mayfly dream

Tossing and turning, it was another sleepless night. Ever since he learned about Zen and the reason for becoming a monk in the afternoon, Shi Nanyun was shocked and heartbroken, but also had a glimmer of hope. The more important reason is that he is afraid of Zen and knowing that he will dislike his feelings that are not tolerated by the world, so he would rather keep it in his heart and not reveal it, but now it is different.This afternoon, he asked Chanhe that way on purpose, but his answer broke his heart.

"Back then, he would rather become a monk because of that person. After three years, would he still remember that person in his heart? After so long, he should have forgotten it! No, no, listen to his answer in the afternoon. Has he not forgotten it until now? Is that person? What about me, what am I, what are the time we spent together, he should also like me a little bit, otherwise why is he treating me so well? If I tell him now that I am If I like him, will he still answer like today? But should I tell him, how should I tell him that I like him? After I express my heart, will he accept it?" Shi Nanyun's mind was in a mess.

Lying on the bed and thinking for a long time, he turned around and inadvertently noticed his skinny palms. Shi Nanyun was startled. He didn't know when he should have become so thin.It seems to be desolate and mocking smile, the oil is exhausted and the lamp is dry, it will not be far away.Staring quietly at his withered palm by the moonlight outside the window for a long, long time, Shi Nanyun finally made up his mind - he was going to talk to Zen and express his mind, no matter what the result was, he had to give it a try. Time is running out. If you don't say it now, you may never be able to say it. He doesn't want to let himself have regrets.

The next morning, Chanhe came to deliver the medicine as usual.When he was about to leave, Shi Nanyun stopped Chanhe: "Wait, I have something to tell you."

Zenhe stopped and looked at him, waiting for him to speak.

Shi Nanyun took a deep breath, suppressed the uneasiness in his heart, and said, "Chanhe, I have been thinking about a question recently - what is the meaning of my existence after living for so many years? I have no relatives, no friends, the Buddha said There are eight hardships in life, I think my life is made of these eight hardships. I never felt lonely before, even after I learned that I had an incurable disease, I was not afraid of death. No care, I think whether it is life or death, this is how I have been in my life. In the past 19 years, I have never understood what love is, and I have never experienced the feeling of being cared for by others until When I met you, I realized for the first time what it is like to be cared about. I am not a person who is good at communicating with people. From the first time I saw you, I intended to alienate you, because I didn't want to be in In the last days of my death, no matter how much I had anything to do with people, and I didn’t want to owe anyone anything, but you came to me again and again to deliver medicine, care for me, and help me until I gradually believed in you, Rely on you. Obviously I am not afraid of death, but now I am more and more afraid, I am afraid of death, I am afraid of leaving, if I can, I hope I can live forever, because I like you, I want to be with you, I don't want to die."

After finally finishing this long paragraph, Shi Nanyun lowered his head, not daring to look into Chan He's eyes.

The air seemed to be stagnant, and after a long silence, finally heard Chan He's cold voice: "Mr. Shi, my Buddha is merciful. I saved you that day only out of the compassionate heart of a monk. As for these days The same is true for taking care of you since then. If it is because Zen He did not do well somewhere that caused Mr. Shi's misunderstanding, then Chan He apologizes here."

"But...but, I clearly saw that painting in your room, since you fell in love with that person back then, why couldn't you try to accept me, besides, it's pretty good for us to be together these days... ..." Shi Nanyun hurriedly said.

Zen He interrupted him sharply with a pale face, and said: "Those are just past events, not worth mentioning."

Shi Nanyun said: "The past? Since it is the past, let me ask you, why do you still keep that painting, and why did you become a monk? Is it really not worth mentioning? Chanhe, the four things you said are all empty , I can’t understand it and I don’t want to understand it, you are willing to become a monk for the person who wronged you, why don’t you want the person who treats you sincerely to return to the vulgar?”

Chanhe: "Young master Shi, I have converted to Buddhism, and I don't want to get involved in the world of mortals anymore."

Shi Nanyun: "You know me......"

Chan He: "That's your mortal world, it has nothing to do with me." After finishing speaking, he turned around and strode away without looking back.

Shi Nanyun looked at the backs of Zen and Li, his face full of sadness.

