Death Beliefs

"Then I may really lack love. I grew up in a single-parent family. Although my mother loves me very much, I don't feel very happy. Maybe I don't know what contentment is at all. Things. Can you tell me what you think reality is?"

"What is reality? Think about the things you can't accept the most, and you probably know what reality is all about."

"Then what is the most unacceptable thing for you?" It came back, and it came back again, I just changed the pronoun to ask her what the reality is.

"What is the most unacceptable to me?" She smiled, as if tired, "Can you tell me first, what is the most unacceptable to you?"

"I can't tell." I shook my head, feeling that I suddenly touched such a philosophical question, my head swelled and felt uncomfortable.

"Can't tell, or don't want to say?" Xi Xiang smiled softly.

The atmosphere suddenly fell silent, Xi Xiang leaned against me quietly, squeezed her hands into my fingers, and interlocked with mine. In the past, I must have laughed at her for being crazy, but the exaggerated depression made me have no strength to squeeze her.

I asked her: "Hey, your boyfriend, how did he die? Do you really like him?" In the last sentence, I asked cautiously. I don't believe that such a cold-blooded person like Xi Xiang is really He will give his feelings, not to mention that he is a man who is not even good looking.

"How else could he have died? It's just being stabbed in the heart with a fruit knife. He has so many girlfriends, who knows who killed him. If you want to say whether I like him or not, can't you tell?"

Me: "...he is also your boyfriend after all, he is dead, you..."

I couldn't bear to continue talking, Xi Xiang was too calm, even vaguely abnormal.Just because of her indifferent attitude, I'm really afraid that those hot-headed policemen will punish her, because she just talked about believing in love as soon as I met me.

"What about me? Should I be crying? But let it go, he is nothing but a boyfriend who has been dating for two weeks."

Me: "...But, I heard you confess to the two policemen that you were taken care of by him..." I hesitated to speak, I really didn't know if I should stick to this topic.

"Yes, I was taken care of by him, but it doesn't mean that he is dead, I have to die for him." She probably wanted to say "what is he?", but seeing my difficult eyes, she just held back gone back.

We were on the verge of a melancholy moment and then returned to a cold and numb turning point.In the end, Xi Xiang was called in by two police officers for questioning, and then reluctantly let her go. However, they seriously stated that there is not enough evidence now, but it does not mean that the murderer can go unpunished.

Xi Xiang couldn't help laughing when he heard this, and commented: "I really watched too many TV dramas. I'm sure they can't find anything. At most, they can come to the conclusion that they committed suicide."

I stupidly asked her why.She smiled mysteriously, touched the top of my hair lovingly, and said: "Because I told them the most likely assailant, but they didn't go after them, and the direction was wrong. Can you expect them to succeed?" ?”

"Xi Xiang, you are really cold-blooded." I followed behind her, seeing her slim figure, and thought to myself that this is really a poisonous beauty.

Without looking back, she said, "Thank you, didn't you always know?"

Xi Xiang was born in City S, which is a city full of material desires, but her specific birth address is located in a dirty and dark alley in this bustling and prosperous city.

The endless industrial development has caused the sky above her city to be always gray and the air is as dirty as ever.

Since she was a child, the sentence she heard the most was her mother's full expectation-Xiang'er, your father will come to pick us up soon.

Xi Xiang once mentioned her embarrassing past to me, and she joked with me indifferently: "If I didn't listen to my mother talking about it, I would have thought that I was asexually reproduced by her. At that time, didn't I just get into biology? class?"

When she was in S City, she was bullied by the children in the school. They laughed at her as a child without a father. In fact, they were more talking about her mother, because her mother was always surrounded by strange people. man.

Just as she was ostracized by her classmates at school, her mother was ostracized by other women throughout the neighborhood.

Her childhood was imperfect, even stained.

"Every time I go home, my mother will catch me telling ridiculous things about my father and that vixen. Isn't she absurd when you say my mother? She is just a mistress that my father kindly corrected. Don't think that I I don't know what she did when she stayed in the alley. I was really young at the time, but I was precocious and I knew everything. Not only did I know which men she had affairs with, but I also knew that she was an impatient Silly old woman."

Xi Xiang shook his wine glass and talked about the past in a drunken way in front of me. The face in the dim light was blurred, and I felt like it was yesterday.

When we were in college, we would go out to parties every now and then. When we got drunk, we would vomit bitterness to each other and all the unhappiness in our hearts. Xi Xiang was the best drinker, so when it was her turn to talk, the surrounding area was almost down. I'm the only one left, still holding a glass of wine and yelling foolishly.

Am I awake?I'm not sober, I have no idea what happened to us not so long ago.

I didn't even know that the liquid in the glass I was holding was wine, if someone told me to be careful of blood in your glass, I would definitely get out with the glass.

But Xi Xiang is sober, she embraced me soberly, and took me aside, regardless of whether I was drunk or sober, anyway, she started her long memory of the past to me.

As if she was taking wine to boost her courage, she drank it with red eyes, and then opened her eyes firmly, revealing the past that had settled in her heart.

