like a dog

Guan Shan opened the door and went back to the bedroom. The curtains in his room were thick, and it was pitch black if he didn't turn on the light.

Zhou Wan fell ill again, unable to distinguish the present from the past.She sometimes treats him as a stranger, sometimes as Song Yuan, and sometimes as Guan Han.She paces the room, asking him why he lied and why he stole her ring.

"The father is not innocent, and the son is not clean. I told Guan Han not to bring him home, and he still wants to invite them over..."

She murmured restlessly, mistaking him for someone else again.

Guan Shan knew very early that he had an older brother who died young, and Zhou Wan's desk had his photo on it, which was one of the few traces he left in this family.Zhou Wan has always been very worried about him, always afraid of repeating the same mistakes.She was too cautious to allow him to do many things, so he listened to her and refrained from doing things that would worry her.

When Guan Shan was still at this house, Zhou Wan would come to his room to say good night to him almost every night, touch his forehead, and cover him with a quilt, and it was the same when he was more than ten years old.Zhou Wan's breath reassured him, and he could always fall asleep quickly after she left.

Guan Han said he lacked masculinity.But why can't dependence be a form of manliness?

He doesn't want to change the part that his father thinks is cowardly.Since human beings have soft and warm skin, it is for people to touch other people softly and warmly.There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with being soft like a mother.

He was protected too well at that time, staying in the place where the sun shines, so he didn't know what kind of monsters would breed in the dark.But after staying in the dark for a long time, you can get used to the darkness.

Guan Shan looked at the dark bedroom, Fu Rui was sitting on his desk, fiddled with the globe on the table, watched it whirl around, and stretched out his hand to fiddle with it when it was about to stop.Guan Shan knew that he was there before he entered the door, and the unchanging smell of stagnant water was very strong in his room.

It was a long time ago that Guan Shan met Fu Rui for the first time.

That day he was sitting in the back seat of the car waiting for Song Yuan to pick up the cake. The car was parked under the shade of a tree, at the junction of spring and summer, the heat was sultry and there was only a breeze.The air conditioner was turned on in the car, and a novel he took from his father's bookshelf was spread out on his knees. He propped his chin to scan lines of obscure words, and looked up to be startled by the face in front of the car window.People passing by the car winked at the glass. They were about his age, with pointed chins and dark eyes.

He leaned close to the car window, and was about to flick the glass to scare him, but he saw a small opening on the corner of his forehead.Only then did he realize that this man was looking at the wound on his face.The man licked his finger against the window glass, wiped the cut on his forehead, and licked the blood and wound on his finger, licking the wound like a small animal.

Guan Shan also touched the opening, he couldn't really touch him, but he handled it lightly, seeing that he didn't notice, he dared to touch his eyes.

Except at school, he rarely saw his peers.Guan Han occasionally invites guests to the house, only Xiao Han from Uncle Guan Yu's house is about the same age as him.Xiao Han was one year younger than him. Although Zhou Wan told him to let his brother out, she privately told him not to get too close to him, so he still didn't get too close to him.

Xiao Han and Guan Yu are not alike, especially the eyes.Guan Yu's eyes are very beautiful, Xiao Han didn't inherit those eyes, but his smile is very similar to his.He used to think it was a pity, but now it is not so pity.

Because there is more than one pair of beautiful eyes in the world.

Guan Shan caressed his eyes, which was lighter than turning over the pages of a book. He used many descriptions, but none of them were quite suitable. He said that the stars were not so bright, and that the clear spring was not so clear.With a little thorn, a little light, like tenacity, but also loneliness and weakness.He blinked, his eyelashes still stained with sweat and dust.He couldn't help touching the small wound on his forehead again.

Fu Rui didn't know this.

He always thought that the first time they met was that evening, the day when Guan Shan suddenly rushed out and dragged him to escape desperately.Guys I've never seen before appear out of nowhere, they can't run fast, they can't win fights, and they can only speak inexplicably beautiful words.

Just like Fu Rui thought that after Guan Shan left that day, he never came back, but in fact he did.

Guan Shan went home to find someone to help, but he couldn't find his parents or Song Yuan. Although he used various reasons to prevaricate, Zhou Wan had already become suspicious of his injuries that he always said were accidental bumps.If I let them know the truth, I'm afraid they won't be able to meet again in the future.

