Chasing death and chasing north

When I was born, a family with another surname was ruling the Central Plains. That dynasty was not long, and the stories of it and the previous small dynasties were later outlined by my historians.

My father is an official in the imperial court, and my house is the largest nearby.

The smiling face of the nurse, the sound of the housekeeper yelling at the servants, the mother's embroidered fingers playing the piano, the father's bulging belly, the nine chains that were snatched away by the elder brother... The memories of childhood are fragmented, and the first complete impression seems to be six. The big golden house and a long, thin bearded face when he was young.

A skinny man with a bearded face was wearing yellow clothes with a big snake embroidered with teeth and claws. Surrounded by many people, he entered the backyard of my house and said with a smile: "What are these rooms for? They look very big." ah."

His father followed behind him, his head lowered to his waist.

I think if it weren't for the relationship between being stuck in the stomach, my father's head would have touched his knee.

Beads of sweat were all over my father's forehead and face. He raised his sleeves and kept wiping, but the sweat still kept coming out.My father was really afraid of the heat, but it seemed to be winter at that time, and I was wearing a new jacket that I liked very much, dark red with a small poodle pattern on it, but the nurse said it was called a unicorn.

"Return to Your Majesty, there is a place where I pile up my favorite things. It is very simple and not impressive."

My father's voice trembled and he sounded like he felt cold again. I thought my father might be sick.

A younger brother born to an aunt had a fever and died within a few days.At that time, I already knew that death meant never seeing each other again, and I spent less time with my father than with my mother, but if he just fell ill and died like this, it would be bad.

I wanted to run to invite Dr. Zhang, who often sees patients, but the wet nurse held me tightly.By the way, I was still kneeling on the ground. My mother told everyone to be obedient and not to raise their heads or move. Fortunately, my pants are thick and not too cold.

In fact, many of our children raised their heads secretly just now, and the faces of the adults were fierce, so none of us dared to speak out.

"Really?" The thin bearded man named Your Majesty laughed and said, "Open."

Several people said "yes" in unison, the voice was so loud that some siblings burst into tears.

The doors of several big houses creaked open, and I hadn’t seen what was inside, so of course I couldn’t help but sneak a peek.I can only see the room opposite me, the whole room is full of golden things, the sun shines in, and it hurts people's eyes.

The people behind "Your Majesty" whispered "Wow" and "Wow".

The father's face became as white as paper, and he knelt down at the feet of "Your Majesty", kowtowed, and kept saying, "I'm guilty, I deserve death."

Father is the most official in the family, only people kowtow to him, and he has never been seen kowtow to others.

I secretly guessed whether His Majesty's official position was older than his father's, but the younger children didn't know, seeing his father's strange appearance, the fifth younger brother who had just learned to walk laughed, and Aunt Shen quickly covered her son's mouth.

After that, everyone didn't even cough. The cold wind blew into my neck, and I shivered. Mother's hand was pressed against my back, which was as hard as freezing.

Suddenly, "Your Majesty" burst out laughing as if he couldn't hold back.

"It's so simple and insignificant. Zheng Guogong has a good way of making money."

The father kept saying "he deserves to die" and kowtowed his head faster, but the voice didn't sound as loud as before.

"Get up. Someone actually told me that Zheng Guogong's family has no money left, and they don't want to be corrupt, so they are quite popular. It's really...hahahaha."

His Majesty laughed and left, and a large group of people hurriedly followed behind him.

"Your Majesty, my humble servant!" My father shouted loudly, and then he fell on the ground with his whole body.

After that day, I never saw Aunt Shen again.

Aunt Shen is my father's cousin who grew up together.She never gave me candy, nor gave me gadgets, so I didn't mind her disappearance, but my fifth brother cried every day to make me upset.

I later learned that the emperor's mother, who died not long ago, was his father's aunt.His father's Zheng Guogong title was inherited from his grandfather.

The prime minister, the minister, the servant, my father has been a lot of officials, but the rank is getting smaller and smaller.

During a meal, the eldest brother said that the gentleman who taught him said that the emperor wanted to drive away all the relatives of the queen mother's aunt and grandmother, and replace them with the queen's relatives.

The father slapped the table and yelled nonsense, beat his elder brother severely with family law, and punished him to shut himself up and think about his mistakes, and replaced all the teachers the next day.

On the day my brother was beaten, my father went to my mother to rest at night.That day happened to be the day when my mother and I slept together once a month. I refused to leave no matter what, so my mother left me.The father's face was very ugly, he had been drinking, and cried while drinking, and it took a long time before he fell asleep crying.

