if i could love you

After coming out of the counselor's teacher's office, Wen Jiaoer was in a daze all the way, and didn't even know how he got into the house.

During dinner, Wen Jiaoer sat at the dining table, still looking sullen.She just buried her head in her meal and didn't say a word. As for what was in her mouth, she actually didn't know at all.

Mother Wen watched her put a piece of carrot into her mouth, and then said quietly, "What you put into your mouth just now was a carrot."

"Oh, is that so? What's the matter?" Wen Jiaoer replied absent-mindedly.

"Don't you usually hate eating carrots the most?" Mother Wen raised her eyebrows and asked sharply.

After hearing these words, a strange smell immediately filled Wen Jiaoer's mouth.She belatedly realized that she was eating carrots.She couldn't help but twitched the corners of her lips, swallowed the unchewed carrot in one gulp, and then said forcefully, "Ah, carrots have a lot of vitamins, so it's good to eat some."

Mother Wen glanced at Wen Jiaoer in disbelief, and said, "I don't know what happened today?"

After eating dinner without taste, Jiao Er didn't sit on the sofa and watch TV with her mother as usual, but went directly to her room.She turned on her phone habitually, and saw that Li Li had sent her a WeChat message an hour ago.

"Are you home yet? Is there anything the counselor can do for you?"

She stared at the phone screen for a while before slowly replying, "Yeah, it's been a while since I got home. It's no big deal for the director to find me."

Li Li replied almost instantly, "That's good. Have you had dinner yet?"

"En." Wen Jiaoer only replied with one word.

"Yeah, you can eat less, but don't skip it, it's not good for your health." Li Li also replied in seconds this time.

"I know." Wen Jiaoer replied to Li Li, she suddenly felt that the air was very dull, then she breathed a long sigh of relief, and replied to Li Li, "I'm tired, I want to rest early today. You too Rest! Don't call me back."

After sending this message to Li Li, Jiaoer threw the phone to the side of the bed as if relieved, and then collapsed on the bed.She stared blankly at the ceiling. What happened at the age of 16 was like a movie, and the pictures flashed before her eyes frame by frame.Wen Jiaoer seemed to have fallen into the sea, and the sea water entered the trachea and lungs along the nose and mouth, creating an indescribable suffocation.Wen Jiaoer let herself wander in the nightmarish memories, instead of always avoiding them like before.

"Jiao'er, you won't watch TV with me today?" Mother Wen pushed the door open and woke up Wen Jiao'er who was immersed in memories.

"No, I'm very tired today, I want to rest early." Returning to reality again, Jiao'er was almost exhausted.

Mother Wen didn't go out immediately when she heard Jiaoer's words. Instead, she walked to her bed and sat down gently, and asked, "Jiaoer, did you encounter any unhappy things at school? I see that you have been here since you first entered the house. It's like he has something on his mind."

"Mom, no. I just got up too early for my morning exercises today, and I'm a little tired now." Jiaoer tried to force a smile and continued, "I had a good time at school, don't worry! The teacher and My classmates are very nice to me."

"Is it really okay?" Mother Wen asked again.

"Really, don't worry! I'll watch TV with you tomorrow, okay? I'm really tired today!" Jiao Er stretched her waist while talking.

"If that's the case, you should go to bed early! Mom won't bother you!" Mother Wen got up and left after speaking, walked to the door and said as if remembering something, "Go to bed quickly after taking a bath, don't I'm playing on my phone!"

"Well, good. I see." Jiao Er agreed with a nod and a smile.

After seeing her mother close the door, Wen Jiaoer's smile gradually disappeared.She brushed the broken hair on her forehead, then picked up her pajamas and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

Insomnia! This is what Wen Jiaoer expected.The thick curtains cut off the dots of light outside the house, and the night inside the house is quiet and lonely.Jiao Er turned over again, her sore limbs stretched slightly under the quilt.It was as if a boulder had been pressed against her chest, and she was so stuffy that she couldn't breathe.

I don't know how long it has passed, there are rustling noises outside, Jiao Er guessed it should be dawn, the city is gradually waking up.At this time, she gradually became sleepy...

