Tibetan love

When we went to the villa in Donghu Park together, I saw him chatting with Peng Qian, and I felt inexplicably angry.Especially when Peng Xi grabbed his hand when he was accidentally burned, at that moment I wanted to rush over and take Peng Xi's hand away.Why this happened, I don't know myself.I was going to be angry with him and ignore him, but I was still worried about him, so I went to see how his hands were doing.But I saw him in a daze in front of the faucet, with an inexplicable smirk.

At that time, I thought that he was secretly showing that Peng Qian cared about him, so I asked him what he was giggling about.But the moment he smiled at me, those unpleasant feelings disappeared inexplicably.When he lost the game, the punishment was the person who drew the lowest card.I don't know if it's God's will, but that person is actually me.He was nervous and cautiously asked me if I could.I didn't speak, just watched him slowly leaning towards me, my heart beating faster inexplicably.

Under my urging, he touched my cheek lightly, very quickly and lightly, but my heart became heavy.I don't hate this feeling, even... a little looking forward to it.Later I asked him if he liked Peng Qian, and the moment he denied it, I secretly breathed a sigh of relief.

I asked him if he liked someone, he stared at me seriously and said yes.I asked who he was and he asked me if I wanted to know.I was looking forward to it and scared and nervous. What should I do if he really said it?Should I accept or decline?How would he react if he knew that I already knew his mind?

He still didn't tell me later, he just said he couldn't tell me, because he was afraid that if he said it, he would lose that person.At that time, I admit, I was moved.But I can't do anything.Because I can't give him anything, should I date him?That is impossible.But I know that I am slowly sinking.At that time, he tried to live in our dormitory after the exam. In the end, everyone left and only me and him were left. He asked me if I had bought the ticket.In fact, I bought it a long time ago, and I was going to leave the next day.But by accident, I told him that I haven't bought it yet.

Then, he said, "That's great, it's just you and me." I looked at him, trembling with my hands in my clothes.I wanted to open my mouth to say something to him, but nothing came out.The only thing I did was to secretly refund the tickets I had bought online.

I never thought about going to Korea with him, even I don't know why I agreed.But really, that feeling is really good. We watched the scenery together, ate the food there, and played together. It was very comfortable and happy.That feeling is like... a couple.And we did do what a couple should do, that is, hang our lock on the lock wall of love.

"They said the key had to be lost so the lock would never open," he said.

I couldn't help laughing and teasing him that you believe in this so much, I only agreed to see you having fun, do you want to be so serious.

But when he said to me with a serious face: "Of course you have to be serious about this, this is the place of the Holy Spirit." I suddenly realized that the person in front of me was silently confessing to me in his own way.At that moment, I wanted to keep it.I secretly unlocked that lock and hid it in my pocket when I went to buy water.Why should I do this?I don't know, maybe it's just a little... reluctant.

In my senior year, I was in a bad state and didn't want to do anything.I sometimes do a sneaky web search for "same-sex" stuff.Some people on the Internet are very tolerant towards homosexuality, but most people sneer at homosexuality, and they use the most disgusting words to satirize same-sex love.I don't know if the feeling I have for Xu Jiayi is considered love, but the kiss that night is still lingering in my mind.Even, I will often... think of him.I was a little panicked. At that moment, I began to understand Xu Jiayi, and I thought his approach was correct.Because none of us are ready to face these gossips, I don't think I can bear the pressure.But this time I didn't alienate Xu Jiayi, instead I often took the initiative to ask him to have dinner and watch movies with him.Sometimes he would secretly observe him, and when he turned around, he hurriedly looked away.

After the college breakup meal, they originally went to ktv, but I felt a little tired and my nature was not high, so I went back to the dormitory.Back in the dormitory, just after taking a shower, I received a call from Xu Jiayi.He asked me where I was and I told him I was already in the bedroom.He asked me to come out for a while, and he went to my bedroom immediately.His tone was very urgent, I thought there was something wrong.When I went out, before I even opened my mouth, he just hugged me without saying a word.My heart was beating fast, I was very nervous, I was afraid that some passing classmates would see it, but I didn't push him away, I was greedy for this embrace, because I knew that I might never see each other again in the future, this hug was like a hug between me and him His last farewell.

When I got home, I packed all the gifts he gave me together, I didn't even throw away the two chocolate boxes, I put them together and took them home.I don't even know why I'm doing this.After returning home, I started an internship in my father's company.Every day is two o'clock and one line at home and company, and gatherings with friends on weekends.Xu Jiayi has no contact with me either.To be exact, he seemed to disappear right next to me.Only occasionally I would take out the things he gave me to take a look. Sometimes I also really want to know how he is doing, and want to call him to ask how he is doing, but every time I pick up the phone, I dare not press the button go down.