"Meng Xuan, do you know? I really envy you. You have a mother who loves you. Unlike me, my mother doesn't care about life or death. What does she care about? She takes me to live in the alley When she was here, she cared about whether the man who made her belly big would fulfill his promise to pick her up to live a good life. Now, she cares about whether my dad, a romantic man, will straighten up other women, and then put her from I kicked down from the position of the rightful owner. Hehe, my mother never thought about me. It was my mother who gave me the gold card of those old men, because my father no longer gave her money. She still wants me Pretending to be innocent, to seduce people in a despicable way."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, and even though I struggled hard, she didn't let me go, as if she wanted to tell me all her grievances in one breath, "Meng Xuan, you are also a mother, why is your mother so great? , and she is going to be so cruel! Am I not good enough?"

Her hot tears fell on the back of my hand, and I was sobered up a lot. I hugged her in a daze, wanting to hug her, not wanting to see her cry.

I buried my head into the crest of her neck, I felt her slight trembling, words of comforting her were strung together intermittently in my mind, but at that time, I could only hold her tighter and bury my face A little deeper, I can't seem to think of a sentence that can comfort her more. What kind of words are in front of her, they are out of proportion.

I opened my mouth, tears rolled into my mouth, I silently mouthed and said: "It's not that you are not good enough..." But, why?

"Believe it or not, I once wanted to die in the past." Xi Xiang lay on my shoulder. When our previous posture changed, I was confused and didn't know at all. I only knew that I hugged her tightly and felt Her fragility comes from the textures we touch.

"However, I have a very strong desire to live. No matter how unhappy life is, as long as I can live, it is a great fortune for me. So, you see, I have survived to this day. I, Should have died long ago."

She threw the cup out with all her strength and smashed it to pieces. I listened to the sweet voice and giggled. Then I followed her example and threw my cup out too. In the end, the two of us faced each other and dripped all over the floor. Red Wine burst into tears from laughter.

Xi Xiang said: "Look, the same color, but different fragrance, one is called wine, and the other is blood."

I pushed her drunken head, "Come on, it's your art."

In one week's time it will be Xie Zeyuan's wedding.My mom and his dad's rushing in and out with such intense energy is like ants spinning around on a hot pot, but the ants whose lives are in danger are much more brainless than them.

I'm sure the mother doesn't care that much.Not to mention how comfortable his mother is sitting at home. It's very exciting to think about his son's lifelong event, and his father's Xiaomi can do it all by himself.

My mother calmed down and thought about it, and decided to invite us young people, plus Uncle Xie, to go out for dinner together, because she didn't want to be there on Xie Zeyuan's wedding day, and despite Uncle Xie's strong request, my mother still insisted Heart refused.

The reason for the refusal was very simple. I heard her yelling at Uncle Xie directly, "What identity should I take? Luo Qiang's relatives are all there, and I want them to watch our big show."

It was the first time I saw my mother who looked like a tigress going crazy, and she spoke in such a "Xi Xiang style".

I sat in the living room and shivered involuntarily. Although my mother in my impression was a little bit aggressive occasionally, she would not be so fierce. Sure enough, Uncle Xie's unreasonable demands were so unreliable.

"That's not what I said. You are an elder, no matter what your status is, you are fine. Besides, Zeyuan has always been close to you, so you won't lose his face if you go." Uncle Xie was still doing the last thing. struggle.

I cleaned my ears, ready to get up and go back to the room.I reckon my mother is about to explode after hearing what he said, so he can take care of himself.

Sure enough, my mother let out a "hum", and her voice increased several times: "I'm afraid that the one in your family will fight with me. Forget it, it's the same if I invite them to have a meal together in advance. Ze Yuan Now that he is close to me, he will support me as to what I will do. But you, you are such an adult, don’t you even understand these principles? "

Uncle Xie admits it, with a cute face of "whatever you say is right", a seven-foot mighty man, he is cute if he says he is cute, it is not an exaggeration to say that he is begging for mercy.

I stood at the door of the room, "..." Dog food is everywhere, and I expected them to quarrel.

My mother invited me to dinner, and those little youngsters who usually don't see their tail came in time, and my family welcomed them one after another with big bags and small bags.

Wen Ling was the first one to come, because I had sent a text message in advance, so I watched her coming at the door eagerly. My mother asked me to help in the kitchen, and I curled my mouth with a reluctant expression on my face.

My mother: "...Do you know what you look like? I'm too embarrassed to say, you look like a typical daughter-in-law. If it weren't for your mother, I can clearly remember that I didn't call Zhang Mianyang to my house today. I almost suspect that you have seduced Lang secretly."

Me: "...Mom, thanks to your fluent Mandarin, otherwise I would have thought you were comparing Zhang Mianyang to a wolf. Hey, I even lured wolves into my house!"

My mother picked up the spatula and looked over solemnly, so scared that I hurriedly opened the door a crack, ready to run away if she threw it, but my mother just lifted the spatula and put it into the pot .

She frowned and said, "Is it too late to call Zhang Mianyang over now? Why did I forget him? He is my son-in-law. Such an important person, I actually forgot." She suddenly His murderous gaze turned to me, "You! Why didn't you remind me? Is that your boyfriend? Family gathering, you can forget him completely!"

