Solitary

In order to liven up the atmosphere, He Annian took the initiative to bring up interesting things about the Chinese New Year in previous years, which he has said many times.But every time it is mentioned, it can arouse the interest of Sun Xiang and He Xiatian.

When people get old, they like to recall the past, especially during special festivals like Chinese New Year.It's a pity that there aren't many interesting stories related to He Jiqing.

The host on TV began to celebrate the New Year, He Xiatian got up and went to the kitchen to cook dumplings, and there were three mother and child left at the dinner table.

One person is missing, and the topic is broken.He Annian and Sun Xiang looked at the TV at the same time, while He Jiqing sat aside, drinking in silence.

Sun Xiang pretended to have no intention of asking: "Annian said you redecorated your home?"

"Well, I did it casually." He Jiqing turned the red wine glass on the table.

"Spent a lot of money?" Sun Xiang didn't know what to say.

He curled his lips and smiled: "It's okay."

"Actually, it was pretty good before. Didn't you find a designer to do it?" Sun Xiang sighed.

He Jiqing sipped the red wine, smiled and didn't answer.

The Spring Festival Gala is performing a skit, using last year's Internet buzzwords, and He Annian hates it: "Look, brother, I already knew they would use it, it's too embarrassing!"

He Jiqing shook the wine glass.

"Ms. Li said the other day that there was a girl who also graduated from Nantah University. She also went to the United States to study for a few years, and now she has returned to Nanjing. She knows you!" Sun Xiang couldn't help but mention it.

"Blind date?" He Jiqing was straightforward.

Old Sun Xiang blushed: "It's just a meeting, the girl has that meaning, she is quite pretty, and she seems to have a good temper."

He Jiqing raised one eyebrow: "I have no idea for the time being, what are you giving to An Nian?"

He Annian hurriedly waved his hands: "No, no, people don't like me."

"Show it to the girl. She doesn't like An Nian. She said she read your book and liked it very much." Sun Xiang looked at He Jiqing's expression and continued.

"Well, when my new book comes out, you can give her a copy as a reward for fans." He Jiqing put down his red wine glass and took out a cigarette.

He Annian glanced at him, and he handed him the cigarette case: "Do you want one?"

He Annian shook his head, "You smoke less."

He Jiqing flicked on the lighter, a flame burst out, he lowered his head and approached the flame with a cigarette in his mouth.

"Ji Qing, since you have already broken up with Xiao Lin, why don't you consider this girl?" Sun Xiang continued to probe.

"If it's a man, I can think about it!" He Jiqing leaned back in his chair, breathing out smoke and looking at Sun Xiang opposite.

Sun Xiang was stunned.He Jiqing sneered, and He Anian peeped at him.

"You still can't forget Xiao Lin?" Sun Xiang sighed.

He Jiqing smiled sarcastically: "How could it be? Didn't you say that we can't last long without him having a showdown with the family? If you can't last long, why do you keep remembering it?"

Sun Xiang fell silent, and He Annian whispered, "Brother—"

He Jiqing didn't seem to hear, and continued: "I'm not interested in women, I only like men. I'm a homosexual through and through, you need to know."

He raised his eyebrows at Sun Xiang, laughing wildly.The cigarette in his hand was almost burnt to the end, he took a last puff, squeezed the cigarette butt and pressed it out in the ashtray.

He Annian saw that the veins on the back of his hand that pressed the cigarette were popping out, and the situation was not good, so he called Sun Xiang softly: "Mom—"

He Jiqing narrowed his eyes.Sun Xiang on the opposite side huddled in his chair, "Ji Qing, you know, I have no other intentions!"

"Then what do you mean?" He Jiqing said coldly.

"I just want you and An Nian to have a good life." Sun Xiang looked at him worriedly.

"Then you can ask Mr. Li if there is any better boy you can introduce to me?" He Jiqing smiled.

"Brother—" He Annian called him sadly.

"If there are any around you, you can introduce them to me!" He Jiqing smiled evilly at him.

He Annian took a deep breath, opened his mouth to say something, paused for a long while, and held back abruptly.He Jiqing saw the veins on his forehead protruding from patience.

Sun Xiang got up and smiled dryly: "Let me see if your daddy's dumplings are cooked?"

Today's He Jiqing is very strange, she actually feels scared.

He Jiqing watched her flee into the kitchen in a hurry.

In fact, He Xiatian's dumplings had already been cooked, and he just wanted to bring them out, but after hearing the conversation outside, he shrank back, and He Jiqing saw his shrunken figure.There is a glass door at the entrance of the kitchen. When the lights in the room are turned on, everything in the kitchen can be clearly illuminated.

"Brother, what's wrong with you?" He Annian looked at him puzzled.

"What do you think is wrong with me?" He Jiqing asked coldly.

"Today is Chinese New Year—" He Annian glanced at the TV.

The sound of music is cheerful and lively, and the pictures are colorful.A group of child dancers are dancing happily with exaggerated expressions to celebrate the arrival of the New Year.

He Jiqing smiled lightly: "So what about Chinese New Year?"

