I am him [Comprehensive]

During this period of time, probably in the eyes of others, Arthit and Kongpohp have already reconciled, and everything is fine.

Arthit never thought of explaining either.

But when he looked into Not's eyes, he understood that, like every time before, his own affairs could not be hidden from the other party's carefulness.

He smiled and sighed, and complained in a low voice: "Can't you pretend that you didn't notice anything?"

It would be embarrassing for someone to expose this seemingly happy appearance in person.

But fortunately, this person is Not. In front of him, Arthit has not known how to write the word "face" for a long time.

This time, Not uncharacteristically didn't ask questions, but nodded understandingly: "Then you go and sign first, I'll inform my juniors about the trip this weekend."

To change from the past, Not out of concern for him, will definitely persuasion and questioning further.

But now he has just broken up in love, his heart is riddled with holes, and it is only natural that he reacts abnormally.

But Arthit felt uncomfortable with his abnormality.

"Wait, Not." Arthit called out to him suddenly.

Not stopped and looked back at him suspiciously.

Arthit pursed his lower lip, and bent the corners of his mouth at him, but that expression seemed more appropriate to be called loss than a smile: "Walk with me, like before."

Not heart moved.

For such Arthit, how could he have the thought of rejecting it.

Even though he knew that Arthit just regarded him as a friend who could talk about his thoughts.

He nodded and raised his chin to Arthit, "Let's go?"

Arthit is actually a person who is used to suppressing everything in his heart, but when these things accumulate to a certain extent, some unspeakable irritability will still arise.

In the past, his friends made troubles around him all day long, and he could always find ways to relieve his worries, but now, Kongpohp wished to be around him 24 hours a day, and he didn’t want to show jokes to his friends, so the time spent with them also greatly reduced.Moreover, the training has ended recently, and his spare time is almost all taken up by Kongpohp, and he can't remember how long it has been since he has been quietly staying with his friends like this.

Not walked quietly with him for a long time before asking again: "Are you tired recently? Seeing that you are always distracted in class."

Although he already knew that there was no possibility between himself and Arthit, how could he take back the heart he had given up.

Now Not still can't control his gaze, as long as they are together, they will involuntarily drift towards Arthit's direction, and of course they will see his abnormality in his eyes.

Arthit smiled and shook his head at him: "Sometimes I feel that you are really more careful than girls, as if you can't hide anything from you."

Not also smiled, but Arthit didn't notice the bitterness in that smile.

And only to you.

This sentence, Not can only hide in the heart.

"Are you complimenting me or hurting me?" He gave Arthit a blank look.

Arthit raised his hand and pointed to a light tube in the corridor: "I swear to it, it's definitely a compliment to you."

Not looked up and frowned: "A light tube that didn't even turn on?"

Arthit laughed out loud, and the smile finally became brighter and brighter.

Not looked at this long-awaited smile, couldn't help being stunned for a moment, and then said in a low voice: "You should smile like this every day, I thought Kongpohp could do it." That's why I handed you over to him with confidence.

He quietly suppressed the latter sentence in his heart.

Arthit was also stunned for a moment, and the brilliance on his face disappeared unconsciously.

Seeing the worry on Not's face, he bent his mouth again: "It's not that serious, staying with him is actually a happy time most of the time."

"Why are you unhappy for those few hours?" Not's words hit the nail on the head.

Arthit shook his head, was silent for a while, and then said in a low voice: "It's because of fear."

These things are always difficult to say in front of Kongpohp, but it is easier for him to confide in front of his friends.

"fear?"

"Yes, fear. Although he is by my side now, as if he will never leave, but the constant dull pain in the past year seems to have never disappeared from the bottom of my heart, as if reminding me Me, no matter how beautiful the dream is, I may wake up one day." Kongpohp smiled wryly, as if even he felt that he was too worrying, "I used to think that we would never be separated, but the word forever is too illusory , I don’t know how to trust it again.”

Looking at Arthit like this, Not couldn't help feeling a little distressed.

If he could be a little more stupid and selfish, he might not be able to help but make up his mind to snatch Arthit back from Kongpohp.

It's a pity that the situation in front of him made him more clear, whether it was the constant dull pain, or the happiness that could not be concealed even in pain, only that person could give him.

