The Scum Shou's Survival Guide

How much I love you, how much I hate you now.

You make me sick.

Lu Xiuwen stood there, these two words kept echoing in his ears, he looked at Ye Ming's indifferent expression, at this moment, it seemed that the scene of Ye Ming leaving him in the last life was replaying... that time Ye Ming Ming also looked at him like this, telling him that he made him feel sick.

Then turned and left and never came back.

Lu Xiuwen couldn't figure this out all the time, couldn't figure out why Ye Ming could betray him so ruthlessly and say such words so ruthlessly.

Now he seemed to finally understand.

It's just because Ye Ming loves him.

Maybe Ye Ming loved him silently in the previous life, even if they didn't have that kind of relationship that time, but this child still cares about him... So after learning the so-called 'truth' Song Qin said, he simply endured it. I can't live with this result, and I can't accept that the person I love the most has such thoughts for him. Not only does he love his mother deeply, but he also regards him as a substitute for his mother.

So he hates him.

Lu Xiuwen slightly parted his mouth, revealing a bleak smile, such a simple answer... He thought about it for two lifetimes, and only now did he understand it.

How could the feelings of those ten years be easily erased?If Ye Ming really didn't care about him at all, how could he be tricked so easily in this life?Falling in love with him so easily?A person's love for another person cannot be controlled by means at all.

Ye Ming loves him because he loves him in the first place, not because he used tricks to make him fall in love with him...

[Ding, Lu Xiuwen's blackening value -20, the current blackening value is 10]

Lu Xiuwen closed his eyes, deep in his black eyes was the color of endless pain, he thought he did something wrong.

It was a mistake to use such means to obtain Ye Ming. If he hadn't used those despicable means, but had been more sincere, told the things he liked about Gu Xueya, and confessed his feelings to Ye Ming earlier, then when Song When Qin said those words again... Would Ye Ming prefer to trust him, rather than being deceived again?Misunderstand him?

It was just because he made a wrong choice, this time he was reborn, went around and returned to the same place, nothing could be saved.

But he has no way to prove his mind, this is an unsolvable proposition.

Lu Xiuwen looked at Ye Ming, the pain in the depths of his eyes was as dark as an abyss, but his expression was calm and his tone was soothing, he just said: "I see."

I know how much you hate me, but I still can't let you go.

Lu Xiuwen walked over, lightly touched Ye Ming's head, and said in a low voice, "It's time to go down to eat."

Ye Ming neither resisted Lu Xiuwen nor refused, but just walked down the stairs in a numb manner, not giving Lu Xiuwen any chance to continue forcing him, appearing very obedient.

Since resistance is meaningless, what else is there to do?Just to show your indomitable spirit?

No need, everything he had to say has already been said.

Lu Xiuwen looked down at his hand, he just touched the person he loved deeply, now he does have him, but it can be said that he has lost him, because this child will never treat him like before With a bright smile, she will not look at him with such admiring eyes as before.

In his eyes, he was nothing more than a demon who forced him against his will.

………………

Ye Ming didn't try to escape from here anymore, he would eat and sleep obediently, neither making noise nor talking, occasionally Lu Xiuwen hugged him and kissed him without resisting, just closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

Seeing him like this, Lu Xiuwen couldn't bear to force him, he didn't do anything excessive to him, he was obedient to him, except that he was not allowed to go out.

Lu Xiuwen felt very powerless towards Ye Ming like this. Ye Ming was weak, naive, and a bit naive, so he shouldn't be afraid at all, but this weak existence in his eyes was the only one in the world he could never defeat. The presence.

He couldn't even get his mercy.

During this period of time, Lu Xiuwen had never laughed in the company, and everyone in the company was trembling with fear. He could tell that his boss was in a bad mood recently, but he didn't hear anything serious?What happened to bother the boss so much?

Lu Xiuwen didn't care what others thought of him, his thoughts were all on Ye Ming, he didn't stop for a while after the meeting, rejected the invitations of several other vice presidents, and went straight to the driveway: "Go home."

The driver, Uncle Li, couldn't help but sighed, and said, "Boss Lu, if the young master is really unwilling, let him go."

Lu Xiuwen's face was a little pale, and his eyes were full of tiredness. He slightly parted his thin lips, let out a low self-deprecating laugh, and said in silence for a moment: "You also think that I should let go, don't you?"

Lao Li has been by Lu Xiuwen's side for many years, and he knows very well how much Lu Xiuwen loves Ye Ming, but Ye Ming doesn't believe in Lu Xiuwen, and there will be no results if this continues.

He said: "I just think that you can't do it like this."

Lu Xiuwen closed his eyes and sat on the back seat, crossed his hands on his abdomen, his expression was condensed, and there was a faint look of pain.Why doesn't he understand this, doesn't understand that there will be no results if this goes on...why doesn't he know that he should let go.

