Red dust past

Jiaomei ran away suddenly in front of my eyes, as if she left me at the scene of the overturn of the emotional car, but she jumped out of the car and fled before the overturn.I had no choice but to think of a possible truth: In fact, she had made up her mind a long time ago and wanted to break up with me politely, but I didn't know it, and resisted desperately, refusing to accept it. It must have taken a lot of thought to push me out.However, I didn't notice it at all, and my self-esteem was hit by it, and I hated her to death.I also hated myself: why didn't I notice her intention before she ran away?If I took the first step and said to her in a chic way: "Okay! Let's stop contacting!", then I can still retain a little bit of poor self-esteem.However, she ran away before me.Now, I can only comfort myself: okay!Since you are so ruthless and selfish, I will leave!I will never come to pester you again!I will do what I say, and if you regret it in the future, I will never talk to you!However, I was not sure in my heart. If Jiaomei really came to beg me to reconcile, I would ignore her; I quickly changed my default position in my heart: okay!If you can have a particularly correct attitude, I can consider accepting you back.never mind!As long as you come back, even if you come back now, I will embrace you with open arms!How can I have any self-esteem?From the moment she opened the door to leave, I began to imagine whether she would go out, and found that the world without me was particularly empty and unbearable, so I immediately turned back and wanted to reconcile with me.I desperately wanted to talk to her, even if it meant fighting.I have been alternately controlled by various assumptions and fantasies, and tortured by strong emotions.Sometimes, one second it feels like I love her as much as I always have, and the next second I feel heartbroken and have to hate her.Most of the time, I was regretting, regretting that I had attended too many parties, drank too much wine, regretted everything...I hate Jiaomei even more, why did you want to find me back then, and now you want to exile me?

I'm back in a world of my own, and the only way to fill the gaps and kill the boredom is to go to more parties and drink more alcohol.In this way, I returned to the habit of being a bachelor again, not rejecting any woman who is interested in me, as long as she is the type I like, or, if she is not the type I hate, flirting and sleeping with those boring women will help I regained my confidence, maybe, I could gradually forget her, that's what I thought.Sometimes, when I wake up, I don't remember who they are or where I lie.I found that there was no need for me to actively pursue these women, they would automatically come to their door. Every time I had an affair, I tried to be as enthusiastic as possible so as not to hurt their self-esteem.Soon I became a hot commodity. Playing with these women can pass the boredom, satisfy my physical needs, and get a little pleasure. The flattery of those women can also comfort my poor self-esteem; at the same time, it can make me miss When you are a sweet girl, you won't be unable to control yourself.When I miss her very much, I call a random woman or a woman I just met, simply make an appointment, go straight to the point, go to bed, and then, my girlfriend and I leave each other. Disturb.In this way, my life seems to maintain a kind of balance, and it does not completely spiral out of control.

The women I hang out with seem to accept my principles, never disturb my life and work, and don't try to get into my circle, of course, I definitely do.They and I only exchanged some leftover libido, that is, sexual energy, in a secret space, and talked about some irrelevant topics.

There is also a woman who is wonderful, that is Ms. Su, on the one hand, she cares about Jiaomei very much, she tries to find out everything about Jiaomei, and pays close attention to whether we have any contact, even some intimate photos of me and Jiaomei from fans P , she was very jealous, and even scolded on the Internet; on the other hand, she never cared about my association with other women, and she was very proud, and even said that I did not need to spend money to associate with other women, and With her contacts, she can easily earn so much money, so she is the number one of course, that is, the real girlfriend.I replied to her with disdain, "Because you have a thicker skin than them, so you earn more." She didn't mind.She is my special assistant and has my key. For a while, I got the key back and gave it to my assistant. Later, she took it back. When I was away, the assistant or Ms. Su took turns to be in charge. Take care of the house, pets and flowers.As soon as I get back to my apartment, I lock the door.My assistant will never bother me, and usually doesn't stay long after finishing work; however, Ms. Su will secretly stay in the room when I'm not around, and sometimes, she will encounter embarrassing situations. The woman returned to the apartment, but she stayed in the apartment. At this time, I would explain indiscriminately that she was my cousin or a company assistant, etc. to prevaricate.Maybe, she thinks that her incomparable tolerance and understanding of me can be exchanged for my good opinion of her. She thinks that in this way, she will have more chances to sleep with me than other women.She didn't care at all that I was fooling around with other women in front of her.Her philosophy is probably that as long as I can freely satisfy my physical needs, it doesn’t matter who I sleep with or how many people I sleep with, as long as it’s not a pretty girl, it doesn’t matter, as long as I can give her money, then give her The title of girlfriend will naturally become my wife in the future, so she will be successful.Of course, through the operation of her good mother and great uncle, she now directly allocates a piece of my income. She imagines that one day in the future, all my income can be directly allocated to her, that would be wonderful Words!At that time, her parents must have woken up laughing, and she became the most successful woman, making all the women in the world envy and hate.Now, of course, she must not care about how many girlfriends I have because of small losses.As long as she can spend my money, she is much better than other women who fool around with me, that is, the official girlfriend.She always came to help me do this and that from time to time, as if to fulfill her responsibility as a 'girlfriend'.