He sighed before opening his mouth: "Arthit, actually, you can try not to view love so ideally."

Arthit looked at him with some doubts and bewilderment in his expression.

Not continued: "Every one of us is just an ordinary person. You are, and so is kongpohp. You will be timid and evasive, and you can't stay brave in love. This is normal. But in such pain, every Individuals will grow, and we must try to give each other a chance after we grow up. Love that has been tempered may have a toughness that we never had before. Because you have all tasted how painful it is to lose."

And he himself didn't even own it, so he lost it like this. He didn't expect that there was leisure and leisure here to create opportunities for his rival.

Not shook his head amusedly, and then continued: "Have you ever thought that for such a long time, if the person beside you is not him, would that kind of pain be more severe than your current dull pain?"

The possibility that Not mentioned made Arthit's heart beat hard.

The answer is almost indisputable.

He only thought that he couldn't completely forget the past when he was with Kongpohp, but he didn't dare to think about how sad he would be if he really missed him.

Perhaps as Not said, in love, everyone will be timid and weak. The ridiculous thing is that until now, he still hasn't learned the rampant bravery like Kongpohp, and is even a little more cowardly than before.

That separation made him understand that his love for Kongpohp was deeper than he imagined.

And this kind of discovery will make people unconsciously more afraid of losing.

Not could easily see his loss and panic.

If Arthit wasn't ready himself, it would be useless for him to say more.

He sighed, reached out to pat Arthit on the shoulder, and said comfortingly: "Okay, don't think too much about it, maybe you just need time, anyway, you still have our group of...friends here."

Yes, they are friends, and only friends.

The boundless fantasies that he once raised were shattered in his heart silently.

Couldn't even find anyone to witness it.

Arthit reached out to hug him, and patted him on the back gratefully: "Thank you, buddy."

Although he hadn't been able to muster up the courage yet, having a few words of comfort from a friend beside him always made him feel like he had gained a lot of strength in an instant.

Moreover, Arthit finally determined that he was actually more afraid of missing out with Kongpohp than losing it after having it.

Even now he is still confused and can't find the way forward, but he seems to be able to see a lighthouse shining at the end.

One way or another, one can always feel one's way to that place.

"I'm much better, so I went to the teacher to sign it." Arthit raised the document in his hand, and the pace of leaving seemed much lighter than before.

Not looked at his back, unable to look back for a long time.

His arms were still half open, maintaining the posture of embracing Arthit just now, and after a long time, he smiled bitterly.

It's probably pretty good that his love can end in such a hug.

It's good to be happy with each other, but if you understand that the other person's happiness is impossible for you, then it may be the best choice to let go.

At least, he can still be his lifelong friend.

Be a buddy that he can hug at any time without any defense.

But for some reason, he still couldn't help but feel some soreness in his chest.

Not sighed for a long time, and then his body froze again.

He frowned, turned around and walked to the turning not far behind him, and stood aside with his arms crossed: "Come out by yourself, don't let me do it again."

Behind the wall, a hand was quickly stretched out, followed by a face with a slightly embarrassed smile, and finally, the whole person slowly moved out from behind the wall.

"Senior Not, I'm sorry, I didn't sneak a peek on purpose, but I came here just now and saw Senior Arthit hugging you and saying those thank you words, such a sensational scene, I always feel... It's not good to interrupt." The person who came was Tiw .

Not's face was cold, but he couldn't help feeling annoyed.

Since he had already come over when Arthit hugged him, it meant that he must have seen the silly nostalgia just now.

He frowned. He was always at ease with everything, but he felt at a loss when it came to this kind of problem.

"You..." He started, but didn't know how to continue.

Fortunately, Tiw has always been smart. Seeing his hesitation, he immediately said empathetically, "Don't worry, Senior Not, I won't tell anyone that you like Senior Arthit, especially Kongpohp."

Not: "..."

This consolation will really stir people's hearts.

Only then did Tiw realize that what he said was a bit inappropriate.

He smiled flatteringly: "I mean, I will definitely keep it secret for you."

As he said that, Tiw patted him on the shoulder again: "Isn't it just a broken relationship? It's no big deal! I've already tasted this kind of feeling..."

Seeing Not's eyes fall on his hand on his shoulder, Tiw's voice couldn't help trembling, and he took his hand back in embarrassment as he said: "I've tasted it many times...it's not a big deal, it's just a drink Son."