But letting go is easier said than done.

………………

Ye Ming was lying at home sleeping. He was the reincarnation of the God of Sleep. Although he couldn't go out, he could still live at home sleeping all day. As a modern house god, it's nothing if he doesn't go out for a month.

[Ye Ming: These days are too leisurely, although I really want to live like this, but the blackening value has not moved again, hey. 】

[888: The words you said in your last life have been washed clean, but there are still 10 blackening points left. 】

[Ye Ming: I can't help it. Uncle is really not reconciled. I just don't believe that he loves him. I must misunderstand him. It's normal to have a little blackness...]

【888: Hehe...】

【Ye Ming: So, things are back to the original point!How can I change my mind and believe in my uncle's love after washing away the things of my previous life~! 】

【888:...】

【Ye Ming: I acted too hard before, now it's hard to find a way for myself QAQ】

[888: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Such a hot chicken is still alive in the world, it really is a disaster for thousands of years.

【Ye Ming: How can I create opportunities for him to express his feelings QAQ】

【888:...】

Ye Ming slept until noon and didn't get up, didn't eat breakfast, and walked downstairs in pajamas and slippers, because he had been in the house for a long time, and he didn't look very good recently, he looked like he was hollowed out by alcohol at a young age.

He sat in the living room for a while, and Lu Xiuwen came back not long after.

When Lu Xiuwen saw Ye Ming, he paused for a moment, then walked over and sat beside him, and asked softly, "What would Xiaoran want to eat today?"

Ye Ming turned his head and looked at Lu Xiuwen blankly, his lips were pale, his black eyes were dull, and he didn't speak.

Looking at his expression, Lu Xiuwen felt an unbearable pain in his heart. He forced the person he loves the most into this.

As usual, this meal was silent. Lu Xiuwen was worried that Ye Ming would get sick if he stayed at home for too long, so he planned to take him out for a walk around the neighborhood. The neighborhood is all his private land, and there is no one there. Don't worry about Ye Ming getting sick. escape.

But Ye Ming refused, he just looked at Lu Xiuwen coldly, and said in a hoarse voice: "I'm tired, I don't want to move."

After speaking, he turned and went upstairs.

Lu Xiuwen locked him up and raised him, like raising a kitten or puppy, right?Lock him up at home when he goes out, and take him out for a walk when he comes back. He doesn't need Lu Xiuwen's ridiculous thoughtfulness, he is alone.

Lu Xiuwen looked at Ye Ming's back, stood on the spot, his eyes were exhausted and powerless, he was silent for a long time, and finally followed, Ye Ming had already gone to bed to rest.

Lu Xiuwen changed his clothes, lay on the side and gently hugged Ye Ming in his arms, and said, "If you don't want to move, don't move."

Ye Ming closed his eyes as if he didn't hear it, the man's embrace was still as warm as ever, and his voice was as gentle as ever, as if he was the person he loved the most.

But no... It wasn't him he loved at all.

I can't escape here, I have to face this kind of torture every day, trapped by this person's side, I can never forget how he treats me, reminding myself of my identity day after day.

He wanted to pretend he didn't care, but he really couldn't hold on anymore, what's the point of living like this.

Ye Ming suddenly opened his eyes, gently took Lu Xiuwen's hand away, and walked into the bathroom.

He closed the door and scanned the bathroom indifferently.A few days ago, he secretly hid a fruit knife here while the nanny was not paying attention, and no one noticed. At that time, he was holding the knife, and he had a strong urge to end his life and leave this hopeless world.

But he couldn't do it.

But now this impulse suddenly came out again, growing wildly like weeds. He found the knife he had hidden from the gap under the washstand, stared at his thin wrist for a long time, and looked at the blue knife on it. Blood vessels, despair appeared in the eyes.

Cut it off, kill yourself, and get out of it all.

Is there anything in this world that you can't let go of?No, you should go see your parents, they won't treat you like this.

………………

Lu Xiuwen woke up when Ye Ming got up. He wasn't asleep in the first place, but he just pretended to be asleep... because he didn't want Ye Ming to see him unhappy, and the child's silence made him feel sad, and he couldn't force him to sleep. too tight.

He knew that Ye Ming had gone to the bathroom, so he waited outside. Normally, Ye Ming would wake up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom by himself. He would stay there for a long time, and occasionally there was a low sobbing sound. Lu Xiuwen didn't even dare to open the door. , for fear of disturbing him.

It's just that this time the time passed for a very long time, and Ye Ming stayed inside and didn't come out.

Lu Xiuwen was not originally an indecisive person, but this time he was hesitant to even open the door, fearing to disturb Ye Ming and embarrassing him.

So Lu Xiuwen waited for a while, but there was still no movement in the bathroom. In the end, worry overcame everything. Lu Xiuwen stood up and knocked on the door lightly. There was no response from inside, as quiet as if no one was there.

