Baima Weiyang

Through the gap between thangkas, I stared blankly at Tsangyang Gyatso, who was kneeling in front of the statue of Sakyamuni preaching.He closed his eyes, and his hand holding the prayer beads remained motionless.Rubbing my sore knee, I simply sat down on the floor.I didn't care whether it was cold or not, I stretched out my arms and hugged my legs, and circled myself completely.

Thinking about what happened in the past few days, it is really unbelievable, the ups and downs are as big as hell to heaven.It's hard for me to describe my current mood, I just feel my chest is hot, as if it is filled with something.I never thought there would be such a day, it was so warm that it was unreal.I turned my head to look at him again, the handsome side face, the eyebrows that people can't take their eyes off.

He must have struggled for a long time.But at that time, I was just blindly sad, and never thought that he didn't hate me, but fell into a stalemate in the battle between heaven and man.That's why it was in the rain, and one stop was one night.I just watched silently from the sidelines, but I didn't have the slightest thought of stopping it.Because I know that if he really has to go this way, this kind of suffering and struggle will run through his life forever.

Thinking of this at that time, I suddenly realized that I was really selfish, even cruel.I felt the coldness of the rain and the warmth of the tears all night long, but the thoughts in my heart remained unchanged.Because of his choice, I have no hesitation.Even if it was raining all night, or kneeling in front of the Buddha now, I just stayed with him with peace of mind, but I was not at all afraid that he would change his mind suddenly.

I don't know where my self-confidence comes from, but when I first saw him, I knew he was different.It is the belief of all Tibetans, and it is also mine.Thinking of this, a burst of warmth flowed through my heart.I laughed out unconsciously, and looked in his direction in a blink of an eye. He was standing up slowly, with his hands inadvertently helping his knees.I have been kneeling for two full hours, it must be very sore... I frowned, but I still restrained the urge to run over, and just watched him walk out of the Buddhist hall anxiously.

"Alas—" I sighed lightly, got up from the ground, and barely stretched my stiff leg muscles.Glancing at the door, there was no sign of Tsangyang Gyatso, so he walked to Katian and knelt down.Maybe there will be a lot of sins in the future, but no matter how painful it is, I want to bear it with him.Just like now, kneeling quietly, the warmth seems to be able to replace the numbness and pain in the knees.I looked up at Sakyamuni's slightly kind expression, but there was a faint uneasiness in my heart.

Not long after kneeling, a black shadow covered me.I was taken aback for a moment, but when I looked up, I met Shangcangyang Gyatso's clear eyes.Seeing me kneeling upright, he couldn't help but said a little funnyly, "Are you admitting your mistake, okay? You were the one who abducted me from the Buddha."

"How could..." I couldn't help but feel amused when I heard it, but I still frowned and tried to cover it up. Unexpectedly, the smile on my mouth couldn't be hidden, and my expression was really tangled for a while.Cangyang Gyatso looked at me helplessly, then slowly squatted down, reached out to support the back of my head, and tugged in his direction.My nose was almost touching his cassock, and I was smelling the familiar fragrance of Buddha in a daze when I heard his low voice, "How long have you been kneeling?"

I raised my head to look at him, "just a moment." Tsangyang Gyatso curled the corners of his lips, and the hand stroking my hair slid to his shoulders, and at the same time he knelt down with his knees forward. "Come here." He tightened his arms and brought my whole body towards him.I leaned over lazily, but unexpectedly I couldn't reach his shoulder even with my chin straightened.Just as he was about to make do with his arms, Cangyang Gyatso lowered his body.I hurriedly rubbed and found the most comfortable position.

I didn't close my eyes almost all night, and it was raining and kneeling for a long time. When I closed my eyelids, I felt a sharp pain.It took me a while to get used to it, and I gradually lost consciousness by relying on people.Just when my head fell forward, I woke up suddenly and looked at Cangyang Gyatso with wide eyes.He reached out and pressed my drooping head back to his shoulder, and I closed my eyes again, my body limp.

"Are you really sleepy?" The warm fingertips gently stroked my eyelids.I wanted to open my eyes, but my eyelids seemed to be stuck, so I could only shake my head in response.There was a moment of silence, before I had time to recall it, my body was already pulled up.

Cangyang Gyatso grabbed my waist to prevent me from falling.I don't even know how I got up the stairs, but it seems that the weight of the whole person is not on me.