Not glanced at him lightly, then raised his legs and walked forward.

Tiw quickly followed up: "Senior Not, are you okay?"

"It's okay." Not's voice was indifferent.

"But I'm still not at ease, why don't I accompany you to drink?" Tiw scratched his head, but in the end he could only think of such a tacky idea.

Not replied without looking back: "No, thank you."

"But how uncomfortable it is not to vent about this kind of thing! No matter what the senior says when he is drunk, I will keep it secret, I promise!"

Not was still unmoved: "My wine tastes very good, I won't get drunk, thank you for your trouble."

"Is the wine good?" Tiw stopped, blinked in distress, and hurriedly followed, "Then you will feel better after drinking...or sleep when you're drunk?"

Seeing Not ignoring himself all the time, Tiw seemed to give up at last, and stopped helplessly.

Unexpectedly, Not stopped not far ahead, turned around, and raised his chin to beckon to him.

Tiw pointed to himself: "Is the senior calling me again?"

Not looked at him expressionlessly: "Didn't you say you were going to drink?"

"I thought you didn't want to...Okay, go, go, right away! Is the senior going to have no class after the end?...Okay, I will shut up, promise to talk less, and just drink with the senior to relieve boredom..."

After a long time.

Someone at the wine table was already drunk, pulled the people around him, and cried until his nose burst into tears: "I was just dumped like that... woo woo woo! Why do you say? Why! What is the reason for that person? Where is it better than me? Huh huh..."

The person sitting next to him gritted his teeth helplessly: "Tiw! If you get drunk again, I'll throw you here!"

Unexpectedly, the person who got drunk and went crazy in the end was actually this person who vowed to accompany others to relieve boredom.

Hearing his own name, the sobbing Tiw raised his face, and finally stopped: "Senior, you don't understand, the love when you were young is really, hiccup...it really hurts. No relationships at all! Hiccup—nor in high school!"

Seeing the frequent gazes of people around, Not could only choose to reach out and cover his forehead.

He was so out of his mind that he believed his nonsense!

This kind of person who goes crazy when drunk, he will definitely remember the lesson in the future, and will never get closer!

Time pulled back to a few hours ago.

After parting with Not, Arthit didn't have time to think too much.

There was only one day left before the weekend trip, and their preparations were almost done. The end of the last class of the school was coming, and he had to take the materials to the teacher to sign before he got off work.

It was class time now, and there were not many people in the office area of ​​the School of Engineering, which looked deserted.

Arthit was preoccupied, trying to adjust his emotions along the way, and before entering the office, he finally recovered the relaxed expression he should have.

knock knock --

Arthit knocked on the door politely.

The deep voice of the director of the teaching office came out through the door: "Please come in."

Arthit opened the door, bowed his head and saluted him: "Teacher, I'll bring you the documents for the weekend trip..."

When he looked up and saw another person standing in front of the teacher's desk, Arthit unconsciously silenced the rest of his words, staring blankly at the person who he thought he would never see again.

"M, since you have completed all the procedures, go back first." The teacher's words broke the silence between them.

Their affairs caused a lot of trouble in the city, and of course it was impossible for the teacher to not know about it.

It's just that he doesn't want to intervene in this kind of matter that is mixed with the feelings of the students.

The person facing Arthit now is none other than M.

Compared with when we parted, he was visibly thinner. It seemed that he was not having a good time these days.

M clasped his hands together, saluted the teacher respectfully, then walked out, passing Arthit, the temperature around them seemed to drop to freezing point at this moment.

"Arthit, Arthit?" The teacher's voice woke up Arthit who was distracted.

"Teacher." He hurried over.

"Didn't you say you need to sign? Bring the documents." For such a big event as a group trip, in normal times, the dedicated and responsible director of the teaching department would have to hold him for ten minutes before letting him go, but today, Witnessing the cold eyes of this pair of rivals in love, he didn't bother to teach others now, so he simply signed and stamped and let Arthit out.

Therefore, misfortunes come and blessings depend on them. If you are unlucky in one thing, God will always make it up for you in another.

However, Arthit, who was not in a good mood originally, still felt a little depressed because of this encounter.

For M, he can't say he hates it.

