unspeakable love

There was a sad expression on the man's face, Xu Xiaochuan clearly saw the glittering tears in the man's eyes, seeing that he couldn't help being infected by his sadness, he felt sour in his heart a feeling of.

"Sorry! I brought up your sadness."

Xu Xiaochuan looked at the man at a loss, at this moment he didn't know how to comfort him.

The man raised his hand and wiped the tears on his face: "It's okay. In fact, I can't forget him, and I don't want to forget him. Although he passed away for more than three years, I still love him very much. I always feel that he He didn't go far away, but was beside me, but I couldn't see him, but I felt that he was looking at me." The man's voice was a little choked, he lowered his head in silence for a while and then raised his head to look at me. Xu Xiaochuan said, "You must think that I'm here to strike up a conversation, right?"

Xu Xiaochuan smiled noncommittally, his smile was a little embarrassed, because he did think so just now, but now he knew that he had misunderstood the man.

There was a happy smile on the man's face: "This bar has our fond memories. We often come here to drink when we are together, because he said the cocktails here are very good, so I will accompany him Come here for a drink together. It’s just that things are different now, the bartender has resigned, and the bartender here doesn’t even know how many bar owners have changed, but the only thing that makes me feel relieved Yes, this bar is still there. As long as this bar is still there, I will often come here to drink. I think I can feel his breath here, and I feel that he is watching me drink the most we have ever had. Favorite cocktail."

"You really love each other!"

To be honest, Xu Xiaochuan used to be like most ordinary people. He really hated and hated homosexuals, thinking they were perverts. How could there be love between two men?But after listening to the man's narration, Xu Xiaochuan deeply realized that his idea was wrong. It turns out that there is true love between the same sex!Every feeling in this world should be respected, and those who can't understand it will misunderstand and criticize it.The lingering love story between the man and his lover shocked Xu Xiaochuan's heart. When the man was desperate and helpless, his lover could take care of him meticulously. What is more exciting than having such a man in this life? What is worth cherishing?

"Yes, we do love each other very much! I will never fall in love with anyone else in my life! The moment he left me to go to heaven, my heart has already gone with him, and I will never be moved by anyone again Yes! I only need him! Even if he is not by my side, I can feel his soul is by my side. We will be together forever regardless of life or death. Tell you, I have bought it next to his tombstone A cemetery, and we can be together after I die."

Saying this, a happy smile appeared on the man's face again. He felt that death was not terrible, on the contrary, it was beautiful, because after death he knew that there was someone waiting for him in another world, and he would not be lonely .

"Then do you plan to die alone? Isn't it miserable for you to live like this?" Xu Xiaochuan looked at the man with sympathetic eyes. Although his infatuation is admirable, people must have a home after all, lonely and lonely The taste is really uncomfortable.

"I don't live alone. After we got together, we went to the orphanage to adopt a pair of orphans. One boy and one girl. It can be regarded as having both children!" A smile of satisfaction and happiness.

"That's good, at least you don't have to die alone, you always need someone to accompany you." Xu Xiaochuan smiled and took a sip from the wine glass in front of him.

The man also picked up his own wine glass, then raised his head and drank the whiskey in the glass. After finishing the glass of wine, he stood up from the chair, walked to Xu Xiaochuan's side, raised his hand and clapped Pat him on the shoulder: "Brother, learn to cherish! Don't wait until you lose it to regret it! I'm leaving!" After leaving Xu Xiaochuan a gentle smile, the man turned and walked towards the door of the bar.

Seeing the back of the man leaving, Xu Xiaochuan felt an indescribable feeling in his heart, a little sad and scared. After talking with the man so much, Xu Xiaochuan changed his views on homosexuality. He was also surprised to find that he didn't seem to be I don't really hate Lin Kai's intimate actions towards him.