Me: "..." Can you blame me?

Seeing me standing there aggrieved, my mother couldn't bear it, waved her hand, and said, "Forget it, anyway, that's your boyfriend, if you don't cherish it, don't cherish it, I don't care, but if you don't get married in the future Go out, run to me and your Uncle Xie to get in the way, don't blame us for blinding your dog's eyes."

Me: "...Mom, I understand now that I am definitely not your own. As long as you run on me, if you say you are my stepmother, everyone will believe it."

My mother: "..." She frowned, "Is this the way you talk to your mother? Don't be silly, call Zhang Mianyang quickly, we just add a pair of chopsticks here. Last time you two Being awkward and refusing to go home, he has been waiting downstairs in our community for an indefinitely long time, and for his courage, I'm sure he is a good son-in-law."

Me: "...Mom, Wen Ling is downstairs, I'll pick her up, you can cook some good dishes with peace of mind. Xie Zeyuan and the others should be here later."

My mother knocked on the spatula, "You don't want to call, do you? All right, I'll call myself." Then, she conveniently took off her apron and went to the living room to pick up her mobile phone. Once the call was connected, she greeted her with a happy smile, "Ah, It's Xiao Zhang. Are you free today? Come to Auntie's house for a light meal. Auntie cooked a table of good dishes today, so I'm missing you... huh? You just want to come over to find Meng Chen, that's just right, Auntie is waiting for you."

Me: "..." I quickly found Zhang Mianyang in the chat history of WeChat, and sent an emoji to him.

He came back very quickly, and it seemed that he was refreshed by my mother's sweet words. He said, "Is there any happy event in your family today?"

I said, "What happy event can there be? It's not my life's event."

Zhang Mianyang's reply was a bit slower this time. I think it's not a problem with the speed of the Internet, but that he has opened up other ideas. Sure enough, he was stunned for so long, and then sent me a shy expression.

I:"……"

In fact, my reconciliation with Zhang Mianyang was quite dramatic. During the weekend when I ran away from home, he continued to wait downstairs in my house despite the severe cold. My mother's old girl's heart was almost broken. He was overwhelmed, but my mother never called to order me to go back from Wen Ling's house. She was really ruthless, thanks to Zhang Mianyang's solid foundation.

But my mother said to me wisely afterwards: "Mom, I am helping you to train him. The young man is young, but whether the relationship is strong or not, who can say for sure."

Zhang Mianyang was also persistent enough, knowing that I would not show up, he waited as usual until I finally came back from Wen Ling's house that day, and when he saw me under the streetlight, he was probably so excited that he wanted to cry.

As soon as he saw me, he rushed over immediately. He didn't even know where to put his hands and feet. He just looked at me awkwardly, and at last his neck got stuck, and he said sincerely, "I've never liked you before." Naturally, I don’t understand what it feels like to be moved, but I have always had a strange feeling since the first time I saw you, and I don’t know what kind of feeling it is. But I know, it probably Just love it."

I got out of the taxi after finishing the night shift. Zhang Mianyang was waiting at the gate of my neighborhood, and as soon as he saw me, he couldn’t wait to pull me to confess, even though I was stumbled in his statement Confused, he even wondered if he had drunk too much.Of course, I was still relatively sober and didn't yell at the security guard.

"You're fine, why are you telling me this?"

He is so hot that my hand hurts from being pulled by him, but this is not the point, but I feel that my relationship with him has not yet reached the point where we can reveal our hearts to each other.

Besides, I always thought that I was unrequitedly in love. As for whether he would like me, I didn't have much hope at all. I just thought that if I hit it off with him, I could leave some private space with my mother. blind date.

There are so many wonderful things in the world, wouldn't it be a crime for me to lose them all here?

Furthermore, Zhang Mianyang is so good-looking, even if he took it out and said that this is my boyfriend, I am quite proud. Really, compared to Xi Xiang's boyfriend who is all about money, he is really much better .

"Meng Xuan, I'm here to explain to you. You misunderstood me. The one who ate with me that day was Fa Xiao. She was broken in love, so I comforted her. Who knows, I bumped into you."

He held on to the corner of my clothes in aggrieved manner. When he saw my gaze shifting over, he immediately let go, and took a few steps back. He said, "I didn't mean to do anything. I'm just afraid that you won't Just ignore me, don't listen to me, that's why I hold you first."

"Then have you finished talking? I'm going to go up when I'm done." I tied a strand of hair that went wrong on the set behind my ear.

"Don't you have anything to tell me?" Zhang Mianyang looked up at me cautiously, his hands became restless again, as if he wanted to pull me again.

I dodged slightly to the side, "Then you want to hear how I confess my love to you, do I like you, or do I love you?"

Then, I heard Zhang Mianyang's shy laughter overflowing from between his tightly clasped fingers.He stretched out his arms and gave me a big hug.

In the warmth of being surrounded by him, I hugged him back.Rubbing gently, how lucky we are, the person we like also happens to like us.