"Be happy, won't you?" He Annian begged him.

"Not good!" He Jiqing replied coldly.

He Annian bit his lower lip and stared at him, while He Jiqing smiled coldly with the corners of his mouth curled up.

"I'm going to serve the dumplings!" He clenched his fists, got up and went into the kitchen.

He Jiqing laughed wantonly, together with the lively music on the TV.He had had enough, his false kinsmen!

He picked up the red wine bottle on the table and slammed it to the ground.Half a bottle of light red wine was splashed everywhere along with the shards of glass.He looked at the glass door of the kitchen door provocatively. Three people stood at the door of the kitchen, but no one stood up!The three shadows on the glass door all stood up straight.

He overturned the entire table, and everything on the table fell to the ground, soup, leftovers, broken bowls...

He Annian rushed out and shouted: "Brother, you are enough!"

He Jiqing looked at him and laughed wildly: "Someone finally came out!"

"What on earth do you want? Why are you doing this?" He Annian looked at the overturned table, the mess all over the floor, with puzzled anger on his face.

He Jiqing pointed at the door of the kitchen and almost growled: "Why are you still hiding? I overturned the table and smashed everything! Do you still want to hide?"

He picked up the stool and smashed it at the TV.He Annian stepped forward to stop him: "Stop!"

The stool hit the wall above the TV and fell, knocking over the display screen.Tens of thousands of high-definition TV screens were broken, the lively Spring Festival Gala was gone, and the whole room was instantly quiet!

He Xiatian finally came out and stood at the door of the kitchen with a sad face, looking at him from a distance.

He Jiqing kicked over a chair.

He Annian yelled: "Are you finished!"

He Jiqing kicked down another huge blue and white porcelain vase, and the vase fell to the ground and broke into three pieces.

He shouted at He Xiatian: "What am I to you?"

"You are our child." He Xiatian choked up.

"Really?" He Jiqing asked coldly.

He Xiatian was forced to take half a step back by his gaze, and Sun Xiang in the kitchen sat paralyzed on the ground, looking at him helplessly.

"He Jiqing, you are enough!" He Anian glared at him angrily.

He Jiqing sneered: "Enough? What do you mean enough?"

He pointed at He Xiatian: "You said I was your child, didn't you?"

He turned his hand and pointed at He Annian again: "Why can he stay by your side since childhood and grow up like an idiot? Why can you beat and scold him at will when he makes mistakes? Why do you never accommodate him and treat him carelessly?" ? Why do you love each other as a family, why? The blood shed on our bodies is the same, what do you think of me?"

He Annian was stunned, he looked at the ferocious He Jiqing, his eyes were red.

He Jiqing looked at He Xiatian who was already in tears, and at the figure sitting on the ground on the glass, those thorns that had been coiled in his chest for many years finally came out in one breath.Pierced his flesh and blood, pierced his reason.

"Why did you give birth to me?" He stared at He Xiatian with hatred, "Did you give birth to leave me alone? Have you ever thought about what kind of life I lived in the country?"

He Xiatian wriggled his lips: "Ji Qing, at that time we had no other choice—"

He lacked confidence, after all, He Annian had never left his parents.

Sure enough, He Jiqing looked at He Anian mockingly.There is no need, it's just a choice.

"The old man has a lot of rules. He is not allowed to eat or sleep when he does something wrong. I was once punished to stand until dawn. The old lady has to read it a hundred times a day. Your parents don't want you anymore. They gave birth to a younger brother and don't want you anymore. If you cry, She will say, it's just a joke, why are you so serious, kid!"

He Jiqing fell into childhood memories, those memories were not good, they carried the cruelty and coldness of the adult world.In the past, he didn't even dare to think about it. Every time he thought about it, it was like returning to hell.

Whether it was He Xiatian or Sun Xiang, this was the first time they heard these things.He Xiatian showed a complicated expression. It's not like he hadn't thought about the reason why He Jiqing didn't get close to them.

"You left me there for seven years and visited me twice. The second time, when I was five years old. I remember, I begged my mother, would you take me home tomorrow? She said yes , but when I woke up the next day, you had already sneaked away. The old lady laughed at me, saying that someone told you to sleep like a pig. I felt like an orphan who no one wanted, and couldn't help crying. The old lady scolded me, Crying will send you to the crazy woman next door. I am scared and sad, but I have to hold back my tears."

Before the age of seven, He Jiqing lived in fear of being abandoned every day.Psychologically speaking, the pain of childhood is the most difficult to eliminate, and it will accompany a person's life.How could He Jiqing not know?

"I look forward to going home every day, but I don't know where my home is. I once thought about death. How ridiculous it is for a child under the age of seven to think about death!"

He Jiqing couldn't think back anymore, it took more than courage to open the scarred wound.He sat weakly on the sofa, holding his face in his hands, crying silently, his whole body trembling.

