Miss Witch also said that the things after the trip started were all my own choices. I was really shocked at the time, but then I thought it was just a consolation, because if that was the case, why did I keep letting them In danger?

I still haven't escaped from my established destiny track from beginning to end. I count the distance from death every day, and if I live one more day, I earn it.

Now I am finally nearing the end.

An inexplicable sense of relief came, thinking of seeing the long-lost king soon, the body trembled with excitement without knowing the fear, the strange joy in the heart contrasted sharply with the gloomy weather in Infinity City, but somehow it was not in harmony with the snow in the memory all the year round. The sky of Thrace, has a bit of resemblance.

After the princess left, the unused room was reserved for the ninja, who had slept on the sofa for nearly three months, but he didn't feel happy about it.The young man was recovering from his injuries, and everyone was resting, waiting for the last journey of my life.

From that sad final to the present few days, counting the time every second by second every day, the remaining time is still flowing away, but I am indifferent, emptying myself in the dark and humid room , The number of cigarette butts that have been suppressed is too many to count.

I stayed alone like this self-hypnotized, pretending that I really have no worries and no regrets, but fortunately, none of them came to bother me, just talked to me every day to make sure I was still alive, and then left silently Go, no more words.This sense of distance makes me feel safe, and saves me from having to face a lot of feelings, a lot of guilt, and a lot of truth that I want to say but can't say.

So decadent, it was the day before the departure.

Tomorrow, all this will end.

I watched the cigarette butt slowly burn to my fingertips, and felt like this cigarette butt. I was at the end of the road and was about to be abandoned by others. I would never see anyone again and have no future.

I will never see him again, and there will be no me in his future.

At this moment, I suddenly realized that I had no time.

I suddenly went crazy and wanted to see him. It was difficult for me to stand on my legs that I hadn’t used for several days. I came to his door almost like a ghost. As if waking up from a dream, he stopped moving.

What am I doing here?

Even if I see him, what can I say.

……

After the trip started, I had an inextricable bond with the man who hated each other when we met, and that seemingly indifferent man fell in love with me just like that, and has been doing his best to keep his life. my life.

For the hope that he thinks exists, as long as he lives.

Thinking of that person, I smiled again.

Men look cool, but because they are young and used to being silent, they can’t handle my verbal teasing very well. Therefore, when confronted by witches and people who talk a lot like me, it always seems difficult to resist. .He left me with a big impression on the first day we met, and I have been persistently teasing him. Just seeing his innocent look of pretending to be angry, I feel that God probably treats me favorably.

I didn't expect more favors.Later, fighting side by side with him, the commitment between life and death was probably heavy, and the relationship became closer unconsciously; knowing the identities of the two children, I naturally would not reveal too much to them, and he actually did I am highly consistent with me on this point, and I probably don't want them to think too much.

So later, it became to watch their sadness and laughter together, and then think together to make them smile more.Every time Mokona's chasing and fighting became commonplace, the little guy he called Bai Mantou always had a good time; Ku also gradually showed a relaxed smile.

And I, looking at their smiles like this, gradually enjoyed it.

Until Sha Luoguo separated from the two children, this kind of fighting was less, replaced by a little embarrassment brought about by relatives all day long.But who would have thought that after time travelling, he and I were completely separated from them, and the embarrassment became less and less day by day.I remembered that in the days when I couldn't understand the language, I was glared at by him when I pulled the wound. I was a little unaccustomed to the black pupils, but they showed a different kind of handsomeness.

I think I have fallen since then.

Live together, fight together, travel together, spend beautiful or depressing days together, no matter whether we share joys or sorrows, his mountain-like thickness can make me calm down from the depths of my soul, and briefly experience the never-before-seen warmth and freedom.

If there was once, it was probably when we hugged our twins tightly, no matter how hard it was, we believed that as long as we had each other, there would be tomorrow.

After being brought back by Wang, I learned to smile. I thought, Wang might be my tomorrow.

Now, just thinking of Heigang, I feel that even if there is no tomorrow, there is nothing to be afraid of.

Even if he died like this, he would be satisfied.

I stood in front of the door of his room, looking at the fading sunset in front of the living room window, I raised my fingers like dry wood to knock on the door, but I flinched the moment I touched it.

Even if you see it, what can you say?

The good memory was rejected by me, his heart was trampled by me time and time again, the laughter and laughter of the past were never seen again, the silent tacit understanding has tortured me every day, but it has become the last contact between me and him...Obviously Reason tells me that I must stay away, but my heart is always rejoicing——

Fortunately, I haven't had anything to do with him yet.

But in the cold war for the past few days, the silence has changed from warmth to embarrassment, and the words have changed from laughter to sharp swords. Each time they hurt each other bloody.That has become a demon entangled with injuries, making me restless every day and night, and even dreaming at midnight is empty and painful.

