critical value

The night before the senior high school entrance examination, I don't know how he slept, but I didn't fall asleep the whole night. At most, I was half asleep and half awake, and a lot of messy and illogical questions flashed through my mind.

Not just hot, but also worried about his exams.

If he listened to his dear Mama and went home early every afternoon instead of staying with me on the way home from school, would he be able to finish his homework earlier, go to bed earlier, and listen to class the next day without getting sleepy and concentrating? , and then understand it all.However, staying with me every day is a vicious circle that repeats infinitely, so he didn’t work hard in the last month of the third year of junior high school, he couldn’t do the exam questions in the senior high school entrance examination, he didn’t get into a good high school, he couldn’t get into a good university, and then he idled around for the rest of his life. I think I seem to have directly killed a person's life.

So I was so guilty that I didn't sleep well one night.

Think again about his great bully who died many years ago, and his dear Ma Ma, his father's spirit in heaven is waiting for him to grow up and do a career to comfort him, and his mother is waiting for him to grow up and do a career Come to make offerings, if I harm such a person's life... I suddenly have an urge to "take off the hat and grab the ground with my head".

On the first day of his senior high school entrance examination, I lay in bed all day, not only to catch up on sleep, but also to make plans for how to atone for my sins in exchange for peace of conscience. After thinking about it for a long time, I still had no idea. In that small broken building, confess to his dear Ma Ma that I fall in love with yourson, and then as long as I am willing to exploit my younger brother, I will be rich to the limit. Congratulations, auntie, you have caught a wealthy son-in-law.

But most people would not laugh but turn angry if they heard that their son had caught a wealthy son-in-law. Although his dear brain circuit is quite strange, he can't take this risk, and now the BOY doesn't know I'm fallinlovewithhim Now, if I stand in front of Ma Ma hand in hand with him, and swear that we love each other deeply until death, maybe the first situation is not that Ma Ma came over to beat me, but he said with a look of disbelief: "ah?"

After much deliberation, the last thing I can do is in the most important last few days of his junior high school, I can still guard the school gate every day, wait for him to finish the exam, and then escort him from the remote alley full of dangers Li walks home, and would actually like to drive him if I could.

But helplessly, although I got a driver's license in high school, and it is common to drive a car to more than 200 yards, I have never bought my own car, but borrowed someone else's car to drive around. The head of the household is an old man who has no car and no driver's license. In a few years, he will be too old to pass the driver's license test. If I go to the local Zhangbu to borrow a car, and they find out that I am going to pick up a BOY between home and school, I must There is no one who will be laughed at.So forget it.

So I still can't do anything, I can only sit at the school gate and wait for him on time at that afternoon, and then walk him home. This is all I can do now, and I really want to help him. He took the exam, but when he thought that he didn't look like a junior high school student at all, and he was still a scumbag. After so many years, he had already forgotten that little scumbag. The original level was even lower.

Then I was directly and intentionally harming a person's life.

So that afternoon, I just sat at the school gate and waited for him as usual, sitting by the plastic table and chair at the entrance of the small shop opposite the school, looking stupid and cute, staring at him in a daze. I looked at the teaching building everywhere, surrounded by a lot of parents, all of whom were equally dumbfounded—either anxiously arguing with other parents in a cadenced tone, pouring bitterness on each other; or a look of collapse The appearance of the edge is pacing back and forth; or it is like me, staring at the teaching building with a very cute expression, and thoughts that I can't grasp are flashing in my mind.

Like me at that time, I seemed to be thinking about whether he performed well in the exam this time, whether he studied hard at ordinary times, and if he studied hard at ordinary times, he must have no problem in the senior high school entrance examination... But the problem is that he didn't study hard!It's all because I tripped him up on the way home every night, so that he couldn't follow his dear Mama's advice and go home early, so can he do well in the exam this time?If it doesn't work, wouldn't I directly harm a person's life? !

So I fell into the strange circle of thinking that made me unable to sleep last night.

But in addition to these, there are some thoughts that are different from last night, "swish" flashed, maybe because of the surrounding environment, I remembered many things that happened here - from the very beginning, sitting here and waiting to see The car accident, I felt like I was rotten and tormented day by day; when I saw him for the first time, I immediately developed a flirt, and my mentality was the same as those movies depicting one-night stands; and then I felt inexplicably two people It's very compatible, inexplicably began to care, inexplicably began to face each other with truth... and then it was me now.

In fact, when I think about it like this, it really feels amazing. I haven't gone through the plot of many words, and I feel like my madness was suddenly cured.From the first time I came to this small town in early summer to the moment in midsummer, it didn’t take long; from thinking that life was rotten, tormenting, and meaningless to me, to the time when I lost my mind for a long time in early summer There is a warm current flowing through the earth, but it has been three years in a daze...

This is even more amazing in retrospect, and I asked myself what is the charm of this small town?Can it evacuate a person's knots like enlightenment?But when I tried to answer this question with the help of the question, what came to my mind was all epilepsy, and it was all the two-point and one-line road that the two of us went home together. Every day was the same scenery, but it was interesting. Hengsheng, it seems that everything he sees is different because of him.

