almost lonely

, it will be you.It turns out that this is also my delusion.I didn't die three times, just this one time, it's over. "

"I thought I was used to it long ago, but it seems that I still can't do it."

"Brother Yi, maybe I like this kind of thing, and I also have inertia. I have liked you for too long. It's not that I want to stop, so I can stop."

"I don't want to like it anymore."

"Listen to my explanation! I was talking on the phone that day and I heard a loud bang, and suddenly there was no sound on your side. I asked several times what was wrong, and then I heard Lu Juelan's voice. I wanted to ask him to answer the phone and ask him What happened, where are you? I'll go find you..." Xu Yi hurriedly grabbed his hand with a hoarse voice, "Don't you believe me?! I know it sounds like I'm trying to excuse myself, but it really doesn't I lied to you, I didn't lie to you! You believe me!"

Ning Juechen wasn't the only one who had nightmares, and Xu Ye didn't know how many times he dreamed about that day.The moment the car accident happened, he saw clearly who was in his heart.He couldn't imagine that his unintentional actions actually caused a huge misunderstanding, and made Ning Juechen suffer alone for so long.

Xu Ye felt like a knife was twisting his heart, and a layer of cold sweat broke out in his palms: "Chenchen, are you listening?"

Ning Juechen silently withdrew his hand and smiled forcedly: "Actually, it doesn't matter."

28 last birthday

In the last few days of March, Ning Juechen suddenly told Xu Ye that he wanted to go to Jingshan to watch the sunrise.Ever since he opened his mouth that day, Ning Juechen has interpreted the three words "doesn't matter" to the extreme, and he can count on one hand what he said to Xu Ye every day.On this day, he actually made the request himself, and Xu Ye immediately agreed without thinking while being pleasantly surprised.

But he didn't agree to watch the sunrise, it was too early, it was not the time for Ning Juechen, he didn't want to see Ning Juechen's pale face dripping with nosebleeds anymore.Xu Ye said that we can watch the sunset, but Ning Juechen felt that he was still as stupid as before, how could anyone make an appointment to watch the sunset together.

Ning Juechen's time of waking up these days is getting shorter and shorter. It was already eleven o'clock when he opened his eyes, but he fell asleep on the table after lunch. Xu Ye carried him to the bed and covered him with a quilt.Ning Juechen was a little anxious when he woke up again in the afternoon, and asked Xu Ye why he didn't call him earlier.They set off at two o'clock in the afternoon. Jingshan is located in the southernmost suburb of Jingcheng, and it took nearly an hour and a half by bus to get there.

The temperature in the mountains is much lower than that in the city, so Xu Yi zipped Ning Juechen's coat to the top.There are small clusters of fresh green on the branches of the flowers, plants and trees around me, which makes people feel that this difficult winter is finally coming to an end.Xu Ye led him to walk slowly, covering his cold hands very warmly: "Why do you want to come here?" Ning Juechen shook his head: "No reason."

The last time I came to Jingshan was in March of the third year of high school.For the sake of safety, the school hadn't held group activities like spring and autumn outings for several years. That time was led by Feng Feng, just after the test was over, and the students in the class were organized to climb mountains together on weekends to relax.

There are many boys in the science class, some want to show off in front of the female students, and some are purely children who want to win or lose. Everyone seems to agree that this is a competition, and they are eager to try and ready to go.

At first Ning Juechen could barely keep up with the large army, but later the slope became steeper and the road became more and more difficult to walk, and his physical strength was a bit overwhelming. By the time he realized it, the backs of Xu Ye and Lu Juelan had long since disappeared from sight up.Ning Juechen was a little helpless, why climbing a mountain was the same, he seemed destined to follow behind Xu Ye and couldn't catch up no matter how hard he tried.

He didn't dare to rest, and continued to walk up, until his legs became weak, and finally he heard loud voices, shouting to the valley to cheer for the college entrance examination, and finally he was almost at the top.Ning Juechen stood on the stone steps and drank some water. When he looked up, he saw Xu Ye and Lu Juelan coming down side by side. They were already walking back.

It's only been two months since the college entrance examination, and his score in the mock test still hasn't improved much.The picture in front of him seemed to concretize everything, forcing him to see clearly the gradually drifting and insurmountable distance between himself and Xu Ye.

Ning Juechen was taken aback for a moment, the water in his hand was not steady, and splashed all over the floor.Xu Ye walked past him, and dodged to the side for a while: "Hey, the water has been spilled!" Ning Juechen came back to his senses, twisted his fingers and said sorry, he also felt embarrassed, they hadn't spoken for a long time It's over.Xu Ye's complexion changed: "I just told you that I don't want you to apologize... Forget it, we'll be at the top soon, you can do your best." After speaking, he turned his head and went after Lu Juelan.