Mother covered her father with a cloak, and said softly, "You are willing to cook fish for a man's sword?"

I didn't understand it at the time, but the mother's face and voice when she said this sentence, I still remember it as clearly as yesterday until I was an adult.

The mother who dared to say that kind of thing died of illness not long after.

I was also having a rash at that time, and I was only half alive. Unexpectedly, after she died, I woke up, and the rash was cured without any medicine. Since then, my father has not been close to me, and some people secretly rumored that I was the one who died. mother.

I have been a bit weird since I was a child, and after knowing that I was rejected, my attitude towards my father cooled down.The mountain is not just me, why should I just be the mountain.

Aunt Shen didn't even have any bones, and the family didn't dare to offer sacrifices. My mother was much better than her.When my mother was buried, my elder brother held the hands of my fifth brother and me, and said, "Don't be afraid, my mother and elder brother are here."

The mother is the elder brother's biological mother, and the father's main wife, who was later posthumously named Empress Rensheng. At this time, she was still the first-rank Mrs. Zheng Guo.All the children call her mother.We usually call our biological mother "mother", but in formal occasions we call "aunt". If any child calls it wrong, both mother and child will be punished.

I looked at the mother with a tall golden crown on her head and a long swaying, serious face, and leaned my body closer to my brother.

My brother was three years older than me, and he was the eldest son of my father. At that time, everyone could foresee that his future life would be bright. This is called destiny.

My elder brother's diet and daily life are different from ours, as long as our biological mother doesn't deliberately point it out, we are not old enough to have any grievances about this.

Elder brother has more servants to serve him, more dishes for each meal, more money every month, and several sets of tailor-made official uniforms... Under the shadow of his father, he was born with everything. lieutenant title.My brother also had more boring books to read than we did, and that alone made us less inclined to trade him.

The nine-year-old brother promised to take care of me and my fifth brother.

In fact, he has to be taken care of by others to eat and dress himself, so what can he really take care of us?From countless things in the future, I can conclude that he is a person who likes to be impulsive, but is not very good at following through.

"I am here", this sentence sounds very responsible, I guess he just wants to say it once.

The strange thing is that he rarely fulfilled this promise.He has accompanied us to dinner, coaxed us to sleep, tested our homework, and smuggled us into the streets.Although he always arrives later than the promised time and leaves earlier, and his face is not very willing, but for the young me and my fifth brother, it is enough to remember my whole life... It's just the way I and my fifth brother different.

One autumn afternoon when I was 11 years old, I had been waiting for him for a long time, and my partner had just left to do some business, so I followed the way I came to find him.When I reached the corner of the corridor, I just heard his roar.

"It's so annoying! If I say no, I won't go!"

I was startled and couldn't help but stop and wait and see.

He straddled the bench in the corridor, holding a horsewhip in his hand, more and more resembling his father's face, with a look of anger.

"My lord, before dinner today, it's time to see the second young master's homework." The middle-aged attendant beside him maintained his usual respect.

He looks away. "Call the master to see it!"

"But Ma'am said..."

"Shut up! I've had enough, how long are you going to stay with those little brats?"

As he spoke, he lashed the horsewhip to the ground, and I was so frightened that the attendant's shoulders trembled, and I knelt on the ground the next moment.

"My lord, Madam told me to act according to the schedule, please don't embarrass your servant!"

"I can't control you if you make things difficult! I also have my rules. Today I must go horseback riding in the countryside. I have an appointment with my cousin!"

He borrowed strength from the bench, jumped out of the railing, and headed in the opposite direction.

Before taking a few steps, a familiar voice made him unable to move.

"What are you playing?"

I craned my neck and saw his scowling mother standing across from him.

"Ma'am!" The attendant rushed to kowtow in front of his mother.

The elder brother hid the whip behind his back, called "Mother" and stopped talking. He turned his back to me and couldn't see his expression.

The mother glanced at the servant. "what happened?"

The attendant hurriedly said: "It's nothing, the prince and the servant are going to the second young master, but the servant speaks carelessly and offended the prince, so he is apologizing."

"Really? What's that?" The mother pointed to the brother's hidden left hand. "I could hear the whip whipping in the room, you are so majestic!"

"Boy, I just don't want to go to Erlang and Goro's side." The elder brother said sullenly.

Although I heard it well, but at the moment when he said it bluntly, I still couldn't help feeling a strong loss in my heart.

