long thoughts

"Passengers who are diverting from this station in City W to country A, please pay attention: your flight MA1234 is now boarding. Please take your belongings, show your boarding pass, and go to gate 4..."

It's time to board the plane.

I stood up from the waiting area with my suitcase in hand, looked at the check-in prompts at the boarding gate that changed from red to green, and thought of leaving this country where I had lived for more than 20 years and going to a completely unfamiliar place, I was a little bit disappointed for a while.

I don't know if it's right or wrong for me to do this, but there is no better way out right now.

"Xu Changnian? Ready to go." The colleague who had already walked a few steps saw that I hadn't followed, and turned around to remind me.

"Ah, here we come." Suddenly I came back to my senses, I smiled apologetically at my colleague, hurriedly followed with my suitcase, and followed the line through the security checkpoint.

When I got on the plane, after packing up the luggage and fastening the seat belt, my colleague chatted with me one after another: "I thought you wouldn't come. I asked you a few times ago and you said you were thinking about it. Knowing that you suddenly agreed, don't you think it's a pity that you just passed the exam?"

I took out a magazine from behind the seat and flipped through it, and replied with a smile, "It's a pity, but it's a rare opportunity, so I still want to go out and venture out. Besides, it's not like I won't come back, it will still be useful in the future."

The colleague nodded in agreement, talked a few more things about work before putting down the topic, turned his phone to airplane mode, and then went to work with his head down.

"The plane is about to take off soon, and the cabin crew is now conducting a security check. Please sit down, fasten your seat belts, put away the seat back and the tray..."

The flight attendant's voice sounded again, and the stewardesses walking in the corridor also returned to the cabin to sit down one after another.The scenery outside the window began to change. As the plane accelerated, the nose began to rise, and the sense of weightlessness during takeoff gradually deepened.

I turned my phone to silent, leaned on the back of the chair, closed my eyes, and unconsciously clenched the armrests with both hands.In the dark field of vision, the scene of attending Cai Yujing's engagement banquet suddenly appeared, passing by like a horse watching flowers, and finally stopped at the moment when I made up my mind to leave.Cai Yujing slept soundly in front of me, and I finally agreed to the invitation of my boss to go to the overseas branch together to assist in the development of new business.

At the last moment when the plane took off, the screen of the closed mobile phone suddenly lit up. It was a new incoming call, and an all-too-familiar name was written on the call interface: Cai Yujing.

……

"Cai Yujing? Cai Yujing? Why are you in a daze!" Guo Jie spread his five fingers and shook vigorously in front of Cai Yujing's eyes, trying to wake up the wandering protagonist.

Cai Yujing came back to his senses with a cry, "I was in a daze, sorry, what's wrong."

Guo Jie bumped him with his shoulder, winked and said: "What's going on, today is your happy day, why do you look unhappy at all, what are you worried about? Premarital phobia?"

Cai Yujing laughed and cursed a few words, "I'm afraid of your head, is your brother Jing this kind of person? I'm just in a daze, you can talk so much, I've convinced you."

Guo Jie didn't make fun of himself, and he wasn't angry. He saw Lu Chengze passing by with his own eyes, stretched out his long arms to hook him over, and asked Lu Chengze to comment with a smile: "Come on, Xiao Lu, tell me if your brother Jing is broken today?" Put on a face? If I were the bride, I wouldn’t be happy, and I’ll kneel down on two keyboards before going home, right?”

Lu Chengze was a bit cautious in formal occasions, but he was also used to being noisy in the dormitory. If he had something to say, he took a look at Cai Yujing, and said honestly, "I'm a little unhappy looking at it."

Cai Yujing was able to argue with Guo Jie because he knew that Guo Jie was a rough guy, so when Guo Jie said he was unhappy, he just took it as a joke to squeeze him.Now that the honest Lu Chengze said the same thing, he couldn't help touching his face, "Really? Is it obvious?"

Guo Jie curled his lips, "I say you don't believe it, but Xiao Lu says you believe it. What about the trust between people?"

Cai Yujing made a gesture to fight, but Guo Jie dodged nimbly, and ran away in a flash, and there was no one to be found.Cai Yujing had no choice but to withdraw his hand and tidy up his formal clothes.

Lu Chengze looked like he had something to say just now, but since Guo Jie kept silent, now that Guo Jie has run away, he no longer hides it, and asked Cai Yujing straightforwardly: "Brother Changnian?" What? Is he not coming today? I have been looking for him for a long time."