Who is to blame.

It's all because I insist on being like this with him.

all myself...

The footsteps that I walked towards here frantically and firmly just now lost my firmness in an instant. I wanted to retreat, but the empty place in my heart could not be filled no matter what.

Just look at him.

Just look at him.

The clamoring voice in my head made me raise my hand again, but I forgot how to knock it down.

My heart was torn apart by hope and despair, sincerity and reason became entangled into a swamp, I sank deeply, and my raised hands trembled like sifting chaff.

I want to see him, but I am afraid that I will be shaken when I see him, and I am even more afraid that he will be shaken, and I am afraid that I will cause him to suffer greater danger... I don't care what I do, but I must not let him be in danger because of me again.Thinking like this, I almost used all my strength to decide to turn around and leave, but the door opened at such a moment.

It was almost impossible to move my sight away, I stopped the steps that were about to retreat, and let my thoughts come unbridled.

black steel.

A tall man in black cast a shadow in front of me, revealing his muscular arms, strong and powerful.

black steel.

His shoulders are broad, his jawline is as sharp as a knife, and his nose bridge is high, making him so tough.

black steel.

The frowning eyebrows are as thick and black as before, and the eyes are long and narrow with sharp edges and corners, which are the standard Danfeng eyes in oriental stories.

black steel.

It's just that the dark red eyes are no longer as firm and proud as before. Sadness and helplessness are mixed with my shadow in those eyes. He looked at me very gently, but it made my heart hurt like a needle.

Heigan, why did you change?

The deep voice that came out after a long silence was depressing and hoarse.

"what's up?"

I moved my dry lips, but my throat seemed to lose my voice, and I couldn't utter a single syllable.

I never thought that Heigan and I would have such awkward moments - after traveling together for such a long time.Even if it was a quarrel, the depressive silence strangled my neck like a hemp rope, and even breathing became difficult... I don't know how long it took, my mind was in a mess, I only heard what he seemed to say, and then took half a step back, Ready to close.

He's closing.

But I still have so much to say to him.

Subconsciously avoiding his gaze, I looked down and saw his hand, the hand with the scar running through the palm, the hand that protected me time and time again, the big hand that warmly took me away from darkness and fear, and now I am about to push this The Taoist gate separated me and him at the two poles.

This is nothing sad, but this is my last goodbye to him.

Because this farewell will soon become a farewell.

"and many more--!"

For the first time, impulse overcame reason. Regardless of the danger of being caught by the door, I stretched out my hands and rushed to the door that was about to close at the last moment.Seeing this, he stopped quickly, lowered his head to confirm that I was not hurt, his eyes remained the same as before, but he had unconsciously become more gentle.

black steel.

this is him,

The man I am willing to love with my life.

I like to tease him and see his angry expression; I like to order him to do this and that, and I think it’s cute to see his dishonesty while complaining and starting to do it; I like the night when two people drink together, and I like to have him busy In the busy kitchen, I like to squeeze close to him when I sleep at night. As long as I breathe his smell, I can sleep peacefully all night.

The love didn't know where it started, but it went deeper and deeper until today it is hopeless.

I used to laugh that he couldn't get along with women, but now, just thinking that he might form a family with a woman in the future makes my heart sour that I can't bear it.

So, in fact, when I found out what he wanted in Tokyo, I didn't even know how happy I was.

It's a pity that the word happiness has never belonged to me.I have obtained too much from him and owed him too much. The most important thing is that even if I love deeply, I can't respond to his heart, I can't love myself, I can't cherish myself, so I let him worry about me again and again, I was in deep danger for me, until in the end it could only end with my death.

It is precisely because I like him so much that I want to leave him even more, because I am more afraid that I will bring him into danger than forgetting each other.

None of the harsh words that he forced himself to say was sincere.

I keep saying that I can't forgive him, but I can't forgive myself.I know that this trip back to Thrace will put him in danger again, but I have no position to block his choice; Make his heart ache.

And the only choice on this road that I can be thankful for is the journey in Tokyo, and I was the person underwater.

Now, finally, it's all coming to an end.

Through the half-open door, he and I looked at each other intently.Fortunately, the sunset has passed, so I can outline his handsome facial features with my eyes, so that I won't be able to see his expression because of his backlight like that day.

I have never seen this face in Tokyo underwater, and now I just want to remember it deeply.For half a year, I didn't dare to look into his eyes anymore, because I was afraid that once I saw it, I couldn't help but let go of my forced indifference and tell him all my thoughts.

Now I have a chance, but my eyes are facing each other, and I don't know where to start a thousand words.

"Black Steel..."

