For the love of the white moonlight

Not only young and proud, but also a little selfish.

So this is really a question that baffles Bai Yan: why is he so selfless to his friends, but delicately egoistic to Pei Zhi.

When something went wrong with Pei Zhi at the beginning, was there really no way for him to find out what happened?Actually not.At that time, at least he knew that the Pei family and his wife were uncharacteristically making a fuss.He asked Pei Zhi why, and Pei Zhi joked that Pei Mingyuan had a dog outside, so he really took it as a joke.He only got a vague answer from Ms. Bai about the reason for Pei Mingyuan's disagreement with his wife.

In fact, he could know the truth. After all, the friendship between the two families is here, and it would not be unexpected for him to visit Pei's house a few times at that time. If he did that, he could at least see some clues.

But he didn't.

If we analyze the cause of this behavior in depth: he wants to know what makes Pei Zhi treat him worse than before, even better, he wants to know what happened to Pei Zhi.

This seems to be the same thing?No, the difference is huge.

First of all, the starting point is different.

The former is from his own standpoint, caring about why he was treated coldly, while the other is from the standpoint of his lover, caring about what happened to Pei Zhi.

Standing in his own position, he was still proud enough, and then he came up with this idea: just to ask for your attention, I hurriedly mixed myself into your family affairs?Are you kidding me?

However, for him and Pei Zhi, is such an attitude really appropriate?Even if they are not lovers, they are still brothers who grew up together since childhood.

The rivalry between Bai Yan and She Jing passed again.

In the backyard of the border station, the two young lovers didn't even meet each other. The general sat on the roof and waited for a while, and finally saw the back of the slender figure in the red dress lighting up the withered yellow eyes.

That was his lover, and also the daughter of his enemy. If you miss a glance, it is reluctance, but if you look more, it is sin.But he still looked at the ball of flaming red with reluctance, took out the pearl hairpin that he had prepared early in the morning from his bosom, put it in his palm and stroked it carefully.It was the first time for the wanton young man to know what bitterness was, and that blush made him feel too light or too heavy, too far and too close.

The young Empress Dowager and the maid walked into the thatched hut opposite. The general wrapped the pearl hairpin tightly with red satin, turned over and put the object on the stone steps outside the reed. This day is the girl's birthday, and birthdays should always be celebrated. With presents.

Then he jumped back to the roof.

It wasn't until he saw the maid going out and picked up his uncontrollable thoughts that the general turned around and left.

After the filming of this scene, the director gave Bai Yan a thumbs up again, and then on the same set, She Jing and the maid played against each other.Bai Yan was also watching.

The maid returned to the room holding the pearl hairpin, "Miss, look."

If the maid can guess who has been here, naturally the young queen mother can also guess.The girl stood up suddenly, and outside the window, there was only an empty yard under the blue sky.

The girl's bright smile disappeared suddenly.

The maid persuaded: "The general has been so unusual these days, miss, could something have happened?"

The girl was furious, and slammed the pearl hairpin to the ground, "Now, I don't want to know."

The arrogance of the young queen mother is really vividly interpreted by She Jing.

The weather was exceptionally good that day, with a round of white sun above his head, Bai Yan was suddenly shaken slightly dizzy.

This was the last match between him and She Jing. Afterwards, the general and the queen mother parted ways due to misunderstandings.The rhythm in the play is always more straightforward and cruel than reality.

The scene changed, and there was a break in the middle. Bai Yan glanced around, but Pei Zhi was not there.The little bastard who came up to make fun of him all the time, didn't know where he was going.

When the assistant came to hand him water, Bai Yan asked smoothly.

The assistant said: "Just now after your performance, Young Master Pei walked away. He muttered earlier that the car was full of dirt, so he should have gone out to clean it up?

Bai Yan sat there for a while, got up 5 minutes later, and went outside the station.

Pei Zhi was really washing the car, probably because he parked the car more than ten meters away to avoid other cars parked outside the station.The sun was shining at noon, so Pei Zhi took off his coat, leaving a white short-sleeved T-shirt on, revealing two lean and strong arms, and a pair of sunglasses covering the upper half of his face.

