negative distance relationship

Lele knew that this friend's identity must be unusual, he didn't even dare to think too deeply, otherwise with Li Yangxu's character, it must be very difficult for him to encounter such a tormenting thing.

He didn't dare to speak, so he could only listen to him quietly.

After Li Yangxu finished his first sentence, he didn't know how to continue.He had never told anyone about these things, but at this moment he desperately wanted to find someone to confide in, after thinking about it, he finally decided to start from the beginning.

Li Yangxu said: "Jiuyang is a family business, and it has been passed down to my generation, and I am the only male." He smiled wryly, and said: "But the only male found out that he was gay in middle school, didn't he? Ironic?"

Lele's heart twitched, and she turned her head to look at him quietly, trying to give him some courage, but she didn't dare to act rashly.

"I was educated as an heir since I was a child, and the task in this life is to carry forward the family business. It is best to have more sons, so that there will be successors in the future. This is the goal I have worked hard for since I was a child." Li Yangxu said lightly. , as if telling someone else's story, Lele felt very sad.

"But I'm gay, what can I do? It's not that I haven't worked hard. I have done everything a normal boy should do. Find the most beautiful girl in the class to have a crush on, follow others to watch A Movies, fantasizing about the goddess of the public masturbating, and then what? I can only become more and more sure that I am a hard-boiled gay."

What Li Yangxu said, Lele completely empathized.When he found out that he was gay, he also hesitated and dared not tell anyone. He kept this secret until he left the society and slowly let it go.

The death of his mother dealt a great blow to Lele, but it also made him see clearly that a lifetime is so short, and living in a muddle-headed way, apart from being ashamed of himself and others, there is actually nothing he can gain.

It was not his original intention to make his father worse, but Lele considered it again and again, and finally came out to him.

However, without Li Yangxu's so-called pressure to carry on the family line, Lele's father was a little optimistic about life after the death of his other half. Although he couldn't accept it immediately, he didn't feel sorry for him.

In the year of graduating from high school, Li Yangxu got an opportunity to study abroad, he seized it without hesitation, and flew towards the long-awaited freedom.

The first year of going abroad was very uncomfortable, but he felt unprecedentedly happy. Li Yangxu felt that it was the first time he was free since he was born.Everything around him makes him very relaxed, and he feels that he can do anything.

Foreign countries are very liberal, especially when it comes to same-sex relationships.At first, he just paid attention secretly, and downloaded a few software, just watching, not daring to put it into action.

Later, he heard from other sources that there would be a gay parade in this city. Li Yangxu searched a lot of information on the Internet. For the game team, he hid inside and looked out secretly.

Those people seem really happy, they can hug and kiss in the street, doing things they always wanted to do but dared not do.

Li Yangxu smiled bitterly: "At that time I was really envious, and I really felt that I was useless, but there was nothing I could do." He covered his face with his hands, and his voice was a little vague, "I am not as strong as I look on the outside, after all There are a lot of things I simply can’t do, or even think about.”

After the parade was over, Li Yangxu became more and more concerned about this matter.He found a lot of literature to read, and there are many foreign people who study this field, so he also read them one by one.

Some say it is innate, involving genetics, and some say it is acquired, due to psychological trauma and the influence of the father in the family.

Li Yangxu couldn't tell what kind of situation he was in, maybe it was born with him, or maybe it was because of his family, he saw more compared to himself, and the more he knew, the more curious he became.

Just at this time, Li Yangxu's behavior of secretly reading documents was discovered by a classmate.

This person's name is Daniel, a fair and clean boy, and he doesn't have much communication with Li Yangxu at ordinary times, only occasionally speaking a word or two during group discussions.

Li Yangxu had met Daniel several times in the library before, but they were not familiar with each other. Even though the other party stared at him firmly every time, Li Yangxu just thought that he was Asian and didn't think too much about it.

But gradually, the frequency of "encounters" with Daniel became more and more, and the other party came to chat with him intentionally or unintentionally, and even occasionally did some actions that could be regarded as seduction in Li Yangxu's eyes, so he knew that things were not that simple.

When Lele heard this, he could probably guess that this person might be the one who came to him this time.

Li Yangxu said: "One day after class, Daniel asked if he could come to my house on the grounds of discussing homework. At that time, I knew that this person was finally going to attack me."

Li Yangxu has known about his sexual orientation since middle school, and has been curious since then, but has never had the opportunity to take any action.Before Daniel proposed to him, Li Yangxu had thought that there would be such a day, so when it really happened, he only hesitated for two seconds before agreeing.

