i want to go home

He pushed open the door full of exhaustion, the room was pitch black, everything was exactly the same as when he went out, obviously no one had come back.

Letting himself fall heavily on the sofa, the soft feeling made him fall asleep almost immediately after a tiring day.

He turned on the phone screen, and on the desktop was a photo with Xie Yuming. The two of them were very close, and the inadvertent affection in their eyes was natural and real.

But Xie Yuming is not at home now.To be precise, he hasn't been back for two weeks. When Li Qian saw him last time, he looked very impatient, his face was full of sullenness, and he blurted out ridicule several times, causing the atmosphere to fall into silence again and again.Finally, Li Qian watched him get into the car and lit a cigarette—he hadn’t smoked for a long time, and Li Qian didn’t like the smell of cigarettes so much, so he quit slowly—he stepped on the gas pedal, and soon Then it disappeared from Li Qian's sight without any nostalgia.

Li Qian didn't know what happened to Xie Yuming. There was obviously no conflict between the two of them, but when he asked him why, he was unwilling to talk about it, so he just said coldly, "Don't worry about it".

Li Qian was a little angry, but also a little helpless.

He didn't know how to deal with it. Xie Yuming didn't lose his love for him, but he also had a little more liking for him than others. Later, the two got along well, and Xie Yuming was even more proactive. Finally, they got together naturally.Because Li Qian had never seen Xie Yuming's perverse appearance in the eyes of others, at most he thought... Xie Yuming was a little arrogant?

Xie Yuming treated him differently, from the very beginning.Even though everyone secretly felt that Li Qian had suffered a lot with Xie Yuming, they also agreed that he held a special place in Xie Yuming's heart - Li Qian was different to Xie Yuming.

Li Qian also thinks so.He has seen many sides of Xie Yuming that he has never shown in front of others: the honest one, the awkward one, the jealous one, and even the charming one... But only the Xie Yuming that everyone is used to now makes him feel strange.

This Xie Yuming was sharp and dangerous, proud and perverse, but he didn't seem to love him.

"Alas..." Li Qian sighed softly, the light on the phone screen went out, and the huge house fell into darkness and silence again.

With a soft "click", the door opened and the lights came on.

Li Qian squinted his eyes to avoid the sudden light, and sat up from the sofa. Xie Yuming who was at the door seemed startled by him, and said in a bad tone, "Why don't you turn on the light?"

Li Qian saw that his brows and eyes were cold, not as warm as before, and all the words in his stomach were blocked, and he said after a while, "Are you coming back to sleep tonight?" He also felt that his question was very strange, since he hadn't seen him for more than ten days A silhouette, a lover who has no news, but now after seeing him, his first sentence is not to ask him where he went and why he didn't answer the phone, but: Are you coming back to sleep tonight?

It was as if acquiescing to Xie Yuming's news for so many days.

He felt that Xie Yuming seemed to be avoiding something, but he didn't even know whether this abnormality was because of himself or something else.Since Xie Yuming really didn't want to talk about it, he could only wait for him to calm down.

Xie Yuming didn't change his shoes, and walked straight to the bedroom.

He used to be too clean to walk around the house in leather shoes - but he probably doesn't care so much now.

Listening to the dull sound of leather shoes on the floor, Li Qian thought so.

"No, come back and get something."

"Oh."

Li Qian responded softly, looked at his back in a daze, and suddenly asked: "Xie Yuming, are you avoiding me?"

He usually doesn't call him by his name directly, he usually calls him "Yu Ming", and when he is in a particularly good mood, he will call him "Xiao Ming" in an overly gentle tone, and laugh at him haunting practice questions in various subjects.

Xie Yuming's movements paused, and he turned to look at him, with a mocking tone, as if he had taken gunpowder: "Why should I hide from you?"

He felt that Xie Yuming's temper was inexplicable, and he was not very happy at the moment, his tone sank: "But aren't you just avoiding me now?"

Xie Yuming seemed to want to say something, but stopped, pursing his lips slightly.

Li Qian knew that what he wanted to say would not be good. He should have followed his wishes and stopped here, but he wanted to continue to ask: "Xie Yuming, what are you afraid of? What do you doubt? Or do you think it's better to be with me? Two years is a mistake, so you are now going to correct this mistake and play Evaporation in front of me for two weeks?"

He spoke very fast, and finally slowed down, but Xie Yuming was irritated by some of his words, and he roared with a livid face: "Enough! It's up to you to care about me."

Li Qian's heart was half chilled by his words. All the exhaustion and anger these days made him almost lose his mind. If it wasn't for Xilan telling him not to worry, he might even suspect that Xie Yuming was abducted into the mountains by human traffickers went.

"I thought we were at least lovers." Li Qian felt tired, he didn't want to quarrel with Xie Yuming, it was too ugly.