Seeing Guan Yu's car parked at the intersection, he went around to the backyard and found Xiao Han on a tree in the backyard.

"Wait, don't pull me... have you tagged him?" Xiao Han patted the ashes on his hands and frowned, "How can you tag others if you want to? Isn't that something you can only do after you grow up and get married? ?”

Thinking of the marking behavior mentioned in the school's physiology class, the 13-year-old boy suddenly blushed.

"I didn't, I just bit..."

"It's fine if you bite! Don't you know that you are an Alpha?" Xiao Han asked anxiously. Although his parents are both Betas, he heard them mention the mark that only exists between Alpha and Omega, and they described it as It is an extremely precious and important connection, a proof of connectedness, that is what only people who like each other do.

"How can you casually..."

"I didn't!" Guan Shan, who was always gentle and weak, suddenly yelled, which startled Xiao Han.

Guan Shan himself was also disturbed, and said in a low voice incoherently: "I didn't do it casually... Although I didn't know it would be like this, but I was serious. I didn't do such a thing to him casually. I like him. He always likes to be brave, and he speaks unforgivingly, but in fact he is timid, and he is also afraid of walking at night. He thinks I don't know..."

Guan Shan stuttered at the beginning, but he spoke faster and faster as he spoke, as if these words had been written in his mind early in the morning.A sentence slipped across his tongue, and it took him a long time to react after he said it, and he stared at Xiao Han in a daze.

It took him a long time to repeat in a daze: "I like him."

Guan Shan was thinking this sentence in his heart. Just now when the mark was mentioned, his face was flushed, but talking about liking it at such a young age did not make him blush.

It was like a wonderful gift that explained everything.

He suddenly understood the reason for his lying, the nervousness and embarrassment when he saw him, and the feeling of wanting to protect him, and he also understood the masculinity that his father said.

Weakness can easily make people lose their responsibility, but if you want to protect someone, you must be responsible.

When he returned to the park, the sun was setting, and Fu Rui fell asleep on the bench, with the full candy box crumbling on his knees.He wanted to talk to him a lot, but at this moment, he didn't want to wake him up.He picked up the candy box, the ashes had been wiped off the coconut sugar.He sat down beside him, took off the candy wrapper and tasted one, it was very sweet and soft, Fu Rui should like it.

He wanted to tell him about the future when he woke up, and he would take responsibility for him.If he wanted to, he would take him home today.If this is too sudden, you can go to Uncle Han's house first, and Xiao Han said that he will help him.Wait until you make it clear with your parents before picking him up.

But no matter what, he won't let him be alone again.

Guan Shan looked at the time, and before leaving, Xiao Han set a time limit with him, and seeing that he didn't have a watch, he unloaded his own and gave it to him.He remembered that he hadn't mentioned Fu Rui's name to Xiao Han, and he would have a good talk with him when we meet later.

He cleared out all the candy and piled it on the chair, took out a pen and paper and wrote some words on the iron box.He told Fu Rui about the time capsule before, and Fu Rui was also very interested. He originally decided to go tomorrow and put it in the tree hole of the banyan tree in the park.But things are changing too fast, and he doesn't want to see these words for the future.

Guan Shan ran to the tree, was a little tired after running so much back and forth, but he wanted to go back quickly, before Fu Rui woke up.

If he's awake when you get back, pretend he's just arrived.A small lie should not affect what he will tell him later.But how to start, he hadn't figured it out yet.Just start by calling his name.

But after that day, everything changed.

All spoiled in those four years.The face he missed day and night, the light that supported his struggle in the quagmire, became the quagmire itself.

Fu Rui became him, and he became an abandoned waste.There is no greater irony than that one substitute is replaced by another.

What's even more ridiculous is that Guan Han has always kept a false identity, as if leaving a memorial for that useless name.They gave this identity to Fu Rui.In the household registration information, he is his brother who is connected by blood.

But Guan Ze should have been his name.

Guan Shan didn't know whether he was disgusted at that time because Fu Rui took away his name, or because he took away the self in his mother's eyes.He only felt that at that moment, Fu Rui became a terrifying parasite in his eyes, occupying his name, his breath, and his relatives.

