miss a useless name

46.

As soon as the news of the writer Nan Yan's announcement of the temporary suspension of writing came out, it attracted a lot of attention on the Internet.

The fans were abnormally positive, and they commented tacitly, saying that they would wait for him to come back, and hoped that Yu Yan could adjust himself well.

Fang Kaifeng said that he should bring Yu Yan to see some positive things, so that he can feel that his existence is valuable.

So Cheng Shen read the fans' messages to Yu Yan one by one.

Yu Yan was frying luncheon meat in the kitchen, the oil in the pan was sizzling, and soon there was a scent wafting out.

Cheng Shen held the door frame and rubbed his nose, feeling very hungry.

In order to take care of Gu Yuyan, he moved most of his work to his home, held meetings remotely, signed for his assistant to take over, and contacted him by phone for various matters, or handed them over to the vice president, in short, he would not show up until he could.

After he told Yu Yan, he thought that according to the personality of the other party, he would feel that he would delay his work, and he would definitely not agree with him to do so. Cheng Shen even prepared some coaxing words, but Yu Yan nodded directly after listening to it. unexpected.

Cheng Shen held his belly: "When will it be good, I'm hungry."

Yu Yan poured sushi vinegar and seaweed sesame seeds into the rice, and said without raising his head, "Come over here to help."

"I don't," Cheng Shendong said without moving, "You took the initiative to ask Ying to make breakfast, can't I help and I cook with you?"

Yu Yan shot him a glance, and stirred the bowl with chopsticks: "Then you are hungry!"

Ten minutes later, luncheon meat and rice balls were placed on the table, and Yu Yan came over with two cups of hot milk and sat down.

"Thank you baby!"

Yu Yan nodded in acceptance, and then responded to the previous topic: "Before I resigned, [-] copies of the new book were published. At that time, I planned to commemorate them, so there were not many copies. I kept two copies for myself, and you can contact me for the rest. An Ning, give it to book fans."

Cheng Shen's mouth was full of rice: "It's free?"

Yu Yan said: "At that time, they helped me speak and were chased and scolded for a few days. Anyway, I don't plan to rely on these to make money. Let's take it as a little care. The number is limited, first come first served."

"Okay, I'll contact you later."

Yu Yan took a sip of the milk, rubbing his fingertips on the smooth surface of the cup, and after a while he said slowly: "I may really be sick."

Cheng Shen almost choked on his meal: "What are you talking about so early in the morning!"

"Actually, there is another reason why I resigned..." Yu Yan tapped the cup noodles lightly: "I can't write anything anymore."

Writing was a childhood dream. Cheng Shen knew better than anyone else how much Yu Yan could give up his long-awaited job in the Financial Street for it.But now, he says he can't write anything.

Cheng Shen didn't dare to think how much Yu Yan had endured.

"I was facing the computer, typed a few words and deleted them all. After several hours, the screen was still blank. That feeling was... anxious." Yu Yan smiled, his eyes suddenly softened: "Doctor Fang said, my The situation was discovered very early, and many patients could not accept that they had mental problems. They refused to seek medical treatment for several years after the onset, and the result became more and more serious. In fact, I didn’t realize it myself. I just couldn’t control myself sometimes. If it wasn’t for you Me, I might as well."

Yu Yan's hand was warmed by the hot milk, and Cheng Shen extended his arm to hold him: "Everyone of us will get sick, just like a cold and fever, and we will be fine. As I said, you just need a little help. I Now stay at home with you, you can do whatever you want, if you are ready to go out and have a look, we will go out, it doesn't matter if you are not ready, I will stay with you as long as you hide."

·

Fang Kaifeng gave a whole page of drug side effects that seemed to be panic-stricken, and Cheng Shen had to ask Yu Yan countless times a day what was wrong with him.

In the first few days, Yu Yan didn't feel much. In the medicine Fang Kaifeng prescribed, there was also a bottle of Valium. The original intention was to let Yu Yan sleep well.But Yu Yan refused to take it after only taking it for two nights, for fear of drug dependence.

Cheng Shen hugged him from behind every night, and whispered a lot of whispers to him, as if he didn't bother him, and kept Yu Yan sleepy.

But his sleep quality is still not high, and he is often awakened by nightmares.After waking up, I twisted my head into Cheng Shen's arms, touched the stubble on his chin, and felt a slight tingling feeling so reassuring.

Sometimes Cheng Shen would be awakened by his touch, and he would hug him tightly in a daze, and ask him what dream he had.