The moment I subconsciously called out this name, I was stunned, but he didn't give me any more time to be silent.Pulling the door vigorously, I was staggered half a step forward by the hand holding the door, heard the sound of the iron door closing, and then fell into the embrace of Daysanye Nian.

"black……"

All the unfinished words were blocked between the lips with a kiss.The door closed with a bang, and I was pressed against the door by him, with his big hands around his waist, and he pressed me deeply into his arms, his lips and teeth met, and my nose suddenly felt sore.

He may have known.

He probably knew what I was going to say.

I gently hugged him back, feeling his body tremble unconsciously due to surprise.He held the back of my head and deepened the kiss, his green tongue quickly pried open my teeth, tasting every inch of my mouth, and the arms hugging me seemed to tighten unconsciously, as if afraid It disappears as soon as you let go.

Retaining hugs.

Desperate kiss.

I suddenly felt that this was cruel to Hei Gang, because he loves me so much, but I can't love myself, I can't cherish myself, and let him worry about me again and again, and fall into danger for me.

He desperately wanted to keep me, but I still had no choice but to smash his sincerity to pieces with my death.

With a sudden lightening of the body, he picked me up and put me on the soft bed, and then covered me up.The moment the kiss was interrupted, I panted heavily, opened my eyes subconsciously, and saw his misty eyes... The tears in his eyes made my heart ache, and I hugged him Unknowingly, his hands hugged him even tighter.

"sorry Sorry……"

I hope that in the next life I will not meet again, and I will not give my heart to someone like me again...

The kiss moved down the lower jaw, the neck seemed to be more sensitive, and the body trembled accordingly. I was subconsciously afraid of such an intimate touch, but my slight resistance encouraged the person on the body. Restlessly lifted the hem of his jacket and slid it in.This body couldn't stand the stimulation, severe dizziness surged, as if I fell into a dream, I seemed to see the snowy country full of corpses, and after a while, I returned to the sultry and dark street corner, the person who was touched The skin seems to be connected to the heart that has been hidden for a long time, and it is about to be touched intimately by another person——

Fear caused the magic in my body to run wild in an instant. I waved my hands indiscriminately, almost crying in my dream.

"Fay, Fay..."

His hands were tightly wrapped by big hands, and a soft kiss fell on his forehead. He called me in a low voice with tears in his voice, calling me back to the world one by one.He carefully helped me tidy up my clothes and tucked in the quilt for me, but I lost my strength as if I had experienced a nightmare, and I couldn't even say sorry.

As soon as I felt lighter, he pulled the quilt aside and covered me, except for the back view, leaving only a "sorry" almost like a mosquito sound.

But I could only cover my eyes tightly with my hands, and my heart was in excruciating pain.

……

The next day, I washed my red and swollen right eye carelessly with cold water, and put on the heavy cotton coat at the bottom of my luggage, which was the clothes I wore from Thrace.

The price charged by the witch is the prize money of the chess game, which is undoubtedly the best ending for the few of us.But besides that, Miss Witch also ordered me to use movement magic while moving.

I am well aware of my magic power situation, and Miss Witch probably knows it too, so there are some things I don't need to say, which makes me feel that such a price is considered a balance.

At least, let me pay a little more than them, even life doesn't matter.

Everything is ready to go, but I still feel like something is missing.

"Mokona, can you take out the blue ice?"

The little guy glanced at the owner of the sword, and he opened his mouth to spit it out with the latter's acquiescence. I reached out to catch it and walked to him.

"Hand out."

He gave me a deep look, then held out his scarred left hand.

I chanted the spell.From the beginning to the end, his face was full of surprise. I looked at his face without any impurities, and laughed from the bottom of my heart, and told him in a soft voice.

"When Moko is not around, it will be troublesome if you don't have a sword," I said briskly, "This is the same way he takes the sword out of his hand."

Hei Gang followed my line of sight and looked at the boy, hesitant.

"is this okay?"

This person looked at me like an old man looking at his dying years. His cute and worried look made me laugh even more happily.

"It's okay, anyway, this magic power has been used a lot."

He clenched his fists tightly, probably in his way to express that he would use this spell well.His serious expression made me want to laugh, but at the same time, sadness came up along with the faint happiness.

In fact, when I met the boy in Tokyo, I had this idea in my heart, but I kept fighting in the cold, and I didn't even give him a chance.Putting the sword in Mokona's place, not to mention the trouble at the critical moment, the most important thing is that even though I am a so-called D-level magician, other people have the magic, but the person I like doesn't have it. This cannot be justified.

Now I am going to die, so giving you my first and last gift is the last thing I can do for you at the end of my life.

I link your sword with you, so I can let this little gift protect you for me in the future, and then think about it selfishly——

In this way, even if I die, you can think of me every time you use your sword in the future.

I think of a person like me who loved you with all his life.

【Unlimited City · END】