Later, my family arranged a blind date for me.The girl felt very comfortable, the daughter of my dad's friend, who was an English teacher.We also met each other's parents, and his family felt very good to me.Soon, we got engaged.Hasty?But isn't that what marriage is all about?It's enough to feel good about each other, how can it be as vigorous as in TV dramas and novels.

In the few months before I was about to get married, my heart was always in turmoil, and I always had insomnia at night, or I would dream all night, and I woke up very tired.I was also very conflicted, I didn't know how to tell Xu Jiayi that I was getting married.After procrastinating for a long time, when I was wondering when to tell him, his call came. When the call was connected, my mind went blank for a moment.

He called my name on the other end of the phone, I came back to my senses, and took a deep breath: "It's rare that you still remember me, I thought you had forgotten me!"

"If you forget, no one will forget you."

I couldn't help laughing, and then he told me that he was coming to W City, he had something important to tell me, my heart tightened, maybe he was getting married too.I told him I have something to tell you too.

He was sitting across from me, and I felt his uneasiness. He kept drinking water, looked at me, and hesitated to speak.I couldn't bear such an atmosphere, I gave him the invitation, and I will never forget his shocked eyes in my life.

But I had to stop it, so I said, "My wedding will be on the 15th of next month. It will be very sudden." Am I cruel?Yes, I was cruel, I told him about my marriage to this man who liked me, and then asked him to be my best man.In the end, he left in a daze, and his expression of silence when he left made me feel very distressed.

I'm sorry, Xu Jiayi, I can't accept your feelings for me, and I don't dare to accept it. I hope you can find your own happiness and forget about me.

A few days before the wedding, I kept dreaming. I dreamed that Xu Jiayi appeared at my wedding, told me that he liked me, and asked if I would like to go with him?I was awakened by this dream, because in the dream I took his hand and followed him away.But the reality is that Xu Jiayi still didn't come to my wedding. His grandfather had surgery, and he needed to take care of his grandfather.I secretly breathed a sigh of relief, but the sudden sense of loss in my heart overwhelmed me.

I was surprised and happy when I opened the door and saw him at my door.I was guilty when he took out the wedding gift, and I was shocked when I opened the box and saw a pair of rings.

I can't speak, I don't know what to say, I'm married, I can't give him any answer.I can only politely ask him to come in and sit down, so as to keep him.But he resolutely refused, and the moment he turned around, he came back again, and he hugged me fiercely. This embrace is very short, but I am still greedy.He told me in my ear: "Yu Jie, do you know? I hope you live a happy life more than anyone else." At that moment, I couldn't help but shed tears.By the time I realized it, he had already left.I ran down, trying to catch up with him, but there was no sign of him.He's gone, this time, forever.

I kept this pair of rings secretly without telling my wife.In fact, the life after marriage has not changed much. It is nothing more than two people who used to sleep alone in a double bed.I saw Xu Jiayi again at Wang Ziteng's wedding. He was very handsome in a suit and shirt.I thought he and I would talk about something, but because we both drank a lot at the wedding, it was already the next day when we woke up.

The only thing that makes me feel relieved is that we are going to the station together again. When we parted, I told him that we are all companions, so hurry up too.

"Yu Jie, actually I have a partner." He told me, "However, I am different from you."

"I'm gay!"

What he told me kept ringing in my ears, why, why did he tell me?Why are you telling me now?What is he doing, why... is he coming to disturb my heart.

After that, I completely lost contact with Xu Jiayi.On the day of my child's full moon, Wang Ziteng gave me something, it was a pair of concentric locks, I stared at them for a long time, and asked him which one did you choose?He faltered for a while, then asked me: "What's the situation with you and Jiayi?"

"It was sent by Xu Jiayi!" I didn't answer his question.

"Hey... it was given by Jia Yi, why, you don't want it? Oh, please, Jia Yi specially asked me not to tell you that it was given by him. You... just take it! What's the matter with you guys? , not to mention one by one. We are all brothers, if there is something to talk about, it’s fine, why bother..."

"Wang Ziteng!" I looked straight at Wang Ziteng, "I can't tell."