"If my surname is not Xie, will we still be lovers?" Xie Yuming stared at him, the light in his eyes was cold and unfamiliar, he suddenly let out a short and sharp sneer, "Li Qian, it's not because of Xie's family that you got married I'm with you!"

These words exploded in Li Qian's ears like thunder on the ground, pulling him out of his dream at once.

It turned out to be a dream again, Li Qian rubbed the corners of his eyes, picked up his phone and looked - it was only two o'clock in the morning, but he didn't feel sleepy for a while.

He was not very happy. He lay on the bed and thought for a long time before calling Xie Xilei.Li Qian is not a person who likes to regret halfway.But what happened today reminded him of the past that was rarely recalled and was really not so good.

If Xie Yuming before that only reminded him of the beautiful and happy memories of the past, then the Xie Yuming who pinched him today and the Xie Yuming who hurt people three years ago completely overlapped, which made him disgusted, even disgusted.

"Hello, brother Li Qian." The familiar soft yet immature female voice on the phone surprised him, and reflexively looked at the call status, it was Xie Xilei's call.

"Xie Lan?" He felt inexplicably guilty of being caught.

"Well, it's me, Brother Li Qian." The other side chuckled lightly, and his voice blew past his ears like a feather, "Brother is taking a shower, I answered the call when I saw it was you."

"Oh! Oh..." Although she considerately didn't ask her why she called, Li Qian couldn't help lying, "Your brother asked me to order a jade carving, and I called to ask his opinion. "

"That's it." Xie Xilan seemed to have no doubts, which made him breathe a sigh of relief.

"Well, Xilan is doing well recently, is your brother's dictator restricting you from doing this or that again?" After calming down, Li Qian teased to cover up his panic just now.

Xie Xilan laughed out loud, with a little coquettishness and complaints in her tone: "That's right, he didn't give me the ice cream I wanted the day before yesterday. When I come back to China in two months, I must let Er, let him take me out." Have fun for a while." She wanted to say "Second Brother", but then remembered that Li Qian and Xie Yuming had broken up, so she hurriedly changed her words.

Li Qian was so happy that she avoided this topic, pretending that she didn't hear it, and exchanged some pleasantries with her, which made Xie Xilan giggle on the other end of the phone, until suddenly there was a helpless voice from a man: "Xiaolan , You secretly answered my phone again."

Xie Xilan said "sorry" to him, then turned her head and said to Xie Xilei, "I only answered the call when I saw it was brother Li Qian."

"Li Qian?" His tone suddenly turned cold. Seeing that there was nothing unusual about Xie Xilan, he walked forward, carried his sister from the wheelchair onto the big soft bed, and added a cushion behind her to make her lean more comfortably, " Let me talk to him."

Xie Xilan nodded and said to Li Qian: "My elder brother is out, I'll give him the phone."

Li Qian responded and exhaled, chatting with Xie Xilan can always make people relax involuntarily, but even so, he couldn't help being nervous just now, for fear that he would reveal a piece of news that he shouldn't have to say.

This girl is too soft, people can't bear to hurt her.What's more, that is her brother who is her closest relative, and now he is crazy because of him, Li Qian. Li Qian really doesn't know how Xie Xilan will react when he finds out about this matter.

"Hello." Xie Xilei settled Xie Xilan and let her take a good nap before walking out of the bedroom.

"Our agreement is terminated."

"Terminate?" Xie Xilei originally thought that there was something wrong with Xie Yuming, but he didn't expect that Li Qian came to tell him this, "Why?"

"We didn't get along very well. I probably only exacerbated Xie Yuming's condition."

Xie Xilei didn't believe Li Qian's excuses. After Li Qian left, he could see how crazy Xie Yuming was. According to Cao Bo, he even had the illusion that Li Qian was still there, talking about it all day long. speak to the air.Li Qian is Xie Yuming's heart knot, even if it stimulates him, it is the only chance to make him get better.

"You... I will continue to look for that jade carving. If you have figured it out and are willing to help him, then go. If you don't, I won't force you." This must be Xie Xilei's most "understanding".

God knows that his heart is bleeding, and retreating is his last resort. Li Qian can't force him if he doesn't want to, but he and Xilan will go back in two months, and he wants to avoid it no matter what. Let her know about this matter—especially when he left Xie Yuming in a mental hospital for more than two years.

Li Qian knew what he meant, said "Got it" hastily, and hung up the phone.

Throwing the phone aside, he opened his eyes in the darkness.

Some misses are helpless, and some are accidents, but he and Xie Yuming are more like an inevitable result.

——What is missing between them?

After three years, Li Qian re-examined that immature relationship in the past and that immature self.

—Probably because of trust.