But I'm annoying her, when I'm sober, I can't stay alone with her at all, only when I'm drunk, my body doesn't seem to belong to me anymore, and I let her manipulate me; when I'm sober, I will think: her fake Will the breasts explode, and will the fat lips that have been injected rot.After getting half drunk, these uncomfortable thoughts will disappear, replaced by wanting to fuck this shameless stinky woman to death, crush her fake breasts, bite her fat mouth, and make her never show up again.I have to admit that when I'm with her, I turn into a shameless scum under the influence of alcohol; She left and I didn't have anything to talk to her about, and I made no secret of that, and I never let her sleep over at my house because, I always thought about the thing she and her mother were involved in designing. Good show, she is an important character in it, when I think about it, I want her to disappear from my sight as soon as possible.

There is another strange thing. When I am making out with others, I will suddenly think of Jiaomei, which makes me very uncomfortable. We have broken up. It’s right to find another home as soon as possible, but Jiaomei is like a love elf living in my brain, always jumping out when I am having fun with others, especially when Subetta and I are in a daze When I was struggling, the shadow of Jiaomei always flashed out, as if I wanted to make a comparison: those caresses and intimacy with Jiaomei at the beginning were really happy and sweet, which made me have endless aftertaste and never tire of it; but, what about now?It's like a person who has eaten delicious peaches, but pretends to be fresh peaches with crooked melons and cracked dates. It will be difficult to swallow.I have another complaint against Jiaomei in my heart: you have redefined my emotional needs and satisfaction standards, but abandoned me, so that I can only get a little substitute and low matching from others. Imitation, what should I do?The more submissive Subetta was, the annoyed I became.However, I have been unable to contact Jiaomei more and more.The reason, perhaps, besides self-esteem, is shame.

I seem to have been in a muddy chaos for a long time. Jiaomei is a branch hanging above my head. When she loves me, that branch always shakes and shakes on my head, and I jump lightly. I can catch it, let me escape from the mundane world, and get a moment of great physical and mental joy; let me stay away from the filth and mud, and gain inner peace.Now that she doesn't love me anymore, I'm covered in mud, sinking deeper, and the branches are further away from me.Sometimes, however, a gust of wind reminds me of branches swaying before my eyes, and I catch them with a light leap.It was as if, I held her little hand again, and immediately, I could hold her in my arms and kiss her sweet lips.Any sign of trouble will make me think she is back again.Once, when I passed by a bookstore, I suddenly saw a figure from behind. I thought it was her and chased for several hundred meters until the girl disappeared around the corner. Then I suddenly realized that it was not her. not her.I am extremely disappointed.Oh my god!I thought I had escaped far away, but she still appeared in my mind, as if she would suddenly jump out from a certain corner and stand in front of my eyes.I still miss her a lot.My miss has not diminished because of the passage of time, and my feelings for her have not diminished because of those affairs.

At this time, I received a call from a teacher and friend who I hadn't contacted for a long time. He was a mutual friend of Jiaomei and me. He told me an amazing news, "Hi! Former director and producer: Many. Do you know? When I first heard about her announcing her relationship, I thought it was you. I haven’t contacted you for more than half a year, why did you break up?” I felt dizzy when I heard it It was about to explode, so I didn't care about explaining. I made an appointment with him and hung up the phone in a hurry.

Without even thinking about it, I called Jiaomei directly and said, "Congratulations! I found a producer to be my boyfriend so quickly. I finally don't have to worry about filming, and I don't have to compete for roles." Next, I will remember I don't have to say anything else, I just remember that Jiaomei held back for a long time without saying a word, and burst out a sentence, "You bastard! Gao Zhixiang!" Then, she burst into tears. I don't know what to say, like a catastrophe Afterwards, the kid who fled the scene quickly, I hung up the phone and ran to the bar.After a few glasses of wine, I felt as if my heart was being pricked by a needle. The wound was expanding a little bit, and a big hole was slowly opened. All the preventive measures I had taken before were ineffective at this moment. In the past six months, In order to forget her, and to heal myself, I found more fun, had many affairs, participated in countless parties, and drank more alcohol, but when I heard the news, I broke down. It worked.I just feel so empty.I drank to the breaking point in no time.This time, I categorically rejected my friend's approach of handing me over to Ms. Su, and let them throw me into the hotel directly.When I arrived at the hotel, I was so awake that I couldn't fall asleep. I suddenly remembered that when Jiaomei broke up with me, she said that she was going to join the film crew, so it was inconvenient to contact her.Aren't there many directors of that play?It turns out that they have been together a long time ago, have I been cheated on?I felt ashamed and angry, as if I had been whipped in the face. I called Jiaomei again like a ghost, and shouted, "Why do you want someone to come to Hong Kong to bring me back?" , I'm already gone? Why are you with that damn guy, and you still come to lie to me? You liar!" "You're making trouble for no reason!" Then, she hung up the phone.Later, I don't remember how many times I called, but she didn't answer.I cried hysterically, like a river bursting its embankment, and finally, after two days and one night, my brother took me back to his home. Perhaps, after venting my emotions, I found peace temporarily, but my heart was aching.

