critical value

After I settled his pile of clothes, he still stood there motionless, without any lights, and the window was desolate with no light coming through, so his shadow became more blurred, looking like an American ghost film The ghost inside.

I took a few glances at him and he still didn't move, so I fell on the bed by myself, ready to fall asleep.

Half asleep and half awake, he heard the sound of skin rubbing against the fabric in the silence that belongs only to the night. He climbed into my bed carefully, so carefully that the bed board I stood on and jumped on all day long did not make any "squeaks" Yeah" sound, maybe it's because of his relatively light weight?

Thinking about the above things in a mess in his head, and wondering how much Zhang Haoran weighs?Otherwise, one day you will pick it up and weigh it?Although his current height is already the embarrassing distance that he can kill me with a hammer, he still treats him like a child and wants to pick him up and weigh him... After that, his mind became even more chaotic. I can't even remember, and gradually fell asleep during this process, and before I knew it, I couldn't think of anything.

It was after I couldn't think of anything that Zhang Haoran shook me back and forth, although the range was not very large, but I was finally shaken awake.After waking up, I really wanted to beat him up, even if it was Zhang Haoran, I didn't decide to continue to take his face into consideration.In the end, the plan couldn’t keep up with the changes. Zhang Haoran did something that made me cute, and made me forget the idea of ​​hitting him—he lay on top of me, and put his arms around my neck gently, The lightness of the movements reminds me of the word "twisting the fingers softly", which is touching.

He not only hugs, but also bites gently, just like when I caught him at the elevator door at the beginning of this year, and now it is November, and the year will be over soon, but the one left by the elevator door I still can’t forget the string of hickeys. After that, I took off my shirt from time to time and faced the mirror, pointing at the skin that had become fair—this place should have been purplish red.

He bit it for a while and then stopped, without the vigor of the time at the elevator door, and lay on his shoulders for a while, rubbing up and down like a kitten from time to time, so cute that I almost wanted to cover my face and roll all over the bed.After lying down for a while, he fell down next to my ear and began to whisper. I didn’t hear all of what he said, because I kept sighing that he was so cute. I didn’t listen to most of them, but a few It was very impressive to hear it.

At the beginning, he laid the groundwork for a long time tactfully, telling me various theories that I don’t know where, including the fact that cats will go into heat when they are five months old, and he said it in a very serious tone; The tragedies caused by being too tactful, including the nonsense that Zhu Yingtai said when Liang Shanbo sent her down the mountain, if she had told Liang Shanbo earlier, maybe there would be no such nonsense later...

Anyway, I was taken aback by all kinds of fallacies, and I probably guessed what he meant.While secretly delighted, he also hoped that it really wasn't what he had guessed, since he was entangled like a Libra anyway.

I struggled for a while, and when I came back to my senses, I heard him say that he will be 15 years old soon. At this time, his phone vibrated winkingly. He unlocked the lock screen and shook it in front of my eyes, saying, "Look. , it's twelve o'clock."Then the two of them froze for a while, he continued to lie on me, and continued to talk about his little Jiujiu, he said that Zhang Weiran's side had been settled, and he asked his younger brother to change his look for his birthday tomorrow, and occasionally drape his hair, so Even if I don’t get up early tomorrow morning to braid his hair, it’s fine, and when it comes to my school, anyway, I’m also the type who doesn’t care about it. It’s okay to miss a day of class... Speaking of this, he suddenly became quiet, Continue to grow strawberries on me, flick your fingers around for various sexual hints.

"Oh, happy birthday, what do you want today? I'll give you whatever you want..." I asked a TV series routine to divert the topic, and only after I said it did I remember that ordinary male protagonists like this When asked, the hostess would say "I want you to marry me", and then the whole person could not help but tremble, and his whole face burned.

"I don't want anything..." Zhang Haoran is really not that kind of person, luckily I saw him right!

"It's better to say..." There seemed to be a pause of two or three seconds, and he said next to my ear in a breathless tone like a sigh, "You want me."

I was stunned, and my mind was almost buzzing. Although I was seduced by him two years ago, and I have been seduced intermittently in the past two years, I never thought of him. Saying it so directly made me feel that the impact was too great, and I was dumbfounded when I shot it directly.

He probably saw that I didn't respond, so he jumped up and sat astride me, and said in a firm voice although the decibels were not high: "Shi Xiaofeng, you want me."

