critical value

Although I was able to see Shi Xiaofeng during that time, but due to various reasons, I was not very happy to see him, and because of the unpleasantness, I now feel very regretful for no reason, I am really unreasonable...

I often think, if I could understand at that time...

But if I can go back to the past and do it again, I always feel that I will make more mistakes in order to make up for the known mistakes now, and it may lead to an even weirder situation now, so I often don’t even imagine it. Can't do it.

In fact, sometimes, I really hope that I can understand his intentions at that time.

But now, what I have learned from recollection over and over again is not necessarily what he really wants to convey—"If you have a chance in the future, just ask him", of course I will not do that.

In fact, he must have other intentions at the time, maybe he really intended to protect me, maybe he really concealed, evaded, and lied to me for this purpose, but it is obviously the type of lying without drafting, even : "I want to recite the text for the English teacher." This kind of reason can be imagined...

Not long after, when I realized this possibility for the first time, it was unbelievable again, and I blamed myself over and over again, thinking that it would be great if I could be a little stronger at that time, as long as I was not a 0.5 combat power The shitty situation should change.In other words, I have never shown weakness in front of Shi Xiaofeng from the very beginning. If at the very beginning, at the very beginning, when the two of us went to hunt mobs together, I would have been able to unlock the insurance... just In this case, the situation should be able to change...

Once I was bored and wanted to do a challenge. I walked up the weird slippery stairs in that building to the sixth floor to find Shi Xiaofeng to play. Originally, I was very excited by myself, so I ran for a long distance from the basement In a few seconds, he rushed to the second floor, but saw a large group of people in front of him, leisurely moving upstairs.

When I first saw them, I hated them at first, but there seemed to be something wrong. When I looked carefully, I suddenly found that Shi Xiaofeng was behind them, chatting happily with his brother who was walking in front. I ran away secretly In the past, I patted him on the back, said nothing, and waited for him to turn his head as usual, and said to me with a bright smile: "Hey, epilepsy."

But he didn't, he turned his head as expected, but instead of smiling brightly, he stared at me with a serious face, didn't say anything, and turned his head in less than 2 seconds, Chatting with his brother as before.At that time, I was actually quite lost. I followed them step by step, and walked up one step at a time. Every time I saw the elevator from the stairwell, I was always very sad and entangled. I really wanted to just say nothing. Said, then turned around and walked into the elevator.

But seeing Shi Xiaofeng standing in front of me, less than a few steps away, I always feel that it is a pity to leave like this. Although I know in my heart that he is talking to his brother and will never talk to me, I still feel it is a pity. ——Probably when, I have already become a junior high school girl in QQ space. Just seeing Shi Xiaofeng, and looking at him from a distance, I can feel very happy and satisfied...Occasionally If there is something serious about it, I will give my best friend a slapstick, as if Shi Xiaofeng is already my boy ticket...

I absolutely don't want to do this, because once a person becomes like this, he will unconsciously be in a passive and humble position when dealing with other people's relationships. Once he becomes like this, no matter what he does, he will be judged by others. Take it for granted, no matter how selflessly you dedicate yourself, how tolerant you have been tolerating, you will be regarded as cowardly, and then slowly lose your position in the circle of friends.

Especially Shi Xiaofeng, a person like him who runs around, if I become like that, I will be like an indifferent accessory.

And then never see him again.

In fact, I feel that Shi Xiaofeng is still very unhappy sometimes, just like what he said when he lay on my arm and cried that time, because of his family, his work here, his brother, he has always been in a kind of Very aggrieved and twisted, I didn't believe it at first... But seeing him get along with his brother today, I always feel like this.

The tone he spoke to his brother was not as arrogant and embarrassing as usual, and he didn't emphasize the tone strangely when he came to a pun, just like when an ordinary person speaks - the tone is flat.What he said was not as interesting as before. He pretended to be serious, and deliberately talked about some important topics-it felt like an ordinary person.

Since he is an ordinary person, he must be living a very aggrieved life. Although most of this aggrievedness is caused by himself, it is still so pitiful at first glance.Especially Shi Xiaofeng, who is the most familiar person in my memory. Since we are already so familiar, I naturally hope that he can live well and live a better life than ordinary people...

There were probably so many emotions at that time, the unexplainable part, pity for him, and a feeling of disgust.

At the end of that day, I followed them to the sixth floor, and then I turned into the elevator room silently by myself, and ran back to the basement in the elevator to hide alone...

At that time, I didn't understand his intention to do that. It was obviously just his brother, why didn't I contact him?All I can think about is - he really likes his brother more, after all "blood is thicker than water", and between us we can't even say "the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water"......

I didn't understand until a long time later, when I learned from various aspects that his brother was the kind of person similar to Zhou Yu, I suddenly realized that Shi Xiaofeng didn't want me to get in touch with his brother, maybe it was to protect me... .It should be like this. This guess was just stuffed in my heart until the end, and it has not been confirmed, but I guess, it is definitely like this...

Because I'm narcissistic...

In fact, my impression of Shi Xiaofeng has changed unconsciously, starting from the subconscious, completely and profoundly changed.

I used to think that he was the type of "heartless, not tired to live", because of this, he can do things that others dare not do, and say things that others dare not say, and because he is "heartless and not tired". ", so no matter what he does, no one will blame him, but get along with him better and better.

Before, I just envied him for this, and hoped that I could become a person like him.But the cognition has changed, and Shi Xiaofeng has become another type in my heart-"Obviously under a lot of pressure, but can live out himself, obviously live by himself, but never hurt others, often Thinking of other people." type of that.

My feelings for him are the same. Maybe it was improper at the beginning, but I always feel that it should slowly drift away with the change of cognition.

I always feel that if I didn’t know this person, if I wasn’t so familiar with him, maybe I would just live inconspicuously in some inconspicuous corner of the world now, like an ordinary person, and spend my life complaining about others, wouldn’t There are so many annoying things now, and there will not be so many annoying feelings now.

But if I didn't know Shi Xiaofeng, if I wasn't so familiar with him, I would live like an ordinary person. Because of my cowardly personality, I might not even be as good as an ordinary person. I wouldn't be as free and easy as I am now. How free and easy, but it's better than before, when I didn't know Shi Xiaofeng, although I don't remember how I lived at that time...

In fact, in the end, I still feel that it is good to be able to recognize Shi Xiaofeng...

The author has something to say:

Messed around a bunch...