Thinking of the warm current in my heart, I couldn't help but smile, and my whole body relaxed a lot, and I felt the urge to lie down on the table and sleep for a long time...

I am now watching everything that happened with sleepy eyes. I don’t know how long it took before the school bell rang for the end of the exam. The schoolmasters pushing bicycles ran out of the school one after another, before the parents recognized them. Whoever came home on a bicycle, followed by those good kids who were picked up by their parents, who couldn't wait to share today's results with their parents as soon as they left school.When the parents drove away one by one and disappeared, some girls wandered out in small groups, and then went to the milk tea house near the school to sit for more than half an hour.

In fact, every time I see them enter the milk tea room, I am very happy, because after a while, epilepsy will shake out of the campus at a surprisingly slow speed, and I can ask him, what I want to ask most now Question: "How did you do on the test today?"

During this gap of time, I inexplicably recalled the scene of my high school entrance examination. It seemed that there was no special feeling, just like doing homework, although the eldest sister threatened me: "If you don't pass the high school entrance examination, you will be cut off. "But obviously I didn't pay much attention at that time... I still remember the high school entrance examination at that time. After finishing the papers, I packed my schoolbag early. When I heard the bell, it was like an electric shock and rushed to the school. In the examination room next door, he yelled, "Go and play!"

The girls in the milk tea room seem to be chatting more and more happily. I can hear their sudden burst of laughter while sitting at the door. Under normal circumstances, epilepsy should come out at this time.I propped my chin on my hand and stared at the school gate wistfully. I kept looking at it, and I saw the girls drinking milk tea coming home in small groups, but I still didn’t look at it.

Nani?What's the situation?

Did he run away while the traffic was in chaos just now?Deliberately wanting me to try the anxious feeling of waiting for someone to wait... He shouldn't do it, no, he will definitely do it, and as time goes by, I am more and more sure of this idea, every time I looked down at the phone and thought: "Wait another 5 minutes." But I didn't wait, then looked at the phone again and thought: "Let's wait another 5 minutes." I didn't wait again.I don't know how many 5 minutes have passed over and over again, and every time 5 minutes pass, I feel a little disappointed, and finally become completely heartbroken.

So I had no choice but to wander around slowly by myself, along the usual way to send him home, intending to make a big circle and then return to the temporary residence. After all, after returning, all I can do is lie on the bed and rub the WIFI of the fashionable old lady upstairs. Nothing else to do.

At that time, the sky was already very dark, and the sky was glowing with a strange blue-gray color. The street lamps that had been in disrepair on the street were lit up one after another, emitting a strange light similar to orange or dim yellow.I walked alone on this route that I was so familiar with under the drizzle under an umbrella.

I felt very boring, and my heart was empty, and I started to swing my legs unconsciously. I remember that I used to like to walk like this when I was bored, and I changed my pace when I walked, and turned into holding my hands on my chest. Before, the body above the knees swayed from side to side regularly. I remember that I used to walk like this when I wanted to pretend to be 13; after a while, it turned into bowing my head, bending my knees, and swaying rhythmically. I will leave like this when I am in a bad mood or when I can’t hold 13 anymore.

If he really wanted to play tricks on me and ran away on purpose, of course I was very angry and angry, and I wanted to pin him against the wall and beat him up, but compared to anger, it was more helpless, sad, and empty.I don't know what I did wrong for him to treat me like this...

Thinking about it this way, the whole person was completely wilted, like a dead potted plant, the bent head was about to hit the ground, the whole body was shaking almost at a 45-degree angle, and the expression should have become less and less vivid , I can feel my eyes narrowing to become a slit.

I walked a long distance in such a decadent manner, only to hear a familiar voice coming from beside me, it was epilepsy, he asked me in a cadenced voice that I hadn't heard in the past few days: "What's the matter?" Ah, Arnie K? Why are you so spiritless? Did you get beaten by someone? (laughs)"

Nani?Didn't he sneak home because he wanted me to experience the pain of being abandoned?Why did it suddenly pop out from me like a Chinese ghost story? !And how to ride a bicycle?No, no, so he saw my decadent look just now!You have to quickly think of a reason to cover up the past!

"No, I have a fever..." Waitasecond!Why do I have a fever!You can't be killed by thunder usually, why did you suddenly have a fever today?Suddenly I had an idea: "I went to play basketball at noon today. I felt very hot, so I took off my clothes and walked for a while."

"..." He looked at me with a disgusted look on his face, as if he was looking at a snake spirit who was running naked on the street and smiling for selfies, but he quickly turned back to the usual expressionless look , pushed his little broken car and came close to me, staring at me affectionately with a pair of cat eyes, with a sense of seeing me, but according to my understanding of him, he must have taken this opportunity to ask for help. Run Motomiya's foot with a bicycle tire...

"What are you doing?" So I stopped him.

"I want to see if you really have a fever." Then he put a small hand on my forehead, but I lied to him then!If you let it go, won't you be exposed!In desperation, I quickly grabbed his hand with a "swish" without any patient demeanor, and then held it tightly to prevent him from touching my forehead.

At that time, he stared at me with a dead expression on his face, and said plainly: "Well, my hands are hot, it is indeed a fever."