I am him [Comprehensive]

After M finished speaking, she finally turned around and walked forward like a villain who had really played all the scenes.

Arthit stopped where he was, looking at his lonely back, his heart was already tightly clenched because of what he said just now.

M finally expressed his deepest fear, the so-called real knot that even he himself refused to admit.

He said that because he loved Kongpohp so much, he was more afraid of losing, and he said that the past events had worn away his sense of security.

In fact, what he was most afraid of was the self who was so indifferent to his lover back then!

Kongpohp pretended to cheat, but he had already forgiven him. Compared with his illness, what is there to worry about?

Likewise, he also wanted to start over with Kongpohp without any burden.

But every time he faced Kongpohp's affection as always, there seemed to be another voice deep in his heart reminding him all the time how selfish he was in the past.

As M said, at that time, he really did not do the minimum things that a lover should do. At that time, he was used to being looked up by the people around him. Even when Kongpohp met him, She has always loved him wholeheartedly.

He never realized that he also needs to fulfill the responsibilities that a lover should have.

That day, when he opened the door of Kongpohp's room and saw the two people falling together with their upper bodies lying together, his first thought was that he had been betrayed, and even Kongpohp's ugly face was naturally attributed to his guilty conscience. category.

Where did he care about Kongpohp's feelings?My head is full of grievances.

If it were any one person, even if it was because of unwillingness, I am afraid that they would find the other party to quarrel with each other afterwards, ask them clearly, right?

But at that time, he was really too proud, face was more important than the relationship between the two of them, so he waited so stubbornly until both Kongpohp and himself were disheartened.

For more than a year, because of the support of Kongpohp's apology text message, he was even more sure that the other party was sorry for him, so he couldn't help but regard his self-esteem as his only remaining persistence.

But for this poor self-esteem, he neither gave Kongpohp the trust he should have, nor convinced Kongpohp of his sincerity.

Now, the more he understands that Kongpohp is a person who won't give up easily, the more he realizes Kongpohp's strong love for him, the more the fear hidden deep in his heart is raging, as if it could swallow him whole at any time.

Because this also means that Kongpohp must have been terribly disappointed in him at that time, and finally made that decision.

Yeah, what did he pay for Kongpohp?

In the past, he had the audacity to think that as long as he accepted Kongpohp's love, it would be a great gift to him.

Thinking about it now, Arthit wished he could travel back and give that invincible self two punches.

In fact, how could he have the right to blame Kongpohp for refusing to share with him in life and death?

At that time, how did he give Kongpohp a signal that he could stand together through thick and thin? It seemed so natural that kongpohp would choose to stay away from him under the bewitching of people around him.

M's words aroused all Arthit's fear, if this is his purpose, it can be said that this time, he finally won.

But Arthit also realized in an instant that until now, he was still doing the same thing as in the past.

Resisting because of fear, allowing Kongpohp to go on a rampage on this road alone, is it any different from the one who enjoyed the other party's efforts with peace of mind?

"You're wrong, I wouldn't do this." Arthit said suddenly.

M had not gone far, and could hear his words clearly.

He couldn't help but stopped.

Arthit looked at his straight back, and said in a deep but firm voice, "I won't live in this kind of panic for the rest of my life, no matter whether he remembers it or not, I will let him love me alone .”

M clenched his fists violently, and his figure trembled slightly.

But Arthit couldn't care less about observing his appearance at the moment.

He took out his mobile phone, and the latest call in the call list was from Kongpohp, but at that time he just felt impatient and hung up without answering the connection.

But this time, he took the initiative to press the number and dialed the phone.

Kongpohp has always been very quick to answer his calls. Almost as soon as the waiting ringtone rang, his excited voice came from the phone: "Nuannuan! Do you have anything to do with me?"

Arthit really didn't take the initiative to contact him, that's why he was so flattered.

Unexpectedly, such excitement also made Arthit's heart ache.

"Kong, where are you now?" Arthit asked bluntly.

Kongpohp was sensitive to his anomaly: "I'm in the apartment, Nuan Nuan, is something wrong? Where are you? I'll go find you right now!"

"No!" Arthit refused.