Mother frowned, and ordered the attendants to go down first, and the flow of people retreated to the direction behind mother, while I was still squatting silently at the foot of the wall in front.

Mother picked a pomegranate fruit by the roadside and played with it in her hands. After everyone had gone away, she sighed and said, "You are still so ignorant this year."

"The child knows! Erlang Wulang has lost his mother, so he really needs more care. But he usually sends more people to take care of him, and there is no shortage of rewards from them during the seasons. If you want to accompany them to read and write, and play some boring games, isn’t it like a child suffering together with them? The child is obviously alive, and he is the eldest son of his father, so why should he wrong himself like this.”

It turned out that that was wronging my brother, I never thought about it.

All kinds of situations spent with his brother flashed quickly.

It turned out that I was the only one who complained that the time we spent together was too short, and I was the only one who looked forward to meeting him soon. My brother just patiently wronged himself to accompany me. Although he seemed to be smiling, he felt like he was suffering in his heart.

"You are not a child of ordinary people, and many things cannot be controlled by your temper. There have always been disputes between the noble family and the concubines. As a mother, I want you to accompany Erlang and Wulang more. It is not just for the two of them who lost their mother when they were young, but for you. It's planning for your future.

"All your aunts and siblings, seeing that my mother and son are so close to the helpless child, won't worry about their own situation. Those two children are loved by you, and I am grateful for following them all my life. Brothers and sisters are here for you. Being close to you will not only dare not bully them, but will compete to make friends, so that everyone gets along harmoniously, and the heart of fighting will disappear invisible.

"My mother knows that you are not happy, but in order for you to sit in Zheng Guogong's seat smoothly, from now on, I will do a lot of favors to these two children, and it will be a lot of money."

A lot of money.I have already learned these four words, and they are used in business.I didn't expect that the close relationship between our brothers and sisters could be a business in the eyes of my mother.

I always thought that my brother liked us so he got close to us, and I was proud of it.I have no mother. It has been five years. My father has never looked at me in the eye. My brother's special care is the only support I can hold my head high in this family. In the end, even this support is not from the bottom of my heart.

"My son understands. My son will send someone to tell my cousin and the others that today will not pass."

The mother laughed and said, "Of course it's also important that you go out to play with people of the same age. Your cousin and the others are all sons of nobles, and friendship at an early age will be of great benefit in the future. But making friends with them is not a short-term rush. If one day it brings disaster to the wall, it will be a deep-seated worry. "

"The child obeys."

"That's good, you go. Apologize to Erlang. After all, the child is older, and he doesn't understand his thoughts at a glance. I won't accompany you for my mother. There are new jewelry designs coming out of the palace. I want to find your aunt together." Discuss and order." After the mother finished speaking, she patted her brother's head.

I watched her caressing her son with her white and tender hands, her face was full of love.

I turned around, walked lightly, and only started running when I was a little far away.

Some cool autumn wind hit my face, I didn't cry, I haven't shed tears very much.Tears are very important, but I still can't learn how to use them. For example, in front of the mother spirit, I feel like my chest is blocked by something, and I can't cry.

It would have been great if my mother hadn't died. In the past, when my nurse took me to meet her, my mother would touch my head.I know how comfortable that feeling is, especially after waking up to the fact that it can only be relived in a dream.

If someone must die between our mother and child, it should be me who should die. Without me, my father would have many sons, my elder brother would have many younger brothers, and my mother could also raise other younger siblings.And once my mother dies, I will have nothing left except this body that can eat and sleep.

In this world, no one cares about me. The servants serve me wholeheartedly in order not to be punished. My aunts and brothers and sisters pretend to be friendly in order to please my elder brother and mother. is fake.

Probably from that day on, I hated everyone in my family.

Looking back on these words many years later, I finally understood my mother's vision and mind. In order to maintain the harmony of the family formed by her husband, many wives and concubines, and dozens of half-children, what this woman did is the best among our brothers. No one's wife can compare.

It’s just that I couldn’t comprehend this truth at all at the time, and the disposition that has been formed for a long time has become difficult to change later.

Speaking of it, the only mistake is that at that age, I shouldn't have eavesdropped on their speeches.

Knowing the "conspiracy" of their mother and son was like a catastrophe to me at the time.However, the sky will not fall after all, my mother is my life, I can't die casually, I have to rely on this family to live for a long time, although I can't accept everything they give me like before, I still feel happy because of it .

