double autumn

When I held his hand tightly at an altitude of 800 million meters, I suddenly hoped that the plane would fall at this time.

My father sent a WeChat message saying that the kapok in Nanning was blooming.Then he sent me a photo.Kapok is a kapok tree in the boulevard flower garden. In the photo, there are long queues in the lanes on both sides.I held down the voice, and asked him with a smile: "Where are you going, so traffic jam?" He quickly replied to me in voice: "The road is being built at the Shajiang Bridge in front, and the rear end is being chased!" Then, another one: "What time will you and Zilu tomorrow? Where's the flight?" I listened twice, put down my phone, and stopped replying.

The flowers in Xi'an haven't bloomed yet, the leaves haven't green yet, only the sunshine is warm.The bougainvillea in Nancheng must be in bloom, and after the Jingzhe passes, the sweet-scented osmanthus should also be in bloom.And maybe gardenia.But I can't live in Nancheng anymore, how would I know if the tree in front of the house has grown new leaves?My father asked me without much emotion, but I felt he was urging me to go back.I am not used to living in Nancheng, and I am also a tourist when I go back.When I saw a road outside, I only remembered the appearance of Nanning.

I am used to living in the Northwest, but I can't afford to eat.A bowl of mutton steamed buns, the soup was stirred bright red by the chili peppers, tears flowed after eating, saying "so spicy" on the mouth, but thinking of the hometown food in my heart made me want to cry.Looking for a bowl of noodles, beef was added, but the taste was not what I wanted, and I couldn't help but think of Huaxi Beef Noodles in Xinjiekou, Nancheng.Roast lamb is delicious, but I can't help but compare it with the grilled oysters on the streets of Nanning at night.Travelers who are away from home always think that everything is not as good as their hometown, but in fact it is just like adapting to their mother tongue, people's stomachs adapt to the environment and soil.There used to be a northerner in the dormitory of the university. After a few days in the dining hall, he started running to the western restaurant. Only foreign food can comfort me as a wanderer." Some people talked about his hypocrisy behind his back, "It's like saying that the place is not good in front of the locals", but it was just nostalgia.

I lived in Nancheng for a long time before I was an adult, and I always yearned for a bigger city; after arriving in Nanning, I never felt that my previous home was so good. Looking back, I only remember the vulgar gangsters on the streets and the country people with low quality.But when I was thousands of kilometers away from it, I remembered that the small town was not full of these people, and I remembered that there was Zilu among the people who used to fight in the park.After being far away, I think of the sweet-scented osmanthus all over the city, the remains of autumn cicadas under the roots of the trees, the dark stadium in summer nights, and the steaming roll noodles and bean sprout soup in the early morning of winter; I think of Zilu who once rode a bicycle through Its streets and alleys, the wind filled his shirt over his short sleeves and lifted it up.

It is true that I don't have a good impression of the migrant workers and their children in Nancheng, and even once regarded it as a quagmire, but the person I love the most, his teenage years, stayed there forever.When the emotion is the purest and we are still teenagers, we can turn on a light at night and read the same book side by side; we don’t have any worries about the future, and we feel that we can go on like this forever, even when our parents are away. Kiss each other's eyes every now and then - just because it's beautiful, and each other only sees themselves.After adulthood, there is separation and many things. When love is mixed with sex, possession and control, domination and submission, love becomes just love and loses its original beauty.It has become the "beauty" reflected in the satisfaction of desires that Freud or De Botton thought, but Zilu's "beauty" can only be seen by putting aside all desires, just as he was still a teenager in Nancheng. when.

But, putting aside all desires for him, how can I do it?The clear and bright young man is beautiful, but he can't get close to him. Any thoughts will defile him. Only Zilu, the extreme and dedicated Lin Zilu, dares me to touch him, kiss him, beg for his caress, Begging him to put his lips on my back and say he loves me more than anyone else.

It’s funny to say that I love the young Zilu because at that time he only belonged to me but dared not love him; when I dared to love him with all my heart and soul, he not only belonged to me, but also belonged to this Society is secular.I once complained about why he was born as my elder brother, but in the end I had no choice but to comfort myself with an untenable reason: this will have a deeper bond than others!But I still look forward to walking hand in hand with him in the sun.What is easy for others to achieve is only a dream for me.

