i go to utopia

My car was parked in the parking space near the school gate. The Mid-Autumn Festival holiday was not long, and it happened to be meal time. Groups of people came and went back and forth at the school gate.

A student carrying a packing box walked slowly into the school. I raised my hand and looked at the time. The time on the watch pointed to more than 30:[-]. I couldn't help but tapped my fingers on the steering wheel. It’s a bit inappropriate to recall the past with Qiu Shui: “When I was in college, I was usually busy making money during the holidays, and I also worked part-time in a restaurant. It cost less than nine yuan an hour. Meals were always the busiest, so I always missed meals. On time, I don't think it was a good time."

Qiu Shui didn't make any comments on such a story-telling topic like me. He hummed obediently from his nasal cavity, and then added: "I'm also making money, I think it's okay."

I glanced at him: "At that time, the shift manager in our store was 26 years old, married for half a year, and still had a baby in his stomach."

The scheduling manager worked part-time in a restaurant when she was in college. Her father used to be a real estate contractor. When the market went bad, the family went bankrupt and owed a lot of wages to the workers. Her stepmother ran away with her son and daughter. After she went to college, she started to earn tuition and living expenses for herself. After graduating from college, she got a regular job in a restaurant and was promoted. At the age of 25, she got married on a blind date at the urging of her family. At the age of 26, she was pregnant and waiting for her life to get better and better. .

"And then?" Qiu Shui asked me.

Then it was found that the stomach cancer was in the late stage, and the baby in my stomach was born prematurely at seven months. When my restaurant colleague and I went to see her, she told me—Xiao Li, you will buy nice clothes for my baby in the future.

She was the first person I met in my life who was so gentle that she almost had no temper. At that time, I was more cynical, because she was so easy to talk because of her schedule. I don’t know how many times I satirized her as a good person in front of her, and she would also get angry. , After getting angry, he comforted himself and said that in case the other party is really in a hurry.

At that time, my understanding of women was relatively one-sided, and I thought they might be almost neurotic like my mother, or unsmiling like my aunt, or like my grandma, selfish and lacking the right to speak.

She happens to be quite different from the women I know. When I am scheduled to work at night and bump into a temporary replacement, she will follow her ass and ridicule her as a soft persimmon. Anyone can be on her. pinch.

She gets angry sometimes, but most of the time she just smiles cheerfully.

After she passed away, I attended her funeral, met her husband, and heard that the seven-month-old baby in her womb left after staying in the incubator for one night because of premature birth. They lied to her for several months Said that the baby has been staying in the incubator.

I don't know if she believed it all the time, but it was only after a long time that I slowly began to realize that some powers don't need to be so external, and some people can have eternal and lasting power in a person's life. strength.

"And then she got sick and passed away."

Qiu Shui let out a slow oh, and after a while he asked again: "What about the baby?"

"The baby didn't stay either." I said.

Qiu Shui said slowly again.

I couldn't help laughing, Qiu Shui probably heard my laughter, then glanced at me calmly, and asked me, "Then what do you want to say?"

I thought about it: "Probably because human beings don't have the right to choose most of the time?"

Qiu Shui frowned slightly, and he looked at me with a serious expression on his face: "What are you talking about?"

I laughed and said to him slowly: "I'm saying I want to be a good person."

Qiu Shui still frowned rigorously, obviously he didn't quite understand what I said, of course what I said was indeed difficult to understand, and even I myself couldn't figure out what I wanted to express for a while.

Qiu Shui turned to look at me, his nose shrugged: "Huh?"

His expression was serious and slightly blank, which made me feel a little funny. I reached out and stroked his hair. His hair had been cut short during military training, and the top hair was hanging limply on the top of his head.

I withdrew my hand and said slowly, "Qiu Shui, you have the right to choose."

"What to choose?" Qiu Shui asked me back after being silent for a moment.

"You are Qu Qiuyi's younger brother. I can treat you as my younger brother and my relatives." I said.

"..." Qiu Shui was silent for a moment, then he suddenly let out a mocking laugh, and then let out a slow oh.

·

I raised my hand and looked at my watch. At [-]:[-], Qiu Shui promised the manager of the milk tea shop that he would go back before one o'clock. I think it is necessary for me to settle this matter within this time.

It is necessary for me to explain to Qiushui that I am more inclined to treat him as a younger brother than falling in love with him.

Although such a conclusion does not seem optimistic, the fact is that I cannot fall in love with him.

Qiushui sat on the passenger seat and tilted his head to look at me. He pursed his lips, and the tone of his voice remained unchanged: "Because Qu Qiuyi died, you feel guilty in your heart, so you can't be with his brother, do you think You will feel less guilty when you treat his younger brother as your own younger brother."

"..." I paused, "If you insist on understanding it that way, that's fine."

Qiu Shui continued to speak in a calm tone: "You were in high school with Qu Qiuyi more than ten years ago. You liked him and confessed to him. After many days of foolish entanglement, he finally established a relationship with you. You took the bus to his house to find him during the holidays. He plays, the two of you go to the mountain to pick wild fruits, and you press him on the tree to kiss while there is no one around."

I was stunned, a little surprised by his memory ability: "How old were you at that time?"

Qiu Shui said: "After the college entrance examination, you and Qu Qiuyi sent text messages every day to discuss where to go to college together, and then one day Qu Qiuyi nervously told you that he suspected that his parents knew about the two of you."

"..." I was silent for a moment.

Qiu Shui paused for a while, and corrected: "No, strictly speaking, I know that he might like men."

"..."

