critical value

But it's strange, when I lit the fireworks in the valley that day, I kept thinking about how I should get along with epilepsy in my long life, at least half a century left.I was excited and tangled for a long time, but now I actually have no face to see him.

It was also difficult to describe my mood at that time. I obviously wanted to rush up to him and say "I like you too", but I knew I would be too embarrassed to say a word; I didn't dare to meet him because I was afraid he would mention The "I like you" he said that day, I was afraid that he was eager to ask me for an answer, but I couldn't answer anything.

why?I have obviously imagined countless times, if one day, epilepsy can express something to me, how should I answer him--all kinds of stalks, all kinds of sensational words, whether it is from TV dramas, novels, etc. The ones I copied from here, or the original ones I created in my delusions, were all crowded together, and almost occupied the entire memory of my brain for a certain period of time.

Thinking about these things every day, pacing up and down in the room like a snake spirit, it has been difficult to calm down.

But when he really expressed something, I forgot all those delusions, and I was still like the innocent and unprepared silly male lead in a girl manga, who was so frightened that I almost vomited my internal organs——I just It's a little bit better than those who are chirping and humming, and I can still answer nonsensically with a wretched smile: "I know."

But why did you say that at the time?So what do you mean by export?I still have no idea.

So I continued my new hobby that I developed some time ago - using my own life as the background, intriguingly writing the outline of word games.

I just wrote about summoning Jia Wang's two friends and leaving Fang Datou in Sichuan to be an undercover agent.The plot continued, and gradually began to develop beyond reality. I had to rely entirely on my IQ and various logical reasoning to resist—I didn’t know how many things I had written at that time, anyway, the used paper could already cover the whole world. The entire room is connected by straight lines like a battle map—although my writing is a bit big.

At that time, I emptied three or four bottles of ink, and my hands, which were already full of calluses, grew some bumps and swellings on the knuckles—like those little friends who studied well in the past These are all on hand...

I lived like this for a month, until one day Jia Doudou suddenly called and complained about me—"Eh?! Shi Xiaofeng! How long have Wang Dandan and I been in the Northeast, and we have lived next to your room for three or four days! Why didn't you even see your tail?!"

In fact, I was quite happy at the time. After all, they arrived in Northeast China as promised, so my word game could continue to develop, and I had someone to play with me when I had nothing to do.But the words turned into a helpless sentence: "I don't have a tail."

I packed my few bags that night, but thought it was wrong to pack all the wordplay outlines—so my bags became a lot again.It's very strange. After thinking about it, I still think it's wrong, but what's wrong?I thought about it for a long time before I finally understood - "I forgot to bring my epilepsy".

So I took him with me when I set off the next day.

The headquarters is also some distance away from the old villa in the mountains. We set off at noon. Even with Dugu Yiyang racing wildly, we didn’t arrive until it was getting dark. I took my epilepsy to visit the boss of the snake spirit disease first, and then brought him along. I went to visit the main hall of the palace~ I happened to see Wang Dandan nestled in a small corner. It’s been a long time since I haven’t seen him. It seems that he has developed a new hobby-reading junior high school Chinese books.

Would you like me, a liberal arts student, to teach you how to translate ancient Chinese?

I am now planning to stay in Northeast China for a long time, at least I will not waste time returning to Sichuan, because I suddenly discovered one thing while writing a word game - if I want the Shi family to gain a foothold in Sichuan, I have to put the surrounding, All the forces except Wang Jiafang's family were wiped out, because my brother offended too many people, but we don't have that much ability.

I'm going to change to a better place and give my brother a place to hang out.What can I do, help him in the future.

Not long after I moved back to the headquarters, I confessed this to my brother. Surprisingly, he seemed quite happy, saying that he had already had enough of this kind of life, so what if he became the boss, and suddenly felt a lot of pressure Ah, as long as I take a small wrong step, I don't know how many lives will be lost. As long as I don't pay attention, maybe I will suddenly splash blood in the bedroom when I fall asleep...

I can see that he was really happy that day, otherwise he is usually a very silent person, and usually he would not talk so much in one breath.

"When do you think I should go there? By train or by plane? Do you book the ticket or I book the ticket? Or take our mother there too? And the ashes of our father and grandpa, spiritual tablets and so on? You give Have I arranged a place to live? I can’t bring my guns and so on. Are they all thrown away? Are things expensive in Northeast China? Do you think I should buy a few thick down jackets on Taobao? Oh yes, the ones left in Sichuan What should I do, little brother? Oh! The ancestral house was demolished some time ago and half of my building was compensated, so what should I do? Sell it?......"