I am also unable to push away everyone's hand and leave here angrily, even though I gradually see everyone around me as hypocritical and ugly.

There are only two choices in front of me...Holding myself and shrinking in the corner, rejecting everyone's approach, and living a lonely life; or accepting all hypocrisy for my use, even if I trample on everyone, I still want to live happily.The former one is not much different from death. I have shown weakness to everyone, and my life is wasted, so how can I be reconciled?

So it's the latter one.In fact, it doesn't matter, business is business, at least this big money business, only my fifth brother and I can afford it, and no one else can touch it.

Mother and elder brother regard our loyalty as a commodity, why can't we treat their love as a rare commodity and bully the market.There are too few people with real abilities in this world, and there is nothing ridiculous about pretending to be powerful.Didn't my father also have no achievements himself, but he can live high in the temple just by being honored by his ancestors.

After sending off my particularly enthusiastic brother that day, I thought about it seriously for many days.

Property and official position are very important in the eyes of everyone around, but I am still young, no matter how much I do, I cannot have it immediately.There is no hope for my father. Now I just need to make my mother and elder brother feel that I really like them, and I like them so much. The more their goodwill and trust accumulate, the more money I have.

As for what to do after saving the capital, I didn't think much about it for a while.The short 11 years of my poor life are far from enough to support me to make a comprehensive consideration, probably just to live a more comfortable life, so I instinctively changed my posture.

The things I donate in their names, I show my love beyond my life; my mother and elder brother get sick occasionally, and I am never missing among those who serve day and night; on their birthdays, the things I give are not expensive, but they are Work hard to get it.

When my brother came to visit, I made full preparations for the homework he was going to check, and I didn’t want to procrastinate to make him impatient; I asked my brother how fun it was to ride a horse and shoot an arrow, and how capable the friends he made outside were, and he said one by one When I came out, I was always envious and amazed.

The founding emperor of this dynasty started with martial arts, and it has been passed down to the present for only three generations, and the martial arts atmosphere is still there. As soon as I was 12 years old, I learned riding and archery from the martial masters of the Duke's Mansion.It was the first time in my life that I knew the pleasure of galloping and shooting, and I was a little carried away.

The master praised me twice in front of my elder brother, who said "I'm afraid I can't compare to you at that age", and I have been mediocre ever since.My elder brother is ten years old, but his level is mediocre, and he can't get much favor among a group of arrogant friends. When I get home, I often ask him some simple tricks, and he is very proud of it, and readily agrees.

The only regret is that my speech skills are not very good, and I can only be silent when I should wave the flag, but it is also good, in the eyes of my brother and mother who are used to flattery, this will be a rare simplicity, and simplicity is always connected with honesty , They believe that everything I do is out of my heart.

Gradually, my elder brother would talk to me outside the appointed time, leaving my fifth younger brother behind and taking me on horseback rides together, until later I became the only one who knew about a tryst with a girl.

He occasionally stays out at night, so I put on his clothes and lie down in that gorgeous house that only the eldest son can live in.At this time, I always look at the gorgeous fringed tent, feel the pleasant smell of ambergris in my nose, and am so excited that I can't sleep at night.

At that time, I always thought how great it would be if I could live in this kind of house once or twice in my life.

As long as there are no accidents, I will continue to act like this. I have my own Washe Goulan from the beginning. As long as I follow the steps carefully, I can avoid the fate of being defeated and going to the county.

The most exaggerated performance started at the moment when he learned of his brother's engagement.

During the spring feast, the garden is warm and sunny, and the flowers are blooming. The whole family gathers in the gazebo by the pool, and the delicious food and wine are presented like flowing water. Everyone chats and laughs while tasting, which is very pleasant.

The father only sat for a while before leaving, and the aunts gradually began to speak unscrupulously, from all kinds of secrets of the court and noble families, to the recent marriage between princes and children, and even to talking about indecent things.

The mother said: "The children are still there, so be careful with your mouth."

After a moment of silence, Aunt Zhao changed the topic with a smile: "Marriage is really important. I think that for the children in our family, it is not only important for the daughter to find a good husband, but also for the boy to marry a wife with a prosperous husband. .”

Afterwards, they continued to praise how virtuous their mother was, and how they made their father feel free from worries.The elder brother was originally sitting with the smile, but was a little annoyed by what he heard, so he found a way to turn around and leave.

I didn't move, and concentrated on peeling the pomegranate for my fifth brother to eat.The fifth brother is nine years old, and he is almost the most straightforward and innocent person in the family.I should have been like him.