Bai Yan approached slowly.

Pei Zhi's eyes finally stopped in this direction, and the sunglasses separated his eyes, making the whole temperament look a bit cold, but the smile on the corner of his lips was quite hearty, "Why did you come out, don't come here, it's dirty and sun-dried here."

Bai Yan stopped two meters away, "I'll just stay here for a while."

Pei Zhi sized him up for a while, seeing no one around, asked, "Do you miss me?"

Bai Yan looked at Pei Zhi's face that was brighter than the sun, but didn't speak.

Pei Zhi wiped the car back and forth with a rag with water, and kept looking at him. After a while, seeing that no one was paying attention, he lowered his voice and said, "Don't look at me like that, if you look at me again, I'll have to kiss you. …It’s not good for anyone to see it in public.”

It was a strong enough deterrent, but Bai Yan still stood still, pursing his lips and saying nothing.

Pei Zhi's eyes lingered on him for a while, and he simply threw the rag aside, bent over and poured a few handfuls of water from the bucket to rinse his hands clean.Then he got up, brushed off the water from his hands, and slowly approached him, "Are you unhappy?"

Bai Yan saw his own shadow in the dark glasses, dressed in an ancient military uniform, like a hero at the end of his life, handsome and lonely, he asked dryly after a while: "Where did you see that?"

Pei Zhi lowered his eyebrows a little, "You didn't hit or scold, and you didn't flirt, are you really upset? What's wrong with you?"

Nothing, really nothing.Even Bai Yan himself didn't know what he was doing when he came out, and even he himself felt that he was emotional, thinking about it every now and then, it seemed that he was really crazy.

So, Bai Yan said: "It's nothing, there are many people inside, so I'll come out to get some air. You're busy, I'll go in first. It's time for dinner, come in early, don't be late."

After Bai Yan finished speaking, he turned around and left. Pei Zhi really wanted to attract people, but there was a row of group performers near the post station, if he was a bit willful, his brother would have to come out in public today.

Bai Yan returned to the set, took out his phone and checked Weibo for a while.

He saw this sentence in an emotional blogger's post: Habitually taking stabs at the people closest to him is the ultimate manifestation of low EQ.

Bai Yan has lived for 27 years and has always felt that as an actor, he has excellent comprehension. This is the first time in his life that he has been labeled as having a low EQ.As an actor, self-confidence is necessary, so Bai Yan spent 5 minutes doubting the blogger's argument.

Within 5 minutes, he reviewed the clear self in his heart during the past six years, and the direction of life that he had gradually clarified in this period, and suddenly felt extremely depressed and felt a sense of identity.

This depression lasted until the end of the night, Bai Yan said to Pei Zhi: "Shall we go out for a stroll?"

Pei Zhi only had one question, "Where are you going?"

Bai Yan said: "Take a stroll."

When he got to the car, he let Pei Zhi get into the driver's seat by himself, and Pei Zhi stood under the car, "You've been busy all day, and you still have the energy to drive?"

Bai Yan said: "I'm not tired, you come up from there."

So, the car drove out from the small road in the wilderness, and it was Bai Yan who drove.

Gradually away from the place where the crew was stationed, the night was dark, and the surrounding lights were finally only left by car lights.In the distance, under the indigo sky, there are black and undulating mountains. The space between the sky and the earth is silent and desolate. There is an unknown road in front of him. Bai Yan suddenly remembered their elopement back then.

It was the third day after Pei Zhi returned from Tibet, and the day after the dude's little cousin left, Pei Mingyuan suddenly came to the door and caught them by surprise.

At that time, when Pei Zhilin went out to pester him for a farewell kiss, he was bumped into by Pei Mingyuan who had just got out of the elevator.

Pei Mingyuan didn't know that they had such a relationship, so he said angrily, "What are you doing!?"

