Backtracking boat

When Shen Mo woke up, he saw the white sheets and the white ceiling, and the liquid in the infusion bottle flowed into the back of his hand along the transparent tube.Shen Mo raised his body, trying to adjust the infusion tube faster, but just as his left hand touched the dial, he was slapped down by the person who opened the door: "What are you doing nonsense! Just lie down."

Shen Mo lay back on the pillow again, looking at Lin Yiqi with a displeased face, "I thought you would throw me on the road."

Lin Yiqi sat on the stool beside the hospital bed, and raised his legs: "I really thought, isn't it because I'm afraid that something will happen to me. The doctor said that you are overtired, just sleep more and eat more, and you won't die. Cao, you deserve it. "Shen Mo knew that Lin Yiqi was hard-spoken and soft-hearted, so he smiled and said nothing, and the ward fell into an embarrassing silence.

Lin Yiqi couldn't stand the atmosphere, so he stood up and said, "You get the infusion first, I'll go outside and take you home after the infusion." He turned around and left.When he reached the door, Shen Mo stopped him: "Yiqi, chat with me." Lin Yiqi hesitated for a few seconds, then walked back to the hospital bed.

Seeing that Lin Yiqi was willing to sit back obediently, Shen Mo finally relaxed his frown that had been slightly frowned since he woke up.He focused his eyes on a piece of wall on the ceiling that was about to be taken off, and asked, "Should Xiao Yi not have told you about our family, right?" Hearing Lin Yiqi's muffled "No", Shen Mo spoke slowly again, and the fragments of memory were released from the scabbed hole in his heart along with the words, covering his sight like water mist: "The story is very long, it's strange, don't get bored."

"My life was quite happy when I was a child. Although I can't remember most of the days, but every time I think about it occasionally, I still feel warm. The turning point was my ninth birthday. It was originally agreed that the whole family would go to a restaurant for dinner at night. , As a result, when the appointed time came, my dad didn’t come home. My mom didn’t know how many calls he made, but at first no one answered, and then she simply shut down. My mom was worried that something might happen to him, so she even called his unit I went to ask, and the news I got was that my dad left before work.

That night, neither of my mother and I were in the mood to eat. My mother hugged me and sat on the sofa waiting for my father. She waited until midnight before a drunk person came.As far as I can remember, this is the first time I saw my father drink like this. He didn't make a fuss after he was drunk, and kept crying silently. He cried silently all night. Say nothing.

But from that day on, my dad went home less and less and became more silent at home.I began to hear them arguing in whispers in the middle of the night, or my mom was unilaterally arguing with him.The harmonious atmosphere of those years in the family could never come back, replaced by a growing sense of depression.My mom was always crying, and my dad still didn't say anything.

Finally one day, when I came home from school, I was greeted with unprepared meals, only an overturned mess and a woman who lost her composure. My mother hugged me and cried, "Your dad is gone, he doesn't want us anymore. He's a liar." I hugged my mother and comforted her naively: "We don't want him either, let's live together."

When I was ten years old, my father and my mother divorced. He left the house and disappeared. No one told me why the family broke up.I guessed it was cheating. My father, who seemed honest and caring about the family, would also take care of another room. I didn't dare to ask, so I could only be more obedient and obedient, in exchange for my mother's occasional smile.

Yiqi, do you know?My original name was the ink characters of ink. After my dad left, my mother took me to change it the next day, which means "stranger from now on".

I thought my mother would gradually get used to the life of two people after being sad for a while, just like me, but I didn't expect her to be trapped in emotions and never come out.She shut herself off, even not going to work or going out for several months.I started to learn how to cook for her, listening to her keep saying I'm sorry and my dad is a liar.I always think that after a while she will get better, after a while it will be fine.As a result, on a rainy afternoon, she lay in the bathtub and cut her wrists.

I still remember the blood she shed that day, so much and so fishy.Thank goodness I was dismissed early that day because I was preparing for the exam, otherwise I would never see my mother again.

The person was saved, but my mother's condition was particularly bad.She suffered from depression, so severe that she required hospital treatment.My mother is the second child in the family. She has an older sister and a younger sister. Because she wanted to be strong and self-respecting, she never talked about her situation with her parents in detail, let alone find someone to solve her knot. Realize how serious the problem is.It's been a few family meetings with my back behind my back.Our mother and I were decided where to go.My mother stayed in her hometown in Suzhou and was first hospitalized for treatment. After recovering from her illness, she went to live with my aunt. My aunt had been divorced for many years and her children were growing up. The two sisters happened to live together as companions.I quickly went through the transfer procedures, left the south, and lived with my aunt's family who married to the north.At that time, they made the decision to separate our mother and child, probably because they were afraid that my mother's illness would affect me in adolescence.And any arrangement, I can only accept, I just left home, left the familiar life.