She came to an empty room, which was painted all white, and the overwhelming white made her feel a little sleepy.She didn't know when there was an extra bed in front of her, so she simply lay on it and planned to take a nap.The smell of alcohol was getting stronger and stronger. She opened her eyes and saw the man's face again.He was only a few centimeters away from his own face, and Jiaoer could see his bloodshot eyes and his ferocious expression because of the force.Jiao Er, who was in fear, stretched out her hand to push him away, but unexpectedly, the man used this to tie her two hands above her head.The man muttered nasty things that disgusted Jiaoer, and the other empty hand became dishonest, groping around Jiaoer's body.Jiao Er shouted Simon's name over and over again, just like when he was 16 years old.She saw Simon rushing in...

At this moment, she woke up.Wen Jiaoer suddenly sat up from the bed, she knew that she was having a nightmare again.She sat on the bed, like a washed-up fish, feeling powerless.She didn't know how long she had slept, but her mind was still chaotic, as if she hadn't slept for a long time.

She heard something ringing, and it took her a long time to realize that it was her cell phone ringing.She lay half on her stomach and fumbled for her phone by the pillow.It's Simon's call.

"Hello! Simon." Jiao Er's tone was still full of tiredness.

"Hello! Are you sick? Is the voice so wrong?" Simon's worried voice came from the other end of the phone.

"No, I just woke up. What's the matter, what's the matter?" Jiaoer lay down on the bed again.

"I also said why are you answering the phone now? You just woke up." Simon on the other end of the phone breathed a sigh of relief, and then continued, "Today is the official announcement of the crew of "Hello, Chen Xuedi". Repost it on Weibo!"

"You ask the staff to help me turn around! I just woke up, and my mind is still in a daze." Jiao Er yawned again.

"Okay, I see. I usually go to bed early, look at you and sleep until noon." Simon put on a nagging posture.

"What time is it?" Jiao Er asked suspiciously.

"It's already twelve o'clock, my..." Simon suddenly fell silent when he said this, and then said, "Jiaoer, are you having nightmares again?"

"No!" Jiaoer tried to keep his tone extremely flat, "I just woke up once in the middle of the night, and it took a long time before I fell asleep. That's why I fell asleep until now. Don't think about it!"

"That's good, I get it. I'll post on your Weibo and repost the official announcement later. You can rest at home!" Simon felt relieved.

After hanging up the phone, Jiao Er breathed a sigh of relief.There was no movement in the living room. She estimated that there should be no one at home now. Mom and Dad have a party today, and the aunt should go shopping.She continued to lie on the bed in a daze. Although it was already time for lunch, she had no appetite at all since she hadn't eaten two meals in a row.Ye Hao, the right to lose weight.

She spent the weekend in such a daze, hardly eating or drinking, lying in bed every day.She was like a fish waiting to be slaughtered on the chopping board, living in panic and anxiety.Fortunately, her parents have been very busy these two days and have no time to pay attention to her.

On Sunday afternoon, the assistant and driver came to pick her up on time to go to school.She sat in the car and remained silent all the way.The assistant looked at her and shook his head, thinking that it had been two weeks.Last Sunday, when my celebrity went back to school, he was so preoccupied, and he was still so depressed this Sunday.But she didn't know that the reasons for Jiaoer's depression last week and this week were completely different.

"Are you back?" Wen Jiaoer met Li Li's smiling face as soon as he entered the dormitory door.

"Yeah. I'm back." Jiaoer agreed vaguely, but didn't look up at Li Li.

"How was your weekend?" Li Li continued to ask.

"It's pretty good." Jiao Er entered the door and only focused on packing her own things, deliberately not looking at Li Li.

"Jiaoer." Li Li called her again.

"What's wrong?" She still didn't look up.

She was answered by a long silence.The atmosphere in the dormitory was a little awkward.

It wasn't until Jiaoer couldn't help but want to say something that Li Li said again, "It's okay, you can do your work!"

After class on Monday morning, Jiaoer was about to pack up and go back to the dormitory, but saw the class monitor—a tall boy walking towards her.

"Jiaoer, the counselor asked me to ask you how your preparations for the opening speech are going?" the squad leader walked up to her and asked.

"Ah? What's the opening speech?" Jiao Er asked in a daze.

"Aren't you going to give the opening speech for tomorrow's lecture?" The class monitor also had a questioning expression on his face, "You're not unprepared, are you?"