Bai Yan was already bored with indifference, and didn't speak.Pei Zhi was even more indifferent than him, and challenged Pei Mingyuan: "Didn't you see it?"

Pei Mingyuan was shaking with anger.Before Pei Zhi could wait for his father to rush forward to make trouble, he dragged Bai Yan into the room and slammed the door, completely isolating Pei Mingyuan from their world.

Based on Pei Zhi's hostile attitude towards Pei Mingyuan at that time, such behavior is not difficult to understand.

Pei Mingyuan didn't break in immediately, but the storm became more violent after the silence.

In the middle of the night, Pei Zhi leaned against the window sill to smoke, his eyes that had been looking downstairs suddenly stopped, then he pressed the cigarette butt, turned around and opened the drawer decisively, tidied up his documents neatly, and said to Bai Yan who was lying on the bed: "Brother, no, I have to avoid him."

Pei Zhi said angrily, "He brought someone here."

Bai Yan got out of bed in astonishment, went to the window and looked downstairs, sure enough, there was a familiar black car parked there, Pei Mingyuan got out of the car, followed by several men.

Pei Zhi asked, "Are you hiding with me?"

Bai Yan also couldn't explain how he followed Pei Zhi at that time. It was clear that his little boyfriend was already on the way to turn his back on him, but he still followed Pei Zhi. Perhaps it was because of Pei Zhi's changes that made him Helpless and helpless, this person is also the only connection he has with this world. If he really loved him, how could he let go so easily?

So they embarked on a more confused road, no, he didn't seem so confused at that time, he still had the last hope, Pei Zhi only left him, they only left each other, maybe they can go back to the beginning when.

They avoided the group of people brought by Pei Mingyuan, went downstairs from the safety stairs, went out, took a taxi, and arrived in Linshi.Then cars and trains, after several ups and downs, arrived at the southeast coast.

Like absconding and traveling, they finally arrived in Xiamen.

Pei Mingyuan would definitely look for Pei Zhi, but out of safety considerations, he didn't dare to look for it with too much fanfare.In this gap, Pei Zhi rented a spare room of a teammate of the mountaineering team, and they lived there for a week.

In mid-September, the day came for Bai Yan to return to school.Pei Zhi's visa to study in the UK has been idle.

One day, when Bai Yan went downstairs to buy cigarettes, the boss downstairs asked: "You are a college student, haven't you returned to school yet?"

Bai Yan didn't speak.

The boss asked again: "Isn't it right? Do you work near here? I see that you and your brother are at home all day long. What do you do?"

I don't know, Bai Yan doesn't know, he doesn't know what they do, he doesn't know where they are going in the end, and where they can go.

It was noon at that time, and the elementary school across the street was over, and children in neat school uniforms walked out of the school in a group, orderly and full of hope.

Bai Yan also came here in this way for more than 20 years, but comparing the two at that time, these things have become a thing of the past for him and Pei Zhi, and he and Pei Zhi have become completely marginal people.

If you haven't been completely out of the crowd, you won't know how terrible the sense of dissociation is.

After returning home, he asked Pei Zhi, "What are your plans for the future?"

Pei Zhi took a deep breath, "Don't worry about money or anything, and you won't starve to death. Let's live like this for now. Brother, do you want to go back?"

Bai Yan shook his head, "No."

Yes, why did he go back?Are you acting?He had a complete distaste for that circle.

Staying here, he still has Pei Zhi at least. Their relationship is not perfect, but it is the only beauty he can have, the last piece of driftwood he can hold in his hand while living in this world.

But he couldn't help but wonder what became of those he left behind.

That night, Bai Yan replaced his original phone card.

As soon as the phone was turned on, Pei Mingyuan's call came.

Pei Mingyuan told him that Pei Zhi took him away with ulterior motives.

Under questioning, he learned that his mother had an affair with Pei Mingyuan, and Pei Zhi knew early on that this was the crux of the feud between Pei Zhi and Pei Mingyuan's father and son.