A few days later, my friend invited me to meet him at his newly opened coffee shop. He is ten years older than me and has long been a big name in the industry. As the director of this play, Director Cen is very strict in his work, like a tyrant, but he has a decent style and never takes advantage of the actresses. He is sincere and respects the actors he cooperates with.He likes me and Jiaomei very much. He always says that we are his favorite screen couple. If we cooperate in a few more films, we will be comparable to Momoe Yamaguchi and Tomokazu Miura in Japan. He is always looking for opportunities and hopes that we can Collaborate again.I respect him very much, as long as he calls, I will definitely turn down all appointments and go to see him.

When I came to this coffee shop by the sea, there were very few people in the shop. Director Cen was sitting at a long table by the floor-to-ceiling glass window, looking at the sea. I walked up and said, "Hello! Director Cen, I kept you waiting for a long time, I came out very early, I don’t know why I’m still late.” Director Cen said, “You came just in time, because I arrived earlier, I did something in the store. Please sit down , let’s talk slowly. What do you drink?” I replied, “You can decide, I’ll follow you.” “Okay! Let’s have a pot of black tea!” Before coming, my brother kept telling me: must Bring me the contract with the brokerage company.He always thought that I signed a contract of selling my life, which would be very detrimental to my future, and asked me to ask this sincere friend for advice.I have an introverted and shy personality, and I am very bad at asking others for help. I am used to digesting bad things by myself, which makes small things easy to become big things, and big things to become big troubles that cannot be handled.For example, a contract.Reluctantly, I decided to obey my brother's advice and let my warm and sincere friend come and see.Director Cen took my contract and read it carefully. After reading it, he took a sip of tea and said, "That's right, it is indeed a contract of sale. Your development momentum is so good, there is no need to sign a contract with the company." This kind of appointment, could it be that they have grasped something about you and forced you to submit?" All I could say was the secret that had been in my heart for so long but was as heavy as a boulder.It's how I was designed by the boss of the company and Ms. Su's mother and daughter, signed a contract of sale, and then gave me a special assistant and girlfriend. At the same time, my relationship with Jiaomei was also disturbed by them. Now , my life is a mess.

After listening to my narration, Director Cen said, "It seems that their methods are vicious and sophisticated. How can you be their opponent with such a simple and honest person, not to mention that the two mothers and daughters still want to take you Tie them to their house and slowly eat Tang Monk meat! However, I think the mother and daughter must have done it, or ordered someone to do it Yes. The company is not going to do this, because bad fun photos or photos of passers-by are posted on the Internet, which will damage your image and negatively affect the company. The boss will definitely not do this kind of harm to others. These bad tricks can only be done by people who are already insane and want to tie you to their house. Therefore, the interests of your boss and those two mothers and daughters are not completely consistent. To get rid of these people, Only step by step, you can start with work first. First form a big interest alliance with your boss, so that the mother and daughter dare not harm the interests of you and the boss. You can find a way to persuade the boss to let you Set up a studio in the mainland, take over business by yourself, and look for cooperation projects. When you find a good cooperation project, your boss will naturally not want them to be eaten by parasites or destroy them. At that time, they will come up with these bad tricks When the time comes, your boss will come forward to settle them down. There are also big partners, which will also make your boss afraid, so that they don't treat you too much, so you can balance it out and let you have a A chance to breathe. In fact, you have great potential, and you can definitely do a lot at work, don't waste your time." His words not only pointed out the direction for me, but also made me relax a lot.

Director Cen continued, "I think that although the relationship between you and Jiaomei is good, it's too fragile. Maybe it's a long time coming! I don't think the director Jiaomei found is very reliable. Although he is a bit talented, but She is very small, and she even scolds with netizens, and she seems to be a flirtatious person. There are scandals with several co-actresses. Jiaomei is as innocent as you. How can she be the opponent of this person! , the other party left her when they got tired of playing, I'll wait and see how long they can last. Don't worry. Get your career up first, and drive away the flies around you, good girls Dare to get close! Even if Jiaomei is with someone else now, as long as she is not married, maybe she will turn back again. Between men and women, the last thing I believe is this sentence: A good horse never turns back. If you become Better words than before! Boy, when the time comes, Jiaomei will come back, just trust me!" Every sentence he said was true, and it touched my heart, which greatly encouraged me.He always has a kind of power that can make me cheer up immediately and face my crisis with a clear mind.