"Oh! Tomorrow's speech! I'm ready! Ready!" Jiaoer said guiltily, without looking at the class monitor.She lay in bed for two full days, forgetting about the opening speech.Since she learned from the counselor that the man was coming to the school to give a lecture, she was almost immersed in the nightmare memories of the age of 16 almost all the time, and she had no mind to do other things at all.

"Okay! Let's work hard tomorrow!" The squad leader originally wanted to reach out and pat Jiaoer on the shoulder to express encouragement, but he didn't expect that when Jiaoer hid, his hand hung in the air in embarrassment.

Jiaoer couldn't explain why she wanted to hide, she really just avoided instinctively, just like avoiding the vehicles coming towards her when crossing the road.

"Hey! Monitor, what time does tomorrow's lecture start?" Li Li quickly changed the subject to break the awkward atmosphere.

"Oh, it's nine o'clock tomorrow morning. Don't be late!" The squad leader had retracted his hand at this time, and the smile on his face was slightly stiff.

"Okay. We got it." When Li Li spoke, he put his hand on Jiaoer's back, and patted Jiaoer lightly twice.

After seeing the squad leader walking away, Li Licai asked with concern, "Jiaoer, what's wrong with you? Are you feeling unwell?"

"I'm fine, I don't want to eat today, I'll go back and read the opening draft." Jiao'er's complexion looked bad, and her eyes had lost their former brilliance.

"How about I take it back for you? Why don't you eat something!" Li Li asked cautiously again.

An evil fire rose in Jiao Er, "Li Li, I really don't want to eat. Can you leave me alone?", impatience could still be detected in the tone that was trying to suppress.

There was a hint of disappointment in Li Li's eyes, but after a flash, he still said softly, "Then I'll go to the cafeteria first."

Jiao Er nodded, showing no expression on her pale face.

After returning to the dormitory, Jiao Er began to search for the opening speech on the mobile phone, trying to find one from the Internet for tomorrow's opening speech.But she couldn't see anything, because the man's disgusting face was lingering in her mind.She simply threw the phone aside and lay down on the bed.She experienced insomnia again last night, and now she was overwhelmed by drowsiness, and fell asleep not long after lying down.

When he woke up, it was getting dark, Jiaoer half-closed his eyes and turned on the phone, and found that it was almost seven o'clock.And her opening speech didn't even have a clue.Thinking of this, she jumped up from the bed.

"Are you awake?" Li Li was also lying on her own bed at the moment, probably aware of her movement, and then asked softly.

"Well! I haven't written the opening draft yet!" Wen Jiaoer, who had just woken up, was still in a state of confusion, and accidentally revealed the truth.And he ran to the table without noticing it, but saw a manuscript on the table.She turned on the light and glanced around, and found that it seemed to be the opening draft she wanted.

"This is my opening draft?" Jiao Er asked incredulously, after waking up, the opening draft he wanted appeared on the table out of thin air.

"Can you take a look? Do you need to change it?" At some point, Li Li had already walked to her side, and also leaned over to read the manuscript.

"You wrote it for me?" Jiao Er tried hard to suppress the corner of his mouth that was about to rise.

"En." Li Li nodded behind her.

"How do you know I didn't write it?" Jiaoer asked again in doubt.

"Didn't you just say that?" Li Li said with a smile in his tone.

"Ah! Yes! I accidentally said it just now." After Jiaoer was reminded, she realized that she had uttered the truth when she woke up.

"Why are you so confused?" Li Li fondled her head.

"Hey! That's not right! I just said, didn't your manuscript be placed on my desk before this?" Li Li must have known that she hadn't prepared an opening draft, but she didn't understand How did Li Li know.

"You just think I can read minds!" Li Li approached from behind her and said with a smile.

She smelled the increasingly strong scent of pine branches behind her, and couldn't help her heartbeat speeding up. She lowered her head and whispered, "Li Li, thank you."

"Jiaoer, if you find these things embarrassing, you can leave them to me. But don't lose your temper because of these things, okay?" Li Li's breath spit on Jiaoer's side face and neck, she felt There was heat on my face.

It turned out that Li Li thought she lost her temper because she didn't want to prepare the opening script!Jiaoer's heart warmed up, but the troubles that had troubled her for two or three days also surged up.What would Li Li think if he knew about that?

The author has something to say:

I just finished listening to the lecture and rushed to update the article.

I really appreciate you reading my article.i love you.