Even when he didn't know that this incident was directed and acted by M himself, what he felt more about M was nothing more than jealousy.

Up to now, the jealousy is gone, and there is only a little confusion and a loss in my heart.

It is not so easy to talk about hate, and it is not so easy to say forgiveness. It is like a stranger who suddenly played an important role in his life. When he said to leave, he left just like that. He turned a corner, but felt that it was a waste of emotion to really regard him as some important opponent.

Better just forget it.

But obviously M didn't think so. As soon as he reached the stairs in the office area, Arthit saw M leaning on the railing, looking into the distance quietly through the window, wondering what he was thinking.

But since he waited here on purpose, it must be to wait for him to come out.

Hearing his footsteps, M's eyes slowly turned back and looked at him.

No longer having to play the role of the bullied little sheep in front of other people, M's eyes look much colder than before, as if without a trace of emotion.

Such an undisguised him made Arthit feel a little less disgusted.

"I wanted to talk to you several times before, but you refused. How about it? Do you have time now?"

Arthit looked at him silently, not knowing what kind of medicine he was selling in his gourd.

When he first entered school, M always tried every means to find him behind Kongpohp's back, but at that time, he didn't want to have anything to do with the two of them, and he didn't want to see the pride that is unique to a winner in this person's eyes, so Every time he refused without hesitation.

Thinking back now, I'm afraid that at that time M came to him in order to hide Kongpohp's amnesia as much as possible.

But now that everything has been revealed, Arthit really can't guess what else he can talk to himself about.

If it was a few days ago, Arthit might have walked away without hesitation.

Because their relationship was always a thorn in his heart until Kongpohp explained it to him, and Arthit knew that he would not be able to face another person Kongpohp liked calmly.

And how could he allow himself to show timidity in front of M?

But now, he seems to have no such worries.

Arthit's eyes flicked over M's body lightly, then directly over him, ready to go downstairs.

M's face suddenly disappeared from the indifference just now: "Arthit!"

Arthit looked at him and grabbed his hand: "You don't want to talk here, do you?"

This floor is the office area of ​​the School of Engineering. If you yell at the stairs, the teachers on the whole floor can hear it clearly.

M froze for a moment, and let go of his hand.

Arthit continued to take steps: "I'm going back to my residence, so you should go too, right? Time is precious, I don't want to waste it, so why not talk while walking."

Arthit has always had a poisonous mouth, but he would not show mercy just because the other party described him as thin.

M really hated him for his appearance, and hurried to catch up, with a voice that seemed to come out of his throat: "Aren't you happy to see me running away in such a mess?"

M was still holding the folder of his school suspension procedures in his hand, Arthit naturally knew what he meant by running away.

If it wasn't for accompanying the sick Kongpohp, M should have entered the university as early as last year.

But now not only is it a year late, but he also has to suspend school. According to his popularity in this school, the suspension is probably only temporary. Maybe he will go to another school next year and start all over again.

At this best age, it was so abruptly delayed for two years, and in the end I couldn't grasp anything.

That being said, he also seems to be a poor man.

But Arthit couldn't feel sympathy for him at all.

I don't know if it's because he's too stingy.

Seeing that Arthit didn't say a word, M's eyes filled with sullenness again.

"You know? What I hate the most is that you take advantage of everything and still act like you have nothing to do with the world!"

M's tone was extremely depressing. I don't know how long this sentence has been held back in his heart.

Arthit turned his head and glanced at him: "It's really a must-have line before the villain cannon fodder in TV dramas exits. I'm sorry that I hurt you with my superiority, but I really didn't mean it. After all, before Kongpohp got sick, I didn't even think about it." Noticing your presence."

Arthit said this lightly, but in fact it was somewhat deliberate.

How could he really fail to notice?

At that time, although he didn't care about anything on the surface, he still remembered everything about Kongpohp clearly.

After Kongpohp said that M was his best buddy, he even had some kind of flattery towards this man in his heart.

It's just that he really didn't know how to show that flattery, and he didn't expect to save face for himself unintentionally.

And his words obviously hit M's sore spot again.

He clenched his fists tightly, and even stepped a little harder than before: "Don't treat me like a defeated opponent! I lost, but I didn't lose to you, but I lost to Kong."