When I took off my clothes in the shower that day, I wanted to take off the watch, only to find that the watch was not in my hand.After washing it in a hurry, I went out and asked Li Qing if he had seen my watch.She said she saw it and put it on the bedside table.I hurried to the bedside table, and after seeing the watch, I felt much more at ease.I picked up the watch, touched it for a while, and suddenly found that the time had stopped and not moved.I have been debugging for a long time, but the needle has not moved.I asked Li Qing if anyone had touched my watch.She said that her brother brought Zhu Cheng here today, as if she saw him play with your watch.Zhu Cheng is my brother's son.

I was very angry and asked her why you let a child move this kind of thing casually.She may have been frightened by me and asked me what's wrong, is it broken?If it's broken, let me fix it for you.

I threw the cup on the ground violently, and then went to the study.I don't know why I was so angry today, maybe because that client disgusted me.Then I thought of Xu Jiayi, and I remembered that kiss in the hotel at that time.Why didn't I feel this way at that time.I looked at this watch and remembered the scene when Xu Jiayi sent me off. When I came back to my senses, I found myself laughing.

That night, I dreamed about Xu Jiayi, and I told him that the watch you gave me was broken.He smiled at me and said it's okay, I'll give you another one.Then I woke up, and after waking up, my heart was empty for some reason.The watch was lying quietly on the bedside table, still looking like the one he gave me before.I didn't repair this watch afterwards, I put it in a box.That box was all gifts from Xu Jiayi, the chocolate box, the ring he gave me, the photos I took with him in Korea, which I also developed, and the lock and key that I secretly left behind.The lock has my name and his name written on it, which is a symbol of love, which I always knew.The moment I wrote my name on it, I have no regrets.However, the story of this love lock wall is just a story after all.Me and him, until now it is still me and him, still not us.But I still act like a child, writing "forever" under my and his names.If possible, I really hope that this relationship can exist forever for him and me.

After thinking about it, I suddenly realized that I never gave him anything.By the way, when is his birthday.Ah, I remember, it was August 8th. I secretly checked his birthday before. Unfortunately, we had a falling out soon after, and I wanted to give him a gift. At first, I didn’t know what to give, but then I didn’t have the chance deliver.

During this period of time, I have been working on projects and often work overtime.After more than a month of hard work, I finally finished it.I'm very happy, you know I have stayed up for several nights, and I didn't sleep much in the past few days.The colleague I was with happily called his wife and said that he would not work overtime today and would go home for dinner.At that moment, I suddenly missed Xu Jiayi, what is he doing, is he as busy as me?What was the man with him like?That night, I dreamed again, I dreamed of him, I ran over and asked him, why did he kiss me at that time?Then i woke up.After waking up, my heart could not be calm for a long time.After a while, I took out my mobile phone and looked through the phone's address book, wondering if he had changed his number or not.

After thinking twice, I pressed the dial button.I waited nervously, wondering if he would answer my call, and whether he still had my number in storage.

When the phone was connected and a familiar voice came from the other end, my restless heart finally calmed down.

"Hey, Jiayi, it's me!"

"I know."

"I……"

"you……"

"You speak first!"

"You should say it first!"

Then we both laughed.

"how are things?"

"That's it, so-so. What about you?"

"It's okay! I just finished a project, so I can take a breather!" I thought for a while and asked, "Why didn't you come when my son was full moon?"

He was silent for a while, and said to me: "I will come to W city to see you on weekends!" That was the excitement I had never felt before, and I said to him: "I have a question to ask you." Yes, I I want to know the answer, maybe I am so irresponsible, but at that moment, I really want to know his answer.

I was very happy, I wanted to go home, but suddenly I changed my mind, I went to N City to find him.

On the way to drive to the station, I felt a little dizzy, and my heart was in pain. It must be because I have been too busy these days, and I will just sleep in the car later.After I parked the car and entered the station, I wanted to buy a ticket. Suddenly, my eyes were dark, and I seemed to lose consciousness all of a sudden.But I think back on a lot of things from the past.I saw the first time I met Xu Jiayi, he shyly asked me for my contact information; I saw how he took care of me when I was sick; I saw our first quarrel, and I angrily asked him what he sent Nervous; I saw that we were in Korea, we were on the beach together, he smiled at me and asked me if I would like to take a photo; I saw that we were in that hotel again, Xu Jiayi was waving to me and smiling at me.I went over and told him that the watch you gave me was broken.He said it's okay, I'll buy you another one.

I also laughed, slowly moved my head towards him, and whispered in his ear: "You kissed me that day, but I actually knew it."

<The End>

The author has something to say: The most beautiful thing in the world is that the person you have a crush on happens to like you too; but the cruelest thing in the world is that you like each other without knowing it.