In the few years I just graduated, Nanning was still a strange place to me, so I could live with Zilu and go to the supermarket together after get off work without anyone caring.Later, my second uncle and his two children moved in. I began to feel that this city was not so free. There was a whole family behind me, and the eyes of the whole family were watching us, even though they didn’t know it. ——Is it okay to know the truth?Later, Zilu started to do business, but I don’t know exactly how. Zixing took advantage of the holidays to follow him just after his freshman year, and my reasons for following Zilu became less and less.Ziyu was 14 years younger than me, and unfortunately I was missed in the year of junior high school, so he asked a good colleague to be transferred to his class, and he would take him back to his second uncle's house after school in the evening.When Ziyu entered high school and Zixing graduated, I looked up and realized that I was surrounded by familiar people, and Nanning was similar to the old Nancheng, trapping me like a cage.

Zilu was escorted to a couple of kisses. There was a girl whose parents were very satisfied with her, and she was about to get married. Zilu and her hadn't met a few times, but the other party didn't mind.The two families had a meeting to discuss when to get engaged. When he arrived at the door, he turned around and ran back to our home.He said he came back before he even kissed me before going out.When he was writing emails to the girl and her mother, I asked him what to do next, and he stopped slowly, his hands trembling a little. "I don't know, I can't resist." He looked at me with rare sadness in his eyes, "If I want to get married, I have to let you go. I can't do it now." Then we kissed, went to bed, He repeated over and over again: "Ziling, Ziling."

Where can I escape?In the past, no one else was allowed to enter our house, it was a "shelter", and later it could only be remodeled to receive my father and other relatives occasionally.I went from Nancheng to Nanning, where is there a place outside Nanning for the two of us to live in?Of course we can live in a distant place, but we can't cut off the longing for our homeland no matter what!

Going out for a long trip, for others, is to change a land to see the scenery, but for me, it is a few days of respite between Zilu and the involvement of my hometown.It is impossible to settle in a distant place. When people want to choose to escape, it is useless to simply leave, not to mention that there is no paradise in the world for escapees to live in.The only way is to pretend to be a traveler and wander around in different places.I once wrote a novel with a required title called "A Hundred Years of Exile". I didn't understand the meaning of the title at the time, so I wrote a story about two immortals wandering the world.Now that I think about it, if people can only live in the world as tourists with their loved ones, then "eternal life" would be too cruel!

A few days ago in Huashan, I encountered snow for the first time in my life, and I was very happy.Most of the tourists in the same one-day group climbed from the West Peak to the North Peak and then down, and they had to walk a lot of mountain roads in the middle. It seems that it is worthwhile to see the whole Huashan Mountain.Zilu and I only climbed the North Peak and then went down, because I looked at the vast snow and fog on both sides, and my legs were a little weak in fright.Too high and the air pressure is low, uncomfortable for the ears.He and I sat in the pavilion on the North Peak, unscrewed the thermos bottle containing hot water and handed it to me, while I stared at the flying birds hovering in mid-air for a long time: it might be an eagle.

After the snow fell, it was sunny for several days.I'm naturally afraid of the cold, and I don't want to move my nest when I'm exposed to the sun in winter.It happened to be a sunny day on the return trip, so Zilu put a hat on my head to keep out the wind.There is a new issue of a magazine on the plane, the theme is about love.I asked Zilu if he could come out in the future. He was working on a PPT on the computer. When he heard my voice, he smiled and said, "Whenever you want? I can do it. You can name the place." I looked at him The screen on the screen was silent, thinking to himself, how much work has he missed these days?At least I can see that several important meetings have been postponed due to the absence of decision makers.Seeing that I was silent, he patted the back of my hand and typed a line on the page: Iwasbornforyou, andliveforyou.

A sentence that couldn't be more simple reminds me of how he looked when he found me who was lost under the Big Wild Goose Pagoda.Sunshine enveloped him, and his brows and eyes still vaguely resembled the spirit of a young boy back then.He found me and saw that I was basking in the sun, he was not annoyed, as if he was used to getting lost if I left him, he just stood in front of me smiling and said, "Let's go." I got up and walked forward, but he suddenly Pulling me to his side, five fingers clasped my left hand.

Later, my father said that the gardenias were also in bloom, and they were very fragrant, so I replied, "We'll be back tomorrow, we have a three o'clock flight."

Holding hands in the sun is already a rare happiness.

The author has something to say: This is the closest to the prototype, a travel note from a while ago.In the future, I will not write short stories of the original genre.Afterwards, some small essays will be published one after another, and "Asuka" will also find time to update (or rewrite).After a period of time, I will post a long story after I have saved enough manuscripts, "Old Stories of Beilin" with the background of the Republic of China, which is also about the year of the brothers.

Thin words, Wang Bojun smiles.