critical value

It turned out to be the three of them... I thought I would never have the chance to meet again in this life.

"Wang Dandan, you are Wang Dandan, right?"

"You are stupid."

"Well, yes." At that time, I was so happy that I couldn't control myself. I knew they couldn't see me, but I still couldn't help laughing, pacing around and shaking my legs in panic, "Where are you now? ?”

"Guangzhou."

"Guangzhou?"

"Well, yes, I'm eating Chongqing noodles."

"Jia Doudou and Fang Datou just smashed the bowl of the store, right..."

"Well, I even flipped the table, but I'm already out of the battlefield."

"..." I just laughed sourly on the other side of the phone, but I kept silent and didn't say a word-they were still the same as before.

"Shi Xiaofeng, you are in the Northeast, right? The three of us have been looking for your whereabouts since you left. At that time, when I asked your brother, he didn't speak, and after a while, he covered his head and screamed... ..What the hell did you guys..."

"Let's not talk about this first." Yes, don't mention it for now.

"Okay, we've been looking for you for a long time, let's meet someday..."

"..." I was still smiling, and my smiling face became even more sour, reaching to the tip of my nose, with the urge to cry accompanied by the warmth in my heart.

"Let's not talk to you yet, Jia Doudou and Fang Datou have slipped away, I want to run away quickly."

"Wait, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! , warm like late winter in this small southern city.

With epilepsy, I bought a high-speed rail ticket to Guangzhou without authorization. I got on the train thinking "the boat will go straight when it reaches the bridge", and stamped my feet anxiously while sending text messages to Wang Dandan. In the end, he actually replied to me. We Meet in a park whose name is hard to remember.I didn’t do much that day, just playing basketball and chatting with a few people, but I didn’t know what was going on, and my heart was full of sadness and joy, as if soaked in the sour smell of love.

Maybe this is the feeling that the longing for my friends has been realized. After all, it seems that we have been separated for eight years. For so long, I seem to have been immersed in a state where I have not talked to others for a long time, and I have been alone for a long time. Down.It's been a long time since I've been as free and easy as when I was with them, and it's been a long time since I've had the joyful feeling of making fun of each other and taking ugly photos.

He said that they are now in a state of being completely lost. They have finally graduated from college, but the fathers occupy their own country and refuse to accept the old and refuse to give up. They are now living at home. Those who gnaw on the old have no status and no status to live.I said why not come and hang out with me, the Northeast is pretty good except for the cold winter.They expressed that they had this intention, so in the second year, the headquarters of the "Pursuit and Anti-Pursuit" Department became much more lively.

We added 拉拉 and WeChat to each other, and usually four people form a small group to chat in it. Usually I ask them about the current situation in Sichuan—how is my dad?How is my mother?And...how is my brother?

We talked about miscellaneous things, and all kinds of ugly photos of throwing pictures, scolding and blowing up, anyway, I was very happy and I understood almost all of them.

I disappeared suddenly back then, and my brother didn't know where I went. Anyway, I didn't see anyone alive or dead. The eldest sister and the others canceled my household registration, so everyone in the Shi family Everyone thought that I was dead, but they couldn't be sure, so they finally carved a coffin and placed it next to Grandpa's coffin.

I'm obviously still alive, okay...

Yes, anyway, there are still three people in this world who believe that I am alive, but they are not my father, my mother and my brother, but those three friends, which is not surprising, after all, family members are vulnerable when facing blows many.Anyway, they searched and searched and searched, and finally found me one day through an inheritance record, probably the inheritance of the epilepsy family.

After stabbing me, my brother became more and more abnormal, mentally weak, and even suspected of schizophrenia; after my beautiful Ma Ma got the news of my "death", she gave up all her extra motherly love Dedicated to my brother, although the more she does this, the more my brother collapses; my great bully doesn't know what kind of inner drama is going on, anyway, in the early morning of a certain day, I swiped "Ctrip" and put on my bag to start Take a walk-and-go trip.

Seems to be pretty good too.

"However, our father said that the Shi family is getting worse day by day." This is Jia Doudou's original sentence.