My aunt's family can't be regarded as bad to me, but living under the fence always seems to be separated psychologically.My aunt has been very close to my mother since she was a child, so she hates my father deeply, and sometimes even blames me for my behavior and behavior like my father.For me, the school time is far happier than the holidays, and it was at that time that I got along with Ren Hong, who was at the same table.

I realized my sexual orientation when I was about 14 years old. When I was in the second grade of middle school, I suddenly fell in love with the study committee member of our next class. I can’t remember exactly what the boy looked like. Maybe he wasn’t particularly handsome, but I liked it at that time. No, I wish I could see him every day.In fact, when I first learned about my sexual orientation, I didn't struggle much. I thought it didn't matter if I liked men or women, since they are all human anyway.So I even came out to Ren Hong out of the closet without any thought. Fortunately, he was not homophobic and gave me advice.Ren Hong saw that I was crazy every day, so he got me a photo of the study committee member from somewhere and let me hide it in my wallet.

If I walk too much at night, I will always encounter ghosts. When I hid in the room and took a peek at the photos again, my cousin found out and told my aunt.When my aunt grabbed me and questioned me, I admitted that I liked boys very confidently.At that time, my aunt's expression mixed with disgust, horror and anger once appeared in my dreams for a long time.My aunt slapped me hard, and my expression was distorted when I was dragged away by my aunt.Amidst her hysterical curses, I finally knew the reason why my father and my mother divorced. The matter that everyone kept from me was forcibly spread out and thrown in front of me because of my secret exposure.

My dad divorced not because of cheating, but because of despair.Because the person he really loves, after waiting for him for nine years, doesn't want him anymore.

My mother and my father met each other on a blind date. My father's deceptive appearance and quiet and restrained personality met all my mother's expectations for an ideal partner. Without much in-depth understanding, my mother has been dating for two months Then I got married to my dad.I was born after more than a year of marriage, and our family has lived a happy life for several years.

My dad doesn't talk much, and he rarely has in-depth conversations with my mother. My mother attributed these to her introverted personality. She thinks that he is kind and honest to his family, which is enough.No one would have thought that before my father married my mother, there was a fellow who secretly dated for four years.

He came out with his lover and fought with his family, but was forced to break up under the pressure of my grandpa to die.On the one hand, my father promised my grandfather to marry and have children normally, on the other hand, he begged his lover to wait for him for a few years and not to leave.It was under such circumstances that my mother became his same wife without knowing it.

Speaking of which, after my father and my mother got married, they didn't have an affair with their peers at the same time. In these years, physically, he was loyal to the family. As for the soul, his true love remained the same.That same person cut off everything in this city on the day my dad got married and went away. Over the years, my dad has been following the news of that person through various channels. Maybe he still fantasizes about returning to his lover one day Be around.

On my ninth birthday, my dad heard that his lover had finally found a new boyfriend after ten years of celibacy.That's why my dad got so drunk and cried all night.Later, my dad went to find that person several times under the guise of a business trip, and finally realized that the person he wished to think would be waiting for him had really left.

Over the years, all the courage of my dad’s life was built in the bubble that his colleagues from afar have been waiting for. Now that the bubble has burst, his wife’s virtuous son’s filial life can no longer be pretended.He proposed a divorce to my mother and explained the reasons in detail. Perhaps this kind of confession was a kind of vent and relief for him, but it was a real torture for the listener.

My dad is gone, I don't know where he is going, and what kind of life he is living now, but the people left behind are still struggling in the abyss.After my mother attempted suicide, my grandfather rallied people to make a big fuss at his grandfather's house, and he completely severed ties with that family ever since.Unexpectedly, with my father's blood, I gave them another fatal blow a few years later.

After knowing all the things, I knelt down in front of my aunt, kowtowed and begged her, and swore that I would correct myself.For the sake of her sister, my aunt tolerated it and helped me hide it.But since then, no one in that family has looked at me or talked to me.I lived in my aunt's house for five years like garbage and a virus, and I couldn't get rid of it until I passed the university exam.

My mother has been seeing a psychiatrist regularly over the years, taking medicine on time, and seems to be back to normal, but depression is lifelong, and there may be a relapse of any stimulus.Therefore, my life is doomed to follow the track my mother wants. I cannot succeed my father and continue to bury her spiritually.

I have no choice, Yiqi, I have no choice, this is the original sin. "

Shen Mo talked for a long time, during which he stopped several times to catch his breath because he was too uncomfortable.Lin Yiqi sat there, listening quietly, without saying a word, the two were immersed in the sentimental aftertaste of the past, each digesting their emotions.After a long time, Lin Yiqi suddenly spoke and commented on Shen Mo's narration, word by word, loudly: "This is not a reason."

He said: "This is not a reason. What is the difference between you doing this and your father?"

The author has something to say: the sub-cp small theater at the end of the chapter:

Tian Shui: "Papa, I want glutinous rice balls..."

Tangyuan: "Well, I don't want Tianshui..."

Shot: "Did no one mention me? Meow~"