In front of the table, Zen He was frowning and staring at a painting, stroking the face of the person in the painting with his hands, but what appeared in his mind was the appearance of another person. Just now, when he heard the person in his mind When I said I liked him, apart from the huge shock, I also felt a faint surprise in my heart, but it was obviously not like this, he was already a Buddhist, how could it be? ....How could you fall in love with someone else?Besides, for the past three years, it was the person in the painting that he could never forget.Definitely not, definitely not, how could he also like Shi Nanyun, it must be an illusion.I got up, knelt on the futon and began to chant, but the more I read, the more confused I became, I opened my eyes suddenly, took a deep breath, it is better to end what should be done sooner.

In the evening, Shi Nanyun sat at the door and waited for a long time. It was the first time that Chanhe didn't come to deliver the medicine. He smiled wryly, "I'm afraid he won't even see me now."

Rubbed his numb legs, and was about to go back to the room, but saw a pair of gray-white feet slowly walking over. The footprints were very shallow, leaving moss marks on the stone slabs. The person was holding a lamp in one hand. , with a bowl of medicine in his other hand, his eyes were icy cold, and he was slowly coming by the late autumn moonlight.Shi Nanyun looked at the person, his throat felt sore, he wanted to speak but couldn't.

"Mr. Shi, this is the last time I will deliver medicine to you. From tomorrow onwards, I will ask my junior brother to deliver your medicine every day. You can do it yourself!" The same cold voice broke Shi Nanyun's last illusion.

Shi Nanyun didn't say anything more, he was glad that at least in this ending, he didn't look at Chan He's back and leave.

Sure enough, from the second day on, Chanhe never came to deliver medicine, nor did he come to see Shi Nanyun, but only called a little novice to deliver medicine every day. Shi Nanyun only hoped that he could go quickly, so he didn't Taking medicine, the body is getting worse day by day.

On this day, Shi Nanyun got up early. He walked alone in the ancient temple, recalling the bits and pieces of the time when he was with Zen, as if what he recalled was his life. where he walked.Finally, I came to the back mountain. It was late autumn at this time, and the fiery red maple leaves fell all over the ground, which had an unusually breathtaking beauty.Looking at this extremely familiar place, scenes of the past with Zen and He spent here were played back in his mind. He did not regret the confession that day. At least, he really liked it, even if it was only for a short time. A few months, compared to the mayfly in the dream, his life is already very long, even if this is just a short period of love, he does not regret coming to this world.It's just that he still has the last trace of unwillingness: Zen He, if I could meet you earlier, if I was the one who passed by your world first, would you also fall in love with me?

In the end, Shi Nanyun leaned against the trunk under the maple tree, and fell asleep listening to the sound of tuk tuk wooden fish coming from a distance, and never woke up again.

In the early morning of the next day, Chanhe found Shi Nanyun in the back mountain. Looking at his peaceful sleeping face, he was dazed for a moment, just like when he was asleep. He squatted down and hugged Shi Nanyun tightly, his heart constricted suddenly. After a long time, until the sky began to rain heavily, I could only hear the faint choking sound mixed in the wind and rain...

It was another day when the maple leaves were flying, Chanhe stood alone on the edge of the cliff in the back mountain, thinking of the person who once appeared in his life, you once said that you couldn't figure it out, you just wanted to be serious for the rest of your life, you once said that your dream Until you become a mayfly, living and dying, falling into the water without ripples, and wandering all your life with no support, you still say that even a mayfly has its own dreams, Shi Nanyun, did you know that I will regret it one day, how much I am I want to go back to that day, even if there is only one day left, I would like to be a life-and-death mayfly with you.

Many years later, the famous Zen master passed away. When his disciple was packing his things, he found two paintings in a box in his room. One of them was a handsome man in red. The signature was: Ling Yichen, painting The paper has turned yellow.The other painting is of a man in Tsing Yi, his face is full of sadness, it has not been signed, and the paper looks relatively new, but it can be seen that this painting should be made by the same person.The disciples all wondered: "How could the master have these two paintings, and put them in the box so carefully?" But there are not many things left by Zen and the master, so the disciples had to keep these two paintings. The two paintings were also buried with the master. So far, the previous stories have also disappeared in the flood of time.

Fanwai Yichen*Qingge

The peach blossoms are in full bloom. Under the peach tree, there is a person sitting under the peach tree. He is dressed in black and is very handsome. He is smiling slightly. There is a jug of wine and two wine glasses on the table, as if he is waiting for him. who.

After a while, a handsome young man in white brocade came over. Seeing the man who had already been waiting under the tree, he called loudly, "Yichen."

The man in black turned his head to see the man in white, the smile on his face deepened, and he said, "Come here quickly, you just got a pot of your favorite peach blossom drunk, you are blessed."