Pei Mingyuan was speechless at first by his question, and then persuaded him: "Bai Yan, human heart is the most unreliable thing in this world. Give up your studies for a momentary impulse. Think for yourself, is it wise? You are an adult .”

Pei Mingyuan said: "Pei Zhi was just impulsive, he just came to confront me. According to our original arrangement, he will go to study in England this fall. Should he leave at this time? What about his future?"

Pei Mingyuan said repeatedly: "Think carefully, Pei Zhi hates your mother, and also hates me, how could he be with you properly? His intentions for you may not be simple, he has always done things without measure."

Pei Mingyuan's statement of the truth caused a chill in Bai Yan's heart, but he still couldn't fully believe it.

The last straw that really broke the camel's back was Pei Zhi himself.

That night, Pei Zhi's mountaineering teammate came to the door.

Pei Zhi was drinking with his friends on the rooftop, while Bai Yan fell asleep early and did not join.

Bai Yan had something on his mind and didn't sleep well, he was half asleep and half awake, and it was still late at night when he was fully awake.

Before Pei Zhi returned to the room, he got up and went out of the house, slowly stepped up the steps, and walked towards the rooftop.

The roof door was left open, and the night breeze was cool.

A man's voice floated in the wind: "Go back, it's not a problem to be floating outside like this all the time. Your dad has searched everywhere for you, including the mountaineering team. You can see that he is really worried about you. "

Followed by Pei Zhi's drunken answer, Pei Zhi seemed to laugh disdainfully, "He's worried about me? Does he care whose son I take away?"

All of a sudden, Bai Yan's whole body stiffened. He didn't expect that in the end, in Pei Zhi's mouth, he became someone's son after a contemptuous smile.

He couldn't believe it, Pei Zhizhen used him as a tool against Pei Mingyuan, but it seemed that he couldn't help it.

Know that feeling?

I see through the illusory things in the world, and I still mistakenly believe that you are real.

Therefore, their breakup is destined to be tragic in peace.

The next morning, before Pei Zhi woke up, Bai Yan packed all his luggage.

After Pei Zhi opened his eyes, he stood by the bed and expressed his decision in one sentence: "I'm going back."

Pei Zhi was confused for a while, then suddenly jumped up from the bed, "You want to go back to school and continue acting?"

He didn't speak.

Pei Zhi looked at him for a while, then staggered to the side and began to pack his luggage: "Okay, then let's go back, I'll go wherever you go, and we'll talk about the troubles when we go back."

"Pei Zhi, you made a mistake. I said me, not us." Bai Yan said.

All the resentment and helplessness were tucked into one sentence.

He said, "Pei Zhi, let's break up."

At that time, he thought, no matter whether he complained or hated, it didn't matter anymore.

He was deceived and played with, and he admitted it.

He pinned his last hope on an unexpectable child, who was ridiculously stupid, and he recognized it.

Pei Zhi still couldn't believe it, "Are you kidding me? I know I'm not good, can I change it in the future? Why did you break up?"

Bai Yan said: "We are not suitable."

Enough, really enough, that's what he thought at the time.

He really didn't need to tearfully denounce Pei Zhi once, and open up about how failed he was again.

Tears were never his style.Even if he leaves, he will leave like a winner, with his back straight and his head held high, one should always be a little proud.

Pei Zhi spent 2 minutes worrying about their inappropriateness, and got annoyed.

Bai Yan dragged his luggage downstairs and waited for the car he had appointed. At that time, he had only seen the road under the shade of the banyan tree for seven days, but he was sure that he would remember it for the rest of his life. It turned out that the end point between him and Pei Zhi was at here.

Almost on the front and back, Pei Zhi also wandered downstairs, but didn't give him a second look, just wandering towards the small shop downstairs as usual.

Bai Yan withdrew his eyes, and the next second he was hugged from behind.Pei Zhi, who was still unwilling to look at him just now, hugged his waist tightly and buried his head on his shoulder, "Brother, what's wrong with me, you can beat or scold me if you want, how can you say goodbye...I don't agree !"