Cai Yujing couldn't answer for a moment, and after a while he rubbed Lu Chengze's head, hummed, and explained absently: "He has something to do, so he probably won't be able to come."

Hearing this, Lu Chengze couldn't believe it: "You're getting married today, why can't brother Changnian come?"

Cai Yujing touched his pocket and wanted to smoke a cigarette, but he held back when he thought of the occasion, so he had to send Lu Chengze away first, "Go to Guo Jie and take a seat first, the meeting will start later, don't run around. I'll call Xu Changnian go."

Lu Chengze nodded obediently and went.

Looking at Lu Chengze's back, Cai Yujing took a deep breath, took out his mobile phone from his suit jacket, and dialed an all-too-familiar number.

……

The flight to country A lasted more than ten hours, and when I woke up, it was only two hours before departure.I rubbed my face to wake myself up. I looked at my colleague next to him, who was also sleeping soundly, so I quietly took out my phone to pass the time.

When the phone screen lit up, five missed calls came into view, and these five calls all came from the same shocking name: Cai Yujing.

Phone calls were not allowed on the plane, so I texted back and explained why I didn't see the phone.It didn't take long to receive a reply to the text message, and Cai Yujing asked, are you leaving today.

I thought about it, probably because the Moments posted before takeoff were seen, it was nothing, it was just a photo of the plane ticket.Open the dialog box, tap the screen lightly and quickly with your fingers, and piece together the complete words.The cold dialogue interface makes it easier to hide your emotions than direct calls.

I replied: Well, the flight is booked in advance by the company.

Cai Yujing: When will you come back?

Me: It’s hard to say, there are too many things, it may take a long time.

Cai Yujing: Are you still coming to my wedding with Yao Shuan?

I looked and looked, a little bit confused about how to reply, and finally just sent an apology: Sorry...

Cai Yujing was also silent for a long time.I think I can understand his feelings. The best friend is alienated for no reason, the engagement banquet is only moved after three invitations and four invitations, and even ran thousands of miles away during the official wedding.I would be heartbroken too.

After waiting for a long time but still not getting Cai Yujing's reply, he must be angry.I apologized repeatedly in my heart, knowing that it would be useless, but I couldn't stop thinking about taking chances.

……

The first call didn't go through, Cai Yujing then made the second and third calls, but they didn't get through without exception.He was a little irritable, so he hid outside and smoked a cigarette, using nicotine to calm his restless emotions.

The smoke that he exhaled was dense in front of his eyes, as if dissipating in the air with all the unhappiness.Cai Yujing smoked several cigarettes before he calmed down, staring at the ashes on the ground again, he was in a daze again, he seemed to know why he was irritable, but he didn't want to know why he was irritable, so he shook his head and scattered the cigarettes outside Wei then returned to the main hall.

Listening to Cai Yujing's words, Lu Chengze went to sit with Guo Jie, and asked Guo Jie the same question again while waiting, but Guo Jie's answer was obviously clearer: "Xu Changnian? Didn't he transfer to country A for work? I’ve been away for a while, so I probably won’t be coming.”

Lu Chengze was surprised: "When? Why don't I know?"

Guo Jie patted his head, "He only posted a Moments before he left, it's normal if you didn't see it. He didn't tell anyone about this before, and Cai Yujing was quite angry at the time."

Lu Chengze still couldn't come back to his senses, "Brother Changnian is not this kind of person, he wouldn't stop coming because of work..."

Guo Jie shrugged, obviously not understanding, "Who knows. So, it's not good to be too workaholic. Hey, Cai Yujing flirted today, isn't he still angry with Xu Changnian?"

Lu Chengze shook his head, "I don't know." After he finished speaking, he hesitated, "I won't see Brother Changnian again..."

Guo Jie scratched his chin, "Yes. Although we haven't gotten together much before, it feels quite different when we go abroad. I don't know if we can have a reunion in the dormitory in the future."

As they talked, both of them became inexplicably melancholy. Of the four people in the dormitory, one is married, one has gone abroad, and the other basically stays in the laboratory.

……

Cai Yujing didn't reply to the message until I got off the plane. I was half apprehensive and half relieved, but soon I didn't have time to think about it. The first day of landing was basically spent on jet lag.

When I woke up the next day, there was an unread text message displayed on my phone alone.