As a child, he often dreamed.Sometimes, he dreamed that he was captured by the crazy woman next door, and she told him to call his mother, but if he didn't, she beat him with a stick.Sometimes, he dreamed of Sun Xiang, but it was a vague shadow, calling him in his dream: "Ji Qing—" He stretched out his hand to grab it, and the shadow immediately turned into smoke and floated away.He often dreamed that he was walking alone in a deserted forest, and there were many monsters trying to eat him. He ran forward desperately, and called his mother to save me, and his father to save me, but no one answered him.He was always looking for something in his dreams, but couldn't find anything.He often wakes up crying from his dream.Woke up and continued to cry until I fell asleep.so repeatedly.No one comforted him.

He lives in fear and helplessness every day.In order to hide his fear and helplessness, he could only pretend to be an adult.No one sees through him, and everyone praises him for being smart and sensible.

He thought that after returning home, He Xiatian and Sun Xiang would see through his disguise, but he didn't expect that they, like everyone else, would look proud when talking about his sensibleness.As if, he was born this way.

He Xiatian cried and said, "I'm sorry."

He Jiqing waved at him, it was already too late.What he wants is not this sorry, he knows in his heart that what he wants is not this.

He Annian carefully moved to sit next to He Jiqing, he opened his arms to hug him, but was thrown away as soon as he touched him.

"Don't touch me!" He Jiqing scolded him.

He Annian raised his hands injured, not knowing what to do.Today, he finally understood the reason why He Jiqing hated him since childhood.

He Jiqing wiped away his tears, looked up at the kitchen door, where He Xiatian was leaning against the door, tears streaming down his face.He muttered: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ji Qing."

And Sun Xiang never came out, she couldn't face him.

He has nothing to say.Even today, he is still the one who was abandoned.He smiled anxiously, like a madman.He staggered up and rushed out the door.

He Annian chased after him and shouted, "Brother—"

It was raining heavily outside, and all the lively lights on the festival night were covered by the rain curtain and became dim and blurred.The laughter and laughter were also dissolved by the sound of the huge rain.

He Jiqing rushed to the door on the first floor, but was stopped by He Annian who was chasing after him.He grabbed He Jiqing's arm, not letting him take a step forward.

"Let go!" He Jiqing glared at him, struggling hard.

He is not as strong as He Annian.He Annian didn't let go.

The two were deadlocked.The heavy rain outside was blown obliquely by the wind, hitting the two of them, and soon soaked their trousers.

"He Jiqing, I've known since I was a child that you don't like me!" He Annian broke the silence first.

He Jiqing's twisted and struggling arms froze.

"I didn't know the reason before. I thought that as long as I treated you well, you would definitely like me. It turns out that no matter how hard I try, you won't like me. Now I know the reason." He Annian choked up a little.

He Jiqing tilted his head to look at the heavy rain outside, it seemed that it was getting heavier, the rain curtain was getting tighter, and the light in the distance was already blurred.

"Since you already know, please let me go!"

Instead, He Annian pulled even tighter, pinching his arm sorely.

"They are wrong, yes. But are you right?" He Annian asked him back.

He Jiqing didn't even have the energy to laugh.Gu Chunshui asked him the same way.

"Do you still remember? When you were in junior high school, your teacher said that you had a talent for music, and suggested to your parents that you should learn piano. Without saying a word, they borrowed money to buy a piano. Since you came back, I Even buying a comic book, you have to talk to them. Do you really think I can't read?"

He Annian looked at He Jiqing seriously, and his eyes met. He Jiqing also saw a lot of injustice in his eyes.

Parental love is always uneven.Give this one and forget about that one.

"I can never forget it." He Annian smiled wryly.

He Jiqing was speechless, it was difficult to be a parent, it was difficult to be a child, it was difficult to fall in love with others, and it was also difficult to hate others.He hasn't discovered the easiest thing in the world yet.

He Annian continued: "After you bought that piano, you never touched it. You would rather work part-time to earn money and enroll in classes outside to study, than not to move the piano at home."

"Aren't you too much? You resent them for not loving you, and at the same time coldly resist their kindness. Are you not wrong?" He Annian asked him.

"Do you know why I don't move the piano at home?" He Jiqing looked into He Annian's eyes, "It's because they know that they are reluctant to buy you a comic book, but they are willing to buy me a piano. Why is it just me If the teacher says a word, they will sell everything to satisfy me? They can obviously discuss it with me like they did with you. I don’t have money at home, so why don’t I buy it for now? Did they discuss it? They didn’t. You can scold me, just like scolding you, you can beat me, but they didn't say anything, let me do whatever I want. In their eyes, I am just an outsider who needs to be accommodated and treated with care. Not relatives, is it?"

It was He Annian's turn to be speechless. He never thought about it. Changing his position on these matters seemed to be different.

"I don't want to be sorry, I never was." He Jiqing looked at the heavy rain outside, his eyes were hazy, he raised his hands and rubbed his eyes, and then opened them, still hazy.

"Then what do you want?" He Annian already had the answer in his heart, and he still asked knowingly.

He Jiqing looked back at him, and He Annian saw the tears on his face.

He Jiqing slowly opened his hand, and walked into the rain without looking back.

This time, He Annian did not follow, he watched He Jiqing disappear into the black rain curtain.