Death Beliefs

Interests and desires will always make people flashy and inflated. In all kinds of subtle influences, our original intentions have disappeared like this.

When we were young, we used to talk about ideals. I remember that my biggest wish was to be a doctor who saved lives and healed the wounded. When I was older, I realized the difficulties of doctors and wanted to become an angel in white clothes. Later, I became a designer...

I thought that as long as a person has a dream, he will embrace a firm goal, no matter the difficulties and obstacles, he will work hard towards it, and one day he will realize what he thinks in his heart and fulfill his childhood wish.

But when I got to where I am today, I look back and realize that the idea I had all those years ago was so fragile that it fell apart without even trying.

In the same way, the joy of youth will be rotten in the bottom of my heart, out of tune, and it will not become such a thing after years of baptism.

Falling in love with someone may be enough at a glance, but hating someone and forgetting someone will always take some time and pain, just as uncomfortable as cutting off a vital part of the body.

"The person I like took someone else's hand and announced their relationship one day. I was not as open-minded and happy as I imagined. I couldn't even say a word of blessing. I only know that the place in my heart is empty and uncomfortable. , It’s empty, but it’s so crowded. I must be sick. Without you, I will feel very uncomfortable. Can you please don’t tell me that you have a new love, and my scars are still scabbing , it will take a long time to heal, just treat it as your kindness to me after we broke up, okay?"

"When I used to like her very much, if anyone dared to say something bad about her, I would go back. I was more angry than when I was personally attacked, but then I didn't like her. I wish those gossips could kill her. , I am such a person, when I love someone, I put my heart and soul into it, and when I hate someone, I even resort to [-] degrees of violence in an attempt to completely destroy that person."

In my dreams, there are always some out-of-key monologues. The voice seems to be mine, but it doesn’t seem to be mine. I feel that I am going crazy, so I don’t even have time to go out. Except for work, I basically stay at home. I don't go out at home, if my mother asks me why I don't go on a date with Zhang Mianyang, I always give her the same reason - Zhang Mianyang is busy and working overtime, isn't it almost the end of the year?

The fact is that it is still far away from the end of the year, but our group of office workers who have been struggling for a long time and seem to have never enjoyed a holiday can't wait to lie down and rest when there is a long distance.

Of course my mother doesn't believe it, after all, she is an old fox who has been struggling for so many years. In her words, I can tell whether I am hungry or bored just by moving my fingers.

Usually at this time, my mother would push me to the other side of the sofa in disgust, and said while pushing: "Could it be that people look down on you and want to break up with you, so I deliberately made up a reason to fool you Bar."

"Yeah, he's fooling me. He's hooked up with another girl from his company. Not long ago, when I went to eat at his place, I saw that one of them was cooking and the other was washing vegetables. Didn't you see it with your own eyes? That scene is [-]% shocking. When you are with Uncle Xie, you are as warm as the two of them."

I was talking nonsense, staring straight at the TV, and didn't care what my mother's expression would be, just me, as long as I feel good, other people will do whatever they want.Therefore, my mother said that I am selfish and selfish, and I don't have her magnanimous demeanor at all.

Yes, she is so elegant. Seeing my dad getting married with other women, she resolutely withdrew from her position and handed over her husband to let her husband go. She has been working alone for most of her life, and she finally moved Fanxin again and fell in love with her. Uncle Xie, who shares the same ailment with her, and because he has so much integrity and hasn't divorced yet, she waits willingly, not even blowing the wind around her pillow.

Why do I have such a useless mother? To put it mildly, I don't fight or grab, but to put it bluntly, that's enough.Of course, my indignation was not all because of my mother, but because I found out that I was the same as her.

"Stop talking nonsense with me. Is Xiao Zhang that kind of person? If he was really virtuous, he wouldn't have stood downstairs waiting for so long when you couldn't go home last time. This man , Mom sees more than you." The implication is that I am not qualified to fight her.

"That's right, how accurate are you? My dad first, and then Uncle Xie. We are all cowardly and capable."

My mother slapped me hard, and forced to slap off the biscuit between my fingers. After I slapped it off, I looked at her, not to mention calming down. This is not the first time or two I was attacked by her anger It's a mess, but I have to declare: "You did this, don't ask me to clean it later."

My mother smiled angrily: "Meng Chen, you've been really eccentric lately. What's on your mind? Even the tone of your mother's voice is thorny. Your mother gave birth to you and raised you for so many years. Are you still thinking about it?" What is there to be dissatisfied with?"

"There is nothing dissatisfied."

People always have all kinds of desires in life, especially for people like me who have endless thoughts, it is a ghost to be able to satisfy them.

I turned my gaze back to the TV. The soap operas on TV are actually the kind of plots that I hate the most, but they are quite real, at least quite suitable for the occasion. I exaggerate my life and make up for it on the screen—— Don't look at them acting hypocritically, life is actually like that.

"Come on, you were born by me, I can't feel your dissatisfaction yet?" My mother folded her hands on her chest, looking terrified.

I said, "Since you've already sensed it, why don't you ask me a fart."