He struggled angrily, a soreness almost burst through his nostrils, "Being together requires mutual consent, breaking up alone is enough!"

Pei Zhi was dragged away by several tall men.

Seeing Pei Mingyuan himself, Pei Zhi still couldn't believe it, and yelled at him, "Brother, did you ask them to come?"

It's me, it's me...

But looking at Pei Zhi struggling like a wounded beast, he didn't say that.

Bai Yan got into the car.

Through the rearview mirror, he saw that Pei Zhi broke away from everyone and ran after the car like crazy, "Brother——"

He saw Pei Zhi fall down on the road, "Bai Yan—"

He watched Pei Zhi get further and further away from him, and finally disappeared.

The eyes under Bai Yan's sunglasses instantly burst into tears.

What kind of early autumn was that?

The beginning of autumn is really the season that Bai Yan hates the most, the heat has not subsided, the autumn dryness has arrived, and the whole world is in disorder.

At the end of summer and the beginning of autumn, he was always in a particularly bad mood.

It took Bai Yan six years to not let go of the scene of their parting, so he really couldn't figure out why Pei Zhi, who was thrown on the road by him, would suddenly appear from outside his window and say to him , still want to be with him.

In fact, back in time, Pei Zhi's drunken remark, "Does he care whose son I took away?" was not necessarily aimed at him, but more likely to be a mockery of Pei Mingyuan.

So, today, six years later, in this seldom-inhabited loess wasteland, when the car stopped in the wilderness, Bai Yan opened the car door on his side, lit a cigarette, took a deep breath, and finally asked this sentence again, "Did you ever blame me for breaking up?"

Pei Zhi is not qualified to smoke, he was stunned for a long time and vaguely understood what his brother was struggling with today, but he still confirmed and asked: "Please explain clearly, what do I blame you for?"

It's all said and done...

Bai Yan still had some difficulty in answering, "After I found out about my mother and your father, I didn't ask you anything..."

Bai Yan couldn't speak anymore

Everything that was omitted later... I didn't give a chance to defend myself, I didn't leave any room for defense, and I didn't have any ideas of communication.

Although... With him at the time, seriously, he could only do so much.

The headlights cast an indistinct light on the carriage, Pei Zhi looked at Bai Yan's graceful side profile, and Bai Yan squinted out the window with a somewhat depressed expression.

Pei Zhi laughed suddenly, and said in a deep voice: "How dare I blame you, how powerful you are. It's still the same sentence, I'm not good, you can beat me or scold you? Do you think you took a notebook for me to write it down?" What about points? You just watched my performance without saying a word and deducted points, right? At the end of the deduction, the points are gone, and you just leave with a word of breakup. How can you be so cruel?"

Bai Yan forgot to smoke: "..."

Pei Zhi said more and more vigorously: "You are a person who treats you well. You forget it when you look back. You are not good at all. You can magnify it a hundred times and remember it for 100 years. What about love? You still think I always talk about love. You I never said a word of love, did I care about you?"

Bai Yan originally came to solve the problem, but after being choked up by Pei Zhi, he became angry instead.He admitted that he was at fault, but why is he the only one at fault now?How could this little bastard be so good at hitting snakes with sticks?

Bai Yan was so angry that his teeth itched, and the hand holding the cigarette began to tremble, "Now you know that you are blaming me. About my mother, you have already explained that I would argue with you so much? You calculate carefully, when you How many times have I been angry at pretending to be confused, even if I am a clay figurine, I have to be three-pointed..."

Pei Zhi laughed, and interrupted him suddenly, "Isn't this the end?"

Warm palms quickly grabbed his hand.

Bai Yan was slightly taken aback.

Soon, he saw Pei Zhi's handsome face magnified in front of his eyes. Pei Zhi turned his head so that he faced him, and then pressed his forehead against his.

In the dark carriage, Pei Zhi's eyes were gloomy.

Pei Zhi said: "Back then, I was also a jerk, and you haven't settled the old score with me now. Now, what's the point of worrying about yourself at that time?"