Yu Yan explained in detail, fell off the balcony while watering the flowers, was hit by a car when crossing the road, was beaten by gangs when going out to eat...

After a few days, the dreams gradually disappeared, and the anti-anxiety drugs took effect, which reacted on Yu Yan and made him a little drowsy.

Yu Yan thought this was the so-called side effect.

Until one night while taking a shower, the sound of "squeaking" water suddenly amplified in the empty bathroom, echoing exaggeratedly in my ears.

He felt dizzy, as if he had turned into a fish on the bottom of the sea, and his nerves were tingled by the terrible sonar.Immediately afterwards, he began to tremble, his body twitching uncontrollably, and the water flowed over his eyes, blurring his vision.

He called Cheng Shen's name, and found that his voice was hoarse, and there was no sound when he opened and closed his mouth.He turned off the shower, turned to open the bathroom door, but fell to the ground with weak legs.

He felt suffocated, his heart was about to jump out of his throat, and his chest was so tight that it was about to explode.

At this moment, the bathroom door opened, and he looked into Shang Cheng's panicked eyes, but the next moment he saw consternation on his face: "What's the matter? Call me so urgently, I'm startled."

It was only then that Yu Yan realized that he was standing under the shower to take a shower without falling down or shaking, and the sound of the water was very gentle.

"I……"

Yu Yan realized something, but before he finished speaking, a strong sense of nausea surged up from his stomach, and he immediately ran to the toilet and vomited all his dinner.

After vomiting and collapsed, Cheng Shen wrapped him tightly in a bath towel and carried him back to the bed, and asked him if he wanted to eat chocolate.

Yu Yan held Cheng Shen's hand, and looked at him a little blankly: "I seem to be... hallucinating just now."

Cheng Shen's expression suddenly became bitter and astringent, as if he had been tricked into drinking a whole glass of bitter melon water.He took Yu Yan over, stroked his back gently, and told him, it's okay, it's all a side effect of the medicine.

He brought clean pajamas for Yu Yan to change into, and asked him if he had any appetite to eat, Yu Yan vomited fiercely, his throat was as uncomfortable as a cramp, he shook his head and said no.

Cheng Shen complied with his wishes and served him tea and water to feed him today's medicine.

Yu Yan resisted for a moment, and frowned indistinctly, as if he felt that the medicine made him more painful.But looking at Cheng Shen's face, he felt that he couldn't get better soon.

After taking the medicine, Yu Yan soon became sleepy.Cheng Shen took care of him and went to the study to continue working after he fell asleep. He has pushed off all the entertainments he could push recently, and asked the vice president to replace them if he couldn't.

It was already one o'clock after he finished his work, Cheng Shen poured a cup of hot water and went back to his room, just in time for Yu Yan to fall into absurd nightmare.

The sheets were the blue of the deep sea, and the white and thin man was submerged in it, his eyes were closed tightly, his breathing was short of breath, and his face was dripping with sweat.

Cheng Shen lay beside the bed, stroking his forehead hair which was wet with cold sweat, his steady voice took him away from the haze of pain.

Yu Yan was woken up in a daze, and a wave of warm water poured over his slightly parted lips.He sips subconsciously, greedily and obsessively, wanting to devour the last trace of water from the other party.

Cheng Shen deliberately indulged, and as he wished, his hands gradually became irregular, and he reined in the precipice when he touched the wet pajamas lapel.

He straightened the corner of the clothes that was wrinkled by himself, reluctantly moved away, pulled out the soft face towel from the bedside table, and asked softly, "What did you dream about again?"

Yu Yan's eyes were still confused, and his mouth had already told him first: "It was a typhoon day, there was a lot of rain, it was so dark, the glass on the balcony was shattered by the wind, and the water flooded in. I floated into the sea, and the waves turned into pieces. Glass, it hurts me so much."

Cheng Shen felt that he was in pain too. He kissed Yu Yan's cold forehead, kissed the tip of his nose, and stroked his beautiful brow bone with his fingers: "Now, does it still hurt?"

Yu Yan grabbed the quilt and shook his head, his pale face blushed slightly: "No, it doesn't hurt anymore."

Cheng Shen went to the closet to find another set of pajamas, but Yu Yan's clothes were drenched with sweat again.He wiped Yu Yan's back and neck with a towel, and reached out to hold his ankle when he wiped his calf, one hand was more than enough, he was so thin that it was frightening.