He was lying on the hospital bed, the wounds on his body were not fully healed, the wounds were still festering and pus, and the hands and backs were covered with gauze.When Fu Rui came in, he told him to get out like crazy, and swept all the objects on the bedside table to the floor, the indwelling needle pierced the back of his hand in the chaos, Fu Rui held his hand with red eyes, begging him not to do this.

"What's the hypocrisy, isn't this what you want?" He grabbed his hand so hard that the gauze wrapped around his hands was dripping with blood, he smiled with his mouth wet and warm, but he didn't Acknowledge that it was tears.

"I became like this, becoming as dirty and disgusting as you, as trash as you, isn't that what you want to see the most?"

Fu Rui shook his head, his tears kept flowing, dripping onto his hands, mixed with blood, making him extremely painful.

"Fu Rui, I'll fucking disgust you all my life! It's all mine, I'm Guan Shan, I'm Guan Ze! You know it's all mine, why?"

Guan Shan groaned, and the next sentence choked in his throat, why is it you.

If other people hate it, they will hate it, and if they are disgusted, they will become disgusted. If you want him to die, let him die.

But why you.

After Fu Rui left, Guan Shan cried heartbreakingly, as if his heart had been emptied out, and the figure he had been carrying for many years also disappeared.Since then, he has almost lost all emotions.

During the months of bed rest, the wound was scabbed and itchy, and Guan Shan could not sleep almost every night.Numerous pictures overlapped in front of my eyes, the people who were killed in the hunting ground to survive, the skin and flesh cut open by stepping on the neck when being used as prey, and the dead deer.

He gutted most of the deer, slashing its intestines.He squeezed into his foul-smelling abdominal cavity, the stench masking his pheromones.He curled up inside and hid all night, and this time it finally succeeded.

The process of escaping is difficult, and the process of going back is even more difficult.It took him a whole year to cross the border, but it was already a month later that he actually contacted the Guan family.The large and small wounds on the hands scratched by unknown plants were infected and festered during this period, and they could only bend freely after half a year of rehabilitation.

Guan Shan also knew that these were not Fu Rui's fault.It was the fault of his kidnappers that he was dragged into the car on the way back.It has nothing to do with him being sold to an underground hunting ground after discovering the wrong partner.

Even his mother's affairs can't be blamed on him.

What he really wanted to say was not those words, he came back desperately, not just to say these words.But he said that, and he did that, and it was like healed by putting the blame on him.

Fu Rui didn't stay at his house anymore, and left the next day when he was able to get out of bed.He hadn't looked for him, but would still dream of him.Every time I talk a lot, I forget it when I wake up.

Sometimes standing under the camphor tree in the backyard, with the leaves rustling in the wind, Guan Shan touched the scar on his fingertips and wondered if it would be different if he stayed by his side at that time.Or a little earlier, he also got out of the car to pick up the birthday cake. If he didn't stay in the car and didn't see him, it would probably be all right.

But there is no if, and there is no pity, there is only nothing left, and it should be so.

The two of them probably should have no intersection like this.

But they met again.

At that time, he was inspecting the West Bridge Branch in Anchi, and rushed into the elevator alone.Compared with his face, Guan Shan recognized his pheromone first.In the past seven years, Fu Rui has changed a lot. When I bumped into him in the elevator, I was able to say thank you to him calmly, like meeting him for the first time.

When the elevator reached the fourth floor, Fu Rui smiled with him and walked out.But Guan Shan looked at his back and always felt that he was crying.He took his hand, and when he turned around in astonishment, he realized that this was not part of those dreams.

"Are you sick, Guan Shan?" Fu Rui looked at him with a wry smile, exhausted as if exhausted, "Isn't it okay to pretend that you've never met?"

When Fu Rui was a child, he thought pheromones were very interesting, unique as a kind of supernatural ability, but now he only hated it for betraying his emotions.Before he even took his hand away, tears started to fall.He stood on the spot and laughed, "What's the matter, I don't want to see you at all."

He wiped his face, but the tears couldn't stop.He covered his eyes and choked with sobs, "What are you doing, I didn't... didn't want to see you at all."

The elevator door closed behind him, and he didn't know whether it was he who took a step forward or Guan Shan who came over.

They kissed in the bright light, like two scars healed together.

Guan Shan's bruised hand touched his face wet with tears, slowly caressing his eyes through the glass like many years ago.