Later, Ning Juechen finally stood on the platform on the top of the mountain, and the wind was very strong, blowing and blowing. Feng Feng asked him if he had no regrets after choosing a science subject that he was not good at. Ning Juechen pursed his lips and shook his head. ——How could you regret it?Although I can't catch up with him, at least I'm on the same road with him.

Ning Juechen was very envious of the self who could easily say no regrets at that time, and he also knew that such a self had expired and would never come back.

In the end, they failed to catch up with the sunset. When they stepped on the last step, the sun just set from the top of the mountain in front, leaving only the gorgeous purple and orange sunset glow in the sky.Ning Juechen took a breath: "It's too late..." Xu Ye saw that there was another thin layer of sweat on his forehead, and hurriedly grabbed his sleeve to help him wipe it: "It's okay, next time we set off early, we'll go How about next week? Let's do it again."

Ning Juechen's eyes flickered, and he said softly, "Brother Ye, happy birthday." Xu Ye was stunned, his days were muddled, he even forgot that today was his birthday, but Ning Juechen actually remembered it.

He stretched out his hand and pressed Ning Juechen into his arms, suddenly he couldn't control his emotions.These days Xu Ye can only sleep for two or three hours on and off every day. He can't stand it physically and mentally. Chen snuffed it out, Ning Juechen's "Happy Birthday" just now was an exaggeration, as if he had extended his life.

Ning Juechen was hugged tightly by Xu Ye, Xu Ye was crying, hot tears flowed down his ears and into his collar, making him itchy.He also closed his eyes and quickly hugged Xu Ye back, as if to put an end to this hopeless pursuit that had lasted for too long since he was 17 years old.

Goodbye, 17-year-old Xu Ye and 27-year-old Xu Ye.

All, all, goodbye.

When going down the mountain, Ning Juechen was listless and had no energy. Xu Ye pulled him tightly, for fear that his feet would slip and slip.After getting in the car, Ning Juechen nodded his head and fell asleep after a while. Xu Ye put his shoulders up and let him lean on him, looked down at the time, and his heart twisted hard again.

He took out a notebook from his pocket, flipped to the back and wrote down the current time. This notebook was used from the day when he took care of a vegetative person. The first part was the precautions for nursing, how to make fluid, how to suck phlegm, and how often to turn over , Then I started to record my daily situation. I became fat, thin, sick, blinked my eyes, and moved my lips. "The doctor said that blinking is just a nerve reflex. I didn't want to wake up.", "The stomach should be fine, but I lost a lot of weight. If you grow a little meat, you will lose all your weight."

Turning forward from the end, it recorded in detail the time Ning Juechen was awake in this body. From the first half a day and twelve hours to now only five or six hours, it is getting less and less every day. It was a little early yesterday.Every minute and every second felt like Ling Chi, Xu Ye's heart had already been scratched to pieces.

When he was about to get home, Ning Juechen's cell phone rang, Xu Ye glanced at it, and it was that H calling again.He picked it up calmly, without speaking.Qiu Hui fed him twice in succession: "Xiaochen? Is that you?" Xu Ye felt uncomfortable when he heard such an intimate name: "No, and you don't want to look for him in the future." After hanging up the phone, he saw the message that H had sent before, what is waiting for you at night, the more he read it, the more angry he became, and he deleted the other party without hesitation.

After returning home, Xu Ye went to the supermarket to buy some fruit and milk. Spring is here, and lychees and pineapples are on the market.Xu Ye didn't know whether these two kinds were suitable for making juice, so he bought some of both, thinking that if they were not suitable, Aunt Xu would take them back for her son to eat.

When I arrived at the hospital, Aunt Xu had just helped turn over once, and turned around to see Xu Ye coming in with something: "Xiao Xu is in a good mood today?" Xu Ye didn't even realize that his face hadn't shown for a long time. This relaxed expression: "Well, today's birthday." Aunt Xu took the things in his hand, and her voice suddenly became louder: "Why didn't you say it earlier! Happy birthday! Come and finish eating with Auntie at home Come over for dinner, let's cook a few more dishes to celebrate!" Xu Yi smiled: "No, I've already celebrated with my friends."

But it was another very normal night. After brushing himself off and covering himself with the quilt, Xu Ye turned off the light and lay down on the escort bed.In fact, I seldom smoked before, but recently I have been under too much pressure, and I always need some way to resolve it. Sometimes I smoke so much that I can’t stop smoking a pack a day.

He went out with his coat on and asked the nurse on duty to pay more attention.It was already very late at night, and there was no one on the main road at a glance. Xu Ye went to the nearby 24-hour convenience store to buy cigarettes. Thinking of the news sent by Qiu Hui, he felt uneasy all the time.He stood by the road and smoked a small half box, and finally decided to go back and have a look.

The light at home was on, Xu Ye's heart suddenly tightened, and he comforted himself that it was Lu Juelan.When going upstairs, Xu Ye kept carrying this