please choose me

I admit that I am an out-and-out coward, for sure.Unable to bear it, he flinched.

I originally liked girls, but I never had special feelings for boys other than him.At first I approached him out of a subtle curiosity, originally a little playful, but later fell in love with him, it seems that there is no specific reason.Whether this love is true or not, and how long it will last, I don't know.I'm just a senior in high school, I have nothing in my hands, and I can't give him anything.I had no confidence in myself to promise him a future.

I alienated him in disguise, and my heart was in a mess, worried that he would think too much, worried that he would be sad, and worried that he would not be affected by the test.He has paid so much for me, and he shouldn't lose more things because of me. I don't deserve his kindness.

After the college entrance examination, neither of us contacted each other.

Goodbye at the graduation banquet, I did something that I still regret deeply.Although he told me now that he doesn't mind, I know it's all fake.He said that to make me feel better.

He cried that day, and I cried too.

I pretended to be drunk and asked him to take me home. He seemed to be about to say something to me, and I panicked.I was very scared, afraid that he would tell me what I really wanted to hear.I was overwhelmed and pretended to be asleep.When the subway turned a corner, I deliberately leaned on his shoulder.I knew in my heart that this might be our last meeting.

He secretly kissed me.

As if struck by lightning, I stopped breathing.I guess he knew I was pretending to be asleep, and he could probably figure out why I ignored him.A light kiss, no, not even a kiss, just a touch.He will do this, it should be to give up on me.Otherwise, such a cautious person like him would not do anything "bold".

When the subway arrives, I can't put it on anymore.

We got out of the subway station, and he sent me to the gate of the community.I couldn't control the crazy thoughts in my mind, I wanted to grab his hand, run away with him, go to a place just the two of us.He waited and waited, but before I could speak, he finally smiled and turned to leave.

The corners of his eyes were red.

I watched his back getting farther and farther away, and at that moment, I just wanted to die.

The last summer vacation in high school was the most miserable summer vacation in my life.Playing games, watching football games, and doing nothing else.Unable to sleep at night, I use the notes he lent me as bedtime reading.My family members said that I was stupid in studying, so I let them think what they wanted, squatting quietly at home and getting moldy.

The results came out, I performed supernormally and did well in the test.Everyone came to congratulate me, and I didn't feel anything after hearing that.I just want to get approval from one person, it's useless to do well in the exam, I drive him away, he won't talk to me anymore.

Others fill out their volunteers and ask this and that, and they have to think about it for a long time before making a decision.I chose without much thought, six voluntary schools, all in one city.He said he wanted to go there, and even if we couldn't be together, I wanted to at least live in the same city as him, closer to him.

He still went to the university that recommended him a place, studied his favorite major, and I kept all the words and phrases I heard from my classmates in my heart.I watched his recent situation on social software, quietly observing like a pervert.He doesn't go online very often, and can't update a new message for a month.I opened our dialog box, typed a long list of apologies, and then deleted each word.

Before the summer vacation is over, I heard that he has moved.It took me a lot of effort to get to his contact information, and I had memorized his number by heart, but I still didn’t dare to dial it out, wondering what I was tossing about.

I hope he can live a good life, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't have me by his side.

Maybe he would be better off without me.

University life is not as easy as I thought. I am really busy, but most of the time I don’t know what I am busy with.

I, who never pay attention to how boys look like, began to look for faces similar to him in the crowd, and then found that no one looked like him.I don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, and I don't like anyone anymore.When you like him, you use too much force, no matter how hard you are to be tempted by others.To love someone seriously, once in this life is enough.

Although we are no longer together, the habits he developed are still there.I thought I had to fight for my breath, and I didn't want to let myself be free to think about him again, so I was very tired.The activities organized by this and that student, the projects led by the teacher, grades, extra points, and internships, I took too many things for myself, and there were more and more things, and I thought of him less and less.

Sometimes when I pass by his school, I will deliberately turn around at the school gate.

Still want to see him.

Every time I think, wait here for 10 minutes, I will leave if I don’t see him, if I meet him, I will take a second look, and then I will leave.

Every time I can wait a long time.

Strange that I never met him once.

I am such a bad person, it is normal to have bad luck.

Crush is hard work.

If only I could have understood his intention earlier.