From that day on, the drug reaction began to haunt Yu Yan.Drowsiness during the day, insomnia at night, blurred vision, frequent tinnitus.His hands would tremble uncontrollably, and sometimes he couldn't even hold the chopsticks. He felt dizzy, nauseous, and couldn't use his strength.

The physical discomfort directly affected his emotions. Yu Yan became anxious and became very irritable. Once, because he couldn't tear open the bag of potato chips, he poked holes in all the snacks he bought with scissors in a fit of anger.After losing my temper, I started to cry, completely unable to control my tears.

He was even more sensitive and uneasy, and when Cheng Shen's cell phone rang, he showed his sharp fangs, and stayed beside him for a moment, forcing Cheng Shen to turn on the speakerphone to let him listen to the conversation because of his illness.

He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't control it.He felt bad and useless, that everything was going to be screwed up.

Cheng Shen couldn't do anything but patiently clean up the mess, wipe away his tears, follow his wishes, hug him, and kiss him over and over again.

This state, Yu Yan, lasted for a whole week before starting to improve.After the diagnosis, Cheng Shen searched a lot of knowledge about anxiety disorders on the Internet, including the patient's reaction after taking the medicine.Many people were tortured by the side effects of drugs and their mentality collapsed, but Yu Yan was very strong and survived the first test.

After entering November in Beicheng, the weather became cold very quickly. It rained the night before, and a layer of white frost formed on the flower beds the next morning.

The sun came out today, Cheng Shen saw that Yu Yan was in good condition, and proposed to take him out for a walk.Yu Yan hasn't gone out for a long time, and the cover at home has become more and more white, and he has also moved his mind to go for a walk outside.

He was wearing an off-white half turtleneck sweater and a khaki coat, and he looked warm in the sun.But he still can't leave his hat and glasses. Wearing a fisherman's hat covers his forehead, eyebrows and eyes, and the glasses let the small half of his face blend into the soft light.

After fastening the seat belt, Yu Yan asked, "Where are you going?"

Cheng Shen said mysteriously, "You will know when you arrive."

The car drove out of the gate of the community and walked all the way west. Yu Yan supported his chin with the back of his hand, and looked out the window with flickering eyes, like a child who is bored at home.

Cheng Shen turned on the car stereo, and the soothing and gentle pure music filled the entire car, making people relax for no reason.

Halfway through the car, Yu Yan noticed it, he turned his head to chat with Cheng Shen, and said with a smile, "Shall we go to Zuixin Pavilion?"

"Hmm," Cheng Shen raised his eyebrows proudly, and teased, "Do you know the way?"

"Please, I haven't been out for a few days."

The road in front of him is becoming more and more empty, and there are more and more vegetation around him. Cheng Shen turned left into Huanhu Road: "The house in Zuixinting has been renovated, but there is still a lot to do. I will show you around first, so I won't save you." I miss you all the time."

Entering the community after 10 minutes, the environment is really as described. The distance between each building is very large, and a lot of seasonal flowers and plants are planted in it. From a distance, it looks like entering a villa area. Those colorful flowers are like someone’s front yard. .

Cheng Shen parked the car and took the elevator directly from the underground garage to the seventh floor.

When he arrived at the door, he first handed Yu Yan a key, and then pinched his index finger to record fingerprints on the smart door lock: "I'll give you a key just in case."

Yu Yan put the key away carefully, and the door beeped to indicate that the entry was completed.

Cheng Shen'ao leaned down close to his ear and asked, "Are you ready?"

Yu Yan chuckled, tilted his head and kissed the corner of Cheng Shen's mouth: "It's ready."

Cheng Shen grabbed his hand and opened the door together. It was the first time to come, and the surprises he got were all fresh.

The whole suite is Japanese-style, the furniture is made of logs, the walls are painted in creamy white, the sofa is made of fabric, low-key light brown with white stripes.A long green plaid blanket was placed on the armrest on one side of the sofa, and it was dragged to the ground. Next to it was a pot of bird of paradise half a person's height.

The door is facing the floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room. The window frame is made of white oak, and the upper row is opened for ventilation.

"Stupid?" The whole house was warm and comfortable, Cheng Shen scratched Yu Yan's palm: "Go over there and have a look."

Yu Yan was brought by Cheng Shen to the floor-to-ceiling windows. There were no tall buildings nearby, and the view was very good. They bought this building near the lake. Standing here, they could see the entire lake view and the park opposite the lake hidden in the sea of ​​flowers.