Hearing that he was still calling Kongpohp's nickname, Arthit felt a little uncomfortable, but of course he would not be so stupid as to show it in front of him, with his chin still raised high, striding forward.

"Really? I never thought of comparing myself with you. I'm sorry if I caused you this illusion."

This reckless appearance completely irritated M, and his voice suddenly rose a lot: "Isn't it because he loves you so much? Whether it was before or now, it's all because of him." Just one person! What about you? Do you really love him?"

Arthit's footsteps paused, but the expression on his face remained unchanged: "The answer to this question, I think, I just need to tell him alone. What does it matter to you whether I love him or not?"

M sneered: "I think you can't say it? In this relationship, apart from this high-ranking attitude, what else have you shown? Have you paid anything for Kongpohp? At the beginning, I just saw such an ambiguous You just left without looking back, because you are used to it, you are used to him wagging his tail like a puppy all day long to please you."

Even now, Arthit still doesn't want to think about it anymore, M's words finally made his heart tingle.

He narrowed his eyes, and finally stopped: "If I remember correctly, you seemed to be the one who misunderstood me at the time. Do you think you have the right to accuse me here?"

"It's me? That's right...it's me." M smiled mockingly, "Of course, how could our proud senior Arthit be wrong? No matter what happens, it can only be someone else's responsibility. That's right, wrong I was the one who did it, and I really didn't expect it to be so easy to be a bad person."

Arthit was confused by his gibberish.

It's not time for get out of class to end yet, and there aren't many people on the small roads on campus, but with the popularity of the two of them, coupled with this confrontational posture, it has clearly attracted the attention of the few people.

Arthit turned his head to look around, and took another step forward: "If you waited for me just to argue about who is right and who is wrong, I'm sorry, I'm not interested."

"I think you have a guilty conscience?" M said bluntly, as if trying to provoke him.

Arthit took a deep breath and turned to look at him: "Why do I feel guilty about you? The matter between me and Kongpohp has nothing to do with you, an outsider? Push me out of his life under the guise of caring about him In addition, put all the faults on me, and then you can stay with him with peace of mind, right? I really admire you, such a selfish thing can turn black and white to create a great illusion of self-sacrifice , maybe I still live in this kind of self-impression and refuse to come out... I feel really sad for you. Even if I am wrong, it is Kongpohp who is sorry, and it has nothing to do with you, because, compared to me, you treat him In other words, it is the outsider."

Although Arthit has always looked indifferent and resisting along the way, he is not a mean person after all, and what he said is at most just showing his unwillingness to talk in depth.

But these words were uncharacteristically, every sentence that was uttered was like a sharp knife that could hurt people, and the knife pierced M's heart.

M has always claimed to be intimate with Kongpohp. For him, Arthit is the outsider who stole Kongpohp.

But Arthit's words broke even his last bit of persistence.

He clenched his fist so tightly that his nails almost sank into his flesh.

But he didn't feel any pain at all.

Unexpectedly, after a few seconds, he suddenly smiled at Arthit: "Didn't you always disdain to argue with me? Now you have been stabbed where it hurts? In fact, you also know that when you told Kongpohp , did not do anything worthy of his love for you."

Arthit's eyes flashed, but he didn't say a word.

"Why didn't he dare to tell you after he got sick? Have you really never thought about it? Or do you really think that he listened to me so much, and if I told him not to say it, he really didn't say it?" M laughed sarcastically again smiled.

Arthit looked at him coldly, and even his voice was equally indifferent: "Whatever you want to say, just say it directly, there is no need to keep it a secret."

M nodded in comprehension: "I almost forgot, anyway, your heart is harder than steel, so of course I can't hurt you no matter what I say."

Arthit naturally didn't even reply to such pointless nonsense.

Seeing his calm appearance, M couldn't help feeling a surge of hatred in his heart, and the next words almost blurted out: "Do you still remember the text message I sent you back then?"

As soon as this sentence came out, even M himself couldn't help being stunned.

Obviously, if he hadn't been forced to a certain extent, he didn't want to say these words at all.

But for him now, his sanity is seriously lacking.

Of course Arthit remembered that that weekend, Kongpohp told him that he could not come to him for "tutoring" because of something, but M used a text message to lure him to Kongpohp's residence at that time, and then the two staged a scene that made him spend a whole day. Years are unwilling to add more memories of the drama.