"But……"

"Be honest and wait at home, I'll go find you." Arthit finished speaking, and hung up the phone quickly without waiting for Kongpohp's response.

He didn't even have time to pay the slightest attention to M who had been standing aside, and ran towards Kongpohp's residence.

At this moment, Arthit wanted to see that person so urgently that he could only let himself run on the road like a fool.

Passers-by all looked sideways, but Arthit didn't pay attention to their gazes at all.

Now, he only had one thought in his mind, and that was to rush to Kongpohp's side as soon as possible.

If there is no such drastic action, he is even a little afraid that the courage he finally mustered up will disappear again.

He ran desperately all the way, and when he reached the door of Kongpohp's apartment, Arthit was almost out of breath, and even knocked on the door with much less strength.

But it was obvious that Kongpohp had been waiting for him since he put down the phone. As soon as he heard the sound, he immediately came over and opened the door.

"Nuannuan, why are you so tired? What happened?" Seeing him like this, Kongpohp looked anxious again.

His unhesitating concern made Arthit's already full of emotions suddenly even higher.

Even though his breathing was not smooth, Arthit grabbed Kongpohp's collar immediately, pulled him to him, and kissed his lips hard.

Even in the two years that Kongpohp had forgotten, he had never been as enthusiastic and proactive as he was now.

Kongpohp was obviously stunned for a moment, but quickly reacted, hugged him tightly, and held his face with one hand. In a moment, he had turned from passive to active, tightly entangled with his lips and tongue .

The trembling that they hadn't had for a long time swept over every nerve of the two of them again, and they kissed until they were almost out of breath. Arthit finally let him go, looked into his eyes, breathed heavily, and said: "Do you really want to be with me?"

Kongpohp was already confused by his series of anomalies, so he could only look at him and nod foolishly.

Arthit stared at him closely, his mind turned back and forth at this moment.

"Then get back the memories of those two years. Get it back, and I promise you."

"Wow..." There was a small exclamation in the room.

Arthit froze and looked inside, only to find that there were several people standing in Kongpohp's room.

And Ma-plang, who smacked his mouth at the front, was obviously the one who just couldn't help making a sound.

Before the change, Arthit would have been annoyed to death by being seen by his juniors.

But this time, after a moment of stupefaction, his eyes turned to Kongpohp again.

Kongpohp can't even bother to explain to him why there are so many people in the house.

"Together?" Just as he smiled halfway, he realized the full meaning of Arthit's words, and the smile froze stiffly on his face again.

"Then what if he can't think about it?" Ma-plang couldn't help interjecting.

And she clearly asked Kongpohp's concerns.

Arthit looked stubbornly into Kongpohp's eyes.

Under normal circumstances, after experiencing the tragic and direct self-analysis just now, I am afraid that normal people can't wait to change their roles and become the one who wholeheartedly holds the other party in the palm of their hands.

But Arthit looked at the person in front of him, whom he loved with almost all his heart, and there was another ripple in his heart.

This is his lover. In his life, he must be with him well, instead of loving him while being afraid of losing him.

He can change other aspects, but this is the only point that cannot be compromised.

His personality is different from M after all, and he will not allow himself to live in that kind of panic for a lifetime.

And with that kind of mood, he actually doesn't have the ability to give Kongpohp wholeheartedly.

"If you can't remember, then you should always love me unilaterally like this."

"Nuannuan..." Kongpohp murmured aggrievedly.

"The first thing that fascinated me was Kongpohp. I have experienced a lot with him, good and bad, and I have always kept them firmly in my mind. For me, those experiences are our best. Witness. Now you, not him."

Kongpohp pressed his lower lip tightly, and said stubbornly: "It's me! No matter before or now, there is only one person in Kongpohp."

He knew that when he was around Arthit, he would often feel jealous, no matter who it was, as long as he got closer to Arthit, he would feel jealous.

But he didn't expect that this vinegar would eat on his own head one day.

Hearing Arthit talking about his love for the "before" Kongpohp, especially in such a tone of deliberately separating him, Kongpohp seemed to feel that he was really two completely different people from the past, and his heart was sour. .