The man in white walked over, pulled up his clothes and sat down beside him, and said, "I knew that Yichen is the best for me. As long as I'm with you, I'll have nothing to worry about." He took a sip of a glass of wine, closed his eyes, and said comfortably: "The Baihuazui from Tianxianglou is still so delicious, I can drink this wine for the rest of my life."

Ling Yichen looked at him dotingly, with a faint smile on his lips, he shook his head and said, "You!"

The man in white drank several cups one after another, and gradually a faint pink color appeared on his face, his lips were abnormally red, and his eyes were also glowing with water. The peach blossoms on the book slowly floated down, a pink petal It happened to land on the head of the man in white.Ling Yichen looked at the person across from him, and was stunned for a moment, "Don't move" he said softly, then he got up slowly, approached the person, covered his forehead with one hand, and lifted the petals that fell on his head. Take it down.The man in white looked at his movements, was taken aback for a moment, then smiled, and said, "It's just a petal."

Suddenly he approached Ling Yichen again, pretending to be mysterious and said: "Yichen, what should I do, you are so kind to me, I feel that I can't do without you more and more, oh, tell me, how about we get together Forget it."

Ling Yichen looked at his face close at hand, his heart moved, and he said with a loud smile: "That's fine, then when are we Qingge going to get married, and Yichen can prepare the dowry to marry you in time."

"Hahahaha......, when you come to Gu's mansion with the dowry, my father will probably be pissed off by you, hahaha..." Lu Qingge laughed for a while, then suddenly realized, "Hey, that's not right. , why did you marry me, not me?"

Ling Yichen gave him a sideways look, so he made a noble and cold expression.

Lu Qingge became anxious, and said, "Hey, I said Yichen, what kind of expression do you have! Although you are the head of the Ling family, and the Ling family is more prestigious than our Gu family in the capital, it doesn't mean that you are the one who married me." .

"Oh? Then ask your father to propose marriage to me!" Ling Yichen still said calmly.

"You... Huh, forget it, I can't talk to you, so I won't talk to you anymore." Lu Qingge glared at him and continued to drink.

Ling Yichen looked at him like this, and there was an imperceptible smile on his lips.

In the gazebo of the Gu Mansion Garden, when Ling Yichen came, he saw such a scene. Gu Qingge was sitting on the ground, pouring a jug of wine into his mouth, and there were several empty wine jugs scattered on the ground.Seeing the person coming, Lu Qingge gave a wry smile, looked downcast, and continued to pick up the wine jar and drink again.Ling Yichen frowned and said, "What are you doing?"

"..." As if Gu Qingge didn't hear what he said, he continued to pour wine into his mouth and didn't look at him

Ling Yichen snatched the wine from his hand, and said in a deep voice, "What do you look like now? What's wrong?"

The wine was taken away, Lu Qingge stopped and finally looked up at him, sneered, and said loudly: "What's wrong? You asked me what's wrong, heh, I'm going to get married, the emperor ordered me to marry the second lady of the prime minister's family , what's wrong? Yichen, what do you think is wrong with me?"

Hearing this, Ling Yichen froze, with a pale face, and said, "What did you say, when did it happen?"

Gu Qingge smiled sadly and said: "Hahaha, when did it happen?... Just yesterday afternoon, the eunuch in charge of the emperor's side came to announce the decree in person, asking me to marry the second lady of the prime minister's mansion on the first day of next month." After finishing speaking, He snatched the wine from his hand again and took a sip.

Ling Yichen's face was still pale, but he was interrupted when he was about to speak, "Yichen, let's go, just pretend that we have never known each other, and we don't need to see each other again."

"You..." Ling Yichen looked at him with wide eyes, in disbelief: "Qing Ge, you let me go?"

Lu Qingge remained silent.

Ling Yichen said: "Didn't we agree that we would be together?"

"Together? Yes, I said it, but what can I do, if I don't marry her, it will be against the order, not only me, but at that time, the entire Gu family will die." Lu Qingge cried with tears.

Ling Yichen said: "So you are going to give up on me?"

Lu Qingge: "I have to do this"

Ling Yichen insisted: "Why can't we think of a way, we can figure it out together..."

Lu Qingge interrupted him: "I can't put the Gu family in fire and water, Yichen, you can be alone, but I can't do it, I can't let my father, and hundreds of members of the Gu family die for me, so , you go!"

There was endless sadness in Ling Yichen's eyes, and he sneered and said, "Okay, you are not wrong to think about the Gu family, you just gave up on me, then I will go."