They really did it that night, it was the first time for Li Yangxu, he wondered if all the gays in the world had the same thoughts as him after their first time, after taking that step, it was hard to turn back, but It's such a freedom to follow your own inner thoughts.

It is difficult for Li Yangxu to describe that feeling. On the one hand, he feels that his life is really hopeless, and on the other hand, he feels that this is his own life. This conflicting feeling lasted for a long time. unstoppable.

Having sex with someone is like taking drugs. Once there is the first time, there will be the second or third time. He and Daniel have maintained a bed partner relationship for a period of time. At first, Li Yangxu wondered whether they were talking like this in love?But they just slept together, and after they got out of bed, they returned to the most ordinary relationship with classmates, and they wouldn't say a few words when they met in class, so could it be considered a relationship like this?

But it didn't take long for Li Yangxu to discover that he was just one of the foreign boy's many sex friends.

"It's ridiculous, isn't it? People like me are just discarded after being used up by others." Li Yangxu said: "But at that moment, I was relieved. This is very good, or this is good. In this way, In the future, even if I graduate and return to China, there will be no involvement."

And since Li Yangxu was officially brought into this circle, it was like opening the door to a new world.On the one hand, he protects himself, no matter in terms of body or identity, and on the other hand, he seeks the freedom he thinks he thinks in this strange country, immersing himself in the world of luxury and money every day, and living every day as his last.

"After I thought everything was on track, suddenly one day, Daniel came to me." Li Yangxu was immersed in the memories of the past, and for some reason, his tone sounded a bit sad, "That meeting was the last time we went to bed. It has been more than half a year, and he didn't say why at that time, so naturally he didn't contact me again, so when he came to me, I was still very surprised."

"Daniel told me that he found a man he wanted to spend his whole life with, and he planned to come out with his family. He talked with me for a long time that day, and he said that he thought I was very similar to him," Li Yangxu chuckled, but let Le Le heard that it was very uncomfortable, "I don't know why he had this idea. He said that he smelled the same kind of smell from me at that time, but now he is ashore, and hopes to see me happy one day."

To Li Yangxu, Daniel is just a former bed partner who brought him into the circle, and the former bed partner who passed by him, apart from being surprised by the other party's choice, didn't take his words to heart, looking at his dazzling happy face With a smiling face, he gave him a few words of blessings that were neither salty nor light, and then continued to live their own lives.

After graduating, Li Yangxu returned to the country, and he also planned to make a clean break with the past. The absurdity abroad will stay abroad, and he will work hard to be the heir when he returns.

At first, he buried himself in his work and locked himself away, but after the busiest time passed, the pressure from his family and work overwhelmed him little by little. Gradually, he began to miss life abroad again. .

"So dating is like taking drugs. The first person to say that is really a fucking wise man." Li Yangxu sneered. Once I made it more secretive and more cautious. What I said about manual control at the time was actually all my bragging. I relied on this to screen out people I might know. My screen name was also randomly chosen. Take the bait, anyway, these softwares are like that, you write the offer gun, who cares whether you look good or not? Men are animals that think on the lower body, even if you don’t write anything, open an account and say you are making an offer, it’s still not a bunch People are coming up."

Lele bit her lip and forced herself not to make a sound, but her heart was so painful that she could hardly bear it.

He considers himself not the Holy Mother, but after all, this is the person he has always liked. He has experienced much less than Li Yangxu on the road of facing his own sexuality, so he can't imagine how this person was distorted by him step by step. It looks like this now.

What's wrong with being gay?It's not even something they can choose, but the whole society blames this responsibility on them, saying they are disgusting, abnormal, and sometimes it is their own relatives who hurt them the most.

"It wasn't until I met you," Li Yangxu paused, and continued, "My private side was finally connected to reality."

Lele's heart skipped a beat, and she stared at the blurred side face in the dark, trying to see the other person's expression clearly.

However, Li Yangxu seemed to avoid this topic intentionally, and didn't say much on it, but what he said next made Lele speechless in shock, and he didn't even pay attention to the topic about himself.

Li Yangxu was silent for a long time, as if he was trying to adjust his emotions. After a long time, he continued: "I thought, this time I will do better. Although this is not a long-term road, but before I am completely imprisoned, I can enjoy enough freedom."

"But last week, Daniel's boyfriend came to me and shattered the mirage I had built with great difficulty."

"He said Daniel died, just a month ago."

The author has something to say: Li Yangxu: Is iron gay breaking the law?Are you eating your rice?

Dad Li: No offense

Mama Li: But I ate my rice

Li Yangxu: QAQ