"Didn't you always want to know what is in my heart?" Arthit looked at him quietly, "I will tell you when you recover your memory. So, if you really love me as you said, just Try to remember the past, when the time comes, I will definitely be with you, and I can't drive you away."

After finishing speaking, Arthit turned around and walked towards the stairs just as decisively as when he came.

Kongpohp rushed out of the door and shouted after him: "I will definitely remember it all! Then you will know that I am no different from before!"

Arthit's footsteps paused: "Whether there is a difference or not, the ending is the same."

Arthit walked forward again quickly.

Several people in the room couldn't help chasing him out.

Ma-plang patted Kongpohp on the shoulder and asked, "Do you want me to give you a hard brick on the head?"

May couldn't help but frowned amusedly: "What are you doing?"

"Isn't it always played like this on TV? With a bang, the memory can be restored." Ma-plang also made an exaggerated movement of hitting bricks.

Although she said it seriously, everyone knew that she was just joking.

But who knows that Kongpohp took it seriously, turned and walked through them, and walked into the room.

Seeing him pawing back and forth in the room, Ward couldn't help asking, "Kong, what are you looking for?"

Kongpohp didn't look up: "Ma-plang is right, maybe you can try it."

When several people heard this, they immediately held him down in a hurry.

"Kongpohp! What are you thinking? I'm just joking!" Ma-plang looked at him helplessly.

Of course Kongpohp also knew that she was just talking casually, but apart from this, he couldn't think of any other effective method.

"What if it's really possible?" He looked a little helpless.

Pair closed his eyes with a headache: "Kongpohp! You've always been smart, don't run around like a headless chicken whenever you encounter something about Senior Arthit!"

"Yeah Kongpohp! It's okay to slap on the head, don't make people stupid if you don't recover your memory!" Ma-plang also hurriedly followed.

Compared to their anxiety, Ward seemed much calmer.

He smiled, and then reminded: "Why do you have to look like you are facing an enemy? Isn't what happened just now a good thing for you?"

Kongpohp froze for a moment, then turned his gaze to him.

"Compared to his ambiguous attitude before, saying his request so clearly means that he is already ready to be with you, right?" Ward spread his hands, "In my opinion , such a proud person like Senior Arthit, suddenly rushing over to have such a long conversation with you must have gone through a fierce struggle, and the result of his struggle is that he wants to be with you?"

"Wow, Ward, you usually don't talk much, but you're already a blockbuster!" Ma-plang clapped his hands in admiration, "The analysis makes sense!"

Under his reminder, Kongpohp's impatience was finally calmed down a bit.

These days, Kongpohp has actually been able to feel the loss hidden in Arthit's heart, and the heart-to-heart talk on Capture the Flag Day further illustrates this point.

Although Arthit wanted to be with him, he was always hindered by that so-called heart knot.

Arthit, who ordered him domineeringly to remember the past, finally had some demeanor capable of getting rid of the pain.

Thinking of this, Kongpohp felt a lot more at ease in the bottom of his heart.

"But isn't the condition that you have to get your memories back a bit too illusory?" May pointed at her fingers in distress, "Kong, do you have any memory of those two years? Do you think it's possible to remember?"

Kongpohp held the gear on his chest with his long fingers, and the blurred scenes between him and Arthit appeared in his mind again.

Now, he finally knew that that person was Arthit, and that vague figure finally had room for his imagination.

But even though he really replaced Arthit's face, he still couldn't remember more.

Kongpohp sighed in disappointment: "In short, it has been like this since I woke up, and there is no progress."

"Don't be discouraged. As Ward said, senior Arthit's attitude is the most important thing. Just now he came up to kiss so domineeringly. Even if he really can't remember, he will compromise sooner or later!" Pair patted him shoulder comfort.

"But there will be regrets in this life." Kongpohp whispered.

"what?"

"If it's true that I can't remember it all the time, it's not just him, but I will also feel very sorry." Kongpohp returned to the room with a dazed gaze, and then unconsciously looked out the window.

"But this kind of thing...even a doctor can't help it?" Pair frowned in distress.

Kongpohp heard it in his ears, and his heart sank again.