"Erlang, under Dalang, you are the oldest, what kind of daughter-in-law do you want to ask for a house, do you care about it?"

At that time, my elder brother was very close, and he would not put on airs. We all called him big brother according to ordinary people, and our aunts also called him Dalang directly.

When my mother's cousin Changqinghou's family came to play, I heard Changqinghou's children call one of them "Shizi". The other brothers and sisters played with us, but there was no one around Shizi.Looking at the elder brother surrounded by siblings not far away, I have to say that this is too pleasing to the eye.

I slightly nodded at Aunt Zhao, and said: "Marriage matters are always nothing more than the orders of the parents and the words of the matchmaker. Naturally, I let the elders in the family decide."

Seeing the satisfied expression on my mother's face, everyone began to praise me for being obedient and sensible.

"If you want me to say, our Erlang is good-looking, good-natured, and not to mention talented. For such a talent, we must choose a gentle and virtuous lady. The Yue family can help him to rise to the top. Wulang, are you right? ?”

The fifth younger brother, who was busy eating pomegranates, raised his head, rolled his big round tiger-like eyes a few times, and suddenly announced loudly, "I want to marry eldest brother!"

I froze for a moment, his voice was very loud, the elder brother over there heard it, and couldn't help but "puchi", and everyone swayed with laughter.

"Hmm... Goro has a lot of ambition, ah, ah, a lot of ambition!"

"Yes, in the future, I will marry a princess and princess and come back, so that the family will shine brightly."

"Why don't you talk about Dalang? Dalang is three years older than Erlang."

As soon as Aunt Dou said this, everyone looked at their mother.

The elder brother is the son of the world, and the choice of marriage is different.I heard from the servants in the mansion that in the past two years, many portraits of the daughters of the court's dignitaries of the right age have been delivered to their homes, but there is still no conclusion yet.

"I see that my sister is very happy recently, maybe something good is coming, right?"

The mother just smiled and said nothing, and it seemed that she was acquiescing. The aunts exclaimed and asked which daughter it was.

The mother said the name of a palace and its owner, and the whole meaning of the marriage partner, that's all there is to it.I slept in his room more and more for my eldest brother. I am afraid that my mother knew about it long ago but did not tell me. After he got married, I am afraid that he will not be able to be so happy for a period of time. This can be regarded as compensation for his son.

Everyone said congratulations one after another, and the eldest brother also came back, skillfully coping with the teasing of the aunts, without any emotional ups and downs.

I should have said a few auspicious words, but I couldn't say them as if my chest was blocked.Probably because of jealousy, after all, my future wife will never have such a high family background, and the power of the Yue family can at least control the fate of a small part of us.

"Second Brother, what are they talking about?" Fifth Brother tugged at my sleeve.

I looked at him for a while, and then said with some difficulty: "Brother is getting married."

The fifth younger brother seemed to be greatly shocked. He suddenly stood up from his seat and ran away.

I explained to everyone in the seat and hurriedly followed behind him.

The fifth brother sat beside a clump of gorgeous peonies, bowed his head and hugged his knees, looking like an inconspicuous little flower.

My elder brother and fifth younger brother both look exactly like my father, while I probably look more like my mother, not quite like them.

"It's rude of you to run away like this."

I patted him on the back, but he didn't move. I had no choice but to lie down beside him and raise my legs.

The sky is high and the clouds are clear, without the noise of the women, this place is more suitable for enjoying spring.

"Second brother."

"Um?"

"Let's go."

I put down my hands that were leisurely behind my head, propped up my body and looked at him in astonishment.

"They were busy looking for us, so they didn't have time to prepare for my eldest brother's marriage. I hid outside for a while, but I couldn't find anyone, and my eldest brother didn't care about getting married. When I grow up, we will come back."

Do you think you are so important?I sneered in my heart, but my mouth responded in a ghostly way: "Okay."

Our departure came to an end before dinner.If I can't find someone who wants to be found, I won't cash in the banknotes I stole out of my fifth brother's will, eat and drink all the way to the city gate, and then meet the guards at home who are waiting for rabbits.

Everyone kept this matter from their father.That's all for the fifth brother, if he finds out about my doing this, it won't be easy for me to escape a beating.

After wolfing down the meal with the fifth brother, the eldest brother was sent to admonish us.