Confused by not sleeping well, I thought it was an advertisement or something, so I opened the lock screen and clicked on it without paying much attention, but there were only four short words that caught my eye: smooth work.

I woke up in a jerk and went to see the sender. Sure enough, it was Cai Yujing.

I looked at these four words repeatedly, thinking of Cai Yujing who was sulking, Cai Yujing who was playing with his temper, and Cai Yujing who finally compromised.

Unknowingly, I sat for a long time with my mobile phone in my hand, the sun was shining brightly outside the window, but I felt like I was in the wasteland, walking in the long dark night, unable to see where I came from, and couldn’t go back.

Jet lag makes the body in an unspeakable exhaustion, and this game with oneself makes the spirit in a state of exhaustion all the time.I typed a line of reply, pressed send, then put down the phone and lay back, sinking into the soft mattress.

……

It was only 10 minutes before the wedding started, Cai Yujing was standing in the background, probably because he had something on his mind, unexpectedly he was not too nervous.Nervously, he took out his mobile phone to look at it from time to time, occasionally flipped through something, and more often just put it back after just looking at it, as if he was waiting for something.

Cai Yujing couldn't help looking at the phone again, and the people around him also looked at him, but they all understood that they were nervous, so they all smiled kindly and didn't bother him.He found a text message from some time ago, which was a question he sent after he knew Xu Changnian had left the country. No amount of anger and disbelief was washed away by time, leaving only boredom and helplessness.

"You too. Happy wedding."

That was Xu Changnian's last message.

They haven't been in touch since then.Oh, except for the few calls he made just now.

Looking at the text message, Cai Yujing felt as if something had been lost somewhere. He wanted to grasp that feeling for no reason, ask what it was, and even wanted to catch it back, but he couldn't.This frustration tormented him for a long time, and made him physically and mentally exhausted.

Through the fabric, something seemed to be vibrating inside the clothes. Cai Yujing regained his spirits, took the phone and walked to a quiet corner, saw Xu Chang read three words on the call, and connected without thinking.

Over there, Xu Changnian's voice came across thousands of rivers and mountains, vaguely but clearly: "Cai Yujing? Can you hear me?"

Cai Yujing calmed down his turbulent mood, and hummed calmly, but the vibrato at the end revealed his inner unrest.

Xu Changnian: "I'm sorry, I was looking at the information just now, and the phone was muted and I didn't notice."

Cai Yujing: "It's okay."

After a brief conversation, both of them fell into an awkward silence. After a while, Cai Yujing suddenly thought of something and changed the subject, asking, "You have a jet lag, what time is it?"

Xu Changnian: "Well, it's night, go take a shower and sleep after making the phone call."

Cai Yujing: "Is the work very hard?"

Xu Changnian: "A little bit, jet lag is not very comfortable."

Cai Yujing: "Then...take care of your health."

Xu Changnian: "Okay."

Cai Yujing: "I won't disturb your rest, go to bed early, good night."

Xu Changnian: "Good night."

After speaking, Cai Yujing hung up the phone.Obviously he didn't want to say this... He wanted to say that today is my wedding, are you really not coming?But after hearing Xu Changnian's answer, he knew the result without asking.

I don't know when, the two closest people became what they are now, from having nothing to say to having nothing to say.

The wedding started, Cai Yujing cheered up, looked at Yao Shuan who was walking towards him, his tense emotions relaxed instantly, all negative emotions were overcome by joy, the smile on the corner of his mouth gradually became sincere, he puffed up his chest, waiting for him bride.

……

Xu Changnian stared at the hung up phone in a daze, the information was true, and it was true that he didn't receive the call, but the moment he heard the noisy voice from the phone, he understood why Cai Yujing called.

The right hand holding the pen unconsciously scribbled on the paper. When Xu Changnian came back to his senses, he realized that he had written a whole page of Cai Yujing, and all the information was wasted.

Rubbing his temples with a headache, Xu Changnian had no choice but to turn on the computer again to find a backup of the original file, and print a copy at the company tomorrow.After finishing his work, looking at the paper with Cai Yujing's name on it, Xu Changnian suddenly couldn't stop laughing, all the hidden emotions collapsed at this moment, and his self-control was completely defeated.

After laughing, Xu Changnian crumpled the paper into a mess and threw it into the wastebasket, got up to wash up and go to sleep.

Tomorrow will be a new, bright day.

The author has something to say:

It's over.