Yes, if the doctor had his way, he wouldn't be so distressed.

Ward was the last to enter the door, but walked slowly to Kongpohp's side, and together with him, crossed his chest and looked out of the window: "There is nothing the doctor can do, how could senior Arthit be too harsh on you?"

Probably because the authorities were obsessed, Kongpohp was still confused by what he said.

Ward actually forgave him for his stupidity: "Since he asked you to retrieve your memory, he must help you, right? For example, take you to relive the past, and use some means of reenacting the scene to assist you?"

Not to mention Kongpohp, the eyes of several auditors could not help but shine.

Ma-plang looked at him admiringly: "Ward is definitely a hidden master. If you fancy someone, you won't be able to catch him? The other party has no room for struggle!"

A figure of a person flashed in Ward's mind, and his smile became helpless in an instant: "Don't you know? No matter how powerful a martial arts master is, he has to admit defeat in front of the person he likes."

Ma-plang's smile immediately became ambiguous again: "It seems that there is already someone who let you admit it!"

"Okay, don't worry about this!" Pair interrupted the conversation between them, "In this case, Kong, you can invite Senior Arthit to relive your old dreams this weekend!"

"The important thing is not whether Kongpohp can remember, but, if Senior Arthit experiences the things he misses again, he will surely soften his heart?" The distress on May's face finally subsided, "Although memory is an uncontrollable factors, but as long as you like each other, I don’t think there’s anything you can’t overcome!”

What he said made the little girls very excited, and even Kongpohp looked eager to try.

Unexpectedly, Ward, who first came up with the idea, poured cold water on his mouth: "Have you forgotten the reason why we are gathering here in Kongpohp?"

"How is it possible, isn't it just to prepare things for a weekend trip..." Ma-plang's voice suddenly paused, and his beautiful big eyes blinked several times, "Yes, there is a trip this weekend!"

Several people looked at each other in blank dismay: "Then we can't date?"

May tilted her head and thought for a while, then suddenly had an idea: "Didn't you say that this trip is going to the beach? Wouldn't it be very romantic if it was used for a date? I wonder if Senior Arthit and Kong have any memories of the beach before."

"Don't be afraid even if you don't have it! Such a good opportunity, no matter what, of course you have to take advantage of it, even if you haven't had it before, you can still create new memories! There are not too many romantic things like this anyway!" Ma- Plang waved his hand indifferently.

Kongpohp, who was originally anxious about his future, couldn't help laughing suddenly when he saw the picture of his friends doing their best to make suggestions for him.

"Why are you laughing? Did you really come up with a good idea?" Pair looked at him.

Kongpohp walked to the window and looked at the opposite balcony that was shrouded in the pouring sunlight, his heart that had been fluctuating all this time seemed to gradually become more stable.

"No, just thinking about the way Arthit looked just now makes me very happy." Although Arthit will still show that fierce look to him now, Kongpohp can actually feel that his superficial ferocity seems to be fundamental. Without confidence, Arthit was actually more cautious when facing him during this time.

Probably the reason is just like what he said, fear of losing again.

But in fact, Kongpohp always has an unbearable distress for being so careful with him.

But there was nothing he could do.

Comfort is not omnipotent, if Arthit has been stuck in the corner and refuses to come out, no matter how hard he tries, it won't help.

But judging from just now, Arthit has clearly decided to get out of it.

"Dog abuse..." May pursed her lower lip helplessly, the expression on her face couldn't tell whether it was helplessness or envy.

The corners of Kongpohp's lips curved up again: "Suddenly I am looking forward to the weekend trip more and more."

Rushed from Kongpohp, Arthit's face was already red.

From the beginning to now, this is the first time he has made such a violent move.

I didn't even expect to be seen by those little kids.

He really tried his best to control himself just now, so he didn't run away under everyone's interested gaze.

Turning the corner and making sure that he was out of everyone's sight, Arthit's footsteps involuntarily slowed down.

But he didn't go downstairs directly, but raised his head, and said to the stairs on the upper floor: "Don't hide, I know you're coming."

M, who was hiding on the upper stairs, froze, knowing that there was no point in being silent, so he could only walk down the stairs slowly.