Xu Xiaochuan is afraid that if this continues, he will fall into the abyss of homosexuality. Although there is true love between the same sex, there are too many things to face and too much pressure. The opposition of his family is certain. Don't think about it, the traditional parents have always hoped that they can get married and have children, and give them a big fat grandson as soon as possible. How could they tolerate their son becoming gay?There is also a secular perspective. Xu Xiaochuan, who has always regarded dignity as very important, will not allow others to point at him behind his back. He cannot bear such pressure.If he is really with Lin Kai, he will feel like a mermaid hiding at the bottom of the water and not daring to see people. He is a different kind and cannot be accepted by human beings. Xu Xiaochuan should not be such a mermaid hiding at the bottom of the water forever. He wants to live a dignified life.

This firm idea has never been given up, and Xu Xiaochuan is very clear about how to take his own life.

Thinking wildly, he walked out of the bar, and then walked towards the bus station.

After a while, the Kung Fu bus came, and Xu Xiaochuan hurriedly put in coins and got on the bus.

The bus drove smoothly on the wide road, and stopped at the terminal after [-] minutes.

Xu Xiaochuan hurriedly got out of the car and walked towards the villa. On the way back, Xu Xiaochuan's heart was always in a state of ups and downs. He didn't know what to say when he saw Lin Kai when he went back. He really felt very embarrassed. How to face Lin Kai.

Xu Xiaochuan stood at the door and hesitated for a while before taking the key out of his pocket. When the key turned the lock, Xu Xiaochuan felt very nervous. He silently prayed in his heart that Lin Kai would have gone back to his room to sleep by this time.

Feeling lucky, Xu Xiaochuan opened the door and walked into the villa.

The room was pitch dark without turning on the lights, which made Xu Xiaochuan relax immediately, and it seemed that Lin Kai had already gone back to his room to sleep.

Xu Xiaochuan closed the door lightly and walked into the room, then raised his hand and turned on the light in the living room. At the moment when the light was on, Xu Xiaochuan couldn't help taking a deep breath. He actually saw Lin Kai Sitting on the carpet in despair and drinking dull wine, he didn't go upstairs to rest at all.

"Lin...Lin Kai, you haven't rested yet?"

Xu Xiaochuan looked at Lin Kai in bewilderment, and broke out in a cold sweat nervously. He was as frightened and panicked as a thief who came in to steal and was caught by his master.

Lin Kai raised his head to look at Xu Xiaochuan, his eyes were so sad and hopeless, he smiled wryly and said: "Xiaochuan, you are back!"

Lin Kai's voice was drunk, with a trembling sound that made people feel sad.

Xu Xiaochuan walked towards Lin Kai in embarrassment, looking at the beer cans everywhere on the ground, Xu Xiaochuan knew how sad Lin Kai was.

"Lin Kai, stop drinking!"

Seeing Lin Kai who was so depressed for himself, Xu Xiaochuan felt very uncomfortable. He grabbed the beer can in Lin Kai's hand and threw it aside with a "snap", with a distressed expression on his face.

"Xiao Chuan, let's talk!"

Seeing Lin Kai's desperate eyes, Xu Xiaochuan's heart was tightly held together.

"Okay, then you get up first, don't sit on the ground." Xu Xiaochuan stretched out his hand and helped Lin Kai up to let him sit on the sofa, and then sat down opposite him.

The atmosphere was a bit serious. The look Lin Kai looked at Xu Xiaochuan made people feel distressed, full of despair. Xu Xiaochuan had a premonition that what Lin Kai was going to tell him might cause him pain, so he would have this kind of despair and pain look.

"Xiao Chuan, I have thought about it seriously during the time you went out, and I decided...I decided..."

Lin Kai hesitated for a while, then looked up at Xu Xiaochuan as if he had made up his mind and said, "I've decided to give up on you! This time it's true!"

I don't know why Xu Xiaochuan's body trembled suddenly when he heard Lin Kai say this, and his heart suddenly felt like being stabbed with a sharp knife. How could he feel this way?Didn't he just expect Lin Kai to treat him like this?He should be ecstatic to hear the news now!But why does my heart hurt so much?