Although I can't believe it, I have to believe that the four of us have been family friends for many years. I don't know how many generations have passed. The three of them have always supported us with dedication, and generally they would never spread such rumors.

Because there was nothing to talk about, the group of the four of us was silent for a while.I also thought a lot during that time.For some reason, I suddenly remembered what Epilepsy said to me when I was still in Jiangnan: "You have an older brother, I envy you so much." Thinking of his spirit weakening day by day, and the family's decline day by day, it made people feel distracted. However, I am still alive, but I want to make these people suffer because of my "death". I am still curled up with a new household registration in the Northeast and refuses to show up.

Thinking about the summer vacation when I saw my brother for the last time, I suddenly feel that he might have been in real pain at that time. He was lying in the hospital every day, with a bandage on his head, strangling himself with a rope or holding his hand when he had nothing to do. The gun was installed, disassembled, reinstalled, and hugged and kissed and bit me in the middle of the night. It looked like a person who was on the verge of collapse.

"He is in pain, so he can hurt me." This reason may not be able to explain this problem, but because he is my brother, it is different. We used to be very close, and I lived in his school district room when I had nothing to do. In the small apartment, playing the game he saved and practiced, two people swinging on a swing, although he threw him to the ground many times... In fact, I envy myself at that time, no matter how much I was thrown to the ground by him One time, but the next day, I sat on a swing with him again with a smile on my face, and was thrown out by him again. On the third day and the fourth day, the cycle continued, and I didn't hold any grudges.

So why not now?

Although sometimes touching the area of ​​his abdomen that was pierced by him, I still feel a little uncomfortable.But thinking about it carefully, the scar has already healed and is gone, why can't I even forgive my own siblings?

If I really want to go to him, I really can't think of what to say, but maybe I can say everything when I see his face again.Thinking back to the scream I heard when I ran out of the ward, maybe he didn’t want to hurt me, he had already regretted it to the point of collapse, but I couldn’t trust him, and I’ve been huddled in the northeast ever since.

I seem to have suddenly changed from a victim to a perpetrator in my own mind...

I suddenly wanted to find my brother. It didn't seem to have anything to do with who was the victim and who was the perpetrator. It was just simply missing the time when our relationship was so good, and this yearning started a long time ago.I have argued so much before, but I just want to find an excuse for myself. In fact, I have been secretly looking for this excuse in my heart for many years, and it has not stopped since the moment I ran out of the ward.

Unexpectedly, one day during the Chinese New Year, my brother suddenly came to the old villa in the mountains to look for me.Maybe Wang Dandan and the others accidentally slipped up?In fact, it's not bad, after all, even if he doesn't come to me, I will go to him one day.

My brother seems to be the same as I remembered, but it seems to be different. All in all, after all these years, he is still skinny like a supermodel. He changed his hairstyle, and then nothing happened.Maybe it's because I haven't seen him for a long time, maybe it's because I want to say something in my heart but I can't say it. When I saw him, I was too close, jumping around like a little mad dog, and almost jumped on him I kissed twice, but I really wanted to do it at the time.

After returning to the room, the two of them sat face to face. At first, they didn’t know what to say. He looked very embarrassed and couldn’t wait to break the silence, saying that I’ve grown taller, and that I’ve grown taller. You are still as chubby as when you were a child." The smile was also very stiff, unlike his face.

I seem to have suddenly discovered that there is something different about him, with a haggard face, bags under the eyes like a koala, and he looks like a salaried office worker.It was that day that I heard the news of my father's death from him, and it was also the day that I promised to help him in the future.The saying that the Shi family is getting worse day by day seems to be true.

At that time, the two of us were talking awkwardly, either looking down at the table or dodging our eyes, or he was smoking a cigarette and I was looking at the ashtray.Maybe I still have grudges about what happened in the past, but what is very tacit is that no one mentioned the knife eight years ago-maybe they didn't find a reason to explain it, but I think that even if they find a reason, they definitely won't Will speak out.

My brother left within a few days, perhaps because he was not acclimatized, his face looked even more haggard before he left, and he smiled at me with a sense of horror movie and said: "I'm leaving, I hope to see you tomorrow your turn."

It's a little too scary.After that, he would call me from time to time every day, which was even more terrifying.