This place is very close to the entrance of Kongpohp, so it is obviously not a place where we can have a good conversation. The two of them went downstairs one after the other without much communication.

M never expected that Arthit would rush to Kongpohp so straightforwardly after listening to his words, such a result was beyond his expectation.

Make him feel more like a clown.

Arthit didn't stop until he reached a remote place, and turned to look at him: "I seem to have let you down again."

M clenched his fists tightly and said nothing.

Arthit narrowed his eyes and covered up the emotions in his eyes: "I'm not you, and I won't stay by his side tremblingly for the rest of my life just because I love him. But you're right, I was originally afraid that he would remember the past You will be disappointed with me later, it should be regarded as your blow to the head today, which made me walk out of this dead end, but I will not say any words of thanks to you."

M took a heavy breath angrily, and looked at him with a bit of contempt in his eyes: "So you still decide to continue to enjoy his sacrifices with peace of mind, right? Isn't it just to make him Have you been chasing you hard all this time? Does trampling other people's minds under your feet make you feel so happy?"

There was a bit of pity in Arthit's eyes: "Even though you have done such excessive things, I never hated you, do you know why?"

The pitiful look in his eyes made M feel like a stick in his throat.

His roar almost seemed to be squeezed out of his throat: "Don't look at me like that!"

Arthit smiled, but didn't turn his eyes away: "It's not that to love someone, you have to put yourself in such a humble position, as if the more you give, the more correct the truth will be. Even if you look down on yourself, the other person doesn't like you. How can you care about your so-called love?"

The impact brought by the word "humble" made M's figure shake uncontrollably.

Yes, in front of Kongpohp, he has always been so humble. From the day he realized that he liked him, he carefully hid his thoughts. Later, he found out that Kongpohp liked such a shining person. The inferiority complex accompanying the shadow almost overwhelmed him.

In fact, he was so jealous of that person, not only jealous of Kongpohp's love for him, but also his arrogance that seemed to be born with him.

"Probably because you saw Kongpohp's kindness to me, you thought of yourself? You think it's very similar to what you did to him, so you can't help but empathize and feel that his dedication to me is wronged and hard? Can't help but fight for him?" Arthit raised an eyebrow at him, but the tone of the question was extremely serious.

M argued angrily: "I didn't!"

"There is no best, because Kongpohp and you have never been the same kind of people." Thinking of his lover, Arthit's expression softened involuntarily.

But his gentleness is so dazzling in M's eyes.

"Kongpohp treats me well not because he thinks I'm superior and needs to look up to me. You know him, he's so good, so why should he look up to anyone? Even I, in fact, can't compare to him." Admit this , it really frustrated Arthit's self-esteem a little bit, he smiled, and then continued, "Although he has forgotten everything in the past, I still remember it clearly, and in those memories, there is you It’s just a few shots. I’m afraid most of your understanding of how we get along comes from your imagination, right?”

M was suffocated, almost unable to say a word when he asked him, but he couldn't help but struggled to speak: "I know Kongpohp..."

"If you really knew him, you wouldn't do that." Arthit interrupted him quickly, without giving him a chance to defend himself, "Tell me that I don't love him enough, and say that it's to prevent him from remembering those sad times In fact, it is just an excuse for your selfishness. You said that you sent me that text message to let me find out about his illness, but if your purpose is really that simple, why? Why don't you just tell me?"

M's face turned pale: "I...don't have that much to say to you."

"Yeah, you are not willing to tell me like this. In your eyes, I am just an outsider who is not qualified to understand his condition. 'I sent this text message to let him know', so self-hypnotized, and then sent me I read that message, but the content of such an ambiguous text message is actually because I was quietly expecting that I would misunderstand, right? You kept accusing me of not letting go of my self-esteem and turning around, but no matter who received such a text message, they would read it again. Seeing my lover hug each other naked, I will misunderstand it? I was wrong for not noticing Kong’s abnormality before then, but if you weren’t fanning the flames, Kongpohp would have told me sooner or later, definitely , and I, this person who stands high in your eyes and will not give anything, will definitely be by his side, and will bravely send him to the operating room no matter how sad he is. Accompany him through the most difficult moments in his life The person who should have been me, you deprived me of the opportunity, and then complained that I didn't love him enough, how can you say such shameless words with peace of mind?"