Xu Xiaochuan didn't speak, but just looked at Lin Kai blankly, waiting for him to continue.

Lin Kai looked at Xu Xiaochuan with such sadness and despair in his eyes, it took him a lot of determination to say such decisive words.

"Xiao Chuan, I'm sorry! It's always been me who was too selfish. I only thought of myself but ignored your feelings. I love you but my love is too selfish. It's my fault that I didn't consider your feelings. I shouldn't Forcing you to be like me, I shouldn’t force you to become a shady homosexual, I’m too selfish! Now I finally understand, twisted melons are not sweet, you don’t love me, even if I It is useless to do anything, you are born to like women, it is impossible to change easily, I am too naive! Let's be friends! You have always regarded me as your best friend, I will try my best to be one Your disappointed friend."

What Lin Kai said made Xu Xiaochuan astonished. Looking at Lin Kai's determined and serious eyes, he felt that this time Lin Kai's words were from the heart, which was absolutely different from the last time. He was definitely not fooling himself. On the contrary, Xu Xiaochuan felt depressed and sad because he felt that he was really sick. Isn't this the result he expected?What are you sad and frustrated about?

Xu Xiaochuan smiled wryly. At this time, he felt that he should be happy: "That... that's great! We can be friends in the future. Lin Kai, you finally got the hang of it, let me just say that a man like me is not It is not worthy of your love, you should like those tall and beautiful women."

The smile on his face was uglier than crying, and his heart was sour and sad. Xu Xiaochuan panicked because he felt this way, he didn't know what was wrong with him.

Lin Kai looked at Xu Xiaochuan with a strange expression. He thought that he would be very excited when he heard what he said, but he didn't see the expected reaction. Instead, he felt that Xu Xiaochuan's happiness didn't seem to come from himself. Sincerely, Lin Kai didn't know if this was his own illusion.

"Xiao Chuan, I don't like women anymore! I can only like men in the future. You say I am sick, yes, I am indeed sick, and my disease is still terminally ill, which cannot be cured at all. I am a Out-and-out homosexuality, I will never like women anymore! From now on, my partner can only be a man, thinking about me like this, would you still be willing to be my friend?"

Xu Xiaochuan looked at Lin Kai in confusion, he didn't understand why such a handsome and tall man like Lin Kai insisted on liking men?Although he feels that homosexuality is not ashamed or disgusted anymore, even if true love can be found between the same sex, but there is too much pressure to bear, and this road is not easy to go on.

"Lin Kai, I don't hate homosexuality, but people in our country are not as open-minded as foreigners. They simply cannot accept two men in love. If you continue like this, you will have to face a lot of pressure. You You will be pointed out by others!"

Xu Xiaochuan's words brought a bitter smile to Lin Kai's face: "Xiaochuan, I am very clear about what you said, and I also realized this before I felt selfish. I know you don't want to be judged , I can’t bear the secular vision and the pressure from my family, so I decided to give up on you. I don’t want you to be like me, and I don’t want you to be miserable or unhappy. But I just like men, and I can’t change it! I don’t feel love What's wrong with a man, as long as two people really love each other, what do you care about other people's eyes? I don't care about anything, I only care about whether that person really loves me, and whether he will be happy with me, everything else unimportant."

Lin Kai's eyes were so determined.

"Lin Kai, since you said that, I won't say anything more. I respect you! But I won't hate you because of this. I understand that every relationship in this world is worthy of respect. Men and women Men can also have true love. I wish you find true happiness as soon as possible!"

Lin Kai looked at Xu Xiaochuan and smiled. The smile was full of bitterness and despair, which made people feel distressed.

"Xiao Chuan, I have one last request, let me kiss you again, okay? One last time..."

Lin Kai looked at Xu Xiaochuan seriously, and his eyes turned red. Xu Xiaochuan couldn't bear to refuse him with his desperate and painful appearance. Let's regard the last kiss as a farewell to the past!