For some reason, Lu Xiuwen had an ominous premonition in his heart, and finally pushed the door open, and his expression suddenly changed the next moment.

Ye Ming was lying in the bathtub, blood flowed down his wrists, staining the entire ground red.

Lu Xiuwen was stunned by this scene, he almost couldn't stand still, the whole world seemed to be collapsing little by little, he rushed over unsteadily, tore off his clothes and tied Ye Ming's wrist tightly, hugged him and rushed down.

He hugged the fragile person in his arms who seemed to disappear at any moment, even if he was still holding him, he could really feel at this moment that this person was about to disappear in his world.

Why was he hesitating, why didn't he go in and take a look sooner?

Lu Xiuwen has never hated himself so much.

Ye Ming was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment. The doctor said that if he was a little later, he would not be able to save him.

Lu Xiuwen stood outside the ward and lit a cigarette. He seldom smokes normally, but this time the hand that lit the cigarette was trembling slightly. Ye Ming almost died... If he had to watch him die, what would he do? Why not let him live somewhere in this world.

He knew this in his heart, but it felt like a piercing pain.

Lu Xiuwen took a deep breath, threw the cigarette butt into the trash can, turned and walked into the ward.

Ye Ming was sleeping there, frowning slightly, as if he was not very happy, Lu Xiuwen gently grabbed his hand, the young man's fingers were fair and slender, his nails were round and beautiful, this pair of hands that had never done anything, just like him Same, beautiful, delicate and flawless, well taken care of by him.

He wanted to love and care for this person for the rest of his life, but a misunderstanding destroyed everything.

Distrust is the biggest obstacle between them.

Lu Xiuwen lowered his head, and gently pressed his lips against Ye Ming's fingers. Ye Ming's fingers were a little cold, without any warmth, just like when he was holding him just now... Lu Xiuwen's eyes were as deep as the sea of ​​grief.

At this moment Ye Ming made a very soft voice: "Uncle..."

Lu Xiuwen's movements froze, embarrassment and panic flashed across his eyes, but when he looked up, he realized that Ye Ming hadn't actually woken up, his eyes were still tightly closed, he was probably talking in his sleep.

Realizing this, Lu Xiuwen felt as if he would survive a catastrophe, and he didn't know how to face Ye Ming at this moment.

Fortunately, Ye Ming didn't wake up.

Lu Xiuwen responded hoarsely, "I'm here."

Ye Ming's lips moved slightly, the expression on his face seemed a little sad and unsteady, "Uncle..."

"Uncle, I like you so much..."

"Why don't you love me..."

Hearing these words, Lu Xiuwen's eyes seemed to heat up, and he said seriously: "It's you I love, it's always been you."

I think it's time for me to let go, and I should be content to know that you still love me.

[Ding, Lu Xiuwen's blackening value -5, the current blackening value is 5]

………………

Ye Ming woke up the next day, turned his head slightly, and saw Lu Xiuwen sitting on the sofa in the ward, with his eyes closed as if he was resting.

Ye Ming looked down at his gauze-wrapped wrists, and sat up propped up. He remembered that he had committed suicide, but it seemed that he was not very successful. Also... Lu Xiuwen wouldn't allow him to die, would he?He even controls his own life and death.

Lu Xiuwen slept very lightly. He heard the movement and opened his eyes. There seemed to be an indescribable look of powerlessness in his deep black eyes. After a long time, he stood up and said, "You're awake."

Ye Ming's expression didn't change, he just looked at him indifferently.

This look hurt Lu Xiuwen, he thought he was used to it, but in fact he wasn't, he would never get used to it.

Lu Xiuwen raised his hand and looked at his watch. It was not too late. He paused and said, "You have a good rest."

After saying that, he turned around and walked out.

When Ye Ming fell asleep, he didn't want to leave for a second, he just wanted to see this person one last time, he didn't know how he fell asleep while sitting there last night, probably because he was too tired, but Ye Ming Ming woke up...but he couldn't stay any longer.

In fact, he should have understood a long time ago that such persistence is meaningless, but even though he made up his mind, he still didn't say that sentence for a long time.

Until the last moment, after all, I am reluctant.

Ye Ming stayed in the hospital for a few days, and was taken care of by nurses during the day, because he just lost a lot of blood, and he will be fine after a few days, so it's not a big deal.

Lu Xiuwen would only come over at night when Ye Ming was resting, and would not show up during the day.

A few days later, the doctor finally told Lu Xiuwen that Ye Ming could be discharged from the hospital. When Lu Xiuwen got the news, he thought it was time to end. This was the most difficult decision he had ever made in his life, but he couldn't do it again. Indecisive.

He came to the hospital again during the daytime, and said to Ye Ming, "You can leave the hospital now."