Cheng Shen hugged Yu Yan from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder, patting his belly with warm palms.Swaying to the left, swaying to the right, comfortably feeling the sassy autumn wind.

Yu Yan couldn't stand being shaken by him, so he simply relaxed and leaned on Cheng Shen's body, his lower abdomen was itchy, he asked with a smile, "Why are you pinching my stomach all the time."

Cheng Shen seemed to be melted by today's light and wind, and his voice sounded particularly warm: "Touch our Yanyan, have you grown flesh?"

Yu Yan laughed with a "giggle" and asked back, "Have you gained any flesh?"

Cheng Shen rubbed slowly along the arc of his jaw, and said, "I haven't felt it yet, but I should be able to eat more today."

Yu Yan laughed again, he looked into the distance, the clear lake water, various flowers, and the sky at the end all made his tired body and mind steal some relaxation.

"Hey," Yu Yan smacked Cheng Shen, pouted forward, "What is that?"

Cheng Shen followed his gaze and saw that it was a wind chime hanging on the corner of the eaves by the neighbors. At this time, it was blown by the autumn wind and floated all the way to his eyes.

"Like it?" Cheng Shen said, "We'll also buy one and hang it up."

"No, in case someone sees it, say we are plagiarizing."

"I've thought a lot about it, so instead of hanging the wind chime, I'll change it to something else."

Yu Yan raised his head in the socket of Cheng Shen's shoulder: "What?"

Cheng Shen and him looked at each other, and suddenly stopped when he wanted to say something: "...take off your glasses first."

Yu Yan obediently took off his glasses.

Cheng Shen took advantage of the situation and planted a kiss on the corner of his eyes, and said, "I'll go to the temple to burn incense and worship Buddha, and ask for a peace amulet to bless you with good health and peace every year."

In just over a month, their lives have been turned upside down.

When he was a teenager, Cheng Shen wanted to be with Yu Yan, and after being together, he wanted to lead him to live a good life. After a good life, he wanted to make more money. When he had money, he lost his companionship and made mistakes.But Yu Yan forgave him, and his heart was full of scars.

It may be that he asked too much in the past, but now God can't see it and wants to punish him.But the fault is all his own, I just hope God don't take Yu Yan as the blame, and give him happiness and health.

Yu Yan turned around, wrapped his arms around Cheng Shen's waist, put his head close to his neck, and said pompously, "Wow, so sincere."

"Well, I hope the Buddha can hear it."

Yu Yan closed his eyes, and put his palm all the way up, sticking it to Cheng Shen's heart.He felt the powerful rhythm under his palm, as if seeing a fiery red flower in the abyss.

"I heard it," Yu Yan said, "Your wish will definitely come true."

Cheng Shen smiled, supported Yu Yan's shoulders to make him stand upright, and took out a small box from his pocket under the other's gaze.

He doesn't have so many beautiful words, and they are old and young, and they take more practical ways, and they can't play those romantic ones, so they simply said straight to the point: "I've bought the ring, do you want to wear it now?"

The box was opened, and there were two plain circle rings quietly inside. The simplest and plain style, there were no other patterns, only the initials of the two people's names were engraved on the inner ring.

Yu Yan took half a step back, his eyes were hot, but he still smiled: "You are really rustic and unromantic."

Cheng Shen was not discouraged, he knelt down neatly on one knee, and pointed the ring at Yu Yan just like in the movie.

"Yanyan, we can't get married, we have no status. You have suffered and been wronged after being with me for so many years. This is the first time I give someone a ring. It's not a marriage proposal, but I want to thank you."

Cheng Shen took out one of the rings with his own name engraved on it: "Thank you for not giving up on me until the end, and thank you for not giving up on the self who loves me. Once this ring is put on, it will be regarded as the two of us, although there is no such ring. Certificate, but I will give you all my salary card in the future, and you will live with me as a partner for the rest of your life."

"Pfft—" Yu Yan couldn't help laughing, but his voice was hoarse when he spoke: "What's the difference between this and a marriage proposal?"

As he said so, he stretched out his hand.

The silver circle slowly pushed into the root of the finger, and Yu Yan brewed a crystal tear following the pushing movement.

With blurred vision, he pulled Cheng Shen up and helped him put it on.

Cheng Shen kissed his ring finger and his tears.

"Promise me, you won't be allowed to pick it in the future."

In front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, the white gauze curtain is beautiful and hazy, as if enclosing people in a charming dream.

Yu Yan turned his tears into a smile and offered his lips.