double autumn

It was about that time, when the winter was approaching, my husband suddenly coughed very badly, as if tearing his throat.Sometimes the coughing is so severe that he coughs up blood.The doctor said it was due to dry weather and asked him if he had a normal cough. I said he had a cough, but it was not that severe and it was worrying. The doctor said it was normal and prescribed a few doses of heat-clearing and fire-relieving medicine.My servant and I went through recipes and cooked white radish soup for my husband every day.In fact, my husband is very picky eater, but he will eat whatever I ask him to eat.

In early spring, his cough stopped.He felt much better, and continued to work hard.In those years or two, my husband always had a lot of entertainment, and he often had to drink with some government officials until late at night.I often stand in front of the courtyard gate, watching Mr. come from the distance of the street, gradually come to me from the darkness, step forward tiredly, hug me tightly, and rest against me like that After a long time, we went into the house together.No one has ever seen us embrace in the middle of the night.

In the late spring of that year, my husband took me to Hong Kong.I don’t have a deep impression of it anymore, I just remember that my husband once bought me a bag of foreign chocolates in a shop, green, cantaloupe-flavored, delicious.There has never been anything like this in the mainland.

In midsummer—the midsummer at the age of 30, it was the hottest time. One day, after taking a nap, my husband buttoned his collar, touched his chin, and said to me that something seemed to grow here.I will always remember the appearance of my husband that day, his face was wet, his eyes looked at me, and there was still affection in his eyes that had not changed for many years.

After that, I went to investigate with my husband, but the hospital in the city couldn't find out, so I went to the city again.The doctor at the city hospital did an examination, sent the husband out, and asked me alone if he had the habit of smoking and drinking heavily.I said, my husband has been smoking for more than ten years, and he has been socializing a lot and drinking a lot in recent years.The doctor was helpless, and said, it really is so.

At the beginning, I can't remember exactly what I did, and I have no impression, so I just passed it in a hurry.I kept an eye on him every day, forbidding him to touch alcohol and tobacco, and he turned down all the receptions.After that, I settled the savings of these years with my husband, which took half a year.The business also gradually stopped and became much smaller.Originally, my husband was doing foreign business with Hong Kong people, as well as doing business all over the country, but at the moment I only maintain some large orders.Afterwards, I went to Shanghai with my husband again to deal with all the orders.I don't have much memory of Shanghai, I went there in a hurry and came back in a hurry.

I suddenly thought of my father.He went into business when he was just an adult, made a fortune when he was young, married his mother, and gave up business when he was middle-aged.How similar is Mr. and our father?It's just that my father gave up voluntarily, but my husband had to.

After finishing these things, I will accompany my husband to the city for treatment.I don't have an idea of ​​how much it will cost, because the husband will check the account.I just remember that it was very expensive, that kind of treatment and medicine were like money-eating machines, if tens of thousands of yuan was invested, it would disappear immediately.

The younger siblings also often come back, saying that they want to quit their jobs and come to take care of the husband.The husband disagreed, and drove them away with a livid face, coughing violently in anger.The gentleman in the hospital gown is still good-looking. Because of the treatment, he shaved his long hair and wore a pair of gold-rimmed glasses all day. He was restless and always wanted to go out with me to the riverside for a walk.In front of my husband, I can't mention his illness. He said that there is no way he has any illness, and at most it will heal after a while.When I was young, I believed that my husband would not be injured or sick. I always believed that the person protecting me was invulnerable to weapons and poisons, but now I can no longer believe it.

Recently, I always wanted to visit my parents' graves, but I couldn't find a space to sneak in.So I can only carefully look at the place where I married my husband, the hall, and his house countless times every day.I heard that our family plans to bring the younger siblings back home and re-enter the Lin family.I think, in that case, there will be only me and my husband on the family tree.There are two Lins side by side, and Mu and Jin below.

A good friend told me that the piece of jade that my husband gave me back then was a perfect and flawless piece of "beautiful jade". Later, I went to the dictionary, and my word 珊 means exactly this.But what my husband said at the time was that someone else gave a jade bracelet when they got married. I am a man and I can't wear a bracelet.

So I couldn't help thinking:

I adore you sir.

In what year did Mr. leave, I can no longer say clearly.How long the intervening years lasted, I have no idea.I always feel that my husband has been gone for a long time, and sometimes I feel that I just watched his burial with my own eyes last month.We went to several cities and different hospitals. Later, my husband didn't want to go, so he came home.When my husband was outside, I watched him weaken day by day, and when he returned to the city, he seemed to be more energetic again.One day, I accompanied him for a walk at the gate of the courtyard, and a child from a new family next door came out and looked at us.The little child tugged at the corner of the older child's clothes, and asked, "Brother, is that person sick? His face looks so bad." The older child immediately slapped his hand off, and whispered seriously, "Shut up, don't mess around." Say." When I heard that, tears came down: the Mr. who is so special and unique in my eyes is just an ordinary person who is seriously ill in the eyes of others.

My husband didn't know why I was crying, but when he saw me crying, he stretched out his hand to wipe it off for me as if he was very dissatisfied, and said, "Why are you crying again? Don't cry, I'm so annoying, if you cry again, I'll beat you." Break your leg! It took more than ten years to make you laugh, but why did you cry again..." After wiping away the tears, he added: "Okay, don't cry, it's inexplicable."

Mr. is so gentle that every time I think of it, I can't hold back the pain in my heart.Mr. has been kind to me all his life, but in this matter, I have used tears to counteract years of laughter.

In my life, since I was born, there is a shadow of Mr. everywhere.Sir, I have spent half my life with my elder brother, my partner, and my relatives. Without Mr., I don’t know where to find support for the rest of my life. Without Mr., I look up and see that the world is the same desolate.

It happened to be midsummer when Mr.He grabbed my hand, clenched it tightly, looked at the ceiling, didn't look at me, and thought of something; in the end, he just stared into my eyes intently, smiled slightly, his voice was exhausted, but still Every word.He said, "Wait for me to leave, you don't want to see which son and lady, otherwise you will wait for you. My first thing is to kill you ... it's okay, just take a few steps as a brother, give it You take care of your life over there, and when you come, you don't have to follow me around anymore."

He touched my face and said: "Smile, it's so ugly to cry. When brother is buried, you are not allowed to cry, it's bad luck. Smile more, the happier you smile, the better."

I twitched my lips at him.Satisfied, he smiled and said, "That's right." Then he slowly closed his eyes, as if he had fallen asleep.

I wanted to kiss him again, but unfortunately, I couldn't.

After my husband left, I don't know how I have survived alone.In the late spring of this year, I followed my memory to find the chocolate shop in Hong Kong, but I couldn't find any trace.I think this is like the memories of my husband and me, although they exist there, but due to the annihilation of witness and material evidence, now I want to seek it again, but there is no evidence anymore.

Therefore, I can only write down these few thin pages as a proof that my beloved husband once existed.