I'm not used to him like this, just like Tang Seng was taking a political class next to his ear, and was almost made crazy by his various problems in an instant.In fact, I'm afraid I'm already mentally ill.

In the end, my brother went around by himself for a long time and finally decided everything - he first arranged all the messy little things, and gave the almost lost property to the bully of the Wang Jiafang family. Anyway, we were the ones who started the business back then. With the four families together, he also said that I feel sorry for them thinking about it this way. The ancestors of the three families did a lot of hard work when they started their business. As a result, when the family property returned to their hands after so long, there was nothing left.

I asked him, "Brother, are you so poor now?"

"That's right, brother, there is almost nothing except that half of the building."

At that time, when I heard this sentence, I was almost frightened into a dog. Fortunately, I gave up the idea of ​​carrying it to death in Sichuan, and made preparations to transfer my brother here in time.I actually misjudged my brother's strength before...but I'm really wise!Hmm, it's so wise and incomparable!

But recently I have been feeling like something is wrong. At first I thought it was because my brother hadn’t come and was thinking about it too much, but even though he had called me to book tickets online, the feeling hadn’t subsided.After thinking about it carefully, I suddenly discovered that it seems that I haven't seen epilepsy much recently.

——When I first came here, I could occasionally see him lying on the back window, staring at me quietly. At this time before, I had clearly seen him, but I could still pretend that I didn’t know anything He looked like he was doing his own thing, took out a pile of waste paper and continued to write the outline of my word game, and deliberately made that serious and focused expression, and his sitting posture couldn't help but become very correct.I can feel his eyes sweeping over my body, and I don't know why, so I am very happy.

But even if I know he is by my side, even if I am happy because of this, I will not turn to look at him, even if I usually look out of the window when I am tired from work, but as long as I feel him lying there , I tried my best to refrain from doing the most natural movements at ordinary times, but deliberately pretended to work hard, to the point where I forgot the time and forgot myself.

In fact, I really want to look back. After all, "I want to see him" has never been missing in my wish. After I brought him to the headquarters, I have been entangled with it and sneaked in every day. Considering going to see him?What should I say if I want to see him?Sometimes I use a comb to dip some water, and I can see my uncombed hairstyle. I stare in the mirror and encourage myself "You are so cute today", and I am fully prepared and even They all walked out of the door of the room, but the moment they stepped into the elevator, they pressed the button to go to the first floor, and ran into the small shop downstairs to buy an ice cream with a cowardly look, and went back.

In fact, I think about what to say after seeing him every day, but even if I think about what to say, I will definitely forget it the moment I see his face.At that time, I had an urge. I suddenly wanted to write down all the words I thought of when I was fishing every day at work and the things I wanted to do with him on a piece of paper, and I would write them down next time I saw epilepsy. Just read on that piece of paper.

Ah, do I have dementia?

Because I don't know what to say, because I always think of the phrase "I like you" he said but I don't know how to answer, because I'm afraid that he will tell me "That's all a lie" and then sweep my face. Feeling withdrawn.Besides, I'm also afraid that because of that sentence, because I didn't give a proper answer, we will become worse than before, and we will be separated by something invisible, and we will not be able to talk as before... In short, there are many, many The reason made me dare not look back, and only dared to enjoy the feeling of being watched by him.

But soon, the line of sight disappeared from the window.

Since then, I tried my best not to think about him, and felt that if I calmed down a bit, I might be able to cure the dementia that only occurred when I saw him, and maybe I would know how to answer his heart is the best way.

However, there are similar scenes in both TV dramas and novels—two people who had a good relationship, because of embarrassment, both of them couldn’t bear to admit a small mistake, or because of a little friction, their trust was tested, but No one was willing to come forward to explain, and gradually became ignorant of everyone, and did not say hello when they met.But they were secretly spying on the other party, expecting him to come and bow their heads first, but both sides thought so, so no one wanted to be that good person.

It just broke up, let it go.

Whenever I think of this kind of bridge, I feel like all the memory in my brain is occupied, pacing up and down in the room, pacing up and down as if I am about to run.I feel an indescribable madness in my heart. If I have to describe it, I am manic and violent now, like a gun.powder.Keg like the Balkan Peninsula before World War I; I was pacing in the room, my brain memory was full, and I felt ecstasy.

It's not the same anymore, and I suddenly envy my former self.

I seem to have become a gunpowder barrel, waiting for a spark to ignite me.Any little guy at this moment could become a "Sarajevo Incident".

"The attack on Grand Duke Fernandi" became the fuse that broke out in World War I.

The author has something to say:

I really don’t know how the nouns in history books like fire.powder.barrel and guide.fire.suo are sensitive words?