Ye Ming nodded expressionlessly, he was about to change his clothes when he got out of bed, when Lu Xiuwen suddenly stepped forward and said, "Let me help you."

He took Ye Ming's clothes, and gently helped him put them on, and buttoned them one by one. He suddenly remembered that when Ye Ming was still very young, he himself took care of him like this. At that time, he was just a Child, Lu Xiuwen didn't know that in the following years... he would fall in love with this child, unable to extricate himself.

He once struggled and blamed himself for this, full of uneasiness and guilt, afraid that Gu Xueya would blame him...

I don't think it should be.

Later, sure enough, there was no good result.

Lu Xiuwen let go of his hand, lowered his eyes and said, "Let's go."

He and Ye Ming walked to the hospital door together, with one hand in his pocket, which contained a bank card he had prepared for Ye Ming, but Lu Xiuwen knew that Ye Ming would not accept it, which made him feel painful and embarrassed, let this Ye Ming, who was in such a state, just left by himself, how could he feel relieved?

But he couldn't bear to not let him leave.

Probably because he was hesitating, Lu Xiuwen's expression looked a little serious, and the curvature of his jaw was cold and hard.

For the first time in a long time, Ye Ming left the cold and empty Lu's house, and stood on the bustling street, with people coming and going and traffic rushing in front of him.

It was like returning from a cold and hopeless prison to a world full of life, which he missed.

But he knew that all this would end soon, and Lu Xiuwen would take him back to that home and lock him up again, so that he could only live in that small place without seeing the light of day, waiting for his reception every day, Can only stay by his side.

He didn't want to go back to the days when life was worse than death.

He doesn't want to go back.

The traffic in front of him started moving again, passing Ye Ming quickly, Ye Ming suddenly didn't know where the courage came from, and suddenly rushed out towards the road!

Lu Xiuwen's fingers were tightly clenched on the bank card, he knew he had to make a decision, no matter what, let Ye Ming leave first, but before he could speak, he saw Ye Ming rushing towards the road!

At this moment, Lu Xiuwen's heart was raised instantly. He didn't think about anything, and his body's reaction was even faster than his thoughts!He rushed over and grabbed Ye Ming's wrist and pulled it back forcefully!

The next moment, I felt the familiar feeling of being hit. I seemed to fly out, a little weightless, but the pain came a little slowly. I didn't feel like my whole body was smashed until I fell to the ground.

Just like in the previous life, this feeling is not so strange.

Ye Ming sat on the ground blankly, Lu Xiuwen grabbed him, threw him to the side, and then he was hit by a car, all this seemed to happen in an instant, making him unable to react.

How is this going……

After hitting Lu Xiuwen, the vehicle that hit people slammed into the guardrail in the middle of the road because of the sharp steering wheel. The traffic was blocked all of a sudden. The people nearby rushed over, and the police and ambulance also came quickly.

Ye Ming looked at Lu Xiuwen who was lying in a pool of blood, finally got up from the ground, staggered and walked over, he reached out and touched the blood on Lu Xiuwen's body, he was suddenly terrified, will uncle die?

When he thought of this, tears fell uncontrollably.

Why is this, he doesn't want this...

Lu Xiuwen hadn't completely lost consciousness yet. Seeing Ye Ming crying, he instinctively wanted to reach out to help him wipe away his tears, but he couldn't lift his hand and had no strength. Finally, he moved his lips and said in a hoarse voice, "Don't cry, fine……"

Ye Ming heard Lu Xiuwen's gentle voice, even after this, he was still worried about him, and the tears flowed even more fiercely.

Lu Xiuwen seemed very helpless with Ye Ming like this, the more he coaxed Ye Ming, the more he cried, but he couldn't make him ignore him in the cold.But it will be better in the future, if he is not by his side, he will not feel so embarrassed, no one will make him cry.

If you are destined not to have this person, let it go.

It took him so long to understand this simple truth. He is too selfish and conceited. He can't think of a way to get it when he loves someone, and he is trapped by his side... But some people are really not you want to stay, but you just want to stay. can stay.

Just like he had no way to keep Ye Ming.

In two lifetimes of rebirth, he can only lose him...

This is fate.

Lu Xiuwen said with a smile: "You go, I won't lock you up again... Cough..." He felt the smell of blood in his throat, but he still wanted to say these words.

"Actually, I just wanted...to tell you, you child...why are you in such a hurry."

So reckless, impulsive, naive... How can I rest assured that you live alone in this world.

Lu Xiuwen felt very sad, he had a lot of advice, but he was not qualified to say it, he couldn't even go back to the past, just take care of him as his elder.

Lu Xiuwen's vision gradually became blurred. Seeing Ye Ming crying so hard, he felt very sorry in his heart, and his voice became softer and softer.

"I'm sorry...but, you've never...been anyone's...substitute..."