"Why are you so sleepy?!" Cangyang Gyatso's snort hit his face, a little itchy, but I didn't have the energy to respond, so I can only guess that he must be frowning now...

On the spacious bed and the soft mattress, I turned over in a daze.The eyelids half-opened and half-closed struggled a few times, and what came into view was the back of Cangyang Gyatso studying Buddhist scriptures in front of the desk.I leaned on my arm and stared blankly at his slender figure.Although he couldn't see his expression, he could still feel his concentration at this moment.

Tsangyang Gyatso turned around as if aware of it, and saw that my eyes were wide open, so he couldn't help getting up and walking over.

"Are you awake?" He stretched out his hand and pulled down my pillowed arm, and stuffed it back into the bed.I stared at him, struggling uncomfortably.But he smiled and stretched out his arm, and put it under my head, "Sleep a little longer if you're sleepy." stared at him.

"Master." A voice that had never been heard outside the door sounded.When I saw that it was an acolyte, I couldn't help being startled, and hurriedly looked at Tsangyang Gyatso.There was nothing unusual about him, he just turned his head and looked outside the door lightly, "What's the matter?"

The acolyte saluted with one palm, and said, "Ngawang Rinchen, please see me." Tsangyang Gyatso lowered his eyes, "Let him wait in the scripture room."

"Yes." The acolyte saluted again, and retreated respectfully.

"I...he..." I didn't know how to speak for a while, and I said brokenly, "Is it okay?" Cangyang Gyatso's understanding is really strong, and he understood what I meant immediately, "It's okay. Dan Ba is very loyal to me." He gently pulled out his arm, brushed the hair by my ear with his fingertips, and then stood up, "You change your clothes, I'll go out for a while, and I'll be right back."

I nodded and watched him go out. I didn't lie back on the bed until I couldn't see the shadow anymore.Looking at the intricate patterns on the ceiling, he stayed awake for a while before fully waking up.As soon as I sat up, I saw a new set of robes at the end of the bed. I unfolded them and looked them over. They were exactly my size.

Just after changing clothes, the monk named Danba brought in a box of snacks.I took a few bites, then suddenly raised my head and asked, "What time is it now?"

"Chen Shi." He lowered his head and replied.I was stunned, put down the pastry, wiped my mouth with my hand again, "The master is back, tell him, I will back down." After finishing speaking, I ran out without waiting for his response.

I went down the seventh floor in one breath, and ran several long steps, but my body was not as tired as before.When he reached the door of Rajang, he stopped for some reason.A few steps away from that room, I walked over hesitantly, and paused in mid-air with my raised hand.I closed my eyes and knocked down "button".

With a sound of "Zhiya", the door was opened, and Tashi Pingcuo's faintly pale face came into my eyes immediately.My heart tightened, and as soon as I stretched out my hand, he brushed my shoulder and walked around without looking at me.

I stared blankly at my hands that were frozen in mid-air, and felt that the slowly beating heart in my chest was being whipped twice... Taking a deep breath secretly, trying to adjust my mood, I turned around and followed Looking at the back of Tashi Phuncuo.Knowing that he didn't want to see me at all now, but I was very worried about him, and after weighing it up, I decided to follow in silence.

After walking the long and steep stone steps, the sun was not strong, but I was sweating profusely.Afraid of being seen by Tashi Puncuo and making him more upset, I could only dodge and pay attention to his movements and eyes.

Suddenly, the figure in front of him stopped, Tashi Puncuo glanced back, and said angrily, "Come out!"

I swallowed dry saliva, walked carefully out from behind the gray wall.Biting my lip, I looked at Tashi Pingcuo with a guilty face, "I'm sorry..."

"Shut up!" Before he finished speaking, he was interrupted by his impatient voice.He tilted his head, but didn't look at me, "Stop following me!"

I should not answer and just stare blankly at his back.He paused, then took a step forward.I still followed step by step, and Tashi Phuncuo just walked at the usual speed.

I know he feels uncomfortable, but he doesn't really hate me.Otherwise, with his skill, he can definitely get rid of me without any effort.Thinking of this, my heart feels like a layer of salt has been sprinkled, and I feel a dull pain.It's not because I'm afraid of his unforgiveness, but because I know that even if I get hurt, he won't blame me at all.

When I stopped, I stared blankly at his tall and slender back, and two lines of hot tears flowed down without warning.My guilt towards him is destined to be carried for the rest of my life...