I still didn't respond, and when I think about it now, I feel that I was probably struggling with something at that time, but what was it that I was struggling with?I can't recall it no matter how carefully I recall it.Probably at that time, I was simply struggling, and I didn't even know what I was struggling with—just pretending.

Zhang Haoran is actually the kind of person who is unexpectedly straight. He probably didn't consider my pedantic behavior of pretending to be a gentleman at all. He thought that I was really Liu Xiahui, and thought that I was really humiliating myself like this.. ....I was about to pretend enough, so I laughed a few times with a very weird "hehe", but I felt that the body riding on me suddenly became stiff. Before I figured out what was going on, I heard him slightly A hearty laugh.

He said: "I was cheated, I want to play something different for my birthday." He also climbed off me with a forced smile, turned to the side and grabbed the only quilt away, covering it I fell asleep with my head on.

At that time, if he had been a little bit more coquettish, and let go of his self-esteem for a while, just a few seconds would be enough, and I might pretend to be pedantic, and hold him in my arms while talking nonsense. up...

At that time, there was nothing to regret. Instead, he was thrown out of the quilt to be frozen to death, trembling and almost laughing out loud, laughing from the bottom of his heart—I think this child is really cute...

Wait for another year, when he is 16 years old, I will accept him as queen.

As for the end, of course I didn't wait...

At that moment, I knew I regretted it.

If I followed his will and asked him at that moment—when I recalled it after a long time, I didn't doubt the authenticity of his night attack, but I believed that he was sincere, just like an ordinary man. Like my 15-year-old boy, he was so blunt that he didn't know how to proceed step by step and how to express it correctly.

If I really want him, will he have less regrets before he dies?

Maybe, but I will never believe that at the moment before he died, I still held an important place in his heart.

But maybe, if the two of us did it... the first moment after he died, I might have the courage to go to hell together.Instead of living on an ignoble existence like now.

After that night, I don’t know if he was discouraged by me and gradually alienated, or because the boy suddenly figured it out and matured after one night, and decided to change his tactics. Anyway, the two of us never met again after that. We are as close as before, and we won't get tired of being together every day.

I was a little bit worried about this situation, afraid that he would jump into the fire if he couldn't figure it out, but every night when I called Zhang Weiran, I could hear Zhang Weiran scolding me in a familiar tone, so I knew he would not do those things again. There is also a little peace of mind.At that time, the way the two of us got along, if we were young couples before, then we became like old married couples, calling on time every day, chasing and killing from time to time, at most we just walked side by side or held hands. Most things have a businesslike feel attached to them.

Every night, when Zhang Haoran answered the phone, although his tone of voice remained the same, and the sentences he said were not bad, but he always felt that he was alienated from me a lot. Why?Where is the alienation?Helpless EQ is too low, I can't understand it.

Even though I feel the indifference through the mobile phone screen, I still look forward to the moment when I call Zhang Haoran every night, and I can still hear his voice, half asleep, half awake, so cute.

I didn’t realize it at that time, but now I think about it and suddenly realize how attached I am to Zhang Haoran. It’s not that he depends on me and can’t leave me as I guessed at that time, but I can’t leave him— —When I wake up every morning, I hope that when I pass the door of their two rooms, I will meet Zhang Weiran just going out, and I can look at Zhang Haoran through the crack of the door;

Every day when I fall asleep in class, even in my dreams, I hope that I can sleep until the afternoon after school, and I can see Zhang Haoran with Zhang Weiran as soon as school is over. The virtuous wife and loving mother in the public service advertisement stood waiting for me at the school gate, even if he was waiting for me to kill someone with him;

Every day on the way home from school, I would think of the key to my room that I gave Zhang Haoran when I let him go, and I would say, "If you have any injustices, come to me."I really hope that he has some troublesome things that he can't settle. Of course, this is not gloating. I just hope that when I come home from school, there will be Zhang Haoran lying there on the big bed in my empty apartment and empty bedroom. play cell phone.

Every day when it gets dark, I look forward to midnight, to call Zhang Haoran and listen to his voice;

Before going to bed every day, half dreaming and half awake, I still shamelessly look forward to seeing Zhang Haoran lying next to me when I wake up the next morning, with my thighs half-covered and half-covered.

If I can see one of these scenes, I will definitely not care about face, or even face at all, no matter the time, place or occasion, I will just lie on him and cry loudly.

Why are you crying?Of course, because I regretted it in the end...

If I could do it all over again...