The fifth brother threw away the sugar water and rushed towards him, holding his leg and crying loudly. "I don't want my elder brother to get married. I know that when I become a relative, my elder brother will sleep with my sister-in-law and never play with me again. Wait a minute, elder brother. When I grow up, you will sleep with me!"

The elder brother was full of embarrassment, and he comforted him patiently at first, but soon he became angry, and the wet nurse took him away.

The fifth brother's cries faded away, and the elder brother looked at me displeased. "It's okay for Goro to be young and ignorant, why are you messing around with him?"

"sorry."

"You don't usually look like this..." The elder brother's eyes lit up suddenly, "You were afraid that he would get into trouble alone, so you followed him on purpose, right? No wonder Mother said you are a smart guy!"

He thumped my chest, and continued happily: "But if you encounter this kind of thing in the future, you can just lock Wulang up, don't be too clingy to that kid, you are our brother, not a subordinate." people."

"no."

"Huh? What?"

"I don't want my eldest brother to get married either. I'm the same as Goro. I'm still a child. After my eldest brother marries a wife, he will have children. Before long, my eldest brother will be separated by them and will never be with us again. son."

I cried as I spoke.I never shed tears, not to mention that my elder brother was frightened, I felt baffled, but the tears flowed like this, and I couldn't stop it.

"You, you... why are you crying too? Marrying a wife and having children is a step for every man, hey! You will do the same in the future!" The eldest brother was at a loss, patting my shoulder and touching me all at once. head, and wiped my tears with his sleeve all at once.

"I don't want to get married! I don't want anything, I just want to be by my brother's side all the time. Is this okay?" I cried hard, since the tears flowed out by myself, then I had to act well.

My brother hugged me and put my head on his shoulder. "Being married is not a farewell to life or death. Not to mention you don't live in Beppu yet, even if you move out in the future, we are so good, we will definitely walk around each other, what are you afraid of?"

"I don't want to move out, big brother, are you going to drive me away? I'd rather sleep in big brother's stable than move out, big brother please don't drive me away."

I said pitifully, tears still did not stop.

I feel a little scared.I found that I was not acting, and most of these words were blurted out without speculating on the other party's reaction.

"No one wants to drive you away. You are my dearest brother. Even if I drive Goro away, I won't be willing to drive you away."

My elder brother coaxed me like my fifth brother, and I buried myself tightly in his chest, which was not so wide, and hugged his waist. The more I thought about it, the more miserable I felt.

This person, as if I really care.

Could it be that someone used scheming before, just an excuse to approach him to please him?

Look, for so long, I have never intended to argue with him.I should have fought.Mother also said, hasn't this always been the case among brothers in powerful families?

Besides, I don't think I have any place to lose to him. If I try my best, I don't believe I can't win.The father's favor can be rebuilt, and it is not necessarily impossible to even leave the family directly and seek help from outside to subvert his position.

But I just never thought about it.I'd rather see him well, and make him happy, so I'll be happy to myself.

I suddenly realized what I wanted...it was something a thousand times or ten thousand times harder to get than an official position and power.

It shouldn't be like this, don't say that even if I don't eat or drink for the rest of my life, I can't save the capital to do this business. Taking a step back, even if I really turn him into my own thing, what is it?He is a man, or my elder brother, I share the blood of the same father as him, how can I face everyone's eyes?

"Jiro, are you alright?"

My brother grabbed me out of his arms, eyes were hazy, I can only guess from his tone that he looks a little impatient now.

My chaotic mind is a little clearer.

He is just a dude who eats, drinks and has fun all day long, and is not very sincere to his brothers. What's so good about him?There is simply nowhere worth fighting for.

"I'm fine, I'm sorry, big brother." I hastily wiped away my tears, as if that could cover up the fact that I was crying uncontrollably.

"That's good, if you keep crying, I'm going to cry too." He breathed a sigh of relief, then leaned closer to me, and whispered, "I'll go out tonight, and everything will be business as usual, understand?"

I sniffed, showing my usual accomplice look. "Don't worry, leave it to me."

"Thank you very much!" He pretended to cup his hands, and then left.

I watched him leave, the figure that blended into the night was so ordinary that it couldn't arouse any ripple in anyone's heart.

It must be a delusion, I was a little confused by the childish words of the fifth brother, don't worry, it will be fine soon.

I caressed my heart, raised my head and looked out of the window, there was a silver light in the middle of the sky, and it was indeed a good time for flowers and moonlight.

A breeze blew by, and I shivered. It was clearly a spring night, but how cold it was to the marrow of my bones.