please choose me

I thought we were like this.I just look at him like this, do nothing, just watch.Classmates for three years, and then went their separate ways.

Unexpectedly, after a monthly exam, we changed positions routinely, and we became deskmates.

The homeroom teacher came up with a bad idea that was so vulgar that it couldn't be more vulgar, "a group helps each other learn together".We were both boys and roommates, so we were brought together.

He is lazy.

I usually don't do my homework or read books. I cram my feet before the exam, and my grades are barely in the middle and upper reaches of the class.

"The third year of high school is a crucial year", teachers and parents say this sentence over and over again.Gone are the physical education classes, the basketball team activities are gone, and there are no high school seniors in the sports meeting.He realized the seriousness of the problem and quickly calmed down.

When he asked if I could do him a favor, I said yes without thinking.

What was a nightmarish senior year for others was a sweet year for me.

He needs me and I'm happy.

He frowned and thought about things, his eyelashes drooped, and the corners of his mouth were drawn into a straight line.Most people who are serious are good-looking, and at this time he has an indescribable sex appeal.We were discussing how to do a problem, and he approached me unconsciously, and the faint scent of saponins and the heat from his body invaded all my senses from a short distance away.I pretended to be calm, clenched my left hand under the table and then opened it, opened it and then clenched it, my palm was covered with sweat.

He was smarter than me, and he caught up with me slowly when he was interested in studying. Our names on the grade list got closer and closer, but he still came to ask me whenever he encountered a problem.After the evening self-study, we will stay in the classroom for a while, chatting and chatting, that is the happiest moment of my day.We went back to the dormitory, turned off the lights, and each of us hid under the covers and turned on the small desk lamp to read and do the questions.He told me, half joking and half sighing, that he was embarrassed to go to bed early when he saw that my light was still on.

Our relationship has changed dramatically over the year, from two familiar strangers to inseparable friends.I carefully hide my likes, don't take the initiative, don't try, stand in the position of a friend and never cross the line.

I work harder because of him.

I want him to be good, but I don't want him to be too good.

If only he wasn't so good, if only he could be completely mine.

I didn't know him well enough when the relationship was average.As we got closer, seeing him and imagining him gradually overlapped, his boyishness and bad temper showed, but in my eyes he was still cute in any way.

His friends said that I was his little follower and daughter-in-law, and he didn't refute after hearing that, but deliberately hugged me in front of them and said ambiguous words or made intimate gestures.

He kissed me.

Amidst the din, he squeezed my chin, forcing me to look up.The picture was cut into a single frame, the fingers with slightly protruding knuckles, the back of the hand buried with blue veins, the breathing on the side of my face, and finally a light kiss on the forehead.I don't remember what he said to the booers, but my ears were buzzing, hot air came up from the soles of my feet, my face was red and my heart was beating, and my hands and feet were numb.

A kiss without any lust, but it made me melt.

Boys kissing and hugging are all jokes. I have ghosts in my heart, and I can't act generously. I don't know how to react.Seeing my silence, he mistakenly thought that I was angry, and apologized pitifully to me.

At first, I was satisfied just looking at him.

Slowly, my greed became a bottomless pit.

I'm not happy if he said a few more words to a girl.He looks at me and smiles, and I can have a bright day.He is unhappy, and I am sadder than him.I struggled with the fact that I couldn't say funny things, I couldn't play games, I couldn't play basketball, and I even hated myself.I am weak, cowardly, selfish and dark, and I am not good enough for him.

If we are admitted to the same university, if we can always be friends, if he likes boys, if he likes me, if we are together, etc.Thoughts like these were my spiritual opiates, and all my fantasies about love were placed on him, and he seemed to be love itself.

If, if, my mind is full of fantasies about him.

From September to June of the following year, he gave me infinite happiness.

When I woke him up in the morning, he got up after moaning for a long time, and said good morning to me in a daze.We stood in front of the sink and washed together, went to the cafeteria to eat together, entered the classroom and sat behind the same table, went back to the dormitory together at night, and stayed together all day long.He told me his past embarrassing stories, told me dirty jokes, and taught me how to fight without losing money.

When walking side by side, I really want to hold his hand.

Although the weekend is off and we can't meet each other, when we get home, we study in our respective rooms and use our mobile phones to video, no different from when we were in school.He very seriously introduced to me the figurines he put on the desk, which are silly and indescribably cute.

Until before the college entrance examination, all the things I can think of about him are warm.

He made me feel like I was special to him.

In the last period before the exam, we emptied the dormitory and went home to prepare for the exam.I packed his jersey in an opaque bag, wrapped it with my clothes, and put it at the bottom of the suitcase.Although there is no smell or temperature of him on the washed jersey, the thought of him wearing it makes me excited.

If only he could steal his heart like stealing clothes.

Our exam room is in our school, and by coincidence, we took the exam in the same classroom.Before the exam, I gave him a hug as usual.

He pushed me away.

I don't know what happened.

dare not ask.

I don't dare to think that he knows that I like him, what should I do.

If so, what can I do.

On the day of the exam, we walked back to the classroom one after the other, and neither of us spoke.

On a summer afternoon, the sun burns people's backs.I searched my brain and couldn't think of any topic, so I followed him back to the classroom silently.

I tidied up my things slowly, and he leaned on the table next to him and chatted with someone.

The corners of his mouth curled up, and there was a slight smile on his face, even the dimples on the side of his face were full of smiles.The wind blows the curtains, the floating gauze, the silhouette under the backlight and the clean white shirt, and the scattered pieces piece together a magician of wind and light.

I watched him without blinking, using my eyes as cameras, trying to remember the scene.

When I was in middle school, it was very unreasonable to like someone, because I was afraid that I had too many emotions and nowhere to put them.

In the end is why, who knows.

I fell in love with him right away, accepting all his good and bad points, even the fact that he doesn't like me.

I am confused, and sincerely like him.

He found out what was on my mind, felt sick, didn't want to talk to me, didn't want to look at me anymore.In fact, this is also good, I have liked him for several years, and there should be a result.

My first love ended in a hurry.

I thought, I was too stupid, and I was out before I could express my love.

A voice in my heart said unwillingly, let's take another look.