My mother: "..." Her face turned blue, and she slapped her decisively again, which made my tears well in my eyes, what a vicious old mother.

"Do you still want to quarrel with me?" My mother actually raised her hand again, as if thinking about which part of my body it would fall on.

Me: "...Isn't it okay not to quarrel? How big of a man is he to beat his daughter every now and then, I'm sure I'm not your own."

I just complained a few words wisely, and my mother slapped me lightly again.

Me: "..." That's enough.

"Okay, let's stop talking about those sad things, mother and daughter, and talk about something happy." My mother tried to please me like a compromise, and handed me a box of biscuits for the first time.

I was flattered: "...Then what are you talking about? You expect me to talk to you about the plot in this play? Don't, I'd rather you hit me."

My mother: "..." Straightened her posture, and came to see me seriously, "That weekend, Xiao Zhang was waiting for you downstairs. The heavens can learn from your love. When you stayed at Wen Ling's place, didn't your heart ache? "

"My heart hurts? Mom, you were the one who talked to Wen Ling on the phone that day anyway. Why didn't you talk about it? If you did, I wouldn't come back? After all, Zhang Mianyang is also someone else's child. People, can I afford it?"

"Hey, it's still my fault. Didn't I test him for you?" My mother was so embarrassed, she didn't dare to talk anymore, but she was very interested in criticizing the TV.

In fact, she should have been like this a long time ago. Once she was like this, I would feel a little sorry for the old mother, because once she got emotional about me, she really wanted to help me get married and have children to support my family.

When I left Wen Ling’s house last weekend, Wen Ling was holding a teacup, enjoying every touch of the warm breeze blowing across his cheeks by the sunny window, his expression was melancholy, I have no doubts Will she share chicken soup for the soul with me with a sad face.

When we were all little kids, she had a set of torture tools to subdue people, that is, to make people want to kneel when they opened their mouths.

Oh, I forgot to mention, her previous idol has always been Tang Seng.Regarding the essence of Tang Seng, I dare not say that she has learned it thoroughly, but at least she still has the power of nine successes.

To be honest, it's fortunate that she didn't speak at that time, otherwise she would have to swallow like me, God knows how cold it was that day.

Not to mention the breeze, even if a passer-by passes me by, I will stay away. Really, they don’t carry the wind when they walk, but the wind carries them. I wish I could be alone on the whole road, and no one would approach me. .

In the scorching heat of summer, I often curse and even feel that all my plans cannot be carried out because of the heat. In fact, that is just an excuse for me.

I'm a person who likes to find all kinds of excuses in different ways by nature.In winter, I still toss hard. I really can’t blame me. I’m a person who can’t stand the cold. I feel like I’ve been put into an ice cave. Even my blood is cold, let alone my body. The knuckles of my fingers are broken, and I feel that my limbs are not flexible, just because of the cold.

I can't imagine my good friend Lu Qin living tenaciously in the environment of minus [-] degrees in Tibet, and I also can't imagine that she has diarrhea in the middle of the night and runs up and down the corridor at minus [-] degrees. Too strong, and obviously, I couldn't do it.

But, because of her as my role model in life, I don't take the cold seriously when I wake up.It’s just that no matter where I go, I always regard heating as my driving force—where there is heating, there is me, and I already exist only for heating.

After impulsively running out of the restaurant the night before, I watched the winter scenery in the taxi for a while and regretted it, not for anything else but for my bad temper.

I'm such an adult, it's fine if I can't regulate my emotions, and I'm out of control to the point of involving others.

In the company, I also let out my true nature. The result of this is that I have to go to my direct supervisor with a desperate heart after I think about my innocence, and then bravely admit my mistakes. My supervisor used to be cold Face asked me, "Aren't you trying to lose face?"

In fact, when I lost my temper, I didn't even think about whether he wanted to save face or not. My point was that I could just feel comfortable in my heart. It was really hard for him to think about face for me.

I answered him confidently, with the boldness of a freshman military training, and I said: "My face is just squandered."

He may have never seen me so shameless, after losing a battle, he didn't even bother to pay attention to me when he saw me later.Because I'm so good at slapping people and giving them candy.

And he is obviously past the age to be teased by me. Of course, the more important thing is that he feels that he is too uncomfortable to be slapped frequently by a subordinate like me as a boss.

Finally, he grabbed his hair and asked me: "Am I the boss, or are you the boss?"

I put my hands together in front of my chest silently, praying: "You are the boss. I don't want to lose face, I want you."

"I'm almost being called stupid by you." He glared at me angrily, "You are the most difficult subordinate I have ever met since I became the boss. Also, please use your sweet words to your blind date dinner table Come on, it doesn't work for me."

Me: "...you are the gentlest boss I have ever met at work."

"???? Have I ever been gentle with you?" He looked at me dumbfounded, as if I had told him something big that caught him off guard.

Me: "...gentleness is definitely not there, but at least you can bear my temper, can't you?"

"How did your previous boss do it?"

"?"

"I mean, what did your previous bosses do to you when they saw you lose your temper?"

"I just graduated from college, and the only boss I have dealt with is you." I told the truth.

He: "... Then I am really honored."