But listening to M's tone, is there something else hidden in this matter?

Seeing that he was silent, M sneered again: "Really, I didn't want to say this kind of words like whitewashing myself. Believe it or not, my original intention of sending that text message was just to Let you catch him sick, that's all."

Arthit's heart skipped a beat.

This kind of words may be heard by others, and M may be thought to be sophistry, but Arthit clearly knows that he is not Kongpohp, and there is no need for M to lie in front of him.

"You probably never thought that he would be afraid and get hurt, and you didn't even give him the confidence to go to you to seek warmth after being hurt. He didn't dare to tell you, saying that he was... afraid that if he Paralyzed, if you die on the operating table, I can no longer take care of you. In fact, I know he is more afraid of you pushing him away."

Every word he slammed into Arthit's ears clearly, making him a little dazed.

"But I know better that the person he wants to rely on the most is you. Well, he dare not say it, let me do it, I will help him say it! At that time, I didn't care about my little thoughts at all, do you understand? I love He is dying! How the hell do I care whether he loves me or not! I just want to give him some confidence to live so that he can get through this well! But what about you? You What did you do again?"

M finally couldn't control his emotions, and stared at him firmly: "I'm very angry to see him hugging me in a disheveled way, right?"

He smiled mockingly again: "Of course, because you only have yourself in your eyes. Seeing this situation, you can only think that you are the one who was betrayed. But even if you care a little bit about him, you can see How ugly his face was when he came out, his lips were all white, and there was even the smell of his vomit in the room, couldn't you smell it? Of course you couldn't smell it, what is more important than your superior posture What is important? Even if he is already sick and dying, he should coax you well before lying on the hospital bed, otherwise how can he show how important you are?"

M's tears flowed out at some point, coupled with his vicious eyes, it looked a little funny.

But in this funnyness, there is a bitterness that makes people so powerless.

Arthit's expression finally changed, looking pale at M's tears.

He tried hard to recall the situation that day, but for more than a year, he has always regarded that scene as evidence of catching rape in bed, and every time he thinks of it, it seems that a layer of ambiguous tulle is cast on the picture , up to now, the real picture in his memory has already been covered up by layers of tulle beyond recognition.

He only remembered that the clothes he bought with Kongpohp were thrown at the foot of the bed, but he didn't remember what kind of marks were left on the clothes.

After such a long time, those details were already so unfamiliar to him.

M smiled wryly, and continued: "But even so, he has been imagining that you can go back to him, and when he falls asleep, he calls your name in dreams... But he didn't wait for anything, oh no, he Wait, that internet celebrity Gant who likes you went to fight him on purpose."

Arthit shuddered, he really didn't know anything about it.

After breaking up with Kongpohp, he didn't even meet Gant.

"If he hadn't completely given up on you, how could he listen to my advice and send you such an apology message? At that time, he was afraid that he would die, but he was even more afraid that you would abandon him before he died, so That gave me a bad guy a chance. Yes, I finally decided to be a bad guy because I couldn’t find a reason to give him back to you. I’m a bad guy, what about you? What has he done? Did I pay as much? He can’t remember those memories that made him sad and disappointed. It’s a good thing for him. Why should I mention that to him after he has forgotten it? It’s not worthy of his love at all. people?"

M smiled again, this time, his tears couldn't be stopped, making him look like a lunatic in a panic.

"But I still lost, because he is an idiot, even more idiotic than I thought, so stupid that he was hopelessly stupid! After he had to enter this school no matter what, and entered this engineering college that he didn't like at all, I knew that this day would come sooner or later. Are you proud? Even if he forgot all those two years, he still insisted on coming to you subconsciously, and he would still be the same as before, at the first sight of you , you hooked your soul away. And you still don’t have to pay anything, as long as you enjoy his pursuit, you can be happy. This world is so unfair to those you love more.”

These words of M are almost another truth that Arthit has not touched at all, but it seems to express his deepest fear hidden in his heart.

Arthit still tried his best to straighten his back, but his slightly trembling body still betrayed his mood at the moment.

Of course M saw his gaffe.

He didn't care to wipe away his tears, so he smiled at Arthit: "So you will feel guilty too? I thought that senior Arthit, who has always been praised on the altar, would never have such emotions .”