Qiu Shui: "You should have been conceited at the time, maybe thinking that liking a man is not a big deal, and you persuaded him to just come out with you like this, and then deliberately made a diary for your mother who likes to peek at your diary to find out. "

I was silent: "How old were you? Four years old? Five years old?"

Qiu Shui continued to speak calmly: "Your mother found out about this and made a big fuss. You and Qu Qiuyi committed suicide by jumping into the river and were rescued in the end. You fell into a coma and went to the hospital. Qu Qiuyi was taken back to my hometown by my parents. Then your mother broke down and she jumped into the river."

"..." I was silent.

Qiushui continued to narrate calmly: "Then you left and went to study abroad." He said, "Qu Qiuyi was locked up at home and could hardly go anywhere. He also received very informal so-called 'psychological treatment'. A sorceress from our village came to his house to exorcise him."

"..."

"He was imprisoned at home for five years. When he was 23 years old, my mother forced him to marry with death. It was with a cripple's daughter in the next village, and it was settled at a price of 12 yuan." Qiu Shui was silent for a moment, " On the day of his wedding, you didn’t know where you found the news, what did you tell him?” Qiu Shui asked suddenly, and then answered very quickly, “But I also know that you probably let him Go with you, or if you still like him, you two can run to live in a place where no one knows you. Qu Qiuyi didn’t agree. He promised that my mother might commit suicide by drinking pesticide immediately, and then you left. The one who held the wedding with him The woman hadn't even arrived yet. Qu Qiuyi was a good person. He felt that marrying someone else was delaying others. He thought about it for many years, but he couldn't think of a solution that had the best of both worlds. In the end, he chose a bad solution, and he died. "

Qiu Shui was silent for a moment, and his voice was slightly hoarse: "You think you like him, confess to him to be with him, want to come out with him, and are even willing to die with him, and finally Qu Qiuyi walked into a dead end. You committed suicide in the river where you jumped into the river. You think that you brought him to this road, but you brought him such a dead end. You think that even you can give him hope of surviving in the daytime on the day he jumped into the river, but you No, you left by yourself, you think you caused his death, you feel guilty, you have been guilty for many years, you were surprised when you found out that I was his younger brother, you didn’t even realize it for a while, you think I’m short of money and willing Give me money, feel that I lack love, and be willing to treat me as your relatives, so as to make up for your guilt towards Qu Qiuyi."

After Qiushui finished speaking for a long time, he was silent for a long time, and wiped his nose with his hand. After a while, he seemed to be unable to bear it, and suddenly lay down on the table in front of the car and wailed like he was wronged. Cried loudly: "Then what should I do, then what should I do, you gave me the guilt you owed my brother in your heart, then what should I do, who am I going to give it to, what should I do? ! "

I was silent for a moment, and a little irritability suddenly rose in my heart. Qiu Shui lay on the car platform, sobbing like a wronged child: "If I didn't tell my parents about you kissing him, then did you Everything will be fine, you won't lose your mother, I won't lose my brother, you won't lose your relatives or the person you like, right?" He raised his head and looked pitifully with his red eyes. to me.

"..." I wanted to sigh a little. After a long silence, I raised my hand and looked at my watch, not knowing what to do. The minute hand on the watch was at around 53, and it was less than 10 minutes away At one o'clock, Qiu Shui will go to work in the milk tea shop. I am an adult and I don't want to blame this kind of thing on a child. Strictly speaking, if this kind of thing doesn't happen now, it will happen at the age of 20 or 25. 28 I am 30 years old, as long as Qu Qiuyi and I are still living in the atmosphere we live in, then this matter will probably not have a good ending. The only difference may be that after the age is reached, the right to choose independently will seem a little more, The possible ending is not as tragic as it is sometimes.

I reached out and tapped my steering wheel, and laughed: "I didn't expect that."

Qiu Shui raised the back of his hand and wiped his nose. I took out a few pieces of paper and handed them to him. He reached out and took it slowly, his eyes drooping, and his eyelashes were still stained with tears.

I glanced at Qiu Shui, still amused: "Why do you always jump back and forth between crying and indifference?"

Qiu Shui was holding a few pieces of paper in his hand, but he still raised the back of his hand to wipe his eyes, he argued in a low voice, "I don't want to cry, it fell by itself, I can't control it."

I let out a hum from my nasal cavity.

Qiu Shui glanced sideways at me, and after a while the tears in his eyes pooled up again.

I smiled and tapped the watch on my wrist: "You still have to work in the milk tea shop later, do you remember?"

Qiu Shui raised the back of his hand to wipe his eyes, and slowly let out a hum from his nose.

I leaned sideways in front of Qiu Shui, staring into his eyes, Qiu Shui held his breath after he approached, and didn't breathe out for a long time, I said very close to his face: "Qiu Shui——"

Qiu Shui hummed very briefly and carefully from his nose.

I smiled at him: "You were only five or six years old at the time. You have been carrying this shackle for more than ten years. You have worked hard."

Qiu Shui pursed his lips.

I reached out and wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes: "It's not your fault, it's not your fault."

Qiu Shui blinked his eyes slowly and shed two streams of tears, he asked me in a low voice, "Really?"

I said slowly, "Really."

Qiu Shui lowered his head, and after a while he put his head on my shoulder and asked me in a low voice: "Then do I still have the right to choose?"

His brain circuit made me slightly stunned: "Huh?"

Qiu Shui asked me in a low voice: "You also have the right to choose."

Me: "Well."

Qiu Shui said: "You can choose me to be your younger brother, to be your relative."

I hum slowly.

Qiu Shui continued: "Then I choose to continue loving you instead of my brother, okay?"

——End of Li Cuo Chapter——