Arthit is even a little grateful for meeting M now.

Originally, he didn't want to make himself look so preoccupied, and he had to dig up and repeat things that were already in the past, like a shrew who was unreasonable.

But he really said it all, but he found that he was so refreshed in his heart.

"Whether I love him or not, and whether his sacrifice is worth it or not has nothing to do with you. You say you did all this for him, but in fact it's just to deceive yourself, so that your selfishness doesn't look so terrible. If you really think about him, how can you not know what he really wants?"

Arthit moved closer to him, and M was actually forced to take two steps back involuntarily by his whole body.

"You said that you have been living in the panic that he might recover his memory because you also know that the excuses you made are untenable. If he really thinks about the past, the possibility of him forgiving you is very slim. So you Guilty, you are afraid, and you will use all means to drive a wedge between the two of us after entering school." Arthit paused for a while before continuing to speak in a low voice, "But I am different, even if he really treats me in the end. It doesn't matter if you give up, I still want him to remember all of our past. You must have said a lot to him about the things you said to me? I don't want him to think that I really don't know anything about the past. Don't care about him. If he is really, because of my final decision, he is so sad that he can't continue to love me..."

M looked at him nervously with trembling lips.

"I will keep pestering him until he is willing to love me again. I also have a deep attachment to him, you may not know..." Arthit lowered his eyelids, suppressing the emotion in his eyes, "Because I thought He is really with you, I was even jealous and wanted to kill you."

Arthit raised his eyes abruptly, the hostility in it made M's heart skip another beat, and then it started beating wildly.

"Kill you, maybe he can belong to me again? I know it's a stupid idea, but when I meditate in the middle of the night and I can't sleep, I seriously imagined the possibility of implementing it." The hostility in Arthit's eyes was nothing but It just passed by in a flash, and was soon replaced by bitterness, as if the moment just came from M's illusion.

Perhaps it was because he knew that the threat from M was actually just a misunderstanding, and he was able to speak out about the embarrassment he had been in.

Now, he seems to have only mentioned a past that makes people laugh and cry, but his smile is a bit bitter: "Despair and jealousy really make people very scary, because I am afraid of that terrible self, so I want to stay away from you all the time." Far. If the poor expression at the beginning was really a serious mistake, then I have already been punished, right?"

"In the future, we will be together well, and I will make him happy for a lifetime."

Arthit's last sentence, I don't know whether it is a demonstration or a declaration.

In short, after saying this sentence, he finally relaxed a lot.

The despair, confusion, loss and fear in the past are nothing compared to the matter of "spending a lifetime with Kongpohp".

This time, Arthit finally walked away from M quickly.

M looked at his back, and felt that the other party seemed to have walked into another world completely different from him.

"So I'm more selfish than you?" M smiled wryly, and slowly raised his palm to cover his face.

There seemed to be faint tears flickering between his fingers.

He had pretended to be lost many times in order to portray Arthit as a vicious instructor.

So many times, there was always someone by his side to comfort him.

And when he was really crying, he didn't have a friend by his side.

Probably, from the moment he decided to be a bad guy, he was already doomed to end up like this.

Arthit was right.

At that time, he really imagined that he could steal other people's love just like that, and occupy Kongpohp's life.

But it turns out that there is such a thing as fate in this world.

The person he tried so hard to keep, never really stayed by his side.

In a blink of an eye, the time has come to the weekend.

For the first-year students of the School of Engineering, today is a good day. After all, there is only one such group trip in the four years of university. It is a rare opportunity.

In order to strive for more time to play, everyone's gathering time was set very early.

Kongpohp was particularly active in this matter, unexpectedly arriving earlier than the sophomore seniors in charge of logistics services, his star-studded eyes were always full of excitement.

"Hey, Kong! You came so early!" Tiw patted him from behind, and quickly walked to the front. When he saw the rice